I forgot to mention, you look good in your swimsuit
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Day 11 ~ HoT 5 min loop
Not sure why but I feel more on edge & angry today with the shorter loop.
Maybe I am not taking enough action or feeling I have things in my way of having what I want.
Not sure.
I still feel beautiful and sexy at least.
I did a Facebook live again today.
Engaging with my “audience” everyday in any way possible.
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Day 12 ~ rest
Got up and did yoga before my coffee today. That was just what I needed.
Reading some more of a book about letting go.
Anger is artistic creativity not being expressed. Not following your passion. Not nurturing and feeding that inner artist.
Makes total sense why the anger was coming out yesterday.
I grew up in a home with a mom who let her passions and dreams go to become a victim of her own circumstances. I tried to be the hero and fixer all my life of that which resulted in substance abuse amongst other behaviours on my part.
I was raised in a strict branch of Christianity where the music and things I loved were considered sin. My parents chose not to be free to express their desires so we weren’t allowed to either.
It was often shut down.
I realize now why I would feel uncomfortable when others were freely expressing themselves. I would try to shut it down like my dad shut me down.
They can’t be free so I can’t be either. Okay then.
Actually doing what I want is a sin because I’m not serving some external God? Okay then.
My parents separated twice but permanently when I was 12.
I manifested my way out of my parents homes as a young teenager.
What a journey it’s been.
There’s a book or five in me waiting to be expressed. Maybe a tv series or movie or both. Something waiting in there.
I feel like I’m not capable without the help of others.
Why do I make some things so hard and other things so easy?
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Ha. Matt Khan.
I think I have this one or another one by him, too.
How do you like it?
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I had some resistance when I started reading it but now I’m enjoying it.
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I thought the same thing. 
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Reshare from my FB:
Something that has been on my mind lately & has come up for healing purposes of course…
I’ve been the “female friend” who men come to about their relationships relating to sexuality and what’s lacking. What they want and what isn’t happening.
I won’t be a part of any sneakiness … hiding stuff etc. any longer.
I won’t enable this type of behaviour any longer.
If you’re doing something you don’t want your partner to know about…
I want no part in it… please go elsewhere.
I am not your guilt eliminator!
I won’t be the other woman!
I wouldn’t want my partner doing that to me & I have been the woman who had a partner who hid stuff from me & vice versa.
No more of that.
I believe that relationships can be a safe place to share everything and to be very open & honest with each other without judgment. To express your own unique & individual needs.
I left the relationship where I felt I wasn’t accepted to be me long ago.
It’s okay to want the things you want but it’s not okay to hide that from your partner.
It’s not okay to abandon your own desires to please another either.
I invite you to really get honest with yourself before you commit to or marry someone who doesn’t want the same things as you… or before you continue to stay in a relationship where you feel you have to hide parts of yourself to avoid rejection or acceptance.
Hiding something is cheating yourself and your partner too….
True sin is not honouring your desires.
Remember that!
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Make sure that the gift you send out is the gift you’re willing to receive too!
Exactly, good advice. So no more chlamydia!
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Day 17 ~ Stark & RM 5 minute loops
Woke up and listened. Feeling a slight headache today. Received an email from my family law lawyer at 8am!
Was experiencing a lot of die off symptoms from my parasite cleanse these past 5 days, so was feeling less apt to journaling here. I went to the lake to rest and move through much of my detox healing symptoms. Enjoyed the hot tub overlooking the beautiful Lake Erie.
Full moon 
over the lake was so divine.
I felt this surge of power after briefly feeling helpless and defeated about this court process with my ex. I basically wrote my lawyer an essay highlighting pertinent facts & information.
I know wtf I want and nothing will stop me! I feel it in my heart.
Mama bear 
.
Stark and RM helped me today with the writing process. I stayed focused remembering various details from the past almost 3 years of this process.
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This paired with headphones …. Yassss
Day 18 ~ Rest
Woke up and did yoga with the sunrise. Danced a bit in my front yard.
Noticed my neighbour watching 
Did a Facebook live with so much confidence and certainty on the subject matter. Woohoo 
I feel a lot better today but still working on my insides 
Healing is lifelong and doesn’t have to be hard or stressful.
Make it fun!!!
I notice the agitation kicking in and talk myself into more loving states. Lol
Day 19 ~ HoT 5 minutes.
Yesterday was a day jam packed with annoyance for the world. People and things.
I have some sort of beef with some parts of Neville Goddard teachings. I am the cause of everything that is going on around me. I am the cause for all the garbage other people are doing.
What about collective manifestations? Where several people send out the same thought vibrations and it makes manifest.
The way some are exploring manifestation seems like a distraction, but then that’s me pushed out? The way I am doing exploration is a distraction?
I feel sad underneath this frustration.
There’s some parts of me that are not enjoying the current experiences of my life and want a big change.
A new family home 
all my kids with me. Digital media rocking & banging out lots of content/artistic goodness. My supportive loving man.
Put the past behind me but look back with love. It helped shape me to becoming the woman I am today.
I have so much experience to teach with.
Todays a big court date for my family law case. I just want to resolve this and have the justice my family deserves.
For my ex to wake the heck up and drop his guard. Realize the truth.
I share this with my Neville community friends & they say he is me, we are one. I need to wake up and drop my own guard & realize the truth.
The truth will set me free. Okay.
What is my truth then?
Edit: my court is on zoom today & I can’t even speak. Only lawyers can speak. 
I am hoping all my information has been helpful and the universe has my back for the highest and best good for all involved.
When I speak of the world, basically it’s that it’s my inner world pushed out. If I change my inner world then the outer world reflects. What about people who are genuinely not on the path of awakening? Who aren’t putting in the work? That’s my own judgement that others aren’t.
Bleh.
You’re 100% right. This is glossed over in a lot of LOA circles. There are opposing forces. When Neville says ignore the 3d I think this is what he was referring to. It’s not just your immediate reality, but the collective beliefs of those around you.
A lot of people take Neville too literally. I’m not saying that’s you. But the huge misunderstanding of his teachings that circulate in social media cause more damage than good.
I think Neville himself would encourage your line of thinking here. He never wanted anyone to take what he said as truth.
To a point yes. But your ex is his own person as well with his own energy, intentions, and manifestations.
This is where I fall off with a lot of the way individuals apply Neville’s teachings that I’ve read online. It centers around changing people and it’s almost like passive manipulation. It doesn’t sit well with me. Instead I think it’s better to focus on the circumstances around what you want. Maybe your ex will never see the truth, but that energy is better spent visualizing and directing it towards the desired outcome of what you want in your personal life.
You’re not responsible for how he behaves. It almost sounds like you feel responsible for the shitty things someone has done to you or continue to do to you.
I like Neville and I have to re-read some of his stuff. But at the end of the day he was another observer of the universe around us. If it’s not working for you throw it out because there’s no guarantee he spoke the truth either.
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Neville says, No one to change but self. Revise YOU. Okay, then why are we revising what others are saying or doing around us then?
People say to take responsibility for how others are treating me, otherwise it means I am giving my power away. I treat others pretty good for the most part so I don’t see that as a reflection of me. “Everyone is you pushed out.”
Some people are just shitty…. Right? 
I felt responsible for sure.
I love Neville. People put their own spin on his teachings and their own interpretations through their own frame of reference. Everyone’s experiences are different.
I don’t know I feel like I have to defend or prove a point. I’ve gotta drop it.
It can be an Endless orbit around this crap!
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Absolutely. One of the hardest lessons I had to learn was separating understanding and boundaries. People might have their own backgrounds and issues that caused that shitty behavior, but that doesn’t justify it. It can be hard to hold that in your head, the complexities of a human being and where they come from vs the emotional pain they might inflict on you. I think that’s why a lot of people either take on that abuse or vilify them to a point they’re a caricature of a human being. There’s comfort in both, but they have their limitations.
Rambles aside. I think this frustration you feel is a good sign. Quite literally reconciliation. Comparing beliefs against each other and trying to figure out how they fit into the puzzle of your life.
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Neville teaches the law of assumption.
It all comes down to one thing; anything you assume and persist in becomes true.
so if you continue to assume your ex is a shitty person he will be.
If you can delude yourself into believing him to be an awesome cooperative person he will be.
Persisting in your minds eye of seeing your desired version of him no matter what the outside world shows you is the most difficult part.
I have ‘changed’ people with this method and it works very well.
To me it is not manipulation because I am always going to have a version of people in my mind.
why not assume the best about people?
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I’m not assuming he’s a shitty person though. I’m assuming very lovely things actually for years now, but some things aren’t changing even with persistence.
I do assume the best for people and I understand what you’re saying, but that’s not my issue. I also make content on law of assumption
I want him to see my point of view with court and relax.
My fellow law of assumption friends tell me that I need to change my point of you and to relax.
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Can you give examples? I’m genuinely curious how major the change was.
Ahhhh idk about this. This is a slippery slope. What happens when it doesn’t come about? Work harder on the assumptions? Im just saying people can get stuck in loops trying to change things that can’t be changed.
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