Oh, sorry, I get what you’re asking here. I had ordered my custom rebuilt in Qv2. I’m not using the standard DR. I’m the lunatic that put DR in the same custom with Emperor.
2 Likes
- Just finished the first loop of DE Qv2. It didn’t feel and different than Q while running, but I’ve got an odd feeling in my head now that it’s done. Nothing too extreme, but it’s there. We’ll see what happens over the next two days.
1 Like
I like your type of lunacy.
PS Thanks for clarifying.
2 Likes
- I just woke up, and my mind feels very clear. On the Q version there was a constant sense that something was happening under the surface. It was so pervasive that I didn’t really notice it until today when it’s not there. I don’t know if that’s a good or bad thing, but V2 is definitely different,
2 Likes
-
I feel quite normal today. I can’t really put my finger on anything that the sub has changed, but I have a nagging feeling that there is something. Maybe I’m a bit calmer than usual, maybe a bit more stable. Not sure at this point.
-
Really productive weekend so far. I got all my usual tasks done as soon as I got up yesterday as I have been. Odd that I’ve only done that twice, but it already feels like an ingrained habit. I even added another one that I’ll have to do weekly if I want to live in an orderly house. I’m guessing this is an Emperor effect.
-
One change I’ve really noticed on this sub is a marked increase in personal responsibility. I no longer blame others for my problems. I know that they are the results of choices I’ve made. Mostly that has involved choosing to be passive and not taking control over my own life.
3 Likes
-
A few thoughts today. First, I saw something on social media where a friend said he wished he was half the man his father was. I don’t feel that way. I am a better man than my father.
That’s not to say that my Dad isn’t a good man. He is. But he was a weak man while I was growing up. He let life defeat him the first time he hit a major snag (Granted, it was a big one) and derailed from the track he thought it was on. He let it break him. He gave up. I know something in his past conditioned him to do that.
I haven’t. I had a whole lot of negative programming to start out with, and I’ve hit my fair share of snags along the way, but, even before I found subs, I never laid down and died.
I also (eventually) realized that I had a problem getting the success that I wanted in life, and looked long and hard for a solution. That says a lot about me. -
I’ve been thinking about trying to write fiction again. I always wanted to do that, and I’ve made a few starts at it, but never got anywhere. Yesterday, I got a more coherent story line for a novel I started Damn near twenty years ago pop into my head. I might have my mental shit together enough to actually make something out of it now.
2 Likes
- I did a lot of cleaning this weekend. A lot of it in the kitchen. So me time after I was done cleaning the stuff that had built up on the front of the oven and microwave, I stood back and realized how much lighter and nicer that one little thing made the room feel. It’s really nice to be able to feel progress from my work.
It was something that needed to be done, so it makes me feel like there is some progress in life, not just that.
3 Likes
**Stage 2 Cycle 1 Week 5**
- After running RICH. I was drifting in and out of sleep during my nap before going back on night shift. Surprisingly, I had a lot of dreams. They had a theme. They all involved me getting sidetracked while trying to get to work and ending up being late. Sometimes it was circumstances beyond my control and sometimes I just got distracted. They were all in slightly surreal environments, not where I actually work. I didn’t feel really upset about it in any of them. I had a sense that I didn’t want to ruin my near perfect reputation for being on time and reliable though, and also that the consequences would be worse for me than anyone else. Especially the people who are late all the time.
There were a lot of other weird elements to the dreams.
This is not normal. I don’t usually remember dreaming, let alone drifting into and out of themed dreams while trying to sleep.
I believe that these touch on my mental need to be PERFECT. And sense that I have to be so because there is for some reason less leeway for me to make mistakes than there is for everyone else. In other words that I have to be more perfect than anyone else just to achieve as much or even less than they do.
2 Likes
I really connect with this whole paragraph. Painfully so too. Living by impossible standards allows no grace for being…human.
…who am I trying to please?
It’s a rough issue. Thank you for sharing the dream and its meaning to you.
1 Like
I think that the need to be perfect has kept me confined to roles where I CAN be perfect, or appear to be. If I was really trying to live up to my potential and do the things I’m capable of, I’d face challenges and make mistakes. So I stick with the easy so I can be perfect at it.
Well damn it, that just won’t do. I’m going to have to change that.
3 Likes
- I remembered another thing from the dream. There were a number of times where I was driving a car or riding a motorcycle, and the brakes didn’t work when I went to stop. It didn’t cause me to crash, and didn’t really scare me even. It’s just that when I told the vehicle to slow down or stop, it didn’t do it. Or maybe it slowed a little but not nearly as much. I think that I’ve had that as a feature in dreams before. That has to have some deeper meaning or another. Have to think on that one.
2 Likes
I’m not one for “Universal” dream signs, but I remember reading that dream vehicles can be a representation of “life”.
My dreams seem to reflect that at least but could be “contaminated” by my thinking about vehicles in particular as dream signs.
Looking at your dream through that lens, it would suggest to me that maybe your life is moving at a pace faster than you find comfortable, and you don’t feel like you can slow it down enough as much as you’d like. Also interesting is that isn’t bothering you as much as it might have before. Just a guess ¯_(ツ)_/¯
3 Likes
Makes sense, and you brought this up as I was preparing to write a follow on.
These dreams fit into a series that I’ve had over the last, oh, say, seventeen years. I don’t recall dreams very often, so it’s been a considerable portion of the ones I do.
It started out with me kind of suddenly waking up in the passenger or back seat of a car going at high speed and realizing that there was no one in the driver’s seat. It’s always on a treacherous road with lots of traffic, so I know that if I don’t get control very quickly, I’m going to be in a VERY bad crash and probably die.
It some point I started lunging into the driver’s seat. Each time, I got closer and closer to getting into the seat and getting control over the vehicle.
Then I’d get there. You’d think that that would be good and symbolize that I had control now. Nope. I recall two of them like that. In one, I was in the driver’s seat, but I couldn’t open my eyes so I couldn’t see where I was going. In the other, I deftly maneuvered myself into the driver’s seat just in time to avoid hitting a bridge abutment where two highways split. I turned the wheel and hit the brakes. The vehicle simply didn’t respond to either. Just kept going exactly as it had been.
I think this all speaks to a sense of not having any control over my life, and an impression that even if I do all the right things to gain it, all of the things that give others control over their lives, it won’t work for me.
3 Likes
- Come to think about it, I think those dreams started right around the time (07 or 08) when I first discovered subs and started using them.
3 Likes
Ok, running my loop of DE V2 for the night. Weird, it felt like nothing when I ran it Thursday night. Now, I definitely feel stuff happening in my head. This feels way denser than my standard Q version.
I think I’m going to give it a while before I even attempt more than one loop in a day. So for a while my sub stack is one loop RICH when I wake up, and one loop DE at night.
1 Like
-
I’m starting to get a picture from some of the things that have come up during this run.
I seem to believe somewhere deep down that I am special. But special in a negative way.
The main theme of all of those dreams I described is that the means of control that everyone can count on won’t work for me. The last of those driving dreams had me do everything right to gain control and avert disaster just to end up with no more control than when I couldn’t or didn’t do anything. That game was rigged and success was simply not possible. There was some force that simply wasn’t going to allow me to win.
Same deal with me thinking I’m “unlucky”. That’s thinking that some Universal force takes enough interest in me to sit there screwing things up for me. Whatever it is, it must really hate me.
I don’t know why this might be in my head. Maybe it’s as simple as having been the only child of two abusive parents who divorced early in my childhood.
Where often only children feel like they’re special, entitled little princes or princesses because their parents focused all of their love and affection on them, I got all of their misplaced anger at the world, so maybe I feel like a special piece of crap worthy of the universe’s hatred. All the self centeredness, none of the fun. -
Oops. That loop that felt so heavy was the standard Q version I’ve been running. I noticed when it finished and another started. I switched to Qv2, and the difference is amazing. The pressure in my head went away completely. The new version is definitely easier to run for whatever reason. I now have a back to back comparison. It’s really weird that running one loop of V2 two days ago somehow makes running a standard Q feel a lot harsher than it did before.
3 Likes
I missed it above, are you running a QV2 version of your custom?
1 Like
Sure am, I just did my second loop of it.
1 Like
- Having just run a loop of Q and a loop of Qv2 back to back. Exact same modules. I’m shocked at how much smoother V2 feels.
The weird thing is I’ve been running three loops a night of that same thing in Q and it’s never felt that rough before. I got that pressure feeling in my head and a sense that something was moving, but like an improperly lubricated machine. The only difference that I know of is that I ran one loop of V2 two days before that. Why that would make regular Q seem harder, I don’t know. Maybe my subconscious is just comparing the two and greatly prefers V2.
As soon as I switched, I was just listening to water noise as far as I could tell. It felt kind of soothing actually. The thing about that though is that I couldn’t feel it doing anything. I do have faith that it was, but there was no perception of it.
4 Likes
- I woke up from a dream about two hours before I’d normally wake up today.
In this one, the house was much more of a disaster area than it actually is (it’s no longer bad at all because I’ve been working my ass off on it) and a trusted friend called a government agency that could cause us considerable trouble about that on us. This was something I was actually worried about during the months that I was working 72 hours a week and didn’t have time to do much cleaning.
I kept my cool about it. I handled it properly by contacting an attorney and not allowing them to come in or deal with anyone in any way without him present.
I woke up before there was any kind of resolution.
These two nights of dreams fit a theme. They are things that I’m worried about, or in this case was worried about. Things that have caused me considerable anxiety in the past.
At least in this one, I reacted properly though.
2 Likes