DR ST3 DAY1(not so early update)
So after a week’s break, I’m back to running subs. Last week felt like I was a junkie on withdrawal. Not sure if it’s withdrawal symptoms or reconciliation. But last week I’ve been rather depressed, and easily angry. Either reconciliation, or maybe it’s because I wasn’t running Love Bomb or any state shifting sub.
In any case, hopefully I’ve got all that out of my system. As of today, I started running DR ST3, also a loop of Love Bomb. We’ll see how it goes.
DR ST3 DAY1(update)
Nothing much happened today. Wanted to take things slow and not overdo my stack. Still a bit weary of going overboard right after a hiatus.
Kids were not behaving today. Wife and I felt like they were trying to test our limits throughout the day.
Today, I ended up with the following stack:
Taking @RVconsultant’s past advice and taking things a bit slow this time. Feel like too much may cause a lot of reconciliation.
Remember you can always take more rest days or do something like this:
DR ST3 x1
MogulQ x1
RICH Ultima x1
Love Bomb Ultima x1
or
DR ST3 x2
RICH Ultima x1
Love Bomb Ultima x1
OR
DR ST3 x1
RICH Ultima x1
Love Bomb Ultima x1
You get the idea. Keep in mind, these ideas reflect my biases. I’m biased about DR at this point.
DR ST3 DAY2
Didn’t really feel like updating my journal. But as it’s my way of counting the number of days, I might as well proceed.
So yesterday, I gave my 2 weeks notice to my boss. I credit RICH for manifesting a job offer for me out of the blue.
Felt rather ironic as I interviewed a candidate my boss was considering before I even tendered my resignation. But still went along with it. Felt more like a charade really. But considering the fact that a teammate of mine left the company just a week ago, I felt mixed emotions really.
The whole day felt more like on autopilot. Just working on menial tasks. I know that I still have some pending things, documentation and process improvement and stuff, but I just felt so damned lazy. At the back of my mind, I still don’t want to leave the team hanging and just pack up and leave. But at the same time, I’m more like a kid counting down the last minutes of school before summer starts.
You sound like a different person than even 6 weeks ago.
Congratulations man!
Thank you @RVconsultant. Although, to be honest, I don’t feel different. But then again, Johari’s window, I guess. Some parts I see, some I don’t.
DR ST3 DAY3
Tired. That’s all I can say about today. Took the car to the mechanic because of burnt smell that just keeps lingering. When I got there, I was told that it would take some time for them to figure out what the issue was. Decided to walk 30 minutes home. Although the shop was not that far from home, the real reason why it took me much longer was because of my short legs and slippery pavement from rain.
Shortly after lunch, I got a call from the mechanic saying the problem was because of the phone charger plugged in to the car. After removing it, the smell went away. Felt both stupid and relieved. All the while I thought it was an oil leak that we couldn’t find or something worse.
So I had to walk back to the shop to get the car. But at least it wasn’t smelly any more and I could breathe better.
As for work, after a year of not doing anything for one of our products (I was told to stop supporting said product), I got an email asking for an update for it. Felt rather pissed off since the last time anyone talked to me about it was to simply reprimand me for it.
And here I am, about to leave the company in a little over a week. If it wasn’t for the fact that I didn’t want to leave with any bad feelings nor bitterness, I would have just ignored this.
I’d never heard of this before. I just learned something lo. Thanks!
DR ST3 DAY4
Today wasn’t much to talk about really. Been feeling rather pissed off actually. Feel like my boss is making it harder for me to leave. Been having me do a lot of “documentation” and stuff. But at the same time, I still need to work on my current tasks or teach them to others.
Spent tonight simply just binge watching. Been wanting to “escape” all this really. Maybe reconciliation?
Sincerely wish you a most excellent, smooth, and satisfying change. You kept your head and just got it done.
Your inner stoicism comes through strongly in your posts. Wait and see what happens. Deal with whatever it is.
Well, I hope one excellent change leads to another and another in a cascade of expectation-transcending fortune.
Thank you.
To be honest, I don’t really feel stoic. I often feel like there’s an inner turmoil going on.
That’s what I’m hoping for.
DR ST3 DAY5
Felt rather surprised and honored by my future boss today. Received an email telling me that they’re excited to have me come aboard, etc. What got me a bit worried is the fact that the email was sent around 5am local time. Given that me and my future boss live in the same time zone, it actually made me a bit nervous given that he’s already up and awake by then.
As for my current work, I really can’t wait to just drop everything. All the crap I want to leave behind…
And yet, I still have a lot of documentation to write. A colleague of mine who will be handling one of my tasks emailed me asking for a proper transfer and documents. Although I don’t really want to, I also don’t want to leave them hanging.
Because stoicism isn’t a feeling. It’s a way of coping with feelings.
DR ST3 DAY6
Rest day. Woke up at 6:30 thinking it was a school day. Got up from bed only to realize it was a Saturday. I promptly went back to sleep. Lately, I’ve been finding it easier to get back to sleep even when I wake up in the middle of the night. Before, I used to have difficulty sleeping once I wake up.
Got up at noon. Not sure if it was because of too much sleep, reconciliation, or maybe because I lacked sleep, but I woke up with a minor headache. Good thing that it went away after a while.
Nothing much to write about today. Although I did feel sleepy most of the day.
Still getting flashes of anger. Maybe recon. Hope it gets better.
DR ST3 DAY7
Rest day today. And yet, I don’t feel rested.
Been really easily angered today. Maybe it’s reconciliation, or maybe because I’m seeing and hearing things I don’t like that are somehow being amplified. I’m not sure really.
Given that we’re running low on supplies and that my wife doesn’t want to wake up early because it’s her time to sleep in today, I suggested that I go buy groceries tomorrow morning instead. So instead of resting tonight, I ended up writing documentation for the knowledge transfer I have to present tomorrow afternoon.
This may be one of the reasons why I’m really pissed off. I mean. Hearing this “excuse” from the wife was really hard to let go. I mean, before, when it’s my turn to sleep in, I still woke up early so that we could all go on drive or such things. But when it’s her turn, I have to make adjustments.
Oh well. As my dad used to say. “You can’t live with them. You can’t live without them.”
I can understand your anger, frustration, and perhaps you even have a sense of “it’s not fair”.
Maybe it’s reconciliation. Maybe it’s a part of you saying that you want to be treated differently.
By the way, I some times feel tired on my rest day and it isn’t until the second or third day of rest that I feel more energy coming back.
DR ST3 DAY8
I honestly don’t understand the concept of daylight savings. Been feeling a lot sleepy throughout the day. I even had to take a nap around noon because I couldn’t think properly. Either because I woke up earlier than my body clock usually wakes up, or because of reconciliation, or both, but I really felt so sluggish today.
Went to the grocery this morning. Upon reaching the cashier, I honestly barely understood what she was saying most of the time.
Had to do conduct a knowledge transfer training for one of the tasks I normally do. It was really difficult for me to do so. Maybe because I felt that it took me a long time to understand everything I was doing, and here I was simply giving everything on a silver platter. Again, my sense of “fairness” seems to be coming into play.
DR ST3 DAY9 (early update)
I’m still trying to get the hang of daylight savings. Although I woke up “on time”, I’m now sleepy and feel my eyes getting heavier every minute.
Had a dream about my ex. I haven’t talked to her in years. In my dream, I met her with her husband in what looked like a cruise ship. We talked some. Somehow, I don’t recall the specifics, I managed to talk to her husband and tell him to take care of her, and that she was in good hands with him.
How about a few more rest days?
I just might take tomorrow as a rest day.