To Shayul Ghul and Back

Journals - Major Programs
#341

DR ST3 DAY9 (update)

Took a nap after lunch. Felt much better after a short break.

Not sure if it’s the subs or just because I’m leaving, but I felt a slight push to finish documenting what I’ve been doing. I mean, of all the things I really don’t like, it’s writing down every program/system/task that I’ve worked on. And here I was documenting a few of the systems I worked on. From installation up to usage.

I still have a couple more documents to write, but somehow, I feel good having done so. Too bad I’m leaving.

And at the same time, at the back of my head, I’m thinking, why do I need to do all this when I started out with scratch? A part of me is again thinking of how “unfair” things have been.

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#342

Good to hear this from you end

Keep you head up thing will get better and brighter i know

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#343

DR ST3 DAY10

Went to the office today as I needed to help a colleague of mine move a machine over to their cubicle and help set it up. Offloading this type of stuff feels like both a weight has lifted off my shoulder and like I’m lost a part of myself.

Since I was in the office, I also left my company issued laptop and badge. Saved me from having to go back just for this as I haven’t used the laptop in a while now.

Not sure if it’s Love Bomb or if it’s something else, but I saw a couple of ladies at the office whom I worked with before seemed to be sad I was leaving. When we saw each other, it was like they wanted to keep talking to me and catch up on things.

Funny, yet irritating thing happened this afternoon. I received an email from another recruiter whom I chatted with a few months ago. Turns out, the hiring manager never got a chance to see my resume. Now that they opened another position, he showed my resume to the manager and wanted to see if I could talk to them. What irritated me was that when I was actively looking, they didn’t look at my application. Now that I’ve got another one lined up, they’re asking about me? A part of me feels flattered, and yet another part of me feels pissed for having been neglected prior.

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#344

There does sometimes seem to be a tendency for this to happen. Don’t know.

I’m just glad that after all of your persistent efforts, you have been able to create movement.

You’ve really done a lot of work.

#345

What @Malkuth said.

The thing about DR is that weird shit happens! It’s so annoying. I’ve had a week when people were just mean to me.

There have been days I couldn’t do anything right.

There have been days that no matter how kind I tried to be I just looked like I was being social awkward or offensive.

I can’t explain it.

I can tell you that it passes and things get better.

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Rise to Stardom
#346

DR ST3 DAY11

“Finished” writing the documents my current boss wanted me to write. I add quotes in finished because the contents of the documents were all that I was willing to write. I didn’t want to delve deeper into all the intricacies of how I thought or went about each and every project I worked on.

Funny thing was I had that exit interview with our HR today. When asked if I was just taking things slow today and tomorrow, I responded with something like “I guess it all depends on my boss”. That got a laugh out of the both of us. I’m hoping my boss doesn’t have any follow-up questions tomorrow.

Aside from that, I’m both excited and sad. After working on this company for a while, I’m rather sad that I have to go. As I told the HR, “when you feel like you’re doing the same thing every day, it’s time to move on.” Which is true. But, a part of me still wants to stay. I guess a part of me is also hesitant to tread the unknown.

Still, I’m also excited because this new job will bring about newer opportunities and newer learning experiences. Opportunities and experiences I couldn’t get from my current situation.

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#347

I relate to this strongly.

I was just thinking today that every change whether welcome or unwelcome brings me this feeling of disorientation and instability. It’s harder to handle if I’m exhausted.

If I’m exhausted then every change feels like an attack. There’s so much insecurity.

#348

I’m happy for your new life ahead of you!

#349

I can very much relate to this.

#350

Thank you @RVconsultant.

#351

DR ST3 DAY12

Last day at my current job. Feeling a bit guilty since I did absolutely nothing for them today. Felt more like a payed leave today.

Got a bunch of onboarding email from my new employer. Haven’t even started and there’s already a lot of paperwork being requested. Lol.

Somehow, I feel excited for the new change. And still sad that I’m leaving the old one behind. Although I keep reiterating that I don’t like closing doors, I often end up not communicating with them anyway. It seems like a part of me does not want to look back.

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#352

DR ST3 DAY13

Rest day. Nothing much to write about really. Been lazy most of the day. Wife started giving me her usual “shit tests” again. Put her in her place by not really giving her what she wanted. I felt that she was just lashing out because the dinner she cooked didn’t taste like what she wanted.

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#353

DR ST3 DAY14

Another rest day. Kids weren’t behaving today. Wife was mad most of the time because of this. Somehow, I felt rather unaffected by it most of the time today. Although there were some bursts of impatience and anger, it was more or less controlled.

Called my family back home. Felt rather homesick today. Felt good to talk to them.

Feeling rather excited for tomorrow. Part of me is still worried as it’s totally new and I don’t even know the ins and outs of anything going on in that company. But still, a part of me can’t wait and wants to jump right in.

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#354

I strongly believe that for me this is an effect of DR. Even if I have an initial negative emotional reaction, it almost always dissipates within a minute.

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#355

DR ST3 DAY15

Changed my stack a bit. Went with:

  • DR ST3 x2
  • LimitlessQ x2
  • MogulQ x1
  • Limitless Executive Ultima x1

For now, I’m going to go with DR ST3 as my primary and LimitlessQ and MogulQ as my secondary subs. LEU will serve as a booster. It can be reconciliation, or it can be that I’m actually freaking out inside. But after I talked to my new boss, it seems that there’s a lot expected of me. I feel that for now, I need my brain to be running at full capacity and at the same time I don’t want my productivity to decline. Given that it’s a new job, I want to give a very good impression and show them that we’re all getting our money’s worth.

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#356

One option could be to set DR aside for a week or two.

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#357

Probably. But:

  1. I don’t want to “delay” any progress I had with DR. I feel that if I take a break from DR, I might run into a bunch of reconciliation and all that once I get back on it.
  2. I’ve been using DR and Mogul as part of my stack for some time now. What I did was simply replace RICH Ultima with LimitlessQ and Love Bomb Ultima with LEU.
  3. So in a sense, I just dropped the bomb on love and wealth manifestation to add more focus on my brain and productivity for now.
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#358

DR ST3 DAY16

Again went with:

  • DR ST3 x2
  • LimitlessQ x2
  • MogulQ x1
  • Limitless Executive Ultima x1

Part of me feels that there’s a lot of processing going on inside my head. The thing is, I’m having a hard time prioritizing the thoughts and ideas running inside my head.

Spent most of the day trying to read a ton of documentation. Either related to processes or systems being used by the team. As I was reading, a lot of stuff/thoughts came popping up. It can be distracting sometimes. While other times they feel like they’re redirecting me towards other things.

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#359

Since you’re at a new job how about

DR ST3 x1
LimitlessQ x1
MogulQ x1
Limitless Executive Ultima x1
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#360

Though I appreciate the suggestion, I’m really stubborn. So I think I’ll stick to this one for now. But thanks @RVconsultant.

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