Year of the Dragon Emperor

Yep, since I didn’t always have sense enough to wear a ballistic vest.

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  • I’ve been feeling pretty anxious lately. Like I have a sense that something very bad is going to happen. I focus on a few things that could go bad on the financial front, but none of them would be the immediate end of the world.
    I think it’s actually my subconscious executing one of the programs, I’ve gotten this feeling before while running Emperor. It’s pushing me to take action. The problem is that I have no idea what action to take.
    That’s bringing up the real mental issue that I’m having with my present reality. That is that I have allowed my life to get completely out of control. My life has spun so far out of control in so many directions that I am having a very hard time seeing a way to get it back in any semblance of order. To make matters worse, there are a lot of problems that are preventing me from solving the other problems, and every day I don’t, they get worse.
    I’ve been trying to untangle this Gorgan knot of my own making for at least three years now, and it only seems to get worse.
    A lot of this comes from a lifetime of ignoring small problems because I didn’t want to face them until they became huge crises that I couldn’t ignore.
    The main issue is that we owe a lot of money to a lot of entities and don’t have nearly enough coming in to keep up with it. I actually almost had a lot of it almost solved last year. Just before the wife lost her last job and decided that she couldn’t work anymore. I did a pretty amazing job of pulling things together, it’s just that the difficulty level raised after I did that. Right now, I’m mostly of the mindset that I can’t solve anything until the government decides to give her disability. That’s a very bad tack to take. I just need to figure out one aspect of things that I do have control over and improve that. That should get us momentum.

  • The wife has had a series of bad MS days despite running Paragon. Including experiencing a new symptom that I find very concerning.

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It’s times like these I wish I had a magic wand that I could let you borrow to solve all your issues. I don’t know if I have any words of wisdom that can resolve all this, but I do know you are in a place where you have access to resources (subliminals) and helpful people.

Perhaps if you post some specific questions, someone might be able to give you some ideas.

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I appreciate that, but they are mostly of my own making, and even the parts that were out of my control may have been a result of me expecting “bad luck”. Not that that problem is entirely my fault because it developed in early childhood. However, I may have needed it illustrated enough that it became clear enough that I’d face it and solve the problem once and for all.
Having my problems solved for me does nothing to help me become a stronger better person. Hardship does. Plus I will have earned the life that I create when this reforming period ends.
I am tired of feeling like a leaf in the wind. My life is my responsibility.
I suspect that the feelings here are partly being caused by recon from RICH. This too shall pass.

Without the subs, I suspect that I’d still have the attitude that life is happening to me.

Does anyone know anything about taking some equity out of a home when most lenders won’t touch you due to having only one income?

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@Simon you seem to know a lot about finances.

As for emotional chaos… @James would you please read @COWolfe 2 posts above and give your ideas?

@Palpatine you seem to know a lot about a lot. Would you please read @COWolfe 2 posts above and give your ideas?

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  • I took some action by calling someone who might be able to help me. He couldn’t himself, but gave me a couple of courses of action that I might be able to take. None of them will be without a period of pain, but all is not lost.
    This afternoon I noticed that the formless dread feeling had cleared.
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I like to give that impression. :face_with_hand_over_mouth:

Sorry, I’m not from USA.

This problem doesn’t even make sense to me…

Shouldn’t there be millions of single-income-households?

There’s got to be a whole industry out there wanting the business of this segment.

If not, you’ve discovered a multi-billion-dollar opportunity. :yum:

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If there’s one income where there were two, there’s a problem unless that one income doubles.

               **Stage 1 Cycle 2 Week 1**
  • Interesting week off of DE. I did start RICH but have had nine days off of my main title. The plan from here is to add one loop of RICH every night or every other depending on how I handle it.
    The week started with my feeling a sense of anxiety which I focused on financial things. Sense of looming disaster might be a better way of putting that. It grew starting the first day I didn’t listen when I normally would and peaked around Thursday night. I took a bit of action on Friday, and it cleared completely. I felt really good all weekend.
    I was very productive during my three days off. I got a contact made that might be useful in solving some of our financial problems. Got a good amount of cleaning done in the kitchen, and yesterday, went to Home Depot to get some things to do a couple of simple things around the house that I’ve been putting off for like ever. Add to that that I made some good home cooked meals, and I did pretty good this weekend.

  • We went out to eat this Friday. They seated us in a kind of side room with one rectangular table. Then The Emperor came out. I had the very natural thought that I sit at the head of the table because that’s where the head of the household sits. I was aware of the symbolism and power dynamic implication of such a seemingly simple thing. As I sat down, the wife said “Really?”.

  • I had the first dream I can remember having since sometime in June while I slept before going to work this afternoon. It was an odd one.
    I was at work, and doing security work as I actually do, in my mind it was my real life job. I’d agreed to work an extra night but instead of working the post I usually do, they had me patrol the facility. I didn’t know that when I agreed to it. I haven’t done that in years and it’s changed since then.
    The place didn’t look like the complex I work at, it was this vast campus with huge mideavil looking buildings. I got kind of lost, and didn’t know how to do some of the things I was supposed to, so I found and asked a co worker. He kept saying stuff that was unrelated to what I was asking rather than helping. I remember being a bit worried about messing anything up because there were very rich and powerful higher ups here for some kind of event.
    I somehow wound up on a platform on a cliff overlooking the complex. There was a half pipe slide kind of thing going down to ground level, but it was full of like cardboard boxes and empty plastic bottles and the like. This had something to do with the event that was going on. The point was to jump into the stuff and kind of cause an avalanche and slide down with it. I don’t remember why I decided to do it, I wasn’t supposed to, and would likely be caught because I was wearing my uniform and this was something for the rich powerful high status people at the event. I did it anyway.
    When I got to the bottom, this older, obviously rich and connected lady met me. She gave me some advice about dealing with two of the powerful people who I was worried about catching me (neither name means anything to me). The one i recall is “Don’t expect a free meal from (name). She meant not to expect any kind of help from him unless it’s to his advantage.

  • After her days off Paragon, the wife feels better.

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  • I felt a pretty good amount of tingling energy around me when I started my first loops of DE. It feels good to be running it again.

  • I got a very strong impression about how to use RICH. I have a solid feeling that it’s very important not to worry about wether the manifestation part of the program is working, or how it’s going to bring me what I want. That’s not to say I shouldn’t be working toward getting money, but other than that just listen to the pretty water noises and live my life. I think that consciously dwelling on it could really hurt my results.

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  • The more I think about it, I think that that dream had something to do with clearing a blockage related to fear of authority and or fear of people who are “above” me. At the beginning of the dream, I was anxious in the beginning of it because there was a very officious higher up around and I was assigned a task where I really didn’t know what I was doing. Then I found that half pipe slide blocked with a bunch of junk (that was just weird) and I thought I shouldn’t be the one to go down and cause all of the junk to avalanche out because someone “higher” than me would be angry that someone with my low station did it when it was meant for my “betters”. I pushed through that fear and did it anyway. I pushed all of the debris out on my way through. Then got some advice on how to deal with such people.
    Very strange dream, but the symbolism makes sense.
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:champagne:

To quote the Marx Brothers “Who are you going to believe… me or your own eyes?”

:partying_face:

  • We’ve been living in a cycle as far as our financial life goes. Something goes wrong that puts us on the verge of total disaster, it seems like it’s going to go really bad, I scramble and fight and I find/the universe provides a solution thats just barely enough to get us by for a while. Then something else happens that puts us through the whole thing again.
    We’re back at the “everything is falling apart” stage of that cycle again. What I’ve noticed is that I’m not nearly as stressed out as I have been previous times.
    Before, I was fighting off panic for months on end. Now, I’ve seen the pattern, and I know I’ll find a way. That’s not to say that I feel no stress whatsoever. There is some, but when I’m able to think about how I’ve felt when we were in similar situations in the past, I feel much better. I feel a lot less physical stress symptoms, and I am a lot more optimistic.
    I hadn’t quite felt the “I’m a different person” effect that others have reported from DR stage one until I realized that.
    Now I realize it. The old me took stress a lot harder than I do now. I was able to manage massive amounts of felt stress and perform through it when I needed to. I was suffering and freaking out on the inside. Now it’s a lot less painful.
    I got kind of mixed messages about how to handle stress while growing up. My father would crumble into a panicky, enraged, despondent, dysfunctional emotional mess the second anything went wrong. That taught me that that’s how a man handles stress (in other words, he can’t) On the other hand, his crumbling forced me to be the one who made everything come out ok. That told me that I MUST be able to bear up and handle any amount of stress I’m under perfectly no matter what. He was forcing me to take on the bad parts of the adult role there.
    So I got the message that stress is incredibly painful and debilitating, but I have to be able to somehow take it and perform anyway. That left feeling like I was being torn apart at the seams, but obligated (and able on the good side) to hold together anyway.
    That knot seems to be untying and I am glad because it would probably have killed me eventually.
    I am still very sick of being in this cycle and looking forward to getting out of it. I am a lot more sure than ever that that will happen.

  • I find that I’m doing a lot less fantasizing about the past or future. I’m a lot more focused on right now. That’s good because I am not as beset by fears of potential future scenarios, but bad because I’m having trouble focusing on and imagining future goals. I suspect this is just an effect of the inner focus of Stage one.

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:sunglasses::trophy:

:+1::brain::1st_place_medal:

Oops. I’m out of medals and trophies because you just are so kicking ass and I wasn’t prepared… oh wait… here are some more… just in from the shop…

:trophy::trophy::trophy::trophy:

I’m happy for your progress man!

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  • I had another dream. This is odd since I usually don’t remember dreaming and as far as I can remember I haven’t had one since last June.
    This one fits into a theme with other dreams I’ve had in the past. I call them You’ve Done Something Horrible dreams.
    The dream started sometime shortly after I had done something really bad (in this case it’s something that I’m not even going to mention on here) It’s probably significant that I don’t dream about actually doing it, and it’s always something that I would never even think of actually doing. I don’t remember doing it, I just have the knowledge that I did. It’s kind of like it was actually someone else and I just kind of woke up in my life after having done it, but having to deal with the consequences.
    This time it was a doozy and to say it gained national attention would be an understatement. I had the FBI and everyone else hunting me, and I knew it was just a matter of time before they caught me.
    My neighbor (no one I actually knew) helped me by giving me a car. I found out that they had a good witness drawing of my face, but figured I might be able to get out of the country if I wore a mask since everyone does that now.
    I don’t remember how it ended, but I hadn’t been caught by that point.
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  • This afternoon after I woke up from that dream, I was thinking about getting out of our financial situation and to something better. A couple of spontaneous visualizations of ways that could happen came up. That’s happened quite a bit before. This time I was more aware of my thought process. Every time one came up, I thought something like “nah, that’ll never happen, this is just a nice fantasy” or “That’s too good to really expect”. That’s been happening all my life, but I really didn’t make note of it. That’s what’s been sabotaging my manifestation attempts, both deliberate and ones that happen in the course of life all the time. I contradict the manifestation right off the bat in the same thought I am trying to set it. It’s the source of the lifelong impression that I have that anything I wish for I won’t get.
    I am aware of the problem now. It’s still there, but knowing about it gives me a chance to do something about it.

  • That’s probably why I got the impression that I shouldn’t worry about HOW RICH brings me money. If I just let my subconscious handle it, it’ll surprise me before I can get in the way.

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:champagne::clinking_glasses: I’ve noticed similar such things! Great insight!

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  • I was reading Saint’s journal where he mentioned opening the doors when running RICH so you can get the manifestations of money. That really got my mind going on assessing what doors I have available to open at this point in my life. Don’t have an answer yet, but my brain is on the job.

  • Instead of anxiety about our money situation I got a feeling of surety that there is a solution and I will find it. The phrase “work the problem, there is a solution” kept going through my head.

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  • It just hit me that I haven’t had one of my rage fantasies in I don’t remember how long. I don’t think it’s been more than a couple weeks, but as frequent as those were, this is amazing.
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I’ve also noticed that when I try to have one, it takes a lot of effort and feels really boring.

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