Most likely she is. But my livelihood is more important than anything that could happen with her no matter how cute she is.
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Yo, no other chioce for now it seems
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I have already passed this on to my son as, āDonāt fish off the company pier!ā
Timeless wisdom. 
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Donāt dip into the company inkwell.
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**9/25/23 CYCLE 2 WEEK 4**
**WASHOUT WEEK #2**
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I have to keep reminding myself that this is a long term program and I need to be patient. Results will come.
Yes, QTKS is supposed to make this faster, but this is a true monster of a program with Khan st. 4 and WB in there. I need to keep thinking about where I want to be in a year, and not get impatient because Iām not swimming in willing women and cash right now with only about a month and a week or so in. (Remember a good portion of Cycle one was my old Khan program with WB on the side)
I might be having better results in the short term with micro loops, but I think that in the long run I do need to push myself a bit into the recon zone and through it in order to get the really deep and profound results that I want. That means the full loops.
It hasnāt been causing me really distressing recon, as I mentioned itās a lot more subtle with this format, amd I am seeing signs that Iām through the worst of it.
I think that after a year on this I WILL be swimming in willing women and cash. I just have to ride it out for a while longer and the concrete results will start shortly. -
One thing Iāve noticed is that I am having difficulty making eye contact with strangers. Not that I am shying away from it, they are.
On previous programs I would walk around the grocery store or wherever and try to lock eyes with as many women as I could. I had some good success at it.
Not now. Now I try to do that, and they donāt seem to actively avoid it, but their gaze just kind of slides away. That connection of locking eyes just never seems to happen.
I donāt know why, and it may have more to do with general social changes in the world since the pandemic than it does with anything to do with me. All I can do is keep trying. -
There is one bit of very good news. I have a number of things that would normally really stress me out. It doesnāt now. Iām aware of them, but it seems not to hit me on a visceral, feeling level like it used to. I have less physical distress with it. Almost none as a matter of fact.
I usually donāt like to attribute things to specific modules, but this is so on the nose that I think I can safely say that itās Stress Displacer and Stonelike kicking in.
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This is probably recon, but that doesnāt mean my mind doesnāt have a valid point.
Iām thinking of switching. I donāt mean right now, but maybe at the end of the year. Iāll get some money at that point, and I think QTKS is definitely a superior product, so Iām going to want to do what Iām doing next in that format no matter when I wind up doing it.
The thing is that, yes, I definitely want to be that badass, hot, dude with the adventurous, exciting life that the WB Khan combo embodies.
However, throughout the years, I have allowed myself to fall into a boring, responsible guy, suburban soccer dad life. With the house payment, the car payment, the house care, the kid, and all of the expenses and work that goes with that.
To make matters worse, my wifeās MS has gotten worse to the point where first she couldnāt work. After more than two years she did get disability, so thatās ok, but now she is so constantly exhausted that she canāt do much in the way of housework or anything else either. That leaves me with all of the money making work, all of the house work, all of the yard work, and paying my share of attention to the kid.
We have a roommate who moved in when our son was born (long time friend) to help and to get out of a bad situation, but sje has a long list of worsening health issues herself amd canāt do much either.
So, like it or not, Iām the one who has to take care of the vast majority of what needs to be taken care of, and it often seems to me that Iām not doing very well.
The house progressively gets more and more disordered, and I feel like Iām just barely able to scramble constantly to keep everything in life just barely together.
Now, I donāt blame myself for the situation Iām in or for feeling this way. A lot of it is due to situations beyond my control cropping up just as I got a handle on things and keeping it in hard mode. But I donāt want to keep on feeling like Iām just barely keeping my head and that of everyone else who Iām responsible for above water. Itās gone on long enough. Itās time I did something about it.
Itās not that leading a squared away life and a badass, awesome life like this program is aimed at are mutually exclusive, but I focused on the wrong thing first.
I can definitely be the Wanted Khan in the future, but I didnāt get the foundation set before I went for that.
I did the first part right when I ran DR for a year. It got me pretty well solid internally, but I went for the fun stuff instead of taking the next logical step and focusing on getting my external life set up so itās solid and stable. My fault there, but it can definitely be fixed. -
Iām going to be spending the next few months designing a program that Iām going to name The Shit Gatherer. As in get my shit together.
I think that itās going to be Ascended Mogul based to keep it simple, but I may go for Emperor. Iām pondering a second core, maybe Lineage Mandate Eternal. Donāt know yet. Anyoneās thoughts would be welcome.
The goal is to stabilize what I have, it isnāt to get rich or anything like that. Those goals come later. -
The wife just got diagnosed with pneumonia for the fourth time in six months. What they call aspirational pneumonia is a common side effect of MS. Worryingly, itās usually the one that kills MS sufferers.
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Fortunately, I am feeling the effects of Stress Displacement and Stone Like, so this all isnāt as viscerally distressing as it otherwise could be.
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Sending good vibes to you and your wife
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That is much appreciated.
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Iāve been thinking about my situation a lot today. I suppose that Iām being internally whiny about it, but I feel overwhelmed sometimes.
Mind you, I canāt afford to be overwhelmed, so I keep it to my own mind and sometimes on here.
The thing is that I have to be Superman. All the time. If something needs to be done and it has any level of difficulty or complexity, I have to do it or it doesnāt get done.
Thatās everything around the house, in the yard, administrative and legal stuff, and working as much as I can so thereās enough money.
One sucky thing about it is that I feel like an asshole if I get mad about it. Both my wife and the roommate have severe chronic medical issues that make it so they canāt physically do much, and the wife doesnāt mentally track things very well at all anymore.
That leaves me feeling like I have to shoulder all of the burden and like I donāt have the right to complain about it.
I canāt even say āwow, this sucks for meā because everyone around me has much worse problems than I do.
Now is either of them playing it up so I do more of the work? I donāt know. -
All this lead to a realization. As Iāve mentioned, in a lot of ways my situation now mirrors how I grew up. I had to be an emotional ārockā for my father who fell apart after my mom emotionally destroyed him and then discarded him. That meant that no matter what was going on in my life, I had to take on his stress and be the one who made everything come out ok.
That means that I couldnāt freak out. Ever. No matter what was happening. No matter how bad he was flipping his shit. Starting at six years old.
Thats one of the things that lead to what Iām starting to believe is a big issue with my execution of this program.
That is I have conditioned myself to suppress and hide my emotional state at all times. So much that it became an ingrained reflex.
That is a problem when it comes to projecting an aura.
As I understand it, an aura is your own emotional state, or some aspect of it radiating outward on a carrier wave of energy. This interacts with others and makes them feel a bit of what you are feeling.
If youāre trained not to let your feelings leak out because you have to have them under tight control 24/7, itās not going to work real well.
Thatās a big part of my problem. Being closed off in general. Iāve got to learn to open up energetically and socially. Not too much, it would ruin the mysterious effect, but enough so I can actually grab attention. The mysterious effect doesnāt do much good if no one notices that youāre mysterious. -
A thought struck me. Maybe I could do both this and Shit gatherer at the same time. Not by conventional stacking though. That might be a little much with QTKS.
I was thinking that the way to go might be do a cycle of one, then a cycle of the other, and repeat.
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- My mind is a lot more clear and calm today.
Iāve noticed this on previous programs towards the end of my washout weeks.
Subliminals kick stuff up in my head. Itās kind of like disturbing the mud at the bottom of a lake. It gets the water all riled up and unclear. But if you leave it alone for a while it settles down again.
On this one the chaos itās stirring up is a lot harder to notice. Itās just as much there, but it feels a lot more normal.
Itās only obvious how much of it there was now that everything has calmed down.
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**10/2/23 CYCLE 3 WEEK 1**
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This weekend sucked. Not only does the wife have her fourth bout of pneumonia this year, she has fucking Covid on top of it. She basically hasnāt been out of bed for a week. I took her to the ER yesterday, and they got her hooked up with some stuff that hopefully will get her squared away.
Iāve been doing all of the everything, and to be Frank, while it is a lot, Iāve been doing a pretty awesome job of it.
Needless to say, Iām pretty stressed out about the whole thing. -
I looked in the mirror at some point while I wasnāt wearing a shirt today. Damn, I look a lot better than I did even a few weeks ago. More toned, and while I still have a gut, itās less noticeable.
Iāve also noticed more definition on my arms. Considerably more.
I mentioned it, and the wife vehemently agreed. Thatās remarkable considering she can barely breathe.
So if nothing else, the physical shifting in WB is working very well for me.
I canāt wait to see what itāll do when I have time to actually get my ass into the gym.
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Sorry to hear about your wifeās illnesses.
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The wife was doing better today. She was able to eat, and just seemed perkier. I think sheās on the mend here. Thatās good news. I might be doing all of the everything for the. rest of the week or so, but I can do that, and Iām not so worried anymore.
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Iāve figured something out. I need more social practice.
My job involves mostly sitting alone. The interactions I get here are brief and infrequent.
While I LIKE my solitude, it has allowed, I donāt know if I want to say my social skills to degrade, but Iām less used to socializing with anyone who donāt live in my house.
Thatās not doing me any good as far as the goals of this program go.
Maybe it would be better to say that my social drive has decreased.
The program hasnāt gotten me the results I was wanting yet because I havenāt allowed it to.
Iāve kept my life circumstances so that I never really have the opportunity to talk to much of anyone. Iām so used to that that that I just donāt really have a natural urge to talk to anyoneās. Just
Not what I do.
That has to change if I want to get anywhere with this program.
Not only am I rusty at socializing, but Iām not giving the manifestation aspect of these programs much of an opportunity to work.
I mean how are women supposed to manifest in my life if I b barely go anywhere where Iād be interacting with them?
Ions of my goals for this program was to get a new job.
I think that I need to add another requirement for the one Iām looking for. That is regular socialization.
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Iām feeling pretty stressed out today. The hell of it is that I donāt know if this is recon or a normal reaction to the stuff going on in my life.
I AM having a strong urge to switch to The Shit Gatherer ASAP, but once again, Iām not sure if thatās recon or a, call it, moment of clarity concerning what I should really be focusing on.
Financial trouble (self inflicted a d due to circumstances beyond my control) has been a constant in my life for I donāt remember how long, my wife has a serious and chronic disease, the house is a disaster area, and I have to take care of two disabled people, a household, and a six year old. Add to that my job and her disability doesnāt cover the bills now that necessities cost two or three times what they used to.
And i chose to focus my subconscious on getting laid? What the fuck was I thinking? (Wrong head Wolfe) -
I havenāt made a decision yet. If this is recon, then it could be a good sign that itās peaking.
My philosophy on that is that if you want to get real change with these things, get to the point of recon and keep pushing into it until it breaks, so Iām going it until the end of the year to see what happens. I may switch entirely, or I may do a cycle of QC then a cycle of SG for a long period of time. Donāt know yet.
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I had an interesting conversation with the wife the wife today. It lead me to realize a couple of things.
The first is that Iām still fighting a high level of inhibition.
Previous programs havenāt gotten rid of that.
Donāt get me wrong. Itās less distressing than it was, and especially with DR Iāve gained a lot of insight into why I have it, but I still just havenāt been able to push myself across certain lines.
This gives me a very straight laced persona.
And straight laced guys donāt get the things that Iām looking for from this program. Hell, I still have trouble starting a conversation with a stranger. That is not conducive to being a Wanted man. -
Another thing I figured out is that I need to give a few more outward signs of not being so uptight.
I was thinking about a forearm tattoo. Iāve already got ink, but none of it is visible when Iām wearing so much as a tee shirt. On the forearm, itās often out there for everyone to see.
Donāt know what to get yet.
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I enjoy your journals, keep it up.
I would personally start with small action to aid the subliminals. One doesnāt have to go straight for the end goal action. What about the prerequisites like just meeting people?
Everyday, greet 3 strangers. Say āHi, how are you?ā.
Everyday spend 15 minutes where you can actually meet strangers.
Action, no matter how small, is a step forward.
And sometimes even these small actions can be hard. I personally sometimes only focus in the end game, but there is a flow, a certain amount of steps before one meets sex partners. If you just go through the steps, it increases the chance of getting laid and the sub to bloom.
Step 1, go to a place to meet people. Step 2 meet people. Step 3, interact and vibeā¦. Etc
I personally realised for example I have social anxiety, which shocked me, but thatās a big challenge, something to be taken care of as a prerequisite before I can be this truly charming and social guy.
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- Iām having some massive recon today. I think that there is something in Khan and/or WB that is a massive brick wall for my subconscious, and whatever it is, itās come to the point where I either have to push through it, or back away.
This makes for a really rough day.
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@COWolfe Youāre in an open marriage ? I didnāt know that. I learned from being on Facebook several years ago that open marriages are way more common than I thought. Happy for you as weird as it seems to me. I couldnāt imagine trying to juggle multiple relationships
I recall that your Wife had MS. Mine does as well
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- Rough last few days. And they have made me realize a few things.
First off, Khan and I just donāt get along. Or maybe I should say that itās trying to turn me into someone who I cannot be at this point in my life.
I am seeking to dictate and force everyone around me to bend to my will. Thinking that thatās just how things should be, and being ready to impose my will by any means necessary.
There is a time and place for that.
The time when I have a family and am responsible for a household isnāt one of them.
Perhaps itās something that would moderate with time, but I am subjecting the people I love the most to a version of me who I wouldnāt want to be around myself.
Iām not going to get into what happened, but it pushed me to really see where the problem is with Khan.
Second, and Iāve mentioned this before, I am not in a place in life where I can reap the benefits of this program. I spend the vast majority of my time either at work, or taking care of the responsibilities and problems that come with running a household that has two disabled adults and a six year old.
If I have almost no contact with possibly available women, it doesnāt matter what Iām running. Nothing is going to happen because it has no opportunity to.
This was not the time for this program or that focus. My life will have to look very different before I can devote energy, time, and subliminal slots to the āfunā goals.
I will have to spend the time and put in the work to actively shape it into that.
It is time to pivot to The Shit Gatherer. As in get my shit together.
This program is going to have the goals of getting my financial house in order, and getting my actual household in order as well as re arranging my life so that I can do some of the fun stuff in the future.
I may even take another run at QC at some point when it might do me some good.
I ran a 90 second loop tonight. Maybe thatāll make a difference, but I think Iām going to take the rest of this cycle off and order SG as a standard custom.
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Total action is rough Iāve read if you donāt take action. I guess that manifests as recon. I had similar ideas of focusing on subs that are aligned with what I spend most of my days doing. Itās a valid point.
What sub did you run? What is QC?
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