To Shayul Ghul and Back

Journals - Major Programs
#261

DR ST2 DAY31(update)

All I can say is reconciliation is a bitch. Had a headache half the day. Took a nap around noon, but headache was still there. Thank goodness for Paragon Complete. Headache dissipated shortly after. But it was really difficult to think with that throbbing in my head.

Aside from headache, anger mostly. Feeling of pent-up anger and frustration popping up. Tried to be calm most of the day, but every so often, my voice would just get loud. Sometimes, I found myself shouting. Sometimes, I found myself actually debating with myself as to why I should let some thoughts go as they were just useless or would cause more problems if I focused on them.

So today, I had the following stack:
  • DR ST x2
  • RICH Ultima x2
  • Paragon Complete x1
  • MogulQ x2
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#262

DR ST2 DAY32(early update)

Went to bed around midnight last night. For some reason, I woke up around 2 am. Good thing I was able to get back to sleep.

Woke up shortly before 6 and did my morning meditation. Played a loop of DR ST2 right after. Again feelings of pent-up anger and frustration are popping up while I prepared my kids for their day.

Am playing a loop of MogulQ now. Hopefully today would be better.

Oh wellā€¦ Que sera seraā€¦

1 Like
#263

DR ST2 DAY32(update)

Feeling pissed at my boss. After repeatedly asking him 2 years ago about a possible project for me, and constantly being told not to pursue it, at the meeting today, he asked me about a machine we had that was supposedly for that purpose. I was speechless since I havenā€™t touched it in years, believing that another teammate of mine was supposed to handle it.

Aside from this, still having reconciliation. Will probably take Saturday to Monday off.

In the meantime, my stack today was
  • DR ST2 x2
  • RICH Ultima x1
  • MogulQ x2
#264

DR ST2 DAY33(early update)

Went to bed around midnight. Not sure, but I feel like I kept waking up last night. When I woke up this morning, I felt like I had a very restless night, I couldnā€™t open my eyes, and I was so tired.

Tried meditating, but my eldest, for some reason, woke up far earlier than usual. Thing is, my wife insists on putting baby monitors in my kidsā€™ rooms. And my eldest is a non-stop talker! He only stops when he sleeps. So my kidā€™s talking popped me out of my meditation, and I couldnā€™t get back to it. Lesson for the day, turn off the monitors.

Played a loop of DR ST2 right after. Am now listening to a loop of MogulQ. Iā€™m not sure if itā€™s reconciliation, but Iā€™m right now starting to feel the beginning of a headache. Will probably play a loop of Paragon Complete if this keeps up.

2 Likes
#265

DR ST2 DAY33(update)

Lazy lazy day. Call it reconciliation, but I just didnā€™t really want to work today. Good thing headache went away.

So today, my stack was the same as yesterday.
  • DR ST2 x2
  • RICH Ultima x1
  • MogulQ x2

Am currently binge-watching. Aquaman!!!

3 Likes
#266

DR ST2 DAY34

Rest day on a Saturday. Woke up around 11am and tried to meditate. Canā€™t really say it was a success since kids were rather noisy, but it was better than nothing I guess.

A lot of reconciliation today. Anger, frustration, shouting all popping up every now and then. Add the fact that itā€™s my wifeā€™s time of the month, and Iā€™m actually grateful that we didnā€™t end up fighting.

I just realized that my reaction to ST2 is very different with ST1. With ST1, reconciliation was less especially during the 2nd half. However, with ST2, I only feel that reconciliation is getting a lot more worse now. Either my reaction to the 2 stages is different as compared to everyone elseā€™s or maybe because I am stacking differently now as compare to ST1. Maybe itā€™s the wealth subs that Iā€™m reacting more ā€œviolently(?)ā€ to.

Am planning on extending my rest day till Monday and see how it goes.

Oh wellā€¦ Que sera seraā€¦

4 Likes
#267

I think @SaintSovereign said RICH was giving him a bit of the reconciliation.

#268

Yeahā€¦ I read it somewhere that RICH can cause a lot of reconciliation. But since Iā€™ve stacked it, I was hoping it would be a lot less. But then again, it turns out that I may have been wrongā€¦

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#269

DR ST2 DAY35

Valentineā€™s dayā€¦ Rest dayā€¦

Moments of anger keep popping up. Kids seem to know just how to test oneā€™s patience.

Wife and I went on a ā€œdateā€, though really it was just some drinks and a movie at home. With Covid, itā€™s really difficult to even think about going out and taking unnecessary risks. But yeah, watched ā€œA Star is Bornā€ on TV. Wife loved the idea, no matter how cheesy it could be. Too bad is was her time of the month. Alcohol makes her very frisky. Oh wellā€¦

Will be taking another rest day tomorrow. Hopefully reconciliation subsides. Either that or I may be forced to decrease loop count of RICH to just max of 1 loop/day.

Oh wellā€¦ Que sera seraā€¦

2 Likes
#270

You are a G, man.

A gentleman and a scholar.

Continue holding it down for your family. :sunglasses:

1 Like
#271

Iā€™ve only listened to about 2 loops of RICH. I canā€™t listen to it every day.

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#272

@Malkuth has a very good point! :trophy: :dragon: on man!

1 Like
#273

Thank you @Malkuth and @RVconsultant. Your kind words mean a lot.

2 Likes
#274

DR ST2 Day36

No work today as itā€™s a holiday. One thing I donā€™t understand here is that, aside from Christmas, New Yearā€™s Day, Thanksgiving and Independence day, how come private companies can dictate which holiday are paid holidays (unless I missed something else).

In any case, todayā€™s also supposed to be a rest day, but I woke up with a headache. Not sure if it was because of the alcohol me and my wife drank last night, or because I decided to study a bit more after our ā€œdateā€. In either case, I played 2 loops of Paragon Complete. By the end of the 2nd loop, my headache was gone.

Still feeling some bouts of reconciliation and anger. Maybe I should add either SanguineU or maybe Love Bomb to my stack.

Oh wellā€¦ Que sera seraā€¦

2 Likes
#275

DR ST2 DAY37

Been a rather busy day today. Had to take my youngest to the doctorā€™s for his long overdue physical. If it wasnā€™t for the fact that the school needed an updated medical and vaccination record, I wouldnā€™t have been able to convince my wife to set an appointment for the kid. Took us about 2 hours in the medical center. But we finally made it. Although I need to take him back there on Friday for his TB test results.

Meeting today was just crap. I donā€™t think it was very productive. In fact, I felt that I could have spent my time doing something else.

So today, I listened to the following stack:
  • DR ST2 x2
  • RICH Ultima x2
  • MogulQ x1
  • Love Bomb x1

I felt that I needed to first learn to love and accept myself before all else. Hence the addition of Love Bomb. I felt that Iā€™ve been beating myself too much.

4 Likes
#276

Go for it man!

1 Like
#277

DR ST2 DAY38

Although there were some bouts of anger popping up, I think I was a lot calmer today than the previous days. Maybe because the kids were on break and I didnā€™t have a meeting today, so I got to sleep in till almost noon.

Wifeā€™s getting antsy and wants to move some heavy furniture in and around the house. She even went up to me while I was working and told me about her plans. I flat out told her I was working (implied that if she wanted to rearrange the furniture, she do it herself). I think it pissed her off a bit. But I do hate all that heavy lifting.

Speaking of work, I donā€™t know but I suddenly felt the urge to work on office-related stuff. Not much, but enough to actually say I accomplished some tasks today.

So today, I played the following:
  • DR ST2 x2
  • MogulQ x2
  • RICH Ultima x1
  • Love Bomb x1
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#278

DR ST2 DAY39 (not so early update)

Went to bed around 1:30 am. Found myself ā€œin the zoneā€ while studying last night, I forgot about the time. Although kids are still on break, I woke up shortly before 7 because one is already making noise in his room. Damn baby monitors (lol).

After meditating, I played a loop of DR ST2. While listening, I went downstairs and prepared their breakfast.

I just finished playing a loop of RICH Ultima and am now playing a loop of Love Bomb.

Will be talking to a hiring manager about a possible job opening they have. I know one of his people, and although I already interviewed with him a few months back, Iā€™m hoping this one would be better. And though weā€™re just going to be talking over the phone, Iā€™m hoping that Iā€™d still be able to communicate properly and all that.

2 Likes
#279

Best wishes!

2 Likes
#280

Same here! :sunglasses:

1 Like