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I was dreaming when I woke up this afternoon, but I don’t remember anything about the dream. I woke myself up by snoring too.
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My thoughts were very positive after waking up. That phrase “work the problem, there IS a solution” seems to have become a kind of subconscious mantra now. There’s certainly behind it too.
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I am trying to work the problem. I am thinking about what channels of manifestation I can open to let the extra money we need into our lives (of note, that last sentence represents very different thinking than any I’ve done before). I’m drawing a blank. This time I recognize that blank for what it is. It’s a mental block. It’s not that I can’t think of anything, it’s not that there’s nothing to think of, it’s that there’s something in my subconscious mind that doesn’t WANT me to think of something. It’s stopping my creativity and resourcefulness from manifesting because its somehow scared of the results.
I just figured out that That’s what drawing a blank or locking up always is for me. It’s happened throughout my life, and I always thought that it’s just that I couldn’t think of anything, but it’s served a psychological purpose and it’s a form of self sabotage.
That’s one way my mind has “saved” me from doing any number of things I’m afraid of.
The most obvious example of this has been in relation to women. I could never do a “cold approach” because I could never think of anything to say. If you can’t think of anything to say, it’s ok not to make that approach right? So it’s ok not to push through the fear right?
That leaves me with a question. Why exactly am I afraid to think about potential sources of income? That makes no sense at all.
I think questions can be a good first place to start.
In a sense, that orders the subconscious to start trying to find an answer.
“Why does bad shit happen to me?” versus “Why am I living the life I love waking up to every day?”
Now these are 2 different tasks for the subconscious to answer. Which question would you rather be asking yourself?
Also how is running RICH?
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I’ve noticed something. This week, on days that I didn’t flat out wake up from a dream, I’ve been spending some time in a lightly asleep state before coming fully awake. It’s kinda odd, I can hear myself snore, but my normal wakeful thinking hasn’t come online yet.
While I’m there I’ve been able to hear more than one distinct thought voice discussing something. I don’t remember exactly what they say, but I get the impression that it has something to do with the subjects in my subs. At least this morning, it seemed that they were arguing or disagreeing. -
Yesterday my wife mentioned that it was errrr… a time when she would usually be letting her hostility fly at me. I said something to the effect of being pleasantly surprised that she isn’t, and she said she’s trying to control it. That’s an improvement.
Fine so far, really smooth. I think between running it and reading about opening the pipes of manifestation on here, it’s got me at least on the path to more money. Last night I listed twenty pathways money could get to me and am currently chewing on how I can make it more possible for each of them.
My wife did get an unexpected check yesterday too.
The sub feels smooth too.
Your post is full of awesomeness!
That’s what she said.
I think I get the innuendo…
- This evening when I walked into a room my wife said “There is just something so pompous about how you walked in here.”. The roommate agreed. They said that I was looking at them like I am the king and they are my subjects. Nope Honey, I’m the Emperor.
I have noticed that my body language is much straighter and my bearing is now definitely that of someone who owns the room most of the time.
Personally I would take that as a compliment and thank SC for their effective technology. 
- More or less what I did there.
**Stage 1 Cycle 2 Week 2**
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On Friday I noticed that my thoughts regarding money have become casually positive. By that I mean that I am thinking that I’m going to have good financial outcomes as a matter of course. The thoughts don’t cause me to feel excited or particularly good. They’re just there, like I’m taking it for granted, but not in a bad way. This is despite things looking fairly bad on paper. Damn, about this time last year I was crawling out of my skin with stress from a similar situation. There’s improvement, big improvement.
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I noticed that that sense of impending doom/anxiety I’ve been feeling for a while was gone. I think I caught on to that on Friday morning as well.
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Last night my wife got into an argument with the roommate which evolved into an argument with me. She ended up storming out and driving I don’t know where. After she got back, she kept going at me. It didn’t get loud, but her determination to make me back down was amazing.
I gained some understanding about what’s going on with her during the discussion/fight. She feels that her life and environment are out of her control. She is trying to gain some control by controlling me. I am the one thing in her world that (she thinks) can be controlled with words. She was acting like this before the MS got bad, but it’s gotten worse.
This is why she sees me becoming more mentally self reliant and less controllable as a threat and tries to “put me back in my place” whenever my sense of self worth starts to rise.
- I have re ordered stage two of DE. The primary reason I did that was for Furious Ascent, the new module.
One of the biggest stumbling blocks in my life has been excessive risk aversion. DR is working on the deep reason for that. Mostly that expect to fail but consider any failure to be an unrecoverable disaster catch-22 I described earlier. This module seems perfect to attack that problem from the other end, and speed up real world progress.
I also added Eagle Eye to deal with another of my lifelong snags. I have always had some level of difficulty reading people. I don’t know why, but it’s always been difficult for me. One of the more frustrating ways this has shown up is that I’ve been clueless when a girl has been flirting with me a few million times only to realize it later. There have been a lot of other things though.
Finally, I put Fearsome in there because I’ve often come off as someone who could be pushed around to some people. Fewer and fewer was time goes by, but that tinge of fearful respect they talk about can only help.
Only five more weeks till I can fire this sucker up.
- This weekend we went to a couple stores. (Highlight of my week, this must change) My body language was noticeably more dominant than ever, and I had the natural inclination to try to make eye contact with people, especially women. Weird thing happened. I never locked eyes with anyone. A couple of the women very abruptly looked away just as we were about to make eye contact. It was not subtle, it looked kind of like when you instinctively yank your hand back from a hot stove. They didn’t seem revolted by me, and I doubt they even knew they were doing it. It was really strange.
@GoldenTiger please read this above comment… and yes, I’m trying to give you a hint.
Perhaps make a mental note of this…
ditto…
Slow, inner work, no excitement, just unconscious frame switch!
I wouldn’t call it slow. It was amazingly fast. It was subtle though. The changes just snuck in there without fireworks or fanfare and it had been going on for a while before I even noticed.
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This morning, I found out that an automatic withdrawal had bounced a while back so our car insurance had been canceled. Oops. They were asking for a rather large amount of money to re instate us. It turns out that I had enough from Christmas and a pay correction (my employer was supposed to have given us a raise months ago and had to pay us the difference) that I could take care of the problem.
This kind of thing has happened before, and my internal reaction went something like “Goddamn it, every time I get some money saved up the universe drops some other damn thing on our heads to take it away, now we’re screwed.”.
This time (while there may have been a little frustration, and some amount of fear). It was “The universe always provides what we need and I’m always able to come up with a solution, that’s pretty awesome.”. BIG change from this time last year, perhaps from six weeks ago, but I’m less sure of that. -
The wife went off on me again. This time I didn’t manage to keep my cool. I got mad and ripped back into her. I did observe a few things though. When she started, she had just spilled something while trying to get my work lunch ready. This was because the MS makes her hands numb and unresponsive and she was having a bad day with it.
She proceeded to rip into me for for a whole bunch of things that had nothing to do with what was happening. She blamed me for the insurance problem and the mess in the kitchen and then went on to less and less related to anything.
What I figured out was that when she’s feeling that she can’t do anything anymore or otherwise feeling weak or frustrated, she makes herself feel strong by running me down.
I took the bait this time because I’d just dealt with a stressful situation, and it really got to me that the person who is totally dependent on me was acting that ungrateful. -
She called me at work and was very pleasant. That should please me, but for some reason it’s making me feel very suspicious. She doesn’t get over things that quickly, especially since I got the last word in and it was pretty savage.
- I’m getting a weird sensation after my loops tonight. It reminds me of that feeling of my energetic system pushing a rock out of its own way around my heart area that I got a while back. Now though it feels like the entirety of me is pushing against something outside of myself. I can’t describe it much better than that. I’m not sure exactly what it is, but I’m feeling like I’m at least budging it. It’s weird, it’s an almost physical feeling.
This is just a theory, but maybe DR has gotten enough out of the way for me to really be able to exert my will on the outside world.
I’ve been wondering this as well for my own experience with DR.
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Very positive thinking today. Shortly after getting up I was spontaneously thinking about various ways I might become extremely rich. Thats not even my goal at the moment, but the daydreams just came up and seemed more possible than they ever have before.
While I did that, I got a glimpse at the mental processes that were going on. I’ve mentioned before that when I think about things like that, I often think “nah that’s just a fantasy” or some such right after. This time, I got a sense that there is a specific part of my mind that does that. (This is a bit hard to describe) There’s an entity (part of myself) that concerns itself with making sure that my thoughts are within certain parameters that it considers “realistic”. It immediately puts a damper on anything that falls outside of those parameters by labeling it “just a fantasy” or saying “things like that don’t happen to me” or “I can’t really do that” or something like that. I’ve named it The Negator.
I think that this thing might be a defense mechanism which is meant to protect me from feeling disappointment. If you don’t really expect something good, then it’s not that painful when it doesn’t happen.
It doesn’t prevent me from visualizing and imagining anything, but it does stop me from actually expecting it. That right there kills the manifestation process, causes hesitation in putting in perusing goals, and is probably the root cause of my self sabotage problem . I suspect that everyone has this, but the upper and lower limits are adjusted differently in more and less successful people.
I suspect that there is a lower limit as well and the negator will prevent you from expecting and therefore manifesting results that fall below a certain level even if you can imagine them vividly and with emotion.
This might have developed in the human mind in order to prevent people from taking potentially fatal courses of action and probably still serves that purpose when it’s settings are at healthy levels, but I think for a lot of us, it’s really in the way.
What I need to do here is change my negator’s settings. -
That train of thought somehow lead me to discover another of my major mental blocks that has been getting in my way. Cynicism. From very early in life, I’ve prided myself on being a cynic, and that has become an integral part of my identity. I suppose I’ve used it as a way to look down on and feel superior to those stupid naïve idealists. I didn’t notice that they were happier than I was, and it has harmed me by making it so I have a hard time expecting good things from and for myself. That’s part of why the top end of my negator settings are much lower than they should be.
That happened because my father was a cynic during the time in my development that I was largely modeling myself after him. Dad basically thought that the world sucked in its entirety, or at least that’s how he talked to me. He was (and to some extent still is) the most negative person I’ve ever met, and that is contagious. -
That got some thoughts going about how manifestation, majick, ect work. I don’t know where exactly this thought came from. The key to making any of that work is getting your entire mind going in one direction during the time you are doing the operation. That means that the goal either has to be within the lines that the negator deems realistic, or you have to get it to shut up long enough to get the intention and energy out.
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Interesting, I kept the “work the problem, there IS a solution” mantra going in my head a large part of today, but something kept telling me to modify it. First, I started stating it as a question. As I have learned here, that’s more effective. Then I thought I should call everything a challenge rather than a problem. That doesn’t have the negative connotation, people can actually enjoy facing challenges. Problems not so much.