- Dream: I was somewhere public. I started talking to this very attractive girl.
Things were going really well, I could tell she was attracted, wanted me to do something.
At that point, I mentioned my family.
She said “family??” But that killed everything. She backed off.
This brings up one of my biggest concerns with this program.
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Another three minute loop tonight. I think I actually took an extra day off without realizing it.
That dream along with how I’ve been feeling lately points me more toward the conclusion that I’ve been working towards for a while now.
That this program isn’t the right one for me. At least not now.
I have gone into how I just kind of let myself be lead to the place I am in life. Step by step I’ve let people other than myself convince me to take on more and more responsibility which restricts my freedom to move in the world as I want to, and be who I want to.
While Khan and WB really do embody who I have always wanted to be, I have gone too far down the path of responsible domesticity to be able to go the other direction in any honorable way.
This program would have been awesome for me years ago. When I could do as I pleased so long as the rent got paid. Now, I can’t make use of it. There is too much resting on my shoulders.
I don’t think I can be both people. At least not right now. -
I am trying to embrace the idea of the Shitgatherer. The responsible family man. With enthusiasm and joy.
It’s not working. The idea bores me to death truth be told, but it’s the position I’ve allowed myself to be drawn into, and I need to do it right, so that will be starting soon anyway. What must be done must be done.
Maybe I can make another run at being the wanted Khan later, but not until my life, and those who depend on me are squared away.
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- OK, the more I think about it, the more I realize that this must be done.
As I said, Shit Gatherer is what I should have done right after DR. I got my internal world in order, then went off trying to be something I can’t be without a good solid foundation in the real world.
I need to build that foundation before I can go off and be any kind of playboy. Like it or not, I have two disabled adults, a six year old, and an elderly dog who rely on me for just about everything.
I don’t like this. In fact I hate it. But it is the reality of my life at the moment.
I, I think like most men, crave two things. Adventure and peace.
I am getting neither. The best way I can describe most of my life right now is extremely high stress banality.
I live under frequent financial crises, a house that is a disaster area, and work a dead end job.
Things are slowly degrading, and there’s only one of me to do anything about it. I got behind while I had to work eighty or so hours a week for two years, and I’ve never caught back up.
Something has to give, and it’s up to me to MAKE it give.
If I don’t get my shit together, I’m never going to have the adventure or the peace, and my son will grow up in a messed up environment.
If QC has done anything for me, it’s to make it clear what needs to happen before I can focus on executing it.
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- OK, Shit Gatherer is ordered.
Here’s the final lineup.
- Ascended Mogul Core
- Lineage Mandate Eternal Core
- Job Seeker
- Key to the Courts
- Organization Perfected
- Purity Without
- Victory’s Call
- New Dawn
- Achilles
- Virtue Series Diligence
- Virtue Series Patience
- Virtue Series Temperance
- Courage Reclaimed
- Discordia Deliverance
- Debt Annihilator
- Fusion Optimized
17 Fortune’s Favorite - Stress Displacement
- Stone like
- Mosaic
This should do the trick pretty quickly. I’m still playing with the idea of running alternating cycles, but it really seems to me that that might be pulling me in tow directions a bit too much.
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- Three minute loop last night, and a rough beginning to the day today.
I felt very stressed out from the time I woke up.
The kid was being particularly obnoxious today too.
I know, I’m supposed to think parenthood is wonderful and all, and I do love my kid, but parenthood is really rough on me.
At the best of times, his voice gets to me.
You know that visceral reaction you have to the sound of nails being scraped down a chalkboard? It’s that. But he is one LOUD little guy so it’s nails on a chalkboard through a high quality sound system. And there is no escape.
I know what it is. I have ADD. Parenthood is an exercise in constant overstimulation for someone like me, and not only that but I always HAVE TO fight through it. I’m the only one who can.
Add that stress to the stress of all I have to do, and everything that might go wrong, and you have my day before work.
It did lead me to think and listen to my subconscious though. I actually think that my subconscious was turning up the volume on these things to bring my attention to something.
Here’s the thing. I’ve hit a wall with Khan and WB. I can’t execute until I have these practical considerations taken care of.
That’s just a knowing.
Fortunately I’m taking a break for an unknown time to do just that.
I certainly hope that Lineage Mandate Eternal helps with the kid driving me nuts.
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- I was thinking that maybe I don’t need to give up all seduction goals. I even designed a WB custom to run alongside SG.
But at least in the beginning, I do need to take all focus off of that and put it on getting my life headed back in the right direction and underway.
Don’t get me wrong, I am still open to anything that might happen, but I’m not going to be looking for it until I’ve gotten some really good progress on SG.
Even if I add WB back in after a few cycles, it’s going to be something that I just run and don’t worry about.
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- Tonight is my last loop of QC for the time being.
I don’t like to say that this run is a failure, but so far it is.
At least I know what I need to do to get to where I need to be to make it useful.
I’ll run my loop tonight, then do a standard washout week. SG starts next Sunday.
I wish I could say I was excited about it. I’m not. But I guess I am looking forward to it a bit.
Sooner started, sooner finished.
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**10/23/23 CYCLE 3 WEEK 4**
**WASHOUT WEEK #3**
- This is the last week before Shitgatherer begins.
I do intend to return to this program and finish out at a minimum nine more cycles, not to mention get the results I wanted from it in the first place.
But first I’m going to get the foundation of my life shored up and solid. It feels too shaky now, and I’ve ignored that for far too long while I went for the “fun stuff”.
I’m going to be on it as long as I’m on it. Until I see the changes that I need to see.
Depending on how fast that starts happening, I may or may not go with the alternating cycles plan, so you might see more activity on this journal. I don’t know.
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- DANG IT SUBCLUB! Tempting me to interrupt my well laid plans of responsibility and family to run a WB S&S combo. You should be ashamed of yourselves.
.
I’m not going to be doing that though. At least not for the first few cycles.
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Maybe that would be a better way of, shall we say, expanding my sex life when I’m ready.
It has become clear to me that Khan is difficult for me. I’m not entirely sure what, but I suspect that it’s trying to get me to be more of an out loud alpha type.
I am naturally more of the quiet type. Now I like to think that I’ve gone from the shy wallflower type to more of the strong silent badass sigma type over the years, but the fact remains that I’m not one to talk much, and I’m definitely not one to seek a direct spotlight.
Just WB and the skill and manifestation boost from the new S&S might work a lot better for me than Khan did.
It should allow me to continue being me, and get the results. We may see after a couple of cycles of SG. -
That said, I am noticing some effects from Khan now that I mention it.
I am more assertive. This came off to me as being kind of a dick before, but no. I’m enforcing boundaries and unapologetically going after what I want.
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- You know what, I think I’m going to go for it.
Stack switching. I still want the sex life goals, and the SG goals. I was very intrigued by the new S&S bSo I may commit another year or more to switching between SG and:
The Harem Gatherer.
- Wanted Black Core
- Sex and Seduction X Core
- New Dawn
- Alexander’s Play
- Discodia Deliverance
- Fortune’s Favorite
- Void of Creation
- Jupiter
- Yggdrasil
- Furious Ascent
- Potentiator
- Prevent PE
- Fusion Optimized
- Inner Gasoline
- Panther
- Seducers Gaze
- Long Range Seduction
- Tyrant
- Still Mind
- Mosaic
My theory here is that I will be experiencing bloom from one while running the other, and that might actually work better than just running them as a normal two title stack.
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So you mean:
SG for a cycle
HG a for a cycle
repeat?
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Yup. I think that would reduce overload and maybe get rid of the effect where your subconscious gets “bored” of a stack after a while.
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Awesome. Concur on the bloom of one whilst running the other. I remember that being part of the initial promise of ZP. Much good stuff.
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And if you have an idea for a name that sounds a bit less dumb than Harem Gatherer, I’m all ears.
I actually like it 
Harem Unleashed is cool too. but I like HG
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Yeah, I do like to go with themes.
And I really don’t want my harem unleashed. That could cause all kinds of trouble.
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Indeed that could.
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- I have been in the process of switching banks for a while. Finalized it today.
I took the last of the money from my old bank (which got bought out and now really sucks).
I went to put it in the new credit union, and asked the girl who was helping me a couple of questions about their app.
To say she was cheerfully helpful would be an understatement. She actually walked outside with me so that my phone would get enough reception that she could show me.
She wasn’t super blatantly flirty, but kept looking up into my eyes and smiling the whole time and being smiley and high energy.
I was riding and it was cold too. So I was doing the scary looking black leather thing too.
I’ll call that a hit for QC. Also shows that I made a very good choice in a new financial institution.
We may be back to this one at some point.
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It’s promising that you got that from such a limited “social” interaction too. Given the challenges you’ve had being able to go out other than to work and back home.
Means QC really got in there and is getting to work!
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