After some thinking, I’m starting to think that maybe running DR is best for me right now. As @realbillperry and I were discussing in my previous journal, simply wanting to be anywhere but where I am now, is but taking a single step. However, not knowing where to actually go is a different story, as it may just bring me back to where I was.
So in retrospect, I know not where or what I really want it seems. And for me to gain this knowledge, I must first know who I was, who I am, and who I am meant to be. This I believe is the best route I can take right now. I guess, this will be my journey to find myself again. Know what I am truly capable of. And from there, know where I am meant to be.
No going back to my day, I can honestly say that there was anger rising during morning. Not really sure if it was cause by some resentment I still feel towards others. But all I can say is, I remembered various reasons why I was mad at some people, to the point that I felt almost like blowing up. All that anger filling me up.
Similar to my earlier experience with KhanST1. But this felt worse. For not only did I feel anger, I also felt pain, sorrow, loneliness and misery. Like something empty that could never be filled up. Maybe it was the thought that I did no longer knew myself from all my failures and such. I honestly don’t know.
So on my 2nd loop of SanguineU, I felt hope shortly after. I didn’t feel the normal joy and calm I felt before with SanguineU. But hope is better than pure sorrow.