- I don’t know if it’s the subs, the supplements, or a combination, but this morning it hit me that I feel MUCH better when I wake up than I used to. I used to wake up sore, irritable as hell, and not wanting to face the day. Now, I feel pretty great, at least most mornings. I wake up energetic and I don’t even need coffee. Mind you, I still drink a cup, but now it’s because I like it.
Matter of fact, I feel more energetic in general than I did in my twenties.
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- My wife keeps mentioning that I’m losing weight, but I didn’t see it until I looked into the mirror this afternoon. Dang! My gut is a lot smaller than it used to be.
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- On the FP side of things, I just got a fairly sizable deposit into my bank account that I wasn’t expecting and I’m not entirely sure where it came from. I’ll check to make sure I’m entitled to it tomorrow, but nice manifestation.
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**Stage 3 Cycle 2 Week 3**
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I had a relatively good weekend. I had a new job prospect crop up and I had some extra work to do that relates to that. I got it done, and I have to take an online test on Tuesday.
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I don’t know if it’s an effect of Qv2 or just that I’ve been on this program for so long, but the subs, and what they are and aren’t doing to me is much less top of mind than it ever has been. Throughout my sub career, I’ve been pretty consistently thinking about the subs. Not anymore. I think that it’s probably a good thing.
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If I think about it, I really am starting to notice that I’m actually expecting all of the good things I want to happen. Once again, it’s not a loud excited expectation, it’s more matter of fact.
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Last night I had some negative thoughts start to creep in, and I’ve generally been feeling like nothing is happening for a while now. I think I may be experiencing the infamous subtle V2 recon.
I’m going to switch to the now recommended one loop every other day pattern and see what happens there. -
I’ve not felt like writing here that much. I’ve just got kind of a sense of malaise, that’s another sign.
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Something came up while I was reading @lrw’s journal today. I said something to the effect of not only do I not want the life I have now, but I never did.
Looking back, I can see that I knew that many of the decisions I made would not lead me to the life I wanted to live. Worse than that they’d lead me away from what I wanted in life. I knew it but chose those paths anyway.
The reasons were many. Chasing dopamine, avoiding pain, it was easy, guilt, It was what I’m “supposed to” do, pleasing others, fear of failure and fear of effort. But throughout it all, every time I made a bad decision that would lead me to an unfulfilling life situation, I knew it while I was doing it.
It didn’t happen to me. Other people didn’t do it to me. -
It’s hard to describe what I’ve been feeling for the last few days. It’s kind of a feeling of pointlessness with some negative thinking that hasn’t cropped up for quite some time. For some reason, I’m having a tougher time executing stage three than the previous two. I’ve felt this type of thing before though. I call it sticking point recon and it usually precedes a major breakthrough. Come to think of it, this is about what I felt like toward the end of Stage two.
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I put my order for stage four in last night. Three weeks to go on three.
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- I’ve had a massively annoying time trying to take a test for a potential new job. I have to take it through some testing company. I first tried a monitored online test, but my computer and or internet access wouldn’t handle the video. The monitor said to quit and reschedule at one of the physical locations. I skipped sleeping for the most part and drove an hour and a half to take it the only place I could schedule it only to find out that their system wouldn’t register me because it showed that I’d already taken the test when I’d started it.
After more rigmarole with their tech support, I finally got it scheduled for Monday.
This is another of those odd things where reality seems to be fighting me. That often ends in success.
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How is the DR & Emperor journey going?
Bit rough at the moment, but only a bit. Overall it’s been great.
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Oh, the money manifestation keeps coming. A bunch of people quit where I work, so I’ll be working seven twelves for the next few weeks. I asked for money and I’m getting it.
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**Stage 3 Cycle 2 Week 4**
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One of my female coworkers said that I look different, healthier somehow. This is the one who acts borderline flirtatious with me sometimes.
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Rough weekend, or all one day of it. The roommate yelled at me for being harsh to my kid, (I really wasn’t) I didn’t exactly yell back, but I let her know it wasn’t acceptable.
When I got up this afternoon, my wife launched off on me about how much of a bully I was being. I didn’t agree so she kept pushing it and brought a bunch of other complaints in. I just held my ground. I think that she’s been having a lot of trouble adjusting to not being able to push me down in an argument any time she feels like it.
Now I may have been a little harsh with the roommate and the kid. That may be recon, maybe I’m just in a bad mood. -
Here is why the wife’s criticism is bothering me more. I am working way more than a normal person to financially support four people. I’m also doing almost all of the house work, all of the yard work, almost all of the cooking, making all of the decisions that involve difficulty or complexity. In short, I’m doing almost all of the everything. And I am still being chastised for every mistake, everything I forget and everything i didn’t do the way she wanted. This is coming from two people who don’t do much of anything.
I am expected to be perfect in my productivity, emotional control, and social interactions while giving infinite leeway to the other two adults.
Talk about being taken for granted.
Ok, this is what is causing the recon feeling. Not sure what to do about it at this point.
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- Come to think of it, everyone in the house is angry at everyone else in the house. It tends to happen this time of year, but it’s effecting me less than it usually does so I kind of notice it differently.
It is effecting me some though. What I’m feeling may not be recon at all.
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I would agree. What do you think your options are for being the Dragon Emperor in this situation? Perhaps if you mediate on that, a solution will appear.
At the moment there is no short term solution. If I leave, that leaves me either as a single dad, or paying enough child support that I can’t support myself.
She resists any attempt to change her behavior.
Either way I’d still be responsible for all of the bills that I am today and I’m barely able to get that done sometimes.
The basic issue is that I’m growing and shes not, or at least I’m growing at a much faster rate than she is. It’s freaking her out and she’s desperately trying to keep the status quo because she’s afraid of change.
I really can’t control her, only myself.
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- Stage three isn’t doing what I expected it to. I thought it would help me to focus on what I really wanted in life. Stages one and two successfully got me to stop focusing on what I don’t want, on what I feared. So now that I’m done with them, I find that I feel kind of adrift. It’s made me realize that I really don’t know what I want.
That’s not entirely true. I am starting to know what I want to feel. Excitement, anticipation, drive and something to drive for. The spark of life that I’ve barely felt since I was a teenager.
Thing is, I have no earthly idea what would kindle that in me.
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- I had a zoom interview for that job this morning. I don’t think I did that well. Or not well at all.
I didn’t feel nervous or anything so I can be a little more analytical about why. I really have a lot of trouble organizing my thoughts to verbally answer a complex question. I kind of try to say everything at once and it comes out in a disorganized jumble. I’m good at expressing myself in writing because I have time to organize and present my thoughts. When talking, I don’t have that time.
Ok, now I know what to work on. I am definitely going to start going to toastmasters when I’m able.
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I would encourage you to take 4 days off and notice what happens. Also I wish your wife was open to changing. I’m guess you’ve talked with her about subliminals and she’s uninterested? Or was she listening to Paragon for awhile?
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It’s not the subs causing the problem. I’ve always had that difficulty. This time, a part of me managed to stay detached enough to analyze exactly what the problem is. I think that what I need here is some good old fashioned action taking. Unfortunately, I won’t be able to get to a Toastmasters meeting for a while, but I at least have a plan that I can implement when I’m able to.
I am coming up on a washout the week after next.
She is still listening to Paragon actually.
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We just got a major improvement in our situation. The roommate got her disability. It’s not a huge amount, but it will let her kick in quite a bit. It’ll help a lot.
This fits with how my years tend to go. There’s a kind of predictable cycle to them. The summer is usually when things look bad, I’m working the hardest, stress is at its worst. Then when the “dog days” end, things start to get better easier and more comfortable.
This year was a bit different. The summer stress wasn’t bad at all, and I fully expected the good things to start happening around this time. -
To make matters even better, the wife’s disability attorney contacted her this morning. There is a possibility that she might get hers without having to wait for a hearing as well. It looks like her former neurologist didn’t forward some crucial information that helps to prove her disability to her lawyer or disability. That means it could be very quick.
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Matter of fact, this is right on schedule. The dog days of summer officially ended yesterday.
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**Stage 3 Cycle 2 Week 5**
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I haven’t noticed anything new in the last few days. Things are just going along, and I at least think I’m making slow and steady progress.
It’s kind of strange that I’m intellectually aware that I’ve made some massive changes so far this year, but it all feels so normal now that I’m barely even aware of it on a day to day basis. -
Only one more active listening week of Stage three. Then a washout week and the last sixteen weeks of the year on Stage Four.
That gets me seriously thinking about my plan for next year. After a year on DR, I should be ready to kick ass and take names. I’ve got two goals that I’m going to focus on. Financial and career success and get my sex life to where I’m happy with it. I’m considering a couple of options.
A. Run a custom with Khan and AM the same way I did with DR and Emperor. In all four stages. That should cover all of the bases as far as career, financial, sexual, and social success.
B. Run a very similar custom to DE but without DR. That has the advantage that I have a year of pre loading with Emperor and many of the modules I’d be using. I have read that healing subs can kind of run over results oriented ones, so with DR out of the way Emperor should execute like an emmeffer. Added to that I’d run another custom with probably Wanted and Daredevil. Possibly Wanted and PS.
I was thinking that I might run them on alternating weeks. No need to risk overload if I’m doing it for a full year.
Wanted works with the style of seduction that I’ve had the most success with over the years. In other words let them come to me. With Daredevil to improve my social skills so I can better recognize and capitalize on the opportunities, I should be lethal by the end of the year.
- A lot depends on what things look like closer to the end of the year.
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