Damn @Trader you are quick on that like button. 
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I was on forum trying to figure out the “Heterosecual” post lol.
Saw yours come up, and I always give your stuff a read ASAP because of the wife stuff.
I’m looking to alpha-ize myself some more.
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When I first glanced at that I thought it said alpha-size.
It made me think of a very male centered fast food chain.
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Heterosesual post??
Me in the very male-centered fast food chain: I’d like to order the Diamond Deluxe!
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Just goes to the main page.
I edited the post with the correct link
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I really don’t understand what he’s asking for. Maybe another one asking for a sub to turn them straight. We seem to get that periodically.
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I have noticed that I’ve had more energy this week. Possibly the result of Fusion Optimized.
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I’ve done my interview practice for the last three days. I’m glad I can do it now. It used to be stressful to even do it where only I was going to hear it.
My delivery is still awkward as hell, but that’s why I’m working on it. Today felt, and I think sounded a bit better. I think that after a few months of work I’ll have a much better chance.
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**Stage 4 Cycle 2 Week 3**
- I’ve been thinking about my life goals. One of them has always been to have a career in a certain field. I’ve had a hell of a time getting into it. I’ve gone over several reasons why that is, all of them internal and all of them have been at least largely solved this year. At least I think so.
I have been thinking that maybe I should aim for something else. Today I realized that that’s a cop out.
This is the one solid goal that I’ve set for myself and I have held onto throughout the years. I may not have been pursuing it in the right way, and my mental shit was definitely tripping me up at every turn, but I still need to achieve this.
That would be the final outward sign that I’ve become better than I am.
After that, I may well choose a different path. But I have to get over the hump with that first. Then my choice is made of my own free will, and it’s not giving up, and it’s not because I wasn’t good enough to get there.
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I get that. If you go for something else, there will always be a part of you wondering if you could have pulled off the goal or not. This way, you’ll at least know for sure one way or the othr.
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Exactly and precisely. It’ll be a major real world demonstration that my newfound confidence is well deserved and the new me is fully in effect.
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Now, what am I going to need to change in order to get that job I want in 2022?
Its clear to me that my main stumbling block has always been the formal panel interview. As far as taking action, I’m already recording myself answering several questions each work night. As soon as I don’t have to work this much, I’m going to be adding Toastmasters in to improve the way I present myself in front of others in general.
Subliminal wise, I’m going to need to design a custom that improves my social skills, recall of information, and ability to quickly formulate and deliver a polished answer. Also how I present myself. It also has to get rid of all detectable interview anxiety. -
Its also going to have to help me to manifest the right opportunity and any strokes of luck that I need during the process.
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I’ve been giving more thought to the social problems I used to have, how much I’ve actually improved over the years, and how I want to take that improvement further.
Since I graduated high school, I’ve gone from being a social omega male. Picked on and no one had any respect for to being considered a bit weird but quiet so pretty much invisible to most people. I was maybe considered a bit of a loser for quite a while in many groups because I was to varying degrees shy and many people picked up on the fact that I was unsure of myself both in terms of social things and general competence. To now. It has come to my attention that I am very respected among my co workers and supervisors. Since work is really the only social contact with people I don’t live with that I have these days, that means something.
I think that my social skills need to be a major focus for next year since they relate to nearly all of the major objective goals that I’ve set for myself and have a lot to do with general success in all areas of life. -
Here are some of the social things that I think that I still need to work on socially.
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- I have trouble starting to engage with people I don’t know. In a new group of any kind, or in public, I don’t usually start talking to anyone unless they start talking to me first.
In the past I have been places where I wanted to engage with people and kind of felt like I was in a cellophane bubble that wouldn’t allow me to. Id like for that effect to be gone, and be able to get into conversations with people most places I go if I want to. This would be good for professional networking as well as my sexual goals. Plus contact with more people would just make my life more interesting.
- I have trouble starting to engage with people I don’t know. In a new group of any kind, or in public, I don’t usually start talking to anyone unless they start talking to me first.
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- I have difficulty commanding attention in a group setting. When I want to say something, I have a difficult time speaking into the conversation. It’s hard to tell when to start speaking and I had a fear of interrupting others.
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- Where I am now, I have a good professional reputation. I’d like it to be better and reach further.
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- I’ve had trouble steering some social interactions in a direction that could benefit me. I always had a fear of coming off as manipulative. I want to be able to do that skillfully and without reservation.
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- Ok, here is what I think will be the final version of The Year of the Khan. It has stuff to help with all of the goals I have for next year. I’ve chosen Khan over Emperor because as I mentioned, my social skills still aren’t as strong as I’d like them to be and are probably the major stumbling block to me being where I want to be in life. Emperor is great for succeeding, but It seems more solitary than what I need for the line of work I want to be in.
- Khan (12 weeks per stage)
- Mogul
- Eye of the Storm
- Lifeblood Fable
- Iron Frame
- The Boundary
- Dragon Tongue
- Voice Master
- Diamond
- Storyteller
- Ultimate Writer
- Eagle Eye
- Emotions Unfettered
- Seducers Gaze
- Instant Spark
- Transcendental Connection
- Machine Action
- Machine Rest
- Extreme Exercise Motivation
- Mosaic
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I’ve been feeling really good this last couple of weeks. That’s to say physically, mentally, and emotionally. I am generally nice and relaxed. While there are issues in my life, I’m not thinking about them too much, and really almost taking it for granted that they’re going to get worked out in the near future. I’m taking action on what I can and having some faith about the things I can’t.
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I haven’t watched porn in at least a few weeks and that’s not because I’m fighting an urge, it’s because I don’t have one.
I used to have a major compulsive problem with that years ago, and until recently still occasionally did. I’m mentioning it because it’s never been quite as gone as it is now.
This is not something I really intended to do or thought about.
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- It says something that I’m putting Emotions Unfettered into next year’s custom, and the more I think about it, it’s important.
A year ago, I’d wouldn’t even have thought of doing that. You see, “I don’t DO feelings” to quote a favorite saying of mine.
I told myself that that was part of my nature, that I just wasn’t a very emotional guy, and that may still be true. I took it a bit far though.
People have described me as like a robot, or like a Vulcan because I kept it locked down so hard 24/7.
Hell, most of the time, I wasn’t consciously aware of what I was feeling. That ain’t healthy.
The truth is that as I grew up, I developed very rigid emotional control because I had to. I’ve gone over many of the reasons in this journal, but the big ones are that my father forced me into the position of having to be the one to hold together while he fell apart, and I had to avoid letting kids in school who were trying to hurt me know that they were hurting me.
That all lead me to keep a really thick immutable shell around what I was feeling. It lead me to consider any emotion to be a bad thing, and frankly be afraid of it. I really wanted to get rid of all feelings, and for many years I did my best.
Up until some time this year, I was still terrified of what was inside that shell.
The amazing thing that just hit me, and another truly amazing thing that a year on DR has done for me is that I no longer dread my emotions. No longer want to hide from them, and as a matter of fact I want to experience them fully.
I don’t know what that looks like, but DR has gotten me to the point where I look forward to exploring it next year.
Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think I’ll become all touchy-feely. I’m actually glad I learned emotional control because it’s valuable. However I’ll see it become something I can exercise or not and to the extent I want. Not something I do all the time and totally as a reflex.
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You seem to be customizing really systematically and deliberately. What changed the most before you started this journal?