- These things are going to take longer to achieve than the end of my DE year, but they also provide some clarity for my future subliminal plans going into next year and beyond.
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- I was feeling a bit more stress about finances when I woke up this afternoon, but as the stressed out thinking started, another mental voice intervened. I thought about how throughout this I’ve been in a position where I thought for sure everything was going to fall apart, but have always managed to save things. That is going to continue. I don’t need to feel massively stressed out about it.
Matter of fact it’s following the same yearly pattern it has since I realized that we had a major problem. This time of year, the dog days of summer, things seem to really be coming to a head. Then just about the time we start seeing the first hints of fall, something happens to take the pressure off. So far, it hasn’t been enough to fully solve the problem, but enough that things eased off for the rest of the year. It looks like it may be shaping up that way again.
I don’t know that all of our financial problems will be solved this year. It’s ok. This year is about fixing myself. Next will probably be about getting my external life to be how I want it.
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- I’ve been going over that list I did, and I’m thinking about how I can change my life so that I can have/feel each of these things.
Some are going to take more change than others though. Some I have already started on even without thinking about it.
This one for example. I started doing my weekly chores religiously, and it actually feels good that I have done that for many weeks, now months, in a row.
I am seeing some great results from working out. This morning I looked in the mirror while getting dressed for work, and I look GOOD. Better than I have for quite a few years. My performance continues to increase steadily as well, and I feel better. That all feels like accomplishment, and it feels good.
Now what can I do to get more of that feeling in my life? One answer is to start doing more habitual self improvement things that will show results if I stick to them. I no longer seem to have the impulse to quit something as soon as it either starts showing positive results or gets hard. That’s a great sign because that was one of my most consistent self sabotage methods.
I think the next thing I’m going to do is to go to the Toastmasters meeting next Thursday night since I won’t be working. That’ll help with how I present myself, which will help me on the job front and who knows what else.
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- I still don’t have the consciousness that theres a sub working on me in the back of my head. That doesn’t mean that it’s not doing anything, I am very convinced that it is.
I think that this may be a function of Qv2. The changes seem a lot more seemless, and I don’t associate them with subliminal use unless I think about it.
That probably means that it’s penetrating deeper and having an easier time of it.
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This is day eight of my nine day washout. I’m maybe feeling a little more down emotionally. Maybe not as optimistic as I have been. It’s not nearly as bad as my normal was before I started subs, or even before I started DE. It’s just not quite as good as I had gotten used to with the subs running. I’m noticing some worry about our financial situation, but all in all, I still almost take it for granted that things are going to turn out ok.
I think that this is letting me see my new baseline. Without the subs running, I can see what my mind is like day to day. It’s still not where I want it to be, but the improvement is remarkable. I’ve still got five and a half months to go, so we keep going. -
I also notice that while I am still feeling very dissatisfied with certain aspects of my life, I have a greater sense that I can do something about it. Especially true since I started analyzing the things that I actually want. Now I can look at each, figure out what I’d need to have that, and what steps I can take to get it. I have less of a sense that I have to sit here waiting for something outside of my control to happen in order to get my life the way I want it. Some aspects, yes, I’m waiting on things, but now I can take steps on the others in the meantime.
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At RVconsultant’s suggestion, I added Tonkat Ali to my supplement regimen. I think I might feel something different, but I can’t put my finger on it.
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**Stage 3 Cycle 2 Week 1**
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This was an interesting weekend. I was reading @SargeMaximus’s journals where he mentioned “mirage manifestations. I had a couple this weekend, but they were negative manifestations that turned out to be nothing.
I’ve talked about the “manifestation wars” I’ve had while trying to better our financial situation. This consisted of some out of the blue miraculous things that happened that helped us right along with some equally unlikely bad things that made things harder, cost a lot of money, or derail the process of what I was trying to do.
I had two equipment failures this weekend that looked like they were going to be very expensive and inconvenient.
The dryer stopped turning on. I spent several hours looking for the problem, and actually replaced the vent hose like I had been intending for weeks. Then the first thing I should have checked occurred to me and I reset the breaker. (Duh)
The other thing was that this afternoon it became clear that the air conditioning wasn’t putting out cool air. That’s what happened to cost us a lot of money while I was trying to refinance the house a few years ago so it freaked me out for a second. Not long though. I went and checked to see if we had a frozen line. We didn’t. Then I remembered that the roommate had heard a horrible banging noise from the outside AC unit on Friday, so I looked at the fan. Dead bird. I have no idea how it got in there, but it had apparently lost an argument with the fan blades, and stopped them from turning. I poked it out of there with a stick, and everything started working again.
Both of these things would have caused me to feel a lot of stress, catastrophize the situation, and react badly. This time, I may have felt a little stress, was mildly annoyed, but nowhere near that. Good. These may have come from the forge come to think of it. -
Reading about “mirage manifestations” got me thinking about them. I have definitely experienced this. Heres my take.
When we do the manifestation thing, our minds influence the universe to start chains of events that will lead to you getting what you asked for.
How easily this is to do, how long it takes, and the odds of it coming to fruition are a function of how many links are in the chain, and how likely each one is to happen on it’s own.
In order for you to get what you want, whatever force we have set in motion has to kind of micromanage the incipient event through every link in the chain.
Sometimes the chain breaks. One of the things that needs to happen doesn’t. If we aren’t worrying about it, this is fine because whatever is doing this just starts a new chain or it has more than one going at the same time, and we are usually completely unaware of it because it happens outside of our sphere.
With a mirage manifestation, it has worked almost all the way through the chain and gotten to the point where the event depends on something that you would notice happening, or you reacting to a direct precursor in a certain way. (This is one reason they tell you to forget about it, if you overthink what might be a manifestation, it can screw it up, worse people sometimes freak out at this stage due to subconscious fear of a successful result)
That’s why I’ve seen something I wanted almost happen a number of times before it actually happened. Each time meant that it was being worked on, and coming closer. I’ve found these things extremely frustrating in the past. I’ve even given up after a few of them. I see it differently now, they are encouraging signs. -
This washout week was a lot easier to get through. I didn’t have the fear that all of my progress would slip away while I wasn’t running subs. I didn’t have the urge to experiment with new ones either.
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Glad to hear my journal is providing some food for thought.
I have two theories of mirage manifestations myself:
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The manifestations aren’t done “tweaking” themselves yet, and what you manifest is an unfinished form
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The manifestations can only manifest the person, not the person with the behaviour or personality or receptiveness
It is at that. Thank you.
More or less. I’m looking at it like shooting at a distant target with a machine gun. There’ll often be a few near misses as you walk the rounds on target. Near misses are a ver good sign of eventual success.
I’m thinking more in terms of manifesting events or conditions than people. IE getting a better job or another source of income.
I’d bet that every one of your near misses was someone who MIGHT have been receptive under the exact right circumstances, though those circumstances might be rare.
I’d actually be very interested to hear more about how you do what you do. I wouldn’t think that you’d get any success being that direct with random women, but obviously you do.
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I’ve been more and more subscribing to the idea that we manifest what we believe. Whether conscious or not. I started running DR1 more, with R.I.C.H. V2 and threw in Mind’s Eye T2 to aid in manifestation. within a couple days, the radiator on my car developed a fast leak lol. I couldn’t make this shit up.
We manifest all the time, of course. It’s a 24/7 stream of manifestation. And I think the more we “heal/fix” our shit, the “better” the manifestations get.
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Oh I’d love to go further into it if you have any questions. I have had more success in the past than recently however and that itself has me puzzled. But I’m at your disposal as I do love exploring it
I agree with that, and that it’s a 24/7 process. I think that there are two types of manifestation going on. One is that subconscious background process you’re talking about, and the other is when we consciously guide the process for a specific result. That’s where you get the near miss effect as it ties to happen.
Now that it’s been brought up, what do the things that happened this weekend tell me?
That my negative expectations have decreased dramatically. I always seem to run into some kind of trouble this time of year, and this was it. They mimicked major disasters that I’ve had in the past, but they both turned out to be pretty much nothing. That shows progress.
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- My workout felt great tonight. I improved on every lift, and was not only able to push harder, but I felt a kind of savage enjoyment about it.
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May Savage forever be your new baseline!
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- Interesting start to the day. I got a text saying I need to report to one of the higher ups at work ASAP. That doesn’t sound good. I drove in, and it turned out that my supervisor had fucked up big time, and done so in my field of vision. Thing is that since he didn’t communicate what was going on, and I was too far away to hear anything, I had no way of knowing that what I was looking at was him fucking up big time.
Once again, I felt a very low level of stress throughout the entire incident, and let me tell you, this would have freaked me the hell out a couple of years ago.
Weird, thats three things in four days that looked like they were going to be huge problems but turned out to be nothing. There is a small chance I could still be thrown under the bus with him, but it’s unlikely and I’m not worried about it.
Maybe The Forge manifesting chances for me to be calm in the face of adversity.
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- There is another theory on this that bears mentioning. It involves the weirder side of things.
I’ve felt for quite some time that I’ve had a problem of a metaphysical nature, and it’s some kind of external force thats kept me from getting where I want to in life. Some really off the wall shit has happened to stop me from achieving my career and financial goals to start with. I don’t know exactly where it would have come from, and I only have that impression sometimes.
During my DE journey I convinced myself that that was purely an excuse and that I was manifesting these things on myself to prevent me from going above my success ceiling. I believe that theres a lot of truth in that wether or not I’m “cursed” or whatever. I needed to focus on that in order to develop.
However, tonight after my loops I got into an odd state of mind where I very much got the impression that there is a problem like that. I got the feeling that the problems I’ve had in the last three days were whatever it is trying to screw me up in very expensive ways, but that I’d somehow managed to protect myself better and turn them into near misses. I suspect that the improved defense is a result of Immortal’s Blade. Smart move putting it in there even if it felt a bit silly at the time.
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- It’s kind of odd. I normally feel an odd kind of combination of stressed out and depressed at this time of year. This year I don’t. I actually feel weirdly unable to return to my previous default settings. I almost can’t have a sustained negative thought pattern either. It’s just not my normal anymore.
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- I just listened to a song that never fails to make me think about ex #4, the one it took me the longest to get over. It didn’t bring me back to the mild pain it used to though. I am fully and completely over it.
Here’s the weird thing. I realized that I actually miss it. I have no idea WHY I miss the sense of longing for something that will never be, but the feeling is there. I kind of miss my sense of depression in general. I’ve lived with it for most of my life and now it’s gone. I suppose it makes a bit of sense. I also suppose I’ll get over it quickly.
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- I’ve been increasingly interested in writing again. I wanted to be an author when I was younger and actually showed a lot of promise in that direction. I’ve got a number of stories that have kind of been running around in my head for the last twenty odd years, and I used to start putting them down on paper every once in a while. I never got past starting though. My emotional stuff got in the way, and I just didn’t have the discipline to see it through.
Now though, I am proving that I do have discipline, maybe it’s time that I really told at least one of those stories.
If I got a tablet with a keyboard, I could do some writing at my current job.
This is part of what I mentioned before where I think that I’m back on my way to becoming the guy who I felt myself becoming when I was nineteen. Before I managed to mess myself up, go off course and just take what life gave me.
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**Stage 3 Cycle 2 Week 2**
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Interesting weekend. I was playing with my kid, and actually able to let loose and have fun. I saw how much he was loving what we were doing, and was able to love it myself. I’ve not been able to enjoy stuff like that before.
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I had one of those near miss manifestations that mean that the universe is “working on it” on a subject that is in emperor, but I haven’t been focusing on consciously. It was really out of the blue, and definitely caught my attention enough that I knew it was “something” happening.
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That thing where I my supervisor fucked up looks like it’s not going to hurt me. There was some chance that I’d be thrown under the bus just because I was present. Another negative manifestation blocked.
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Since I got up and ran FP today I’ve been reflecting on how I and my life have been changing since I started DE on December 20th of last year.
One thing I can say is that while this year doesn’t look very different in terms of the circumstances of my life, I feel very different.
We’re still constantly struggling financially, it’s no less of a precarious position than it was last year. However, it doesn’t feel as bad. I’m not sitting here internally cringing in fear in anticipation of the next disaster which will certainly be the one which REALLY makes our lives go irreparably into the toilet. I’m neither expecting something to go wrong at any moment nor catastrophizing the things that could go bad. If something happens it happens, and I’ll solve the problem like I have been for the last four years or so.
I also realize that the last four years have shown me that the universe provides us with what we need when we need it. Every time it looked like it was the end of the road and everything was going to fall apart, I found a solution or one materialized. That has come to be my expectation. That takes a lot of the internal stress I was putting myself under off of me.
A few months ago I recognized that I was to the point where I wasn’t expecting bad things to happen around every corner. Now I’ve gotten to where I expect minor good things, ones that keep our heads above water.
Another difference from last year is that I don’t have a frantic, almost obsessive expectation of major good things to happen right away and end the whole crisis in one fell swoop. You might think that that’s a bad thing, but it really isn’t. That frantic feeling was me artificially manufacturing and feeding an expectation in order to combat the negative ones. There was actually a lot of fear in that feeling of anticipation, so while I put a lot of energy into it, any manifestation from that was sabotaged from the get go. That’s not happening anymore. Whatever I have building up now has a lot steadier foundation because I’m not constantly worrying about it and trying to push it along because of anxiety.
I’ve been able to form good habits like I never have.
I feel a thousand percent better than I did a year ago.
I’m still not really looking forward to anything with any kind of emotion, but I think that’s coming. -
I am not surprised by these results so far. This year wasn’t about fixing my external life, it was about fixing me so that I can fix it going forward. I was aware that DR was likely to run over the other stuff. I put Emperor in there to help me keep things from falling apart while I was healing, and so that I have a year of that programming at the beginning of next year when the focus entirely to building the external life that I want. I can wait for that. I also appear to have developed patience along the line somewhere because last year I was spending every erg of mental energy I had trying to push faster results.
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Interesting thing happened just now. I was sorely tempted to order fast food, and was considering it. I shouldn’t because money is really tight at the moment. Just then, a coworker came in and said she’d stopped and bought some kind of bundle deal and would I like what she didn’t want. It wasn’t exactly what I was thinking of getting, but it did satisfy the craving I was having without costing me.
Minor thing, but it’s definitely an instant manifestation. It’s important to make note of these things so that my mind learns that it really does work that way.
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