I think this is the best solution that will also allow you to move forward in your life.
I gotta say this: while she’s gone, don’t hesitate to flirt with girls. Maybe even hang out with some, just keep it fun and flirty and innocent, but don’t actually get sexual unless you’re pretty certain she’s cheating. That’s my advice, take it or leave it.
Proof that she was not shagging around.
Women are very good at hiding stuff like that
In the legal system of most countries, does it prevail that the accused is considered guilty right from the start or only when proven guilty? I would start from there.
This thread seems to have shifted from helping a guy figure out his problem to a debate platform for personal belief systems. It’s just gonna go round and round because to everyone their belief system seems the most objective.
I think it’s great that you’re facing this thought.
Paradoxically, facing these kinds of thoughts enables you to have more power. It would seem on the surface that it would be less powerful. But actually the reverse happens. When you face and contact a fear or insecurity, with awareness, it is then able to evolve and grow. When you do everything you can to avoid it, it remains frozen as it was.
Are you running Hero Origins right now?
I feel intuitively that Hero Origins would lead to the courage and integrity to frankly face your fears in this way.
Anyway, I think that it’s pretty great that you’re not just putting everything onto the other person. Sometimes in order to protect their egos, people frame all problems as originating outside of themselves, in the world and in other people. This protects the ego, yes; but it keeps them spiritually weak. By winning, they have lost.
Others allow themselves to experience the parts of the challenge that originate from ‘within me’. This challenges, tempers, and (at times) diminishes the ego. Instead of saying, ‘It’s women’s fault!’ or ‘It’s men’s fault!’ or ‘It’s Society’s fault’ (all of which are partially true), the person says, ‘How am I contributing to this?’ And then they work with that part of the problem to which they are contributing. They could have just denied that part and focused on what others have done wrong.
But this second way leads to evolution of character. Over time.
Instead of 1) only focusing on whether my girlfriend is ‘untrustworthy’, let me 2) face and work with my own fears of being abandoned and of never being able to meet someone else.
Which path do you imagine would lead to a stronger and greater you over time?
That’s the problem tho, how can i know?
I can only feel maybe from her behaviour, but i cant know.
Yes hero is definitely making me more honest with myself, always seeking to evolve.
You know her pretty well. Most people wouldnt be able to hide cheating very well, and the guilt of it would very quickly come to surface. For most people cheating is so heavily against their morals that if something happened they wouldnt be able to act like they used to and would constantly feel super guilty.
There are certainly exceptions to this rule of people that wouldnt feel guilty after cheating, but if you suspect your gf of being that kind of person… than ngl youre better of leaving her lol. If shes any sort of morally upright person than i wouldnt assume that she could hide it if something did happen.
Hi @RagnarLothbrok .
I wanted to present some thoughts that may not have been presented.
I would want to know what she is doing in those dreams.
I actually think there is a theory that when one travels, dopamine elevates because one is in a novel environment. Hence another reason why someone might be inclined to have sex when traveling, even if they didn’t plan or intend to.
What about other instances about decisions? How many times have you made a decision to do something, and then your gf got mad because you didn’t talk it over with her before deciding? Or did she act like she didn’t care? Or was she happy for you? What do you think any of those different reactions might communicate?
Another thing to consider is that the trip might not live up to her dream. She might come back severely disappointed. Also how do you know she and her friends are going to get along the whole time? This could be another possibility she may not have considered. I mean, 2 to 3 months is a long time. What if these friendships dissolve because of things that happen on the trip.
What about her ideas about relationships in general? How does she think of your relationship? Does she perceive you two as a unit that works harmoniously together as one? Or as two people who co-exist physically together, yet living separate lives? Based on how she’s treated you as long as you two have been together, what do you think her philosophy of relationships might be?
How much empathy do you think she has? As another way to think about it, how often does she make a decision, and either doesn’t realize or doesn’t care how others might be emotionally effected?
How often does she have a double standard? For example, if you want to do something, does she want you to consult with her; but if she wants to do something, does she think she doesn’t needs to consult with you because she has her independence and doesn’t need your approval?
What if you two get married at some point and have kids? Might she one day announce that she’s going on a trip because it’s her dream, and then just leave you for weeks or months with the kids?
These question are just to get you thinking.
There is another way
Learn to use a pendulum
Have a friend who practice with you until you spot a lie.
Then let her go on her trip and test her afterwards
This way you don’t have to destroy the relationship and can let her go to enjoy her dream.
Not sure that is a good way, maybe he reads a false positive = lie (because he already believes so subconsciously)?
Firstly, take a moment to reflect on your girlfriend’s character. What do you know about her values, principles, and commitment in your relationship up to this point? Consider the qualities that have drawn you to her in the first place. Has she demonstrated loyalty and honesty in the past?
Trust serves as the bedrock of any strong relationship. Picture it as a sturdy bridge connecting two hearts. Before diving into your concerns, consider whether these doubts stem from concrete evidence or if they are possibly influenced by your own past experiences or insecurities.
Engage in an open and honest conversation with your girlfriend. Understand her expectations for the trip, her vision for your relationship during her absence, and how you both can nurture your bond. Express your worries while genuinely listening to her perspective.
Take a step back and reflect on your own feelings of insecurity or mistrust. Are there past experiences or personal issues that might be influencing your current fears? Sometimes, our past can cast shadows on our present relationships.
What is it about this situation that triggers these feelings of mistrust?
Have there been any specific incidents or behaviors that have raised suspicions in the past?
How do you envision the growth of your relationship during her journey?
It’s crucial to use this time for self-reflection and to gain a better understanding of what you truly want from this relationship. By openly discussing your concerns with your girlfriend and gaining insight into her perspective as well, you can make a more informed decision about whether this relationship is worth investing in and nurturing for the future, or if it’s time to explore new paths separately. Remember, your thoughts have a powerful impact on your emotions. By questioning your assumptions and engaging in open and honest communication, you can make a better decision, ease your anxieties, and foster a stronger, more trusting relationship with your girlfriend.
Your relationship is a journey, and every experience, including challenges, can be an opportunity for growth and deeper connection.
Or run PCC…
Omg why didn’t I think about that
Try to recall if she told any wild stories about the friends she’s going with, if they partied hard they will probably party again.
I would tell her no tho either way.
@RagnarLothbrok run Power can Corrupt then ask her casually before she goes and after she returns.
This will do the job perfectly
Just make sure you have a circle of PCC under your belt before you ask her again
Perfect idea from @JCDenton
Haven’t posted for years and then it was only a couple.
I don’t think there are many women (compared to men) in this forum.
Seen this topic in an email digest felt drawn to answer only read the first few pages so sorry if all of this has been mentioned or you’ve had responses from other women who say similar things or you’ve resolved this all don’t have time to read the rest of the posts.
These are my thoughts. (Also preface it with i have adhd myself) no offence is intended with any of this. I know its easy to read into words something that isn’t intended based on our own past experience triggers.
Seen a couple responses from people that say ideal time to work on what comes up have you tried tapping about 13 years ago I used it to remove fears I had to travel to Thailand alone worked a treat.
Not wanting her to go because you’ll worried she’ll cheat is perfectly normal the same is if it was a woman worrying about their own partner cheating.
Do you have adhd? I ask because of rejection sensitive dysphoria can make you feel physical pain at even the imagining of rejection so I can imagine how you’ve gone from her going on a maybe once in a lifetime experience but then you living in mental anguish for the rest of it. Imagination is strong in us its a curse as well as a gift.
If she went didn’t cheat on you and you didn’t cheat on her either then you’ve basically ended a relationship because of your own imagination.
One of the reasons relationships are harder with adhd and rsd.
Girls trips are not like boys trips we do not egg each other on to cheat the only way this would happen if is that girl is in a really bad relationship where he treats her terribly and she needs to quit him and we think a self esteem boost might help give her to the courage to do that.
You may also be someone who has listened to that seeminly stuck forever in immaturity and puberty man andrew tate.
You may think that if she cheats on you you are a weak man and you need to dump her before she hurts you and find someone who will forever do your bidding? you don’t seem like that to me though.
others in here are definitely tate fans even if they don’t publicly say it they know who they are.
That all women only want money, cars and a man who will give them money to buy clothes and handbags is ridiculously childish and makes the man look pathetic really do you really think women are magpies and only attracted to shiny things
Have you ever cheated on your girlfriend?
If you have and she hasn’t then I can see how that would be projected onto her.
Like others have said communication is needed
So many men don’t want to be vulnerable and especially if you have past bad experiences its really hard.
Being vulnerable and explaining how you really feel and being entirely honest is the best thing to do.
Being able to be that honest with your real feelings rather than keeping them in is quite freeing.
I don’t know any women who would ever think a man weak for being honest and vulnerable and if you ever come across someone like that they have their own issues its not about you and you should choose what’s best for you then too.
We are all free to make our own choices a relationship should be equal and respectful and honest not controlling on both sides.
Best case scenario for you might be split up live your own lives for 3 months and see how you feel then. you’re both single then no one is cheating so it might feel different to your brain but really you need to be talking to her rather than in here.
Nice to see this post making some old members who haven’t been here in a while come back to chime in. It’s great to see. I didn’t expect this post to blow up. We got a chunk from this community to share and give advice
I just wanted some advice, didn’t mean to create to most popular post in the forum