Well I have a location as of today, gonna be starting there in a few weeks, and its an independent contractor’s job so I will have more freedom than an employee. All I gotta do is build some clientele and eventually that will be the only job I will have to work!
Everything is finally falling into place
So a lot has been happening (again lol) but I will give a brief update and elaborate more tomorrow with my stack and such. Which is Minds Eye and 2 customs btw, possibly a 4th title here and there.
Anyways so with me having the job for Massage Therapy (starting after next week) while I was happy with that outcome I was also very anxious financially wise. With this job being client based even though I would make more money per hour, it would take a good while for me to leave my job and still make more, especially in this economy. That meant that I would constantly have to cut back or add hours to my current job to break even, and let’s face it that fucking sucks, but I was goin to do it. Until I didn’t have to 
So after my intuition guided me to add Minds Eye back into my stack, well after 2 loops here’s what happened.
I found the job that I have been wanting for a long time, because it was perfect for my situation, when I applied the first time the position closed, and the I decided to go to school. Second time it opened up, I was going to apply but I was still in school and by the time I could apply it closed. Well third times the charm I guess. Lol
So this job is Friday through Sunday 12 hour shifts but you get paid for 40 hrs. And I’m only making 20 cents less than my job as a butcher but with me cutting my hours so I can focus on massage, I would only get paid for basically 24 hrs on average, now financially it’s no longer an issue with this new job.
This will allow my massage job to be a legitimate side hustle, that can grow organically as well as my skill set, rather than being anxious all the time and trying to rush to build clientele just so I can be good financially.
That said today was my last day at my job that I have been at for 13 years, since high school lol. It was very bitter sweet but it was time to leave. Also this was the last thing that was holding me back from officially starting a new journey, and now it’s in the past.
It feels really good that all my hard work has paid off, and for the first time in about 2 years, I’m not worried about the next step (at least for a good while), because it’s finally set, I just gotta work now. With everything suddenly happening though I did switch up my stack and made 2 customs that better correlate with my life atm, but that is an update for tomorrow or the following day.
Now I go celebrate!
Okay this update will be brief. So I made a Stark and Spartan custom. I originally had this made for my new path in life but then some things had changed shortly after I made it.
I finally gave Chosen a shot and fell in love with it.
The new Spartan Legacy was announced.
The day after I made/received my custom the new mod pack was released.
Me getting the new job changed everything.
I still continue to use it because it’s still a good custom, however down the road I will probably trim it up a bit and make it more focused. Other than that I still love this custom.
Now for the big update so I wanted a custom that would fit my new journey and the fact that for a good while I will be working 6 days a week, I decided to go back to my foundation, but this time with chosen.
This led me to revamp my Primal Ascension custom but add Chosen to the mix as well as some of the new modules.
This led to Elixir of Masculinity.
So far this custom feels amazing and I really like how it is maturing me as a person as a whole.
One huge result on day one was that I was actually singing in public. This was something that I was always hesitant to do but someone asked me to sing and I did haha. It’s something that everyone has always wanted me to do because my voice is so low. If anyone has heard of Josh Turner then you already know the song
More in-depth update coming later when I get home!
Damn, I’m terrible at this journaling thing. Im writing this update today because I finally addressed an issue that I never shared on here and that issue was Khan. To start, since end of summer to early fall I have been pulled to run Khan I noticed this from
Looking at the sales page of Khan religiously, for no reason.
Started to see the word “Khan” a lot outside of the forum page, like a very noticeable amount.
I even based my recent Primal Ascension custom off of what I would want from Khan, rather than just buying and listening to Khan.
A few weeks ago I just ended up buying Khan, just out of no where. Not based off of decision but just instinct.
Listened to Total Breakdown for a few loops and I felt great, and experienced some well needed healing as well, however this week I went to ST4 and this is what I have noticed so far:
While I do have Godlike Masculinity in my stack , I am experiencing an emotional calm like never before. Im very stoic and also very nonchalant, although something new as happened and that was a huge amount of fearlessness. Long story short the other night I was out and the bar tender who is my friend received a phone call and ended up saying call the police. He went out there and I was watching him on camera and as soon as I saw him walk off the premises I got out of my seat and immediately followed. So some POS was driving really drunk and ended up hitting both of my friends car into each other, then he took off. The guy that called witnessed it and followed him all over the neighborhood. Super drunk dude was parked outside his house which is a 2 minute walk from the bar, he turned his car around and tried to hit the guy who followed him head on. The drunk dude ended up in the bar parking lot and me and the bar tender and a few others jumped in front of his car to get him to stop. He did and this dude got out and well all I will say is that this dude is 6’10" - 7’, after he got out the cops showed up, he got back into his car and drove in-between the cop car and fence, almost hitting my friend in the process, he was arrested shortly after.
Now the result that I have noticed with this was that during all of this I literally had no emotion going through me at all. Everything action that I had did was all instinct. From backing up my friend, to chasing his car on foot back to the parking lot to corner him, to getting ready to fight and subdue him if it would have came down to it. The motivation behind was to prevent this dude from hurting anyone or causing any more damage. In the past I would have had fear in situations like this but this is the first that I just had instinct and action. Also when this all started I hadn’t even finished my first drink, so no liquid courage was involved here. Not condoning violence or putting oneself in dangerous situations, but to me this was a result that I felt like I needed to share.
Now that the huge results are out of the way:
*In regards to the points above, I am starting to learn what I am truly capable of when the situation calls for it.
Despite my internal power growing, Khan is also making me very chill as well, as time has went on during my SubClub journey I am accepting that this is a dominant trait of myself. Calm yet powerful and will use my power when needed.
Manifestations are increasing and with Khan it feels like at times I just say what I want and it happens.
Another avenue of wealth opened up for my massage side hustle.
A lot more people seem to be interested and speaking to me, male and female.
Noticed the cognitive boost that is in ST4
Sexual energy is very potent but I am also sensing more and more control over it. Very excited to see where this leads to transmutation wise.
The more I run Khan ST4 the more I feel like I dont need another major alpha program. I have noticed:
The maturity of Chosen
The social power and dominance of Stark but on a more powerful level
The drive and power/dominance of Emperor/EB but on a more powerful level.
Now I do still desire to run the subs listed in the future with Emperor/EB being more situational. Stark and Chosen are a different story because I have seen so many good results from other users stacking Khan with either Stark or Chosen. I just gotta figure out which one I wanna stack Khan with, that is a question that will answer itself in time though.
I am very happy that I finally listened to my inner voice and finally decided to run Khan. I am starting to get a taste of how comprehensive of a program Khan truly is.
From that story there could be one action movie 
Just to be clear. You were doing every stage till stage 4, right?
If so how long for each stage have you been doing, two cycles?
Now that the Khan update is out of the way its time to address my stack as a whole. My updated primal/ascension/chosen custom is no longer in use, whether its only for the time being or for good, it still has potential uses and even though I wont be using it I do have a lot of use full modules that I can use in the future. I will admit that while I was making this custom a voice was going off in my head telling me to just buy Khan. Which still kinda shocks me because I have never even ran Khan until last week, oh well.
Now to address my Stark and Spartan custom. While I do love this custom and still intend to run it I will also cease to use it in the near future. As I stated in a previous post, the day after I ordered the custom Legacy of Spartan and Apex Fitness was announced. So when Legacy of Spartan is released I will swap out my Spartan/Stark custom for Legacy.
The reasons for these decisions:
ST4 is clearly a huge sub and I want to take my time with Khan, so if I can lessen the load of my overall stack I will.
As stated above I want to give it time before I make the decision to stack Khan with either Stark or Chosen, which also includes customs. Me dropping the Stark influence will help me with that decision.
Now for a third sub I do have a few in mind. I currently have Godlike Masculinity in my stack to test with Khan to help further develop my masculinity, dominance etc. but the other options are:
That is something I will figure out shortly.
Haha yeah I guess it can be, and I just did two loops of TB last week and then moved on to ST4
So I had a dream the other day that went after a deep insecurity that I thought I was over with.
In the dream I was pretty popular and in the spotlight, I had so much attention that I was on cloud 9! As the dream progressed I slowly began to lose the fame, and someone else took the spotlight. Watching this happen I felt angry and sad and tbh I let it get to me more than I should have. Waking up from said dream, I quickly understood the message, I need to let go of my need for validation, and that I don’t have to have peoples attention to be happy. As I said I thought this was something that I was over with but clearly it runs deeper than expected. I’m very happy with this result as I am beginning to think that Khan is taking everything I have learned during my sub journey and taking it to the next level.
Another observation I have noticed since starting Khan is sexual transmutation. Since the beginning I have made it known that I had a porn and masturbation problem, while I haven’t watched porn in a VERY long time I still get the urge to burp the worm. Since starting Khan my desire to even burp the worm is practically non existent. Instead I am channeling that into other areas of my life, even though I have gotten better with that over the past year since joining SubClub, Khan is taking that to the next level.
This result is giving me something that I have truly lacked since my teenage years, something that will improve my life in general, to internally by not only becoming a better individual but also a better man.
Also I have noticed A LOT of more stares from women at my new job. Now there is some resistance on my part since I am the type of person that doesn’t date co workers, however:
I have noticed a lot people that do that here.
Some people don’t even see their partner’s since it’s such a huge facility and most of the time people work in different departments.
Now noticing all of that, even prior to starting Khan I have become somewhat more accepting to the idea, and Khan seems to be pushing it a little bit too so I will just let that happen naturally and not force anything, especially since this was trait I have had since I started working in high school.
Also something that has been preventing me for a long time from even attempting anything dating/sex wise is beginning to diminish.
So most of you probably know my story starting with basically being a loser heavy drinker, to graduating school within the top 10, controlling my drinking, getting a job in my field, and slowly getting out of debt etc.
Now I am still living at my parents due to me being in debt, past poor choices, and starting to get on my feet with both jobs so I’m not making a lot of money (yet) at this point in time. Now the simple fact that I am still living at my parents has really hindered my self confidence in the dating dept. which is understandable imo. Then I realized a few things.
There are a lot of dudes out there that are complete losers (I was one of them) that are able to pull women left and right, and some of them are in worse positions than I was in life. I am also better than most of those dudes anyways.
A good woman would see and respect the effort that I have put in and continue to put in to better myself and my life, and also understand that these types of changes can take a lot of time to see results.
Hell she wouldn’t even have to give dating a chance but if she wouldn’t even take the time to get to know me and see that, then it wouldn’t even be worth it for me in the first place.
Not saying that every woman I come across should give me a chance, but I am saying that this fear no longer holds power over nor no longer defines my self worth.
Okay so I mentioned in one of the above posts that I have been wanting to get out of credit card debt, while I have been chipping away at it I finally decided it was time to start really hitting it hard. Looking at my debt as a whole it kinda gave a reality check, now then:
At first I was kinda intimidated but I quickly shook it off and started to plan on how to best attack this.
I wont put how much, but honestly it is very doable for me to accomplish, while also saving money on the side.
In regards to the first point I actually ended up getting fired up and excited to challenge myself to get this goal accomplished, looking forward to additional growth along the way!
Felt some energetic attraction from some clients, but obviously for the sake of my license I didn’t/cant pursue haha
Actually there was one client that didnt really care for it, however I didnt let it bother me at all. Tbh she kinda had total Thunder Karen vibes and I didnt like her vibe and I dont think she really cared for anyone’s vibe tbh lol. 6/7 clients that loved my work though…im doing something right, and well not everyone is going to like my work, thats just the nature of the business.
Now for yesterdays big result! So yesterday was my first official day working as a massage therapist, it was at an event at a yoga studio, with chair massage included in this event. Usually I would have been nervous as hell but I was confident and ready to go. Long story short it was a resounding success! I had 7 clients (chair massage is shorter duration) in about 2 hours and without tips I made a little over $100, plus everyone was happy with their results. This has got me thinking about buying my own massage chair and doing mobile massage to peoples houses and businesses.
Now to address my stack as a whole. So far I love Khan, and I am loving LotS, I was up in the air with what I wanted as a 3rd sub in my stack. Now prior to me checking my overall debt and getting a reality check I was stuck between Stark, or Chosen. While I did use Stark the other day and absolutely loved it, it kinda changed with the reality check, and ultimately decided to try taking it into a different direction. I decided with Emperor Black. This decision honestly came out of no where via my intuition, and when I examined it I came to the following conclusions:
Khan is slowly yet effectively transforming me into a much better version of myself. At least for a while I want to capitalize on this period and take it a step further while making inner growth more focused with Emperor Black.
Now is the perfect time for me to go into a “Monk Mode” like phase.
Both Khan and Emperor Black are very good at cultivating and teaching one to control and utilize power and dominance in a mature manner.
Adds a spiritual touch to my stack.
Minimize distractions and allows me to focus hard on my goals.
Makes me a social god, without the desire need to be social.
Also to build momentum so when I do decide to swap out Emperor Black for something else I will have better habits to keep going strong!
When I listened to EB the first time around, I was studying for my licensing exam and just working. Obviously it was a great time to use EB but at that point in time I was constrained to just, working and studying. Now I am building clientele, working a new job, and also growing immensely as a person. Basically EB has much more room to shine now.
I have many other points but these are the main ones, now as I said at this point in time this is kinda just a test, cause while I do see beautiful synergy between Khan and EB, in some ways it could also be overkill lol especially in the power and dominance department haha. Or I might genuinely be on to something here. I will give it today and next week and closely observe myself and results and come to that conclusion. If I think its overkill, then I will just switch back to Stark. BTW if EB is going to be in my stack it will only be in it for a few months.
Speaking of today!
Not even an hour later after listening to my stack ngl I feel super zen and relaxed.
Already noticing the cognition and focus aspects.
Internal power is just steadily rising.
Now this is my last listening day this week so I will continue with this test next week, but initial results are good!
So I forgot to mention that I am taking a break from journaling on here because I want to start practicing offline journaling, to write down more private results, and also have another reference to look back on in terms of growth and results.
I will however stay active on the forum and some results that arent too personal within the Main Discussion thread pertaining to any particular sub.
Very relatable - have you found better matching friends?
I’ve friend who I know for very long time and we just have nothing to talk about, its very shallow. No flow in the convo, i have to make him warm for it. Feel bad because he is always loyal and good to me, but there is no friends s spark anymore
Damn its been a minute…Okay so im going to condense down a big update into a smaller update since its been almost two months.
So during my time away from my journal I created a custom called Fate Breaker. It consisted of Emperor, Stark, and Lots, listened to that for a good while until Genesis was released. Had a lot of great results from it mainly it was a lot of internal healing though, with the only real gamechanger was me deciding to leave the Yoga Studio and pursue my own mobile massage business. The decision was basically an issue with money, basically I wouldn’t be paid at all what I am worth. I have also tossed the idea around of working for a spa a few towns over and work part time, plus I would be out of range for a non competitive agreement so I can still do mobile in my area.
Things have been good on that front lol I got most of the equipment I need to get started, just want to get a few more sheets and blankets, business license, and pricing structure and I should be good to go near the end of June 
Now to explain my new stack! I also want to say that I went on a 1 week washout before starting.
I will start with
Genesis
Genesis came into my stack basically the day after its release and damn do I love this sub 
More energy
A lot more optimistic
Turning me into a much more positive person
Thinking much more clearly
People are a lot friendlier to me, and I have gotten random gifts, which has saved me money from purchasing them my self. Like a water bottle for work, or a new chair for my room.
Now the main reason why I swapped Fate Breaker out for Genesis was mainly I just wanted a break from Alpha titles. I came to the conclusion during the washout that I went on prior to the STKS release, well I was looking for a title (or make a custom) that wasnt alpha, had wealth, and positivity, so yall should have seen my face when Genesis had all that plus more haha
Khan Black
Now before I get into Khan Black I do need to address Khan itself and why I decided to discontinue it:
To those who have known me from my past posts or my recent Khan Black posts I have had an issue with porn and masturbation abuse in the past, to the point where I know I had sexual disfunction. Khan was a lot for me in that regard. Dont get me wrong Khan would have helped me out but I wanted something more direct ironically it was Khan Black 
Now short term I loved Khan but as I continued to listen to it tbh I knew Khan just wasnt for me at this point in time and I wanted to build more upon my foundation before I returned to Khan. Hence beast mode came along, and while I got amazing results from it I ended up just moving onto Genesis, since as I said I wanted to take a step back from Alpha titles for a few or more cycles.
Now I added Khan Black cause well it is a sub that attacks one’s sexuality and good lord do I need that lol, now I have put some posts on Khan Black’s page but I will share some results for this journal.
Honestly the easiest NoFap streak ever.
Sleeping better since I not riddled with lust all the time
Thinking even clearer.
A lot calmer and generally more relaxed
More and more energy building up with each loop, however its not volatile but can be explosive when I need it to be
Even though I do wanna go 90 days of no release ( just wanna challenge myself) I am more comfortable with having a lover either romantic, sexual or both, whether it happens before or after the 90 days
Manifestation abilities seems to be increasing
Not controlled by lust or desire, even when I do have sexual thoughts
Dreams that cause sexual healing
Having a strong feeling that a really good sex life is in my future haha
Okay so some great news to share, and that is I officially got my my business license for my Mobile Massage company. Now I can start making some money! The only thing I need to figure out is finding another job that can allow me to have more availability for clientele. It will come though, just gotta keep looking
So I haven’t really been present as of late and I finally decided to comment as of why I have been absent and where I am at now.
Most of you know that I have struggled with PMO for a long time and I have been getting a lot better with especially with Khan Black (and still am) but Khan Black ST1 really dug deep…
Long story short Khan Black St1 showed me everything during the past decade that I have used PMO to run from, numb the pain, cover up and bury etc. and it hit me like a god damn train. I will admit that during this time I have broken down in tears on multiple occasions, being very angry at myself for allowing PMO to go on for as long as I did. A lot of painful experiences finally got processed and as the weeks progressed I began to forgive myself more and more.
The biggest reason why I didnt post anything or reach out is because tbh my mind as well as my emotions were just all over the damn place that I didnt want to accidently take it out on forum members . On top of that I was just processing so much from the past decade I just wanted to be alone in all honesty, also I was pretty well aware what Khan Black ST1 was doing so I was confident I would end up just fine. That being said while I am on stage 2 now, I am very thankful for the painful growth that ST1 has given me, despite everything that I just said, I feel I grew a lot in the past month, and thats something to be thankful for.
As of now I am actually in a much better place mentally and emotionally and I wanna share more of the good that has come about from all this.
I have been following a workout regiment very consistently, even lost some weight.
Been saving a lot more money.
Fixing up my sleep schedule, even becoming a morning person now.
Doing a lot more cleaning and its starting to not feel like a “chore” anymore.
Getting other tasks started and finished much sooner.
Much better control over my emotions and less irritable in general. Tbh I am much happier.
Speaking of emotions I am starting to feel my emotions on a deeper level.
Cleaning up my diet.
A genuine love for socializing now but a lot more comfortable with myself to still be a loner.
People seem to enjoy my company much more now as well.
Still have sexual urges but I have a lot of control over them now.
When I think about Khan Black ST1 and the years of PMO…Khan Black is giving me something that I denied to my self from my teenage years till roughly a few years ago with my off and on nofap streaks. That was control over my sexual energy and true sexual transmutation, which is something that I didn’t really do until Khan Black. Tbh NoFap just caused a lot of sexual stagnancy within myself, which just made me horny all the time and caused no growth nor the healing that I needed. Khan Black is maturing me in ways that were stunted by PMO.
I did test out a theory that I found to be true…With the growth from Khan Black I have actually noticed better results from other subs that used to give me a very hard time and I am handling the recon better when it does appear.
Once again I am incredibly thankful for Khan Black.
Moving forward I do plan on being more active on the forum again however I will keep a lot of things close to my chest. While I am in a much better place, I still went through a lot internally and emotionally in a very short time. While I am a lot more stable (more so than even before the turbo healing I went through) I still am going through more changes so journaling on a public forum just doesnt really interest me right now. I might just start a new journal because I am thinking about changing an old mindset that I have and I think that its time to implement a new one, a mindset that challenges me, and makes comfortable with being uncomfortable.
I’ve noticed something very similar. I also had problems with PMO that is being fully addressed by KB. It used to feel like my entire confidence and self worth was dictated by how long my nofap clean streak was which is toxic af. If I ‘relapsed’ my confidence would be absolute trash for like a week solid.
Now though, with KB, it’s completely removing that power it had over me. I still strive to stay away from porn because I think it slows down my growth but what’s really important to realise is that it doesn’t STOP my growth or more importantly reverse it. If I ‘relapse’ now I just accept that my development will just be a little bit slower than it could’ve been for a few days.
I encourage you to keep journaling brother, posts like this are helpful to read.
I decided today that I will be logging off of the forum for a few months I have multiple reasons but the main 3 are:
I rarely post on my journal as is.
Even though I dont post on my journal that often, I am on the forum a lot, to the point I treat it as a social media platform. Don’t get me wrong, while I do find the forum extremely positive, and full of good people…I still treat it like a social media platform and that is not the purpose of this forum. I feel the best way for me to handle it is to just step away for a bit, and focus solely on my own journey.
The biggest reason is that Khan Black is just changing and healing my internal world so much, that its starting to change my external world in multiple areas of my life, that almost have nothing to even do with romance or sex.
I dont mean this in a bad way, but I just want to be alone right now, and just focus on myself. Even in my personal life, I just wanna be alone right now.
Now I want to clarify that none of my experiences have been bad or anything, nor am I coming from a place of depression or negativity, in fact the changes have been amazing, but they have been very deep changes and its just a lot, a lot of good but still a lot lol. I am cutting back on loops btw.
My theory is that since my late teenage years to basically Khan Black, I had issues with PMO, and well it just seriously fucked up my sexual side of me, which is my expression of sex, my thoughts of sex, and my overall connection with sex. Khan Black has and still is healing that side of me and a few days ago its almost as if I felt my sexual energy or side or whatever, begin to awaken and really start to activate. That was the best way I could put it btw. I already feel that as it develops its changing me (in a good way) in multiple areas from my connection with my masculinity, to chasing my goals and taking action, my self esteem, more alpha traits, emotional regulation etc. oh and of course I have had more attraction from the ladies.
With KB giving me something that I have never properly developed and also severely fucked up, I am achieving a balance within myself that I never thought even existed. These past few months I have been changing a lot of my interests, thought patterns, to even how I handle day to day interactions, and I feel like I am rediscovering myself, and a lot of my old deeply rooted ways that no longer serve me are starting to fade away. With the old fading away, I wanna step back and let the new just integrate.
So there you have it this is why I am stepping away for a very good while. I also want to state before I dip out…I am very thankful for these results, its just like I said its just a lot right now 
plus me stepping away from the forum and not checking other peoples journals and comparing my results to theirs (another reason I should step away tbh) and just focusing on my own journey, and trying not to rush my results, is the best course of action for me at this point in time.
Stay successful y’all , hope to see y’all again later this year, so I can share my success. @RVconsultant when you see this, can you please close this journal. Thank You.
Uber, out 