Unlocking the Khantastic Potential within: Khanquering My Fears

[GoldenBird]

1xNew Khan St. 1 - 15m
1xNew Khan St. 1 - 1m

Experienced a bit of recon in the form of brain fog/mental fatigue right after the second loop. Thankfully, it cleared up a few hours later, mostly due to the vigorous workout I did immediately after, I think. Perhaps I should add 30 seconds each time.

Still feel really good about myself. On the old Khan St. 1 I got really painful emotions in the afternoons, 8-10 hours after listening to the subs, that were usually that of anguish or deep anxiety/panic. Whereas now, I feel a quiet certainty growing in myself that I feel from day to day. I also frequently catch myself automatically straightening up my spine and it feels pleasant.
I felt the impetus earlier today to sit down and to quieten myself before going back in time mentally to the points where I struggled with women or had bad experiences. I try to relive these scenes in as much detail as I can muster, and to pay less attention to the events in front of me visually than to the feelings I had in these moments that were part of my reaction to what was happening and to question these feelings. Most of them feel really cringeworthy or embarassing to me, and there are definite patterns to them. They are traumas of a certain kind because interestingly, just reliving these scenes in my mind causes palpable feelings of intense stress bordering on pain in some point in my body, mostly in my chest and lower abdomen. It is hard to put into words, but I’ve noticed that I can attempt to let go of that specific feeling while visualizing the scene, and it lessens the semi-physical sensation that goes along with it. I’m going to do this everyday from now on, whenever I find the time, and time will tell if it’ll clear up blockages and improve my self-image in general.

[GoldenBird]

1xNew Khan St. 1 - 15m

Went back to one full loop. No fatigue or fog afterwards, so that seems to be the golden spot right now for me. This is seriously powerful stuff, and shouldn’t be underestimated. I am one of those people that feel like they’re missing out if they don’t play the whole two loops, even though less is probably more, as there can’t be much benefit to overloading yourself and getting reduced to a barely functioning zombie for the rest of the day.
I’ve never felt like this before with other subs, like the ones you can find on youtube or elsewhere. With Khan, the question doesn’t even arise whether it is working- it is simply working, and it is packing such a punch that just an additional minute can mean the difference between a pleasant day experienced with a lucid mind, and one where you can basically forget about anything that requires concentration. Looking back at my own notes, I can see that even on Genesis, I already experienced what you guys call recon around here, and it manifested strong emotions that I had never experienced coming out of seemingly nowhere before. I find that amazing, especially given that I am not even a native speaker of English(I assume the subs are written in English).

During my workout today, it occured to me that it is actually quite astonishing that the subs should take effect in the time they do right now, given that we already sit on literally decades of social and individual conditioning, which are thought loops of stories we keep telling ourselves over and over. Their accumulated strength should, given all that time, strongly overpower suggestions contained in a mp3 file played for a some 15 minutes, but my experiences so far and what I read of others here suggests otherwise. I know nothing about the technology, but that years of conditioning can be changed in a week of listening to a subliminal and some introspection seems rather amazing to me. Then again, what happens in some religions around the world is equally astonishing, what with individuals suddenly going through a conversion experience that makes them make abrupt changes to a lifestyle they’ve kept going for decades before.

This has also gotten me to think about aura generation. If the aura of a person is a byproduct of their most recurrent thoughts, then it follows that we constantly generate an aura, with or without the subs. Because we are generally a mass of conflicting thoughts, the aura must give off incoherent signals, making it less powerful than it could be. When we listen to an aura related sub, a desired but new pattern of thought is introduced to our own, and if it contradicts too much what we believe about ourselves, it simply is not integrated, and therefore the aura doesn’t go off. And if it does, and there are still too many incoherent structures in our mind, the aura must quickly wear off after you stop conditioning your mind with the given sub.
So, if I am going in the right direction, this should mean that if you want a powerful aura that fulfills what you’re after and that becomes part of your natural being that you will take with you wherever you go, you cannot jump from sub to sub, as that one desired pattern needs to be reinforced, and you need to do introspective work until your main intention becomes unified and “clean”, so the speak. And if your intention, at its core, was clean and perfectly coherent, you’d manifest exactly what you wanted and feel no need for subliminals in the first place. I cannot help but notice that in some Eastern religions, they basically do that for very long periods of time (like visualizating something over and over again for 12 years, or a specific mantra) and it does change their being and the “vibes” they give off to those around them.
That’s my current understanding of these things, and I will therefore stick to running New Khan solo for several cycles per stage, or as many as needed until I feel that I can profit by moving on the next stage.
I also understand now why hopping from one sub to the next in a short period of time is a good sign that you’re so uncomfortable with what is being suggested by a sub that you actively sabotage it by not giving it the time to actually take root.

My appetite for food has gone up dramatically. I’d say that in the past 3-4 days, I felt the need to eat much more than I’ve eaten before. I even got woken up by hunger pangs at 2 a.m., even though I had eaten very well on the day before. I am doing intensive workouts every other day, and I guess the subs and all that contemplation has ramped up my energy requirements.

[GoldenBird]

1xNew Khan 15m. No recon.

Hit 21 days on Khan Stage 1. 6 times with Old Khan+Spartan and 5 times with New Khan Solo.

Going for the washout now, and after 5 days, I’ll repeat New Khan Stage 1 for another cycle.

On Genesis, there was still the possibility for doubt. It still could have been possible that I was just listening to water sounds and had placebo effects. Not so on Khan. The effects are hard and immediate, like a punch in the face, and slight overexposure leads to being pretty much incapacitated for the rest of the day.
If you aren’t on top of your game when it comes to your diet and sleep, you will quickly be. Especially if you also follow an intense workout program, you will need tons of sleep and food+water to keep up with Khan.
It noticeably brings up unpleasant things about yourself, such as negative emotions related to the goals and at least for me, it also introduces a corrective voice that makes it easier for you to stop negative thoughtloops, right as they come up. It basically brings up the dirt in your consciousness that is holding you back. As such, you cannot remain passive but must take action towards cleaning yourself up.

Initially, I tried running Khan before sleep. Bad idea. It hits like a strong cup of coffee and kept me up for hours past the time I wanted to fall asleep, which is why I am running it in the mornings now. It also doubles as an excellent workout motivator, because I’ve noticed that each time I don’t really feel like going to the icy forest out here to train, one loop of Khan Stage 1 cancels out all of that and makes me want to train as hard as possible, despite the icy weather conditions.
New Khan is noticably stronger than the last version, and when I listen to it, it feels like getting pummeled but also like getting a comfortable bath that is soothing to my wounds. Rather difficult to describe. I’ve made a habit of listening to the loops after clearing my mind. I do not do anything else while listening.

I am continuing with the contemplation exercise I came up with two post above. Interestingly, the more I do it, the more memories come up, ones I had already thought I had forgotten. It has also occured to me that I don’t need to limit myself to dates or interactions I had with women before, but that I could extend it to any memory where I went through uncomfortable feelings.

[GoldenBird]

First Day of the Washout. I’ve been reflecting on how to best take action relating to the goals of Khan.

Now this is question for those who’ve run Khan before. So far, I’ve done
-journaling
-working out and improving my diet and water intake. Optimize my sleep.
-do daily contemplation on traumas that I can find in my memories and on the negativity that Khan brings up for me to deal with
-Clarify to myself my goals and set up realistic milestones that I can work towards.

As I’m reading Saiyanblue’s and Friday’s old journals, it struck me that they put themselves out there and socialized right from the first week of Khan Stage 1. I’m in a different situation. I gotta take care of my parents up until August, by which time my brother can take over. I live with them in the middle of nowhere(few hundred people nearby), which means no social life or dating until August.
That is enough time to go through the Khan program, but how will my circumstances affect the progress in getting the most out of it?
My instinct, so far, tells me to run a second month of Stage 1 in February, then two months of Stage 2, after which I could switch to Khan Black and run the entire program to heal sexual traumas/unblock while I actively go through a Daoist internal cultivation program. All of this should last me until August, by which time I hopefully have secured my own place in an actual city. By then, I could run the Stage 3 and 4 of the New Khan and put myself into action. How does that sound?

On a sidenote, I was suddenly hit by pain/anguish/panic in the middle of my chest in the evening today, which intensified over the course of a few minutes and then suddenly receded back into the background. I tried my best to find any attached thought but my mind was actually mostly blank. Is it known what this actually is? I’ve had this happen to me since running Genesis back in November, but this has become more common since starting with Khan.

EDIT: Hours later, this pain remains in the chest region. It feels similar to muscle soreness, but with a distinct emotional nature. It feels like anger/frustration directed within. I’ve also noticed that while this “knot” is present in the chest region, I get irritated by the most basic things in my environment.

EDIT 2: Another two hours later, it seems to have resolved itself, as I feel a strong sense of relief within. I still wonder what it exactly is that happens “under the hood”.

Back when I ran Genesis, and later, DR: Limit Destroyer, I expected to have many interesting dreams that would reveal something about myself. But strangely enough, I struggled with dream recall, even though it is normally quite good. It is only now, since about a week ago, that my dream recall has returned to its baseline, and I can recall 2-3 dreams per night. So far, they’re rather morbid sometimes, but mostly, they deal with bullies or with hugging women and pressing them against my chest muscles. Last night, for example, I remember walking back up to my parent’s home and getting stopped by four bullies that aggressively blocked my way. I maneuvered around them and unexpectedly, I said sorry to them. I woke up and was puzzled by my own response. I wondered why the hell I would apologize to people blocking my path.

[GoldenBird]

Day Four of the Washout.
I’ve noticed a peculiar pattern lately, both during the washout and on the days I listened to the sub loops. First, I experience a clarity of thought, a warm inner peace, and a surge of ambition. But later in the evening, usually between 6 p.m. and 8 p.m., I start feeling pressure building up in my chest. Waves of panic, anxiety, and anguish wash over me without any specific thoughts accompanying them. It’s so intense that I can’t focus on anything, not even watching a movie or a YouTube video. Everything becomes irritating. After 1-2 hours, it subsides, and I feel incredibly relaxed. This happens every other day. My interpretation is that it might be my old self, desperately resisting change, and the panic is a sign of that. Once something is accepted, I finally feel at ease. It’s a simple explanation, but it feels like that’s what’s happening.

I’ve seen positive manifestations aligned with my desire to improve my life. I’ve become interested in adjusting my sleep habits to the pre-modern biphasic sleep, which would allow me to dedicate a solid 3 hours to meditation in the middle of the night. During that time, I plan to address my unresolved traumas and question any assumptions I come across. I also stumbled upon George Hackenschmidt’s book, “The Way to Live,” which caught my attention because I’m tired of the modern bodybuilding trend that revolves around excessive eating, bulking, cutting, and spending hours at the gym targeting specific muscle groups. Hackenschmidt, as one of the original modern bodybuilders, had a more holistic approach to bodybuilding. I’m excited to study his book and incorporate any valuable insights I find.

One significant progress I’ve made is that I no longer tolerate negative thought loops that used to dominate my mind throughout the day. I automatically reframe them into something more beneficial as soon as they arise. Since starting with Khan three weeks ago, procrastination has become less and less frequent. It’s truly a procrastination killer. However, Stage 1 feels quite dense, so I’m surprised to see many people here eager to stack it with other major programs like Stark. I remember SaintSovereign recommending running it alone for some time, as the Total Breakdown and healing stage would likely overpower any other sub in your stack. And it certainly feels that way.

[GoldenBird]

Fifth Day of the Washout.
Seemingly just in time, I’ve come across Simon’s journaling process for making the most out of Khan’s first stage. For reference, it was originally meant for Ecstasy of Gold Stage 1, but it can easily be adapted for Khan. Here’s the link with some added explanations

Since I will continue with the second cycle of Khan Stage 1 tomorrow, I sat down and began with the process. I decided to adapt it to my own purposes, and created four goal sections: sexual goals, social goals, spiritual goals and financial goals. Another section for my ideas on how to attain these goals with realistic microsteps and another with my current ideas about what is holding me back, my self-imposed limitations.
After a few hours with this, I noticed that I have detailed ideas and thoughts about my sexual goals, and my fears and limitations regarding them; I also have detailed ideas about how to go about my spiritual goals; but when it comes to my social and financial goals, there is a distinct lack of ideas and not even much awareness about my current limitations and fears regarding them.
I wish I had already come across this process last month. This is good stuff and will quickly show me what I need to work on. It’s such a simple journaling process, but it can really clarify what you’re after and what to do about it. In my case, it has shown me right away that there are entire areas of life I haven’t spent much thought on.

Here’s a copy of Simon’s elaborations on how he thinks this process might aid one, as one works through Stage 1 of these type of subs(I’ve added some info about the RAS as this concept was new to me):

1. You’re updating your Plans everyday, tapping into your Mind’s Creativity and Resourcefulness.
   Furthermore, you start Noticing the subtle Nudges, Synchronicities, Insights, and Hunches that happen all the time, but get missed because of mental chatter & busyness.
2. The Failure Reasons & Excuses start dropping away, partly because they’re no longer hiding in the dark (like amorphous monsters), and partly because your Mind starts solving & pathfinding across them.
3. (In the context of subliminals) Over the days, you notice how your mindset / perspectives / values are shifting because of the subs.
4. You gradually shift your Thinking & Journaling away from Emotions about the Past, and towards the Pursuit of Goals & Dreams (Future).
   You transition from being a Victim of Life, to a Victor in Life.

The reticular activating system (RAS)
The RAS is the reason you learn a new word and then start hearing it everywhere. It’s why you can tune out a crowd full of talking people, yet immediately snap to attention when someone says your name or something that at least sounds like it.
Your RAS takes what you focus on and creates a filter for it. It then sifts through the data and presents only the pieces that are important to you. All of this happens without you noticing, of course. The RAS programs itself to work in your favor without you actively doing anything. Pretty awesome, right?
In the same way, the RAS seeks information that validates your beliefs. It filters the world through the parameters you give it, and your beliefs shape those parameters

Anyway, the irritation and anger from yesterday evening subsided today, but I needed an excessive amount of sleep. During the night, I slept for 9 hours, then again for 2-3 hours in the afternoon, right after I did some vigorous hill sprints to freshen myself up. I am a bit puzzled about some of you guys who managed to stack Khan with another major sub and even some third sub while holding down a stressful 9-5. I am unemployed and focus most of my day on good habits that are supposed to keep myself in the healthiest state possible for me to get the most out of the subs, and yet I still get knocked rather often…I’ve worked my way through some of the older Khan journals here on the forum, and I am just amazed what some guys pulled off. I have no idea how Friday managed to study hard for his medical degree on top of seducing girls left and right on top of hammering his mind with the older tech. Anyway, no point in comparing myself with these guys.
Next cycle, I will continue with my current limit(one cycle of 15m) and try to increase the limit by 30 seconds each time or dial it back down if I get knocked out too much.

[GoldenBird]

1xNew Khan 15m.
1xNew Khan 3m.

Surprisingly, no noticeable recon so far. I’m continuing with filling out the details of Simon’s journaling process and today I mostly focused on my perceived limits regarding my sexual goals.
And boy, as I expanded on that list, I got more and more uncomfortable, until I felt strong emotional pain just looking at that list. It already stands at almost a page, and tells me quite plainly just how much crap I’ve been telling myself over and over. It comes from all kinds of places, some things I know were originally from people putting me down when I was little, some of it came from dates later on, and some I have no idea yet why I reinforce them so much despite there being little evidence to support them. And all they do is to make me insecure or hesitant. The list is providing plenty of fodder to consciously work on in contemplation. Negative emotions and memories keep popping up as I go about my day, and are almost instantly reframed into something more useful for my goals. This is one of the best things about Khan Stage 1 so far, and one of the first things I’ve noticed.
Now, according to SImon, as I work my way through taking these limitations apart consciously, and as I listen to Stage 1, they should gradually lose strength until I no longer identify myself with them. I think I’ll know when that stage is reached, because right now, it is physically/emotionally painful for me to just read through that list, because it is raw and honest, and I will only be ready for Stage 2 when that list of limitations no longer appears as uncomfortable and personal as it does right now.

[GoldenBird]

1xNew Khan 15m.
1xNew Khan 4m.

No recon today. Actually felt pleasant and productive today, as I continued with the list, putting more and more details into it, especially the measures taken towards the goals section.
However, yesterday, during the break day, there must have been heavy “processing” going on in the background because I woke up as if I had not slept much, even though I had slept straight for 9 hours. For almost the entire day, there was a mild sense of panic/anxiety that made it difficult to focus on anything. Just glad that it did not continue for another day today.
From what I’ve seen so far, Khan TB is a process that will likely take months for most people, and it does seem, at least for me, that it is best done when you have no big commitments in your working life or deadlines to meet, because despite the increased sense of ambition and productivity, recon can hit anytime, and the processing, even when not stacked with anything else, can be disabling to the point that it basically knocks one out. I sleep much, I eat and drink well, work out vigorously and try to do as much introspection as I can in addition to Simon’s method, and it still hits hard. Couldn’t imagine what it would be like for people that don’t have the luxury to always have plenty of sleep and a healthy diet or those that are stuck with a drama-filled life(although I suppose there are lessons and feedback there as well).

[GoldenBird]

1xNew Khan 15m.
1xNew Khan 5m.

Feeling fantastic in the past two days. No recon, from what I can tell. By now, I should know that this inner serenity always appears between two storms lol.
I work out in a secluded spot in the forest, and for the past half year, joggers and people on their walks just passed by. Lately, every other guy stops to ask me something or give me the thumbs up.
In general, I feel much more grounded now.
I’ve discovered Luther24 old posts and there are some real gems in his journals that resonate with me now.

[GoldenBird]

I’m realizing now how my sudden obsession with French back in November and December, while running Genesis and then Genesis+Limit Destroyer may have been a trick with which I subconsciously avoided working towards my goals. Back then, I interpreted it that the subs were releasing an unconscious desire to learn French, but from my overall perspective now, that is only partly true. When I wasn’t caring for my parents, I was constantly busying myself with learning more and more French, to the detriment of everything else, except for my workouts that I do 5-6 times a week. Sure, the progress was amazing and I can comfortably read modern French novels now, but did I come closer to an understanding of who I am and what I need to do to get my life in order and fulfill my sexual and social goals? Not really.
Khan has helped with this in so far as it has made me more introspective and ambitious than before, and the most important thing so far is that is has “lifted” certain blocks I felt before, which is so noticeable that I feel greater freedom even when I just walk around. I’ve gotten feedback that I walk much more upright than before and that I don’t need to consciously force myself to do it anymore. I am brighter in my disposition and easier to talk with, apparently. When it comes to workouts, daily contemplation, researching business opportunties, places to study at and improving my diet and sleep patterns, I’ve made great progress. The only thing that is missing from my life right now is places where I can get more social feedback and dates. But that should be possible from August onwards.

This morning I woke up feeling down and irritated, with no specific cause immediately apparent. I noticed that I felt insecure about myself and my appearance. I consciously started to reframe every thought that came to my head and then I again felt down when I saw that one of the altcoins I invested in performed badly. I went out to train with my rings and focused on elevating my mood and regaining that sense of inner serenity that Khan has made easier for me to access. Interestingly, after a couple sets on the rings, all of the negative thoughts I had vanished from one moment to the next, and I felt great.
It’s interesting how workouts somehow seem to facilitate working through recon. Is it because it signals something positive to the subsconsiousness like an earnestness to work through things or a signal that you want to improve yourself?

[GoldenBird]

1xNew Khan 15m.
1xNew Khan 7m.
(Stage 1, Cycle 2)

Woke up this morning feeling a bit off. As expected, the inner serenity from a few days ago wasn’t permanent and just a kind of calm before the storm. Shortly after eating breakfast, it erupted into a full-blown panic attack centered in my chest like a big ball of nervous/anxious energy. I began drinking more water, exposing myself to the (winter) sun as much as I could and sat down to meditate. It worked and after 15 minutes or so, it went away.
However, I’ve noticed that even after these panic attacks pass, there is a subtle sensation left behind in the chest for many hours afterwards, like an afterglow, or like a sore muscle. And in every instance, once the panic energy leaves the body, there is a strong sense of relief/relaxation afterwards. So much so that I often just feel like enjoying the calm silence.
The lists inspired by Simon are now almost complete, with some uncertainty remaining in the section about my financial and social goals. However, I am making progress with the fears regarding my sexual goals; when I first noted them down, there was an almost physical pain just reading it to myself. Now, I feel much more detached from most of them and instantly reframe each point into something that aligns myself with the goals I am working towards.

[GoldenBird]

Woke up after 9 hours of sleep with an uncomfortable feeling of dull anxiety/irritation. Unlike the previous episodes of strong panic attacks that made me reel like I got punched in the stomach, this dull irritation/discomfort lasted much longer and was much more subtle. I tried to find specific thoughts tied to it, but couldn’t find any, so I made it a point to get as much sun exposure on a walk as I could. The winter sun here is rather weak, but it is something. In my experience, exposing as much skin as possible to the sun, along with intense workouts and quiet contemplation do help a lot with recon.
And the discomfort did eventually disappear in the afternoon. However, it was instantly replaced with the hardest instant sleepy fatigue wave I’ve had so far. It feels like a total body soreness, for lack of better words. And it is so strange to have trouble composing messages or even keeping my eyes open at only 5 p.m. I’ve read that this version of Khan TB is actually smoother and more gentle than the previous version. 2/3 of my first cycle was on that old version, and there were more instances of panic attacks and anguish on that one, that is true, but this version still hits like a truck.
Restructuring your internal frame is no joke, and Total Breakdown seems less than ideal for when you have tough work schedules or exams coming up. I have no idea how the older SC members here did it on the older version years ago. Not even a strong cup of coffee worked as a means of waking me up from that strong fatigue. However, all of these fatigue/relief type of feelings that follow the periods of anger/anguish/anxiety/panic feel pleasant, in a certain way. I certainly get the feeling that some big thing has been let go or worked through. But it takes its energy toll.

[GoldenBird]

1xNew Khan 15m.
1xNew Khan 8m.
(Stage 1, Cycle 2)

Absolutely fantastic day, today. Woke up with a trace of that dull anxiety from yesterday. Filled in more details for my list of fears holding me back and recognized that I’m identifying myself with them less and less and ran the loops. Made and ate an astonishing amount of food for lunch, easily about 30-40% more than what I am eating normally.
And then, in the afternoon, I was suddenly overcome with a wave of overwhelming ecstasy coming from my chest. I stopped everything and just dwelled in inner serenity. Total silence within. Not a trace of anxiety or nervousness. Body is pleasantly warm all over. Feels like I’m basking in an inner sun. Must have released something huge today.

Edit: One thing I’ve noticed lately is that flashes of deeper insight into myself and subtle feelings appear very frequently on the verge of my awareness, and I’m carrying a pocket notebook with me now just to keep up with these things. Not sure if I can connect it with a specific sub, but it could also be simply due to having less and less limiting thoughts in my mind.

[GoldenBird]

1xNew Khan 15m.
1xNew Khan 10m.
(Stage 1, Cycle 2)

Had some longer chats with my ex-girlfriend recently. I had thought about cutting my beard shorter, but she started to panic, saying that she had once cut my beard too short and was shocked to find that my jawline was next to non-existent due to my mandible being small and receding, a genetic trait shared by many people of my mom’s ethnicity(I am mixed Eurasian). She apologized to me saying that she’s just too used to guys with brutal looking jawlines from her ethnicity, and that she said some mean things to me back then because she was too naive and suggested that she should be more understanding towards what is normal among other ethnicities.
Of course, she said that to make me feel better, but it did hurt my self-esteem back then because I instinctively understood what turned her on, a feature that I did not have and wasn’t able to do much about. So I’ve had this limiting belief reinforced inside my mind that having a pronounced and masculine jawline is a must to be attractive to women at large. Think Bruce Campbell from Evil Dead fame or your average Nazi recruitment poster.
Logically, I know how ridiculous this belief is as I could easily think of scenarios where the size of a man’s mandible was of no consequence to those he attracted, but the recent chats still stung- so it is a definite fear of mine that has not been worked out yet. It is pretty high up on my written list of fears that inhibit myself. It is a funny feeling when you consciously know that something is not necessarily true, and yet your subconscious believes in it and projects the insecurity through your vibe and body language to your own detriment.

When I woke up today, my right ear was completely clogged up and there was a sharp pain inside- something like an ear infection, which has repeatedly returned ever since I first experienced it 4-5 years ago. I’ve went to a doctor for this, but he shrugged his shoulders and suggested injecting steroids into it. It turned out that it didn’t help much, as simply waiting for it to resolve itself(usually within 2-3 days) would yield the same results. It doesn’t bother me much, except for when it starts to press up against the insides so much that it becomes difficult to fall asleep and it starts messing with my sense of balance. It also is sometimes accompanied by migraine like pressure in the forehead.
After some thought, I decided to run a single loop of Paragon to help deal with it. To my surprise, it felt like a gentle salve on my head, there were tingling sensations in my forehead where the pressure was and the pressure/pain was already 60% down by the time I was done with the loop. 2-3 hours later, hearing on my right ear was mostly restored and while there is still noticeable clogging, it doesn’t bother me anymore. I’d say it feels like a good dose of ibuprofen. Without the side-effects of ibuprofen. Nice!
I just hope that the paragon loop hasn’t interfered with Khan. I didn’t feel sleepy after either subs today.

In general, it seems that the roughest part of Khan Stage 1 is over for me, as I no longer get extremely sleepy, do not experience anger/panic attacks anymore and experience restlessness more than irritation. When I began with Khan, there’d be pressure in the head and the feeling of heavy processing going on before I even finished the first loop. All of that is gone, and it has become more pleasant to listen to.
However, what is also apparent to me is that pretty early on during the first cycle already, Khan let me access states in which I felt cocky and invincibly confident in myself. But on some days, such as today in the middle of the second cycle, I feel as before. Interestingly, I read in some other journals, that confused uncertainty and a sudden lack of inner power was sometimes reported on Stage 2 of the old Khan, usually attributed to a lack of coherence and the reprogramming not truly settling in yet. Gives me all the more reason to run stages for several cycles.

[GoldenBird]

Am happy to report that that single loop of Paragon yesterday evening worked wonders overnight, as I woke up pain-free, my ears were no longer infected and free of mucus, and I was wonderfully rested on top of it. This is the fastest progress I’ve ever had with this particular problem. Before, it usually took 2-3 days, sometimes almost a week to fully clear up.

I was a bit too fast with my pronouncement that I no longer experience anxiety/panic attacks on Khan TB, as I had a minor one this morning. Thankfully it was over after 10 minutes.

[GoldenBird]

1xNew Khan 15m.
1xNew Khan 11m.
(Stage 1, Cycle 2)

Realized just how many negative beliefs about myself co-exist within myself and how they literally lower my vibration. The traumatized reality is practically based on a whole host of negative emotions that continually reinforce themselves if not checked. This cannot but create a repellant aura that people don’t want to be near.
Khan, so far, has made me more and more aware of them and given me the strong urge to not entertain them anymore. Sure, we have no device with which to “measure” these low or higher vibration auras, but all of us have seen it in action. We constantly produce them and pick up on them subconsciously.
That’s why you cannot pretend to be alpha when your inner beliefs drag you down instead of up.

[GoldenBird]

I was really mistaken in thinking that I had already overcome the toughest part of Stage 1 of Khan, as today I experienced the most intense recon yet.
I woke up from the first macable dream I’ve had on Khan so far, where I came across a pit with three dying babies inside, almost fully covered in flies. Tried to shoo the flies away and called an ambulance, but it didn’t come before I woke up. I then experienced a kind of grief centered, as usual, in the middle of my chest for the entire day. Was different from the usual panic/anxiety attack in that it felt like I was constantly on the verge of breaking down crying. Since I couldn’t find any obvious thoughts connected to it, I tried my usual recon mitigating strategies like drinking a pre-workout coffee and then working out hard, trying to catch some sun and then willfully redirecting my emotions towards more positive ones. Today it didn’t seem to help much. Went for an extended walk in the forest, but that only alleviated the uncomfortable feelings by a bit.
I am close to the end of cycle 2 on Khan TB, and I have no idea how people can claim that they get no recon on the new Khan. Maybe I have more things to work through? What keeps me going is the knowledge that there always awaits greater freedom and serenity after these spells of irritation, panic and grief pass.
The dream was really disturbing. According to dream dictionaries, babies may signify new beginnings, but why were they then dying and covered in flies? Or perhaps the babies signify something precious that I was holding onto, which wasn’t that great in actuality(signified by the flies) and that I am now in the process of letting it go(dying state).

[GoldenBird]

1xNew Khan 15m.
1xNew Khan 12m.
(Stage 1, Cycle 2)

As expected, I feel much more relaxed today than during yesterday’s megagrief. However, I still feel “sore” in the middle of my chest, as these events seem to leave an afterglow of sorts in me. It is really wave-like in nature, this process of recon->euphoria/greater freedom/inner serenity->recon. Question is, how long will this continue like that? While it was far too early for me to proclaim that I am through the roughest patch of TB, I seem to at least be able to handle the loops now, as they no longer cause a slight headache or this feeling of spending 99% of my energy on the processing of it.
Still, TB on its own will naturally not be that great for productivity because of the huge energy requirements and the frequent emotional breakdowns that could happen anytime. But seen from another perspective, it is also the perfect sub to convince people that they’re definitely listening to more than water sounds^^

[GoldenBird]

1xNew Khan 15m.
1xNew Khan 15m.
(Stage 1, Cycle 2)

Was deeply relaxed when I listened to the loops, so I didn’t notice that that the second loop went all the way to the end. Whoops. Predictably, it was a bit much, and I’ve felt really sleepy for most of the day.
The release of the new Sanguine couldn’t have come at a better time. Finding a better way to deal with the emotional upheavals and getting through all that irritation would be a godsend, and one of the goals I’m striving for is to remain unaffected by whatever people say and do around me. This does not mean that I want to be callous or antisocial, but rather that I want to be supremely confident in myself so that I cannot be rattled out of this state of being completely present to myself and my surroundings.

[GoldenBird]

I just LOVE being on Khan TB whenever I am not in recon. The sheer sense of ambition, clear thinking and inner serenity is amazing and the productivity is really good.
Unfortunately, recon on TB practically kills productivity so if you plan on using TB in your future and have to be productive every day, you’ll have to add something like LE or Stark, in my opinion.

Last night, I had an interesting dream in which I bade farewell to my classmates in highschool(whom I haven’t seen in 18 years or so) and slipped through a gap under a door leading out. It felt symbolic because many of my hangups are centered on that time, and most of my dreams take place in my old school. I’ve rarely dreamed about any of the places I’ve been to or the people I’ve met afterwards, so that formative period definitely left its mark.