What is your listening schedule for the next 9 days?
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September 27, 2021
Regen is deep at work. It’s been five days since I listened to my sub routine, and out of nowhere, I’m coming to many conclusions about my past.
Why certain things happened to me. Mistakes I made. Behaviours that sabotaged me.
Another realization about last night’s entry. My urge to swap AM for Stark was probably recon.
I’ve concluded that I have all these huge goals. And sure, I believe I have lots of potential. But what’s potential without action?
You could have the potential to become the greatest figure skater to ever live, but if you never pick up those skates and learn the basics… Then who cares about “potential.” It doesn’t matter.
Right now, I have a weak foundation.
I struggle with basic skills. Most notably studying, learning, and productivity. Building new habits, getting rid of harmful ones, motivation and discipline are also big ones.
Struggling with these makes all my audacious goals seem far out of reach.
This makes me think perhaps I should stick with AM as it’s also a foundational sub. I think stark is a little more advanced, and while it offers all the social/ fame aspects (Inner Circle, PCC, Daredevil and PSIT), plus the cognitive enhancement/ productivity I desire (Limitless) and the Business & Career/ wealth building I need (Emperor).
I’m just not sure I’m ready for it.
Maybe I’m wrong; who knows—just an idea.
The bottom line is that stark fits the exact archetype I want to become right now, so the urge to run it is still very present, but I’m hesitant.
Since Wanted’s physical changes are working real well below the belt 
:
I figured consciously guiding my mind via taking action towards my other goals was a good idea.
So to help me build a solid foundation, I picked up three books recently:
Atomic Habits (AM), The Presence Process (Regeneration & Elixir) and The Appearance of Power (Wanted).
Atomic habits is up first since my current habits aren’t optimal, to say the least. I have so many great resources at my disposal; the only thing that holds me back is my habits.
I will start reading that tonight, also still going through that course on how to quit PMO forever.
Finally, a little note on my day at work today:
I was in a social mood today. Instead of keeping quiet, nodding my head, and just observing my surroundings.
I made it a point to actively participate in the conversation. I cracked a few jokes that made people laugh and even weighed in on a few political and social chats we had.
This may sound insignificant to most (especially extroverts), but to me, it was a nice change. I’m not usually comfortable stating my opinions with people I’m not “close to.”
They tend to be the polar opposite of what mainstream society deems as morally correct or just different from the general group think/ herd mentality of normies.
But today I didn’t care so much 
Until next time
- Mat
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Current plan is:
- Monday (today)
1x Elixr
1x Regeneration
1x Ascended Mogul
-
Tuesday (Rest)
-
Wednesday:
1x Elixr
1x Wanted
1x Ascended Mogul
-
Thursday: (Rest)
-
Friday: (Rest)
-
Saturday: (Rest)
-
Sunday: (Rest)
-
Monday:
1x Elixr
1x Regeneration
1x Ascended Mogul
- Tuesday: Rest
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Looks like plenty of rest. How is your sleep?
My sleep has been pretty good actually.
I have no trouble falling asleep, I normally wake up feeling rested and ready to take on the day.
My energy levels are good. Sometimes I get some fluctuations, but for someone who does manual labour 9 hours a day, i’d say it’s pretty good overall.
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Oops, forgot to tag you
September 28, 2021
Last night I played: Elixir, Regen and AM (1x each)
When I first started Regeneration a month ago, I noticed old memories pop up at random.
At work, while cooking, just before going to bed. Just random times.
I also noticed a newfound interest in old songs I used to love.
I’ve concluded that this is my subconscious attempting to bring buried thoughts, feelings, events and actions to my attention.
And all the songs: it’s a way of accessing that emotional state or vibration, if you will, where these memories and emotions reside.
Music is the closest thing we have to a time machine. At least that’s my opinion.
I’m starting to notice specific patterns and themes in all of them.
What’s annoying is they tend to happen while I’m working? And I can’t just put down my hammer and go write them down in my notes.
So it’s fleeting, which is annoying.
I’m sure they will return.
Elixir certainly takes Regen to a whole other level. I can’t believe how many connections I’m making and how fast they come.
Oh wait, here’s one I had:
I randomly thought, how can I work manual labour 9 hours a day, yet I can’t even work on myself for a few hours on the weekend.
How am I so disciplined in one sense yet so lazy in another?
Maybe it’s the reward. I get a decent paycheck every two weeks.
Perhaps working on myself doesn’t yield a strong enough “reward” to further motivate me to do it again.
Maybe it’s the environment. And the associations I have with them. Home = Relaxing, Work = Well… work lol.
Maybe it’s because I work with other people; therefore, there is pressure to perform.
This needs more introspection.
Atomic habits probably covers a lot of this.
(Btw phenomenal book, if you haven’t read it. You need to read it NOW)
On the topic of socializing, I’m still feeling pretty social. But something irks me.
I think it’s to do with the people that surround me.
I’m just so different than all of them. SO DIFFERENT. I’m very different from most people, to be honest. And maybe that’s why I have a hard time relating to them.
Sure, I can put on a front. I can wear my “normie mask” if I need to.
But it’s annoying. Why should I lower myself to compliment you?
“Ohh yeah, life is so hard, I hate my life, happy wife happy life, can’t wait to retire.”
Like sorry, I can’t relate. Go co-misserate with someone else who cares. If you’re not willing to help yourself, then I don’t want to talk. You’re a waste of time
The thing is, I don’t want to be a complete social loner.
I already keep people at a distance; I don’t open up to any of them.
Because if I stated my honest opinions, I’d get a bunch of backlashes, question after question, cognitive dissonance etc.
And I have no patience to deal with that. I’m not here to wake those kinds of people up. I’m not Morpheus for the normies.
For example: on the last break, some guy starts talking to me about buying winter tires for his car.
“This place sells them for $649 while this one sells them for $593.”Like okay… why are you telling me this.
I’m 21; I don’t own a car. I know nothing about purchasing tires. The $56 difference is nothing to me; I don’t care about your tires or car. You’re an adult; you can make your own decisions.
Like why are you telling me this? I could be reading my book right now.
Then he talks about some young lad who used to work with him that was lazy and always slacked off. And then compared the kid to himself.
“I’m an old concrete worker; I work out two times a day blah blah blah.”
All he did was talk about himself. Never asked me anything. Never asked me about my day. Even when I go to say something, I’d get cut off mid-sentence…
Even I know that asking other people questions, showing genuine interest and making people feel heard and understood is a good way to make friends and be just be liked in general.
Anyways, I say all this to illustrate a point. And the fact is this:
I want to be more social, but I also don’t want to be a phoney. I don’t want to pretend to be someone I’m not.
Truthfully I think I need to find a better tribe.
Further motivation to get out of this place as soon as possible.
Anyways,
That’s all for today. Sorry for the little rant, I just want to imprint a certain energy in this entry. So that I can remember my what my thought process was today.
Till tomorrow
-Mat
A quick note on Wanted.
My body is looking more symmetrical. My physique has more flow to it. For lack of a better term, It looks more pleasing to the eye.
One thing I have noticed. My jaw is imbalanced.
I always take photos with my right side facing the camera because I always saw it as my “better side.”
When I took photos on my left, I was always put off.
And now I know why. It’s the asymmetry. I predominately chew my food with the right side of my jaw.
So no wonder. Going forward, I’m going to chew my food with my left side. I might even grab some mastic gum and start doing mewing; who knows.
September 29, 2021
Played 1x Elixir this morning and will play Wanted (solace) 1x and AM 1x
Today was a good day. Little to no recon present.
Still a lot of pondering.
Following the theme of habits. I asked myself; how did I quit weed so easily.
I smoked for 3 years, lots of it. I really used it to escape my feelings, escape my reality, to forget who I was.
It was a terrible habit I had. But it had such a strong grip on me. It made me feel like it was helping me in some strange way. But the whole time, it was really ruining my life. Stockholm Syndrome at best
Reason I thought about this, was because I’m trying to find some common themes. I’m trying to find what exactly caused me to put it down for good.
Maybe it was the pain/pleasure scale that changed directions. Instead of blaming all of my problems on other factors, I tied it to weed.
Learned about the benefits of quitting weed, and made my decision.
But I think there is something more because I really enjoyed being high. How could I give that up so easily? How could I so quickly decide never to touch it again?
And how can I apply this to quitting porn, or other bad habits like procrastination.
That’s all for today
Until tomorrow
-Mat
Hey Mat, I’m seeing you’re kinda like me in that you’re a total self-help junkie that loves to procrastinate and stop when the motivation ends (and it ends quite quickly). As for me I like planning these huge, big goals that sound amazing on paper but when I execute them it falls flat because there’s too much inertia to just do everything at once. And I know that I should do one habit at a time but I just want to do everything at once because I feel the need to catch up! Now I’m not where I want to be yet, nor am I anywhere close. I will say that at least for now, I can say that I’m making progress I’m happy with even if it’s not fast as I’d like.
You might want to look into the concept of a Non-Zero Day, I’ve found it really useful for myself. I’ve been procrastinating heavily for years and this has been the thing to push me forward, ever so slightly. It’s a long post (and you should read the OP post too) but I think it’d be worth it for you, just like it has been for me and so many other people. Maybe give it a try and allow yourself to accept that even just one small movement (like one pushup, one minute of work, one minute of meditation) is enough to jump start that process to lubricate those wheels. Eventually as you start to get moving you’ll pick up speed and you will thank yourself for it.
Also I’d definitely read Atomic Habits as per your recommendation, sounds similar to the concept advocated for here too.
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Awesome, thank you for the recommendation!
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Today was interesting
The first half of the day was pretty normal.
The afternoon was a little different.
The overall mood was great; it’s Friday, and I’ve been sticking to my nightly habits.
Journaling (almost) daily, Reading atomic habits, doing my exercises for the goodfella south of the border , and meditating before bed.
Also still working through the quit PMO course.
So I started thinking about the past again. And a few things came up.
This girl I was wheeling. I was thinking about her today.
And how that situation was a major contribution to my downfall back in high school.
So I was trying to remember how we broke things off. And I remembered that I had told someone we were dating when we weren’t.
She then asked me about it over text. I said maybe it was a miscommunication.
Then we broke things off.
I was hung up on her for years. Honestly, I was still until today.
See, when I work I can’t listen to music. So I sing songs in my head.
Chris Brown has always been one of my favourite artists. So I was singing a bunch of his songs today.
Loyal Chris Brown - Loyal (Official Video) ft. Lil Wayne, Tyga - YouTube
This was what I was singing for a while; then I got to thinking about how many dudes are out here simping for promiscuous females.
Then started singing other songs, which began bringing back memories. Ones that made me think of the past. The ugly stuff mostly.
So as I noticed, these songs were bringing up memories that had been buried. I was connecting dots.
So I commanded my subconscious to play a song. A random song.
I waited… 10 seconds later
Rock you like a hurricane comes in blasting : Scorpions - Rock You Like A Hurricane (Official Music Video) - YouTube
Then it hit me, (like a hurricane)
This girl started wheeling another guy as soon as we stopped seeing each other. Then a few weeks later was with some different dude.
She was also texting lots of dudes when she was with me.
So then, upon realizing this, my mind switched songs back to Loyal: “THESE Censored AIN’T LOYAL, WOAHHH THESE Censored AINT LOYAL.”
Then I cracked the biggest smile and just started laughing.
I was hung up on a promiscuous girl. It took me five years to realize that as beautiful as she was, I couldn’t make a promiscuous girl a housewife.
I was trying to give her love. I was trying to make her mine. But she didn’t want it.
I even thought back to the times we hung out. And she was always boring. She had nothing to say; she was always on her phone, texting other dudes.
The only time she was fun was when we were drunk. That’s when we had our magical connection. But sober… nothing.
I cannot believe it took this long to come to this realization. Wow…
And just like that, a weight was lifted off my shoulders.
I’m free now; I don’t care anymore.
I made peace with my past today.
A few weeks back, I was on a camping trip with some old friends.
And out of nowhere today, I remembered another camping trip we had in 2017. (Which was the same year this all transpired)
They told me I was a wreck. Drunk, crying, sad etc. I told them a bunch of stuff about my situation.
And I had no idea; I was blackout drunk. But when they mentioned that to me, I grew nervous at the time. “Omg, what did I say? How did I not know this WTF”. Then I grew more paranoid.
I thought: “If I don’t remember this, then what else did I do that I don’t remember from back then. I could’ve drunk texted her or something else stupid.”
But now, it doesn’t matter. I was hurt. And everyone has wounds. After all, I am human.
So I forgive myself. If I ever hurt others, and I forgive everyone that ever hurt me.
The past is gone. I was young, my intentions were good. If I f*cked up fine. It is what it is. I can’t control the past.
I can’t even control the future…
I can only control the present.
Till next time
- Mat
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Ah yes, my apologies SC.
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Thank you for the editing above.
Regeneration can bring these things to the surface.
Now at some point, I would encourage you to think about getting DR and WANTED.
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Thank you, I’ve actually been running Wanted for about a month now. I just don’t know how to change my journal’s title. Perhaps I’ll open a new one to update the playlist.
But yes, I’ve been thinking a lot about running DR for a while now.
As much as I want to move onto bigger titles like StarkQ, I think dragon reborn would really help me build a solid foundation.
Just type what you want to change your journal title to and I can change it.
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“Wanted, AM, Regen & Elixir”
Thank you
October 3, 2021
More partying last night. It was a house party.
What was weird was the girl who lives there left to see her boyfriend. So we were at her house, turning up without her.
It was a strange party. The girls were all on their phones, constantly going upstairs to “talk.”
The boys and I were kind of confused and bored at times.
One of them even left early.
What was cool is my cousin showed up with an old friend of mine. I was so happy to see her. It was cool to catch up with her.
They left early, too, because they had the stuff to do this morning.
After the girls finally came back down. We were in the family room jamming out to music. My sister and I were singing and dancing together; it was lit.
A year ago, I couldn’t even imagine having that much confidence.
Even growing up, my siblings would sing in the car. But not me.
I didn’t sing. My dad even thought I must not like music.
But it was the polar opposite. I loved music; I just wasn’t comfortable singing in front of people. I couldn’t let loose for some reason.
Now that’s completely gone. I’m the guy at the parties singing and dancing all night long. And best of all, I know I look good doing it
Another realization: I’ve always had this weird disconnect between my brain and my body.
I would often look in the mirror and think, “Who am I?”
I didn’t know who I was. And still don’t to a certain extent. Theirs this weird disconnect; it’s hard to explain.
If someone were to ask me, “tell me about yourself.” I wouldn’t even know what to say.
I’m not a specific thing. As a matter of fact, growing up, I was a whole lot of things.
I played hockey, skateboarded, snowboarded, played tennis, did gymnastics, soccer, running, baseball, rugby, skimboarding, bodybuilding, etc.
I love music, dance, art, writing, travelling, camping.
I used to love toy cars and was obsessed with Spider-Man growing up.
I have and have always had a broad range of interests.
But now, if you ask me, “what do you do?”
It’s like… well, I don’t know.
I work, come home, go on my phone, eat, go back on my phone. Grab a cup of chamomile tea, Read, meditate, then go to bed.
Like BORING.
I always joke about it too. If someone asks, what do I do for fun?
I say nothing; I don’t like fun. I’m boring. (In a joking manner)
Maybe throw in a little more flavour sometimes too.
“I eat, play chess, then it’s bible study time. After that, I’m in bed by 8:30.”
(I play that “angel archetype” cause I’m naturally a nice guy, but also a bit of devil in disguise hehe😉)
But yeah. Other people would find me boring. Self-help/improvement isn’t appealing to most.
Yet, despite my love for knowledge and self-improvement. (Boring stuff)
I struggle with basic study skills. (Also, Boring stuff) All those skills and habits I was supposed to learn in school never stuck with me.
Sometimes I wonder how I even made it through school.
But yeah, just a quick little observation.
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So back to partying:
I was the star of the show last night
When I look back at videos from that night, people took a lot of me; And they all looked good. My moves were slick. I made hilarious jokes, and I looked really good.
We got kicked out at 2:00 because of the host’s younger sister. So we went back to my house (which we weren’t supposed to do)
My parents were out of town, and they told me no parties. And me, I’m a responsible guy. My parents trust me. And I’m usually not the type to break their rules.
But I did that night.
I don’t even know why; I just felt this need to come to a compromise. If I said no, all of them would’ve thought I was lame, and it was also raining outside.
So I said yes, but we need to be quiet. And we thought we were, but it turns out the kitchen window was open, and so was the back door…
So my neighbours came over and told us to turn down the music. They were very kind about it. Said they had young kids, and they were trying to sleep. So, of course, I stopped playing music.
Well, 5 minutes later, bi-law comes up to my door.
I tell everyone to hide in the basement. My friend and I open the door and smooth talk our way out of a $500 fine.
Then I kicked everyone out. That was way too close.
It was kind of cool that I was taking control. I was drunk too. But as soon as I saw the cop car, I was a professional. I was surprised I handled the situation so well and so quickly.
AM is clearly in the details here💪🏽
Quick side note before I conclude this entry:
As broad as my stack may be, it works well for me. I love it. I’m starting to see results. Not just external manifestations but also internal changes.
It feels almost magical. I can’t wait to see how QZP will be. I can hardly contain my excitement.
S/o sub-club, you guys are changing the game. 
That concludes my entry
Thanks for reading
- Mat
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