I’ve been seriously considering putting it into future customs. I remember Amash using Primal Seduction a few years back, noting Sanguine in it relaxed his mood a lot and made him more willing to go forward, even when he’d been uncomfortable. I was on Ascension then, taking shit way, way too seriously. I’m going to go purchase it now, the Q store module.
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Good call. I suspect this is a lot more smooth experience for me because it’s in there.
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I got my hair cut for my interview today. I noticed a definite increase in my social skills. I used to be painfully shy, but I’m not anywhere near that anymore. I’m just not normally very talkative. I’m comfortable in silence, and won’t usually initiate conversation or maintain it unless someone else does.
This time I decided to maintain a conversation with the stylist. Well, I bantered a bit with her and her friend. At one point I saw the opportunity to steer the conversation in a slightly flirtatious direction. That worked better than expected, she ended up making a joke about working naked.
It was pretty clear that she caught herself at that point. It was actually pretty funny. She kind of stopped short and said “my husband wouldn’t approve of that” and visibly blushed. I could tell that she’d been attracted and started flirting without meaning to.
The subjects stayed pretty risqué for the rest of the time I was there. -
This interaction showed a couple of major changes. First, I was more aware of what was happening in a social interaction. I’m ok socially, but the thing is I really don’t track it. I have an interaction and at any point in it, good or bad, I have no clue how I got there, and no idea how to steer it in any direction I want it to go. When it went well, I was clueless about how that happened.
This time I started to be able to understand.
My ability to read people has also gotten better. I’d never have been able to pick up on the nuances before.
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I’m happy for you mate!
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**Stage 2 Cycle 1 Week 3**
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I listened to OBU this morning between waking up and going back to sleep for my night shift. I had the impression that I’d woken directly from a very intense dream but no memory of it, and that pressure feeling in my head that says some heavy lifting was being done. The feeling cleared during my loop.
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Really productive weekend. I got the weekly tasks I’ve been doing done right off the bat, and since it’s spring I added in an outside job that needs to be done weekly as well. It all seemed easy to do and easy to fit in with plenty of spare time left over.
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My wife made an attempt at control behavior as I go to work. It was over something minor. I just said “no, I’m doing it my way”. Amazing, she just let it go with a confused look. A while ago, she wouldn’t have let ANYTHING go and would have kept going until I did what she wanted or it escalated into a major argument. I think me not backing down for a while has shown her that she’s not going to win.
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A common theme that I’ve had throughout my DR run is mental flashbacks. Kinda. I will get a very involved memory of something that actually happened in my life, but I react as I would have now with all of the life lessons and sub use and other development I’ve done. These play on repeat for a while, sometimes for a few hours or a few days. After a while, I start seeing how my life would have if I’d done it that way (I’m quite sure it’s would have, not just could have) and had the different attitudes that went with those actions.
What I think is happening here is that DR is trying to anchor a change into my psyche by demonstrating how the “new me” would do things and how they can make things better. It seems to keep going until whatever it’s trying to do is internalized. Then it makes my mind work like I’ve been that way all along. Powerful stuff. It’s changing long held habits of thinking and feeling by making me half remember thinking in a better way all along.
Today’s lessons seem to involve setting hard boundaries with people who are trying to get something from me that I don’t want to give.
These involve girlfriend #4 during the couple of years she was acting like we were in a relationship when we weren’t. She’d do things like show up on my doorstep unannounced. What I really should have responded to was that whenever I was getting close to hooking up with someone else and she was around, she’d find a way to chase her off or cause some kind of scene to disrupt things.
That was severely inappropriate, and I should not have put up with it. She was trying to force her way into a committed relationship with me. Relationship rape me if you will.
I should have shut that down. The visions show me saying something like “#4, you’re acting like you have some kind of hold over me and you don’t”, or “I’m not getting into a relationship for a long time, I’m just going to keep a revolving bedroom door for a while. Get out of the way”. Firmly telling her how it was and letting her know what I would and would not accept. -
Another odd thing about all of this is that all of the scenarios presuppose that I was over girlfriend #2. I wasn’t in reality. That got this treatment a while ago when I was on stage one. It’s creating this weird alternate history in my mind. Cool eff
- I am sorely tempted to update Stage 2 to Qv2. I’d heard something about a deal on upgrades, but I don’t know when that’ll come out.
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I’m very familiar with this! Some times it happened as categories, such as “all the times someone yelled at me”.
Would you please say more about this?
If you do, I would encourage you to listen to 1 loop and wait a day or 2 to notice its effects. Then decide on a plan.
A while ago my flashbacks dealt extensively with how I should have mentally handled being dumped by girlfriend #2. It’s what I would do if I was dumped back into that situation right now while on the Dragon. As in I see myself getting over it and moving on pretty much instantly. It happened so many times from so many angles that I have a consistent story in my mind of that happening and how it would change my life between then and now. They feel almost like actual memories after that many repetitions. (I do know that they aren’t, but the emotional impact and impact on how I see myself now is real).
Now, it’s hitting my relationship with #4. She was close friends with #2 when the whole thing started. Matter of fact #2 was trying to foist me off on her because I was stuck on her. I put up with some of the stuff I did because they were close.
The flashbacks are shown as if I’d done what I’d done in the first set about how I reacted to #2. It’s a consistent story line.
I hope that made some sense.
- I had the interview that I created Oral Board Ultima for this afternoon.
DAY-HAM, that is one effective sub. I put in bar none my best performance ever on one of these things. There was ZERO fear anxiety or nervousness, and my confidence felt as close to 100% as it has in my life. I thought of good unique answers to every kind of question that I’ve ever had issues with, and they threw every type at me (thanks Forge) I had a much easier time finding the right words, great answers, and having an animated conversation with the board. I know I rocked the fuck out of it. They even thanked me for knowing the organization’s mission statement (which I threw in there unbidden) and doing a bit of research on it. That seemed to surprise them.
I contrast this to when I first started doing these things and could barely choke out a response from anxiety, or even the last few times I’ve tried it, when I could respond, but was visibly nervous, I’m blown away. Even the times I’ve been hired didn’t feel near this good.
I don’t know if I got the job. Others may have rocked it even harder. I don’t care. If it’s the best thing for me, it’ll happen. If not something better will.
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- Also I initiated conversations with several people while I was waiting. Even commented on something I’d noticed about the equipment the guy who’d come to bring me into the building’s equipment. We had a long chat about it while we waited for some others.
It seemed so natural that It took me till now to realize that my entire demeanor had changed. For the better.
Wow! This is incredible! It was more like when you showed up to do the exam, YOU were the one doing everyone around you a favor!
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I didn’t get the job. I felt a little disappointment, but it’s not nearly what it used to be when this happened. My sense of self worth and or ego isn’t nearly as involved in the process as it used to be.
I still think that this was a personal best performance, it’s just that someone else did better this time.
I’m not mentally beating the shit out of myself or sinking into several days of despair.
The good news is that the confidence and interview anxiety problems that I was having are solved completely. I felt totally comfortable during the whole process. In fact, I might have seemed a little too comfortable. The change in how I felt and my natural reactions to things was so sudden and radical on this that I may not have thought to consciously adjust. I just wasn’t used to it.
I can think of a few things that I probably could have done better, and I’ll work on them for next time.
I’m going to use it for a while longer before switching back to RICH. I really like these changes. -
I’m so impressed with the Ultima V2 core that I am definitely going to get DE stage 2 rebuilt in Qv2.
I think I’m going to make up a few universally useful Custom Ultimas as I get the money. I think I’ll get
One for money, RICH based.
One for seduction PSIT and True Social based
One for sleep
It’ll take a while to get all of those, but I’d expect to get a lot of use out of them.
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A couple more things about this. This is the first of these things where I REALLY saw myself succeeding, Before there was always a sense of “Nah, that can’t really happen, it’s a nice fantasy but it’s not going to become a reality.”. That was completely absent. I was actually expecting good news when I opened the email.
The times that I’ve gotten hired before, it came as a surprise. -
In a way, It may be a good thing I didn’t get this one. The state mandated training for my line of work (which I have to take again) runs from January to may or June, and July/August into December. Because of the length of time that these hiring processes take, I’m unlikely to start any of them I apply for in the future until January when my DE run is complete. That should mean that my mental blocks to success are as cleared out as they can be before I start. Also I can then focus my sub use on kicking ass in training and on the job.
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Sounds like excellent timing for sure!
Yep. Frustrating as it could be, I did say that this was going to be a healing year. I’ll probably do better if The Dragon has done it’s thing by the time I start.
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Dude! This is a HUGE subconscious shift! 
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- Ok, I went and ordered Stage 2 in Qv2. Yeah, I know there’s going to be a deal on that, but I’m on a schedule with this run and I want the best results possible. I’m so impressed with Ultima version 2 that I didn’t want to wait. The sub itself is identical still I’ll be able to see the difference clearly.
Also, it will be nice to have less listening time. I’m able to listen at work now, but if I change jobs or something, it’ll be easier to fit one or two hours in than three or four.
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- Productive start to my weekend. The wife, kid, and roommate were out shopping when I got up. I used the time to get all of my weekly house and yard tasks done. On the first day even though I slept through half of it as I usually do. Then I got the kitchen cleaner than it’s been in a long time before they got home. After she got home, I got everything put away right away instead of leaving it in bags on the floor like we usually do.
Doing stuff right away is becoming my default setting. It seems really natural.
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- I realized today that I have never in my life felt better about myself than I do now. My self esteem, confidence, estimation of my own competence and value, and optimism is off the charts. At least compared to what was my normal throughout my life. I feel a lot better about life and the prospects for improvement even though the external circumstances haven’t changed much on paper. Internal changes always come before external ones.
I just had the reason really sink in. The stories I’m telling myself about why things came out the way they did have done a full one eighty.
I didn’t get the job because while I did awesomely on the oral board, someone else did a bit better.
Girlfriend #4 left me because she was young, a hot mess, and not ready for the kind of relationship it was starting to be. Not because I was worthless and had something fundamentally wrong with me.
My wife goes through spurts of treating me like crap because of her brain disease and the associated panic, confusion, and depression. Not because I’m weak and invite such treatment. Or worse yet, weak, plus stupid and incompetent enough to deserve the criticism.
I seem to have broken the chains of constant negativity that I inherited from my father (another changed story there).
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