- Lately I’ve noticed that my discipline has been slipping a bit, and that my performance on my workouts has actually gone down.
I don’t know if the latter is sub related or not, but I’m quite sure that the former is. It just seems like the subs aren’t doing quite as much of what they were doing.
If I’m recalling correctly, the peak effects seem to have happened toward the end of Stage two when I was running Qv2 at one loop a day five days a week.
That once again speaks to underexposure.
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Did you read Saint’s quote about when you run a subliminal for awhile?
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I have. I’m doing this to see if it’s that or if the new listening pattern isn’t enough to give me ideal results. The worst thing that’s going to happen is I get a bit of recon.
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- This time last year, I’d be really eager to drop everything and try out Wanted in ZP. Not this year though. I may be feeling a bit subconsciously bored with the script, but I feel no real urge to deviate from my one year plan.
ZP sounds like it may be a major breakthrough, and that’s awesome, but if the tests work out, it’ll be waiting for me to build whatever I run for next year when I’m done with DE.
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The more you listen to the sub the more the goals of the script become accepted as your reality and seem normal. That means that you won’t feel much.
In my case, I’ve noticed an actual lessening of results that I’ve previously achieved not just not feeling what I was before. That’s why I suspect underexposure.
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- Almost all of this year I’ve felt a kind of lack of direction and ambition. The things that I’ve been very focused on making happen haven’t had such an urgency and I’ve really just been kind of living in the now and not had too much of a focus on where I want to go from here.
It hasn’t been bad, it’s not a hopeless feeling.
It’s good in a way in that I have taken this year out to fix things internally so that I can come out of the gate like gang buster next year.
I haven’t been thinking about next year that much though, I’m just going through this process.
I think that the lack of ambition is because my motivation was negative. I was trying to achieve things (I think I’ve covered this in more depth before) in order to escape bad feelings. IE I wanted to have the career I was going for in order to prove that I wasn’t the worthless, powerless failure that I feared I was. All of my actions seeking success, romance, everything, were aimed at running away from something not toward something.
Now that deep fear has been removed, I have to figure out what I want to run toward.
I got a little of that today. Just after I woke up, I felt very determined that next year I’m going to make one more hard run at getting an LE career going.
To that end, I’m going to be recording myself answering three interview questions every work night, and figuring out other things I can do to improve my performance in the process.
I really do want this, and I just have to pay the price to get it.
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I am definitely feeling better on the five day a week protocol than I was on the every other day setup. My positivity is at least back where it was, and I’m starting to feel a real drive toward my goals for next year. (Newbies: Don’t try this protocol first)
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Throughout today it’s really been solidifying in my mind that next year is going to be very dedicated to making the career I’ve always wanted happen.
Tonight I’ve been playing with ideas for a version of the Week A sub I’ve been thinking of that is very focused on succeeding at the type of hiring process I have to go through.
This version is designed to be run without URE, and I may or may not run a sexual/attraction custom as well.
It’s a full year plan, so there is probably room for both sets of goals.
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Ascended Mogul Core (maybe Emperor)
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Limitless Executive core (Cognitive ability for the tests and some of the interviews. The productivity and drive will be very good for getting on it, getting into the processes, doing my prep work ect.).
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Daredevil Core (improve social comfort and skills for interviews)
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Sacred Words
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Courage Reclaimed (To get rid of any “poor me I can’t do this because xxx happened to me attitude that survives DE)
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Fusion Optimized (I’ll need energy for this, lots of it)
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Organization Perfected (I’ll have to be keeping a lot of balls in the air, plus my house needs help)
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The lines (may help me spot the good opportunities)
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Way of ROI
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True Sell (I am after all selling myself)
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Dragon Tongue
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Ultimate Writer (Writing is often part of the process and damn sure is part of the job plus it should work with Sacred Words)
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Virtuoso di Mathmatica (math is part of most of the tests and not my strong suit)
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Voice Master (I speak kind of flatly)
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Furious Ascent
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Sanguine (kill any residual anxiety)
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Invincible Presence
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Mastermind
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Wayfinder
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Mosaic
This should really help me.
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- I feel really good today. My level of positive thinking, hope for the future, and optimism about my current situation continue to improve. I didn’t realize how much they’d sunk while I was listening less, but now that they’re back on their way up it’s very clear. It was still considerably better than my pre DE baseline.
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Still feeling good. Stage four agrees with me. I was thinking some things that I found very profound and positive when I got up, but several hours later I don’t remember exactly what they were.
They all pointed to an increasing sense that I have control over my own destiny.
That is something that I’ve always wanted to feel and have had a very hard time with all my life. Some kind of corner has been turned. -
I’m still playing around with ideas for URE 2. Since I was considering adding IC instead of leaving it core less, I am thinking of adding Minds Eye instead. It seems to me that that would actually be the one that would do the most to enhance every other title I’m running and help with every goal I could conceivably have in the future.
After all, the first step to getting anywhere is to be able to see yourself getting there.
Other than that, I am still trying to narrow it down to modules that will be useful with anything and that I’ll always need.
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I’ve been having some interesting mental stuff going on today.
For many years, when I get annoyed at someone I’d visualize myself committing some kind of minor violence toward them. It never crossed my mind to actually do it, so there’s nothing to worry about here.
For the first time today, I started being able to disrupt the thought pattern. It’s worked the same way with other negative mental patterns that are now pretty much gone. It starts and I just kind of say “nope, I don’t want to think like that” and it’s gone.
With other things that has been the beginning of me being able to control the pattern, and that is the beginning of it going away.
Now that I’m really thinking about it, the changes in my thinking patterns since I started DE are amazing. -
Money Manifestation. It turns out that after our contract got renegotiated last year my company wasn’t paying us something that they should have been for several months. They are only now getting around to making up for that. It happened by surprise and will be a considerable amount of money.
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- I continue to cancel out angry thought patterns as soon as they crop up. This has happened before with the “rage fantasies” about stuff that happened many years ago, and that phenomenon nearly never happens anymore. Now I’m able to do it with things (such as my wife and child whic are annoying me right now. This is actually making me a better person.
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**Stage 4 Cycle 1 Week 4**
- I called in sick for the first time in, like three years today. I’ve got some kind of stomach flu or something like that.
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I hope you feel better soon.
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- I skipped another night of work today, but I feel a lot better now. I feel a bit guilty and nervous over the money I skipped making even though I will still get my forty hours in this week. If it had just been feeling sick I’d have pushed through, but I wasn’t able to be away from the bathroom for more than half an hour, so I didn’t have much of a choice.
There is a lot of financial pressure still and while the subs are making me a lot better able to deal with it, it’s still there.
Waiting on the wife’s disability is like watching one of those swirling loading symbols on a program that you really need to start running immediately. It’s been like doing that for over a year and a half.
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I’ve identified the recon from stage four. Possible the same as from stage three. I am questioning everything about my life to date. Career choices, spirituality, everything.
I feel that I’ve wasted a lot of time and could be in a much better place in life if I had taken a more active role. If I had put in the consistent work to improve myself to become someone who would get the things I wanted in life instead of just trying the same thing over and over again.
A significant portion of my life has been lost to long term depression.
I may be being too hard on myself. I was raised by depressed people. I was conditioned to negativity from birth. I wasn’t able to even start to change that until I found subliminals and it didn’t really accelerate until a producer I was using really stepped up the game.
It is still frustrating that I haven’t really begun to make the needed changes until fairly late in my life. -
This all isn’t as emotionally distressing as it sounds. It’s been bothering me through most of stage three and four. Now I can put my finger on it, which means that I am beginning to work through it.
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- I forgot to mention that some time while I was off sick, I remember a small snippet of a dream I had. I’m recording this simply because I so rarely remember dreaming at all.
I was training in grappling an opponent with a knife. I was on top of my opponent and went to get full control over their knife arm. I realized that he didn’t have the knife in that hand and he had switched to the other while I had been overly focused on it. As I realized that, I felt him draw the blade across my inner thigh about where the femoral artery begins. It was a cold feeling in that I knew that if this had been a real situation, I would be dead.
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My thoughts have drifted to my resentments today. That means that DR has been digging into them. I didn’t really realize it, but I spend a whole lot of mental energy wishing ill on people I think did me wrong.
It started with me thinking about how I think and feel about Ex #4, the last one before I got with my wife. She was not fun to be around, treated me very badly, was dishonest to say the least, refused to make the slightest contribution to our living partnership, and was generally not a good person. At least during the time we were together.
Thats all true, but when I thought of her, I’d fantasize about her life going to complete shit in ways I’m not going to describe here. Lets just say that homelessness is only the beginning of the life I imagined her having. Now, with the way she acted and lived, that was a likely outcome for her. However, getting pleasure out of imagining someone, anyone, descending into that kind of hell is flat out evil. Especially if you consider things like manifestation a reality.
I didn’t really think of this as wishing this on her, but I was amused by the thought, and thats had enough.
I also felt a very smug satisfaction when I heard about various bad things she’d done, how she’d alienated just about everyone, and ways she’d managed to screwed up her life in the real world. That was just about everything I heard about her. I now realize that I was taking pleasure in her misery. And it was because I allowed her to draw me into a bad relationship, and allowed myself to be used for a time. I could have prevented any of the emotional, financial, and whatever other harm by following my instincts (which said not to touch her with a ten foot pole) and standing up for myself. I suppose I’m covering resentment of myself for not doing that.
A very wise friend of mine who I had a lot of contact with during and after that relationship had a saying. Whenever I would talk about what I hoped would happen to #4 she’d say “you hope for her to live and be happy, far away from you.”
At the time, I didn’t see how profound a statement that was. DR has really helped me to gain perspective on it though. It’s simply saying that I want her to be somewhere she can do me no more harm, but I’m not going to clog up my heart and mind with more negative shit. That’s harmful to me if not to her.
I don’t think that my imagining Ill on her actually caused her to have any bad outcomes that she wouldn’t otherwise have had. She really didn’t need my help with that. I actually hope shes doing better now.
The reason that I don’t think I actually harmed her is that I’m convinced that normal, healthy people have kind of an emergency braking system on our manifestation ability. Lets face it, we have all thought vindictive things at others. However, it seems to me that when it’s something that your conscience would have a problem with, it prevents it from releasing. That keeps you from doing harm, but it holds the energy inside. Now that I think about it, I know this because I can actually feel it as a very uncomfortable pressure.
It may be why I’ve had trouble deliberately manifesting the things I want to into my life. If the brakes are on for one thing, they’re probably on for everything. I think that one of the keys to getting the life I want is going to be letting things go so that the brakes can release. -
Interestingly, as unflattering as that realization was, I don’t feel any guilt about it. I was mentally acting out my traumas and bad programming and hadn’t yet attained enough self awareness to realize what was really going on.
I’m getting the feeling that this finishing stage of DR is going to focus on making me a better person. One I can really respect.
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I’ve sometimes wondered if angry, vengeful, or other such fantasies coming up when on DR might be because they have been lurking in the background and now they are conscious they might better be discarded or outgrown.
I can’t prove it, but I’ve wondered.
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