The last two cycles, which are stage four are eight weeks, that makes it an even year. Which I only need to have because of mild OCD or something and the need to call things “the year of”.
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Exactly right. Except stage four is seven weeks on and one off.
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And only the one week between stages.
Got it. It obviously worked for the Dragon Emperor this year. Or IS working. I know it’s still in progress. I’m thinking of Dragon Reborn and either EoG or Khan. that’s 2 subs per listening day. I can do that on my earbuds whilst out working or even just sitting in the house.
Assuming 2 multi-stagers at once won’t warp my brain.
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I wouldn’t assume that. I’d go with a four stager and a single.
I think that Khan and AM should blend really well. I may stack the factory version of Wanted as well but I’ll probably just keep it simple.
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I won’t be making any year-long plans for 2022 quite yet. Just in case ZP comes out sooner than expected. It sounds powerful A F based on what the test excerpts are showing.
If I were to stack a single in there, I might do AM plus Limitless along with whatever multi-stager. I just figured Dragon would reach down and get more than Khan alone could lol. might be too much though.
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I’m hoping that I can get this in QZP right off the bat. I have a feeling that they’re going to miraculously make that move faster than they’re implying. I’m playing it by ear and I’ll make the purchase last minute.
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A lot of the things I had been stressing about this week resolved without any further trouble today.
The last time I spoke with the mortgage company they had told me that they’d only accept one form of proof of payment. That was my bank statement which would not generate until the twentieth. I had arranged to get something printed off at the bank that they may or may not count, and I was steeling myself for another round with them. However, I checked the banking info shortly after getting up, and they had returned the money. As I mentioned, the fix on the house electrical problem was successful as well.
It was kind of like pressure was building up in the beginning of the week and just released today without any trouble. -
I am actually going to pay for the store version of DR just to get the Ultima to run for the last eight weeks. I want to get the maximum possible amount of issues out of the way this year so that I can really have traction when I hit the ground running next.
I think im also going to rebuild URE with ME and IC as cores and start. Improving my visualization and manifestation ability and getting the right people into my life are crucial things for any goals I care to tackle.
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- I’ve been working out constantly according to a set program since the beginning of May. This is the most dedicated I’ve ever been to a fitness program. Before when I really started to notice results, that’s when I started to skip workouts and to generally get lazy until I just let it fade away. I recognized a while ago that that was a self sabotage method. The visible results were a challenge to the negative way that I viewed myself. I was supposed to be fluffy and weak.
My subconscious tried everything it could to maintain that.
It is the number one piece of evidence I have that DR is working it’s majick very well that that isn’t happening at all this time.
I’m reaping the rewards too. Tokay I noticed that my arms just feel bigger now. I don’t mean when I squeeze them either. I can just feel that there’s more there during the course of things. Plus, my muscles just feel harder to the touch.
I’ve also noticed that I’m stronger too. I can carry and lift things that used to take a noticeable effort without even noticing now.
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- I have just ordered URE 2 and will be experimenting with running it during the next cycle.
The final product is:
Minds Eye Core
Inner Circle Core
Mastermind
Wayfinder
Fortune’s Favorite
Immortals Blade
Deus
Jupiter
Yggdrasil
Fusion Optimized
Organization Perfected
The Lines
Inner Voice
Courage Reclaimed
Dream Traveler
The Wonder
Potentiator
Carpe Diem Ascended
Sanguine
Mosaic
There are a number of modules in there that are also in DE. That’s because if this works well I’ll be running it with whatever I settle on doing next year.
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Build you custom around you goals, just have to figure it out before had. I planned out 2021-2024
My whole thing is having one category or area in life that I want to handle does mean the others fall on the back burner completely.
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I’m going year by year. I’m just thinking about what I want my life to look like on 12/31/2022 and choosing a stack that’ll help me get there. I don’t go much further out than that because a lot can change in a year. I should be doing the aspect by aspect thing really, but I’ve narrowed it down to a fairly tight set of ver achievable goals and I’m frankly sick of putting certain things on the back burner. I can get all of the stuff I listed earlier done in a year.
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- Amazing. The active listening on cycle one of stage four is over. I’m almost done with the year of the Dragon Emperor.
Time will tell what the long term effects of doing this for a year will be. If I think about it, there is definitely a new me in a lot of ways, but at this point it all seems so normalized that that’s not the grand revelation that it should be.
I am going to be adding in URE2 and DR Ultima for the last cycle. Finish strong. And I may actually continue use of the ultima into next year.
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- I’m definitely leaning towards going for khan next year. From both the sales copy and what I’ve been reading on here it makes one more social in a dominant kind of way.
I’ve always been kind of quiet socially, and while I’ve sometimes made that work for me in a lot of ways, it was often a cover for shyness and that often did get in the way when I was around people saw through the quiet brooding badass act that I tried to pass it off as.
This has hurt me socially and even more so professionally. I’m trying to break into a field of work where coming off as timid is a very bad thing, and the people assessing me have above average bullshit detectors.
I don’t think I’ll ever be any kind of social butterfly or life of the party alpha, but I’d definitely like to build up more skills to get closer to that when I need or want to, and have it feel more natural.
I think that a year on khan might be just what I need to shore up that particular weakness and move things forward in several different aspects of my life.
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- My job is incredibly boring. For the most part it consists of sitting alone in an outbuilding and staying alert enough to spot something happening. It pays well and has given me the opportunity to work an extreme amount of overtime which is what has gotten us through the time when I’m the only one bringing any money in. It also gave me the time I needed to think and reflect as well as search for ways to improve myself and my life. It lead me here. I’m grateful for that.
However, it is also not what I set out to be doing as a career and it is stagnant. I am feeling very strongly that as soon as the financial need abates a bit, I really need to focus on moving forward and getting into the field that I have been determined to get into for so long.
I also realized how I can do that by thinking about how I wound up here. I manifested this job back in 2015 though I didn’t wind up in it for two more years.
(I’ve realized this part before and written about it, but I don’t think it was in this journal)
When I got my first shot at the job I wanted, I started to feel really overwhelmed. I now recognize that my fear of success really kicked in. It caused me an inordinate amount of stress and caused me to fail at something that in reality I am more than capable of succeeding at. My self image just wouldn’t allow me to get “above my level”.
When I got stressed about it, I started thinking about a job like this one. Where I could pretty much just sit there all night and not have much that Challenges me, not have a lot of human contact, not have much risk of failure, and be able to think and relax.
I think and fantasize about all kind of things all the time, but this was different. The stress I was feeling in the place I was really drove me to connect with that fantasy of a more peaceful and comfortable place. I felt it, and I felt a desire for it. I really felt what it would be to have the aspects of it that were what I wanted.
After I left the job, the next two years of my life guided me to something that was exactly like what I had envisioned.
Now, this was weakness on my part, and it happened because I had so many unaddressed issues at the time. My emotional drives were always away from something stressful or painful not toward something that would make me feel good. However, what popped into my head this morning (the reason I’m writing this) is what I really need to do to make the whole manifestation and goal achievement thing work.
How I have to really connect with the aspects of what I want that makes me want it on a visceral level and then let life guide me there. (Taking action all the while of course.
I’ve always had trouble doing that, but I think DR may have cleared out enough problems and ME will help me to gain the skill.
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**Stage 4 Cycle 1 Week 8**
**Washout Week #7**
- My thinking has been very positive lately. In my head it is a fact that our financial crisis is on the verge of ending. The wife’s disability is in the hands of an admin law judge now, and this is the stage where people usually actually get it. It’s also been close to the average amount of time that it takes.
- odd. It’s just past the time I would normally be running my DR loop, and I’m feeling a little formless nervousness. It’s not too bad, but there’s no reason for it that I can put my finger on. Maybe my processing system is just starting to catch up.
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- I just spent a bit of time scrolling through this journal kind of reading parts at random.
DAYHAM have I made some progress on this sucker. So much of the mental shit I was talking about early on is just plain gone. I feel a lot less fear and anxiety about my situation. Matter of fact I feel very optimistic about it, like I know that improvement and success is an inevitability.
The major take away from one of the entries I landed on was about the narrative I tell myself, and that has improved immeasurably, and that has improved my sense of self worth, how I feel about life and the future, and a host of other things.
As well as the internal stuff, the way that the wife treats me has gotten a hell of a lot better. Not only does she not use me as an emotional punching bag anymore, she realizes that she was doing so and actively works to control herself. She also directly shows me respect and appreciation for what I’m doing.
All of this kind of crept in slowly enough that the changes snuck under the radar until I went back and read some stuff from toward the beginning.
That is what you can get by sticking to a stack for a long period of time.
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-
Thinking back, I think I see why my wife has been treating me better than she used to.
I almost hadn’t noticed I was doing it, but I’ve been calmly calling her out on it when she tries to order me around or rudely criticize. Like every time. I used to just get angry but kind of bottle it. Now it’s just “hey stop doing (whatever)” every time without getting mad.
I’ve also been telling her no on some things that I wouldn’t have before. She didn’t take well to that before, but sometime in the last few months has come to accept it. That’s probably because I heals the line and made it pretty clear that I wasn’t listening after the first time I said no.
In short I am learning to set boundaries. I’ve always had a problem with that. I think it’s because my parents just wouldn’t let me set them growing up. Whenever I would try to limit something with them, they would take it as a challenge and attack the Boundary until it was destroyed at all costs.
My wife had the same reaction throughout most of our relationship, but something has definitely changed. -
The reason I was really thinking of all of that is when I woke up this morning I was thinking about a lot of times when I had allowed myself to be pushed into doing things that I didn’t want to because I wasn’t able to set and hold a firm line with people. These included letting a completely useless person live with me for a few months in my college apartment, and getting into the relationship with ex #4 in the first place.
There was no beating myself up there, just acknowledgment of lessons learned.
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- I don’t know if its DR or the routine of working so much or both, but I just put my finger on something that has been bothering me this year. I have been extremely emotionally disconnected.
I am not normally the most emotional guy in the world, but this year it’s been to an extreme. I think maybe it’s because DR has me so inwardly focused.
Ironically, before DR I would have considered the lack of feeling to be a good thing. A thing to be striven for even.
For many reasons which I have gotten into in the above journal, I have actively trained myself to have the minimum amount of emotion. I did that for all kinds of reasons which were valid when I was growing up. Basically, if a lot of people are getting their entertainment from emotionally hurting you, it’s a very good idea not to let them know when they succeed. It’s even better if you actually don’t feel it. I got very good at that, and it served me at the time, and the ability to not show weakness is always good.
I just realized a couple of things about it though.
First, while emotional control is a very good thing, one of the most important hallmarks of maturity and being functional, completely lacking emotion and or the ability to express it isn’t emotional control. It’s rigidity. I no more have mature control over my emotions than the person who can’t help but cry, scream, or otherwise lose it at the slightest thing. I’m just on the other side of the spectrum. They can’t help but cut loose with whatever they’re feeling, and I can’t help but suppress it and I can’t feel it fully. Real emotional control is feeling it and then having the choice to express it and how based on what the situation is.
The second thing I realized is that I no longer want to be that way. What developed as a survival necessity is now robbing me of the very stuff that makes life worth living. That’s not acceptable.
I’m going to have to put Emotions Unfettered in next year’s custom. I’d be lying if I said the prospect doesn’t still scare me a bit.
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