To Shayul Ghul and Back

Journals - Major Programs
#281

Thank you @Sub.Zero and @RVconsultant. I think our talk went well.

3 Likes
#282

DR ST2 DAY39 (update)

So it looks like my phone call with the hiring manager went ok. Although Iā€™m trying not to keep my hopes too high as Iā€™ve been burned before.

So, kids were fighting the whole day, and wife was grumpy. Somehow, I felt like my wife was in her shit-testing mood constantly throwing shade at me the whole day. Itā€™s not like it was my fault I was in a meeting while kids were fighting and all that. But somehow, I was able to maintain a composure I havenā€™t felt in a long time.

Iā€™m not sure, but it may be reconciliation. I just started having another headache about 2 hours ago. Might be because I ran 3 Ultima loops?

So today, my stack was:
  • DR ST2 x2
  • RICH Ultima x2
  • Love Bomb x1
  • MogulQ x1
2 Likes
#283

How you and @COWolfe do it, I just wish I knew. I think you and @COWolfe are 50% :angel:

#284

Do what? Iā€™m confused here.

#285

Iā€™ve been following your journal. You are able to keep going, do what needs to be done, find solutions, and stay loyal to yourself and those around you regardless of circumstances. Iā€™m in awe!

#286

Itā€™s a matter of not having a choice really.

1 Like
#287

Iā€™m not sure if itā€™s really not having a choice, or choosing that itā€™s the only way.

1 Like
#288

DR ST2 DAY40

Nothing much today. Todayā€™s stack was:

  • DR ST2 x2
  • MogulQ x2
  • RICH Ultima x1
  • Love Bomb x1

Kids were not behaving early during the day. Although, I also had to take my youngest back to the medical center to check the TB test results.

Aside from work and the family, today was really uneventful.

2 Likes
#289

I find uneventful days can be relaxing.

#290

True. Found myself binge watching Young Justice last night. I donā€™t know why, but superhero cartoons are so relaxing for me.

#291

I personally prefer BBC comedies. However superhero shows are tempting as well.

#292

Wifeā€™s been binge-watching on Friends and Big Bang Theory. Somehow, I feel that sheā€™s laughed up all the comedy for the both of us. Lolā€¦

#293

DR ST2 Day41(mid-day update)

Supposed to be a rest day. However, I just couldnā€™t resist the pull of Love Bomb. Played a loop just for the sake of it.

I donā€™t really know why, but I feel good with Love Bomb. Thereā€™s this calm warmth that goes with it. Even when the kids arenā€™t behaving, I still feel composed. I even tried to shout and get mad, but the anger was very quick to dissipate. And here I am actually forcing myself to get mad. Lolā€¦

2 Likes
#294

One of my favorite shows.

Iā€™ve noticed this with DR too. Trying to get angry feels like it takes effort and gets boring quick.

@COWolfe havenā€™t you experienced something similar like a reduction in anger?

1 Like
#295

Sure have, though I can still get angry at stuff thatā€™s happening right now. What I donā€™t have is memories and fantasies come up randomly to make me feel pissed off.

1 Like
#296

Iā€™ve noticed this too.

1 Like
#297

DR ST2 DAY42

Rest day, yet reconciliation popping up. Flashes of anger showing. Voice raising to shouts. I donā€™t know whatā€™s wrong.

Hopefully tomorrow gets better.

Oh wellā€¦ Que sera seraā€¦

2 Likes
#298

DR ST2 DAY43(early update)

Went to bed around midnight last night. Got so used to sleeping way past midnight, I forgot that kids have school today.

Although I woke up groggy, I got up when my alarm rang. Tried to meditate, but fell asleep halfway. Could be because of the cold weather, or because of lack of ā€œproperā€ sleep due to binge watching the past few days, or maybe both, but Iā€™m not really happy about falling asleep while trying to go back to previously normal routines.

Somehow, at the back of my mind, I dislike breaks. I hate it when a previously established routine is broken. I hate it even more when you have to re-establish it again. Re-establishing is harder. Especially if the routine was first ā€œforcedā€ on you, either by yourself, or externally.

So after ā€œmeditatingā€, I played a loop of DR ST2. Am now listening to a loop of RICH Ultima.

Part of me is thinking whether or not a rest day would have been better. Yet another part of me is thinking that Iā€™ve already been on Stage2 for over 40 days, and I feel that I have yet to have a ā€œbreakthroughā€. Could be reconciliation, or could be because it was during this stage that I changed my stack. Or it could also be because of reconciliation from the stack itself (not just from DR ST2). But right now, Iā€™m torn between:

  • adding another week,
  • move on to stage 3,
  • have a weekā€™s worth of subliminal purging and then move on to stage 3,
  • or add another week and then have a week off before stage 3.

Oh wellā€¦ Que sera seraā€¦

1 Like
#299

DR ST2 DAY44

So yesterday, the manager I talked to last week seems to actually want me. He had the HR call me and we talked about getting hired. The bad thing is that the salary they can offer is way lower than my current. I was really hoping to work with my former colleagues. Disappointing really.

As for today, Iā€™ve been having a migraine. I already played 2 loops of Paragon Ultima, but still feel my brain throbbing. Not sure if itā€™s because of reconciliation, or maybe because I need more rest days.

To top it all, Iā€™ve got another interview tomorrow. Hopefully, this will be good.

Oh wellā€¦ Que sera seraā€¦

#300

And perhaps more sleep?