To Shayul Ghul and Back

Journals - Major Programs
#201

DR ST2 DAY10(update)

Played 2 loops each of DR ST2 and LEU today.

Had a few anger flare-ups today. Kids were not behaving. It’s like they were really testing me today. Told them to finish their food, they would run around the dining table. Told them to clean up, they’d make more of a mess. In short, they did the exact opposite of what I told them to do.

Really really really thinking of getting RICH Ultima. I know it’s just the shiny new thing syndrome. But who doesn’t want to get rich?

Oh well… Que sera sera…

#202

DR ST2 DAY11 (not so early update)

Went to bed slightly before 11pm last night. This is earlier than usual, but I was still sleepy when I woke up.

Did my morning meditation and then played a loop of DR ST2. Can’t say much really. Ordered some things my kids’ fish need like aquarium filter cartridge refills, food, etc. And then went to the pet store to pick them up. Used curbside pickup, and the lady who went out to hand them to me was extra cheerful.

Torn between using my laptop to mine crypto or not. Been testing out the miner, but the laptop gets hot in about 5 minutes. Not really sure if I should pursue it or not. I’ve already got about 3 raspberry pis from previous projects I tinkered on. Maybe go with CPU mining? But I’m sure it wouldn’t really be profitable.

Oh well… Que sera sera…

2 Likes
#203

DR ST2 DAY11 (update)

Spent most of today experimenting on CPU mining crypto. Not really sure if it’s worth it. But who knows? I’ve got a PC, and 3 Raspberry Pis. But am still being realistic. Bitcoin is totally out of the question. But maybe LiteCoin?

Maybe if I add R.I.C.H to my stack? Who knows? Or maybe it’s just shiny new toy syndrome?

Kids have been testing me still. Part of me wants to just let things go and not mind them. Another part wants to instill discipline in them (especially the eldest).

Oh well… Que sera sera…

2 Likes
#204

if only we had access to a quantum computer lol. then could mine ALL the remaining minable crypto! maybe…

#205

It’s guys like these that make me cringe sometimes. They’ve got so much bitcoin, that it already makes it hard to mine.
Lost Passwords Lock Millionaires Out of Their Bitcoin Fortunes - The New York Times (nytimes.com)

1 Like
#206

DR ST2 DAY12(not so early update)

So kids don’t have school today. Woke up past 8 to prepare their breakfast.

Tried meditating after, but they were so noisy. Sometimes, I’m actually thinking of waking up so early everyday just to be able to meditate. But then if I get up, it would be hard for me to go back to sleep afterwards.

Played one loop of DR ST2 afterwards and then logged online for a video interview. I think it went well. Hopefully it’s better than last year’s. This is the same company, even had the same hiring manager I interviewed with a year ago.

2 Likes
#207

DR ST2 DAY12(update)

Can’t really say much today. Wife’s got allergies. So due to all her sneezing, she’s been very grumpy the whole day.

Still been experimenting with crypto mining. But nothing’s been working so far. With no mining rig and just my laptop, it’s really not much to work on I guess. Oh well. Might just throw in the towel, I guess. It’s just gonna be a waste of electricity.

Oh well. Que sera sera…

1 Like
#208

DR ST2 DAY13

Weekend and a rest day. Might be reconciliation showing itself again. But I’ve been experiencing bouts of anger throughout the day today. Not to the point of extreme shouting matches, but still, I know that the family sees me getting mad and knowing that they know I’m mad isn’t really a good sign.

So I finally gave in to the shiny new toy that is R.I.C.H. Decided to buy this sub. But still unsure when to stack it. Given that its manifestation and aura may be the help I need, I took a chance and got it. But now, I’m not really sure how to stack it. Would it affect my DR journey negatively? Or do I need to add other subs to my stack? Not really sure.

I mean, when I started DR, I was thinking of healing, maturity and being able to deflect negativity from all sides. But given the current situation wherein I have a lot of things to fix, a lot of things to pay for, and all that, having money coming in would be a big help.

Speaking of money, I’ve been having thoughts about all the possible expenses I would need to prepare for. Maybe it’s just reconciliation, or maybe it’s just me being realistic about things. I don’t know.

Oh well… Que sera sera…

1 Like
#209

DR ST2 DAY14

Weekend still. Woke up this morning to prepare my kids’ breakfast. Then tried to meditate. Fell asleep while doing so.

Woke up around noon. Nothing much to report really. Lazy Sunday. But kids weren’t behaving. Not sure if it’s too much confinement with the lockdowns and all, but seems like everyone’s going crazier each day.

Am planning on playing 2 loops of RICH together with DR ST2 tomorrow. May add in either Stark or AM if it feels right.

Oh well… Que sera sera…

2 Likes
#210

I know this well but i want to add in to my daily habits

#211

DR ST2 DAY15(early update)

So I went to bed last night around 12:30. Fell asleep almost 1am. All of a sudden, some f’er called me at 1:45am! Woke not only me, but my wife too.

Was so groggy when I woke up at 6. Tried doing my meditation, but 3/4 in, I’m not sure if I scared myself, or something really happened. The left side of my face started to feel cold, like a breeze just blew by. But only on my left? And inside the house no less?

I normally meditate at the downstairs living room while the kids are still sleeping. So it’s still dark when I go down. So I’m not sure. Because I started remembering some ghost stories I heard some time ago. So, yeah. I’m a big scaredy-cat really.

Anyway, since I couldn’t go back meditating as I needed to start preparing my kids for the morning, I started playing a loop of DR ST2. Not much to write about, though I’ve been feeling some reconciliation. Either that or because I wasn’t able to get calm and centered this morning.

Will be playing a loop of RICH in a while.

Oh well. Que sera sera…

1 Like
#212

DR ST2 DAY15(update)

So I ended up with the following stack today:

stack
  • DR ST2 x2
  • RICH x2
  • StarkQ x2

Felt rather unproductive today. Been lazy as hell. Also had flashes of anger popping up. May be reconciliation as I’ve introduced 2 subs together with DR. And given that both are wealth and career related (which I’m currently feeling a lack of), I can understand if reconciliation is showing.

Hopefully it gets better tomorrow.

Oh well… Que sera sera…

2 Likes
#213

DR ST2 DAY16(early update)

Went to bed around 12 midnight, and for some reason, woke up around 3:30 this morning. Good thing I was able to get back to sleep shortly after waking up.

Did my morning meditation and then played a loop of DR ST2. Memories of past girlfriends came back. Some I wanted to forget. Some I just recall fondly. Could be reconciliation.

Not sure how to tackle today. Nothing much on my plate as IT has a lot of things to do before I can fully start working on my projects. Right now, my boss wants the team to “work” on other stuff.

Will continue with my DR, StarkQ and RICH stack for the foreseeable future. Need to fix my emotional growth and at the same time improve my career trajectory.

#214

DR ST2 DAY16(update)

So today, my stack was as follows:

stack
  • DR ST2 x2
  • RICH x2
  • StarkQ x1
  • LEU x1

Not sure if it’s too much Ultimas, or the weather, or the lack of sleep, but I’m having a slight headache right now. And I feel a nail-like pain shooting down my forehead when I laugh. Funny because laughter should be the best medicine. But it isn’t right now.

Been trying to study today. Trying to shoot 2 birds with 1 stone, as I believe parts of the certification I’m “preparing” for can be something I can work on as a project too. However, I just feel so damned lazy. And even when I sit down to start reading the text, watching the accompanying video, or solving some of the exercises, I feel that all that information is just going through 1 ear and out the other.

I’ve got about 14 days left of access to the labs, so I’m not sure if this “approach” would be enough for me to pass the exam. Or maybe I’m just letting all that negativity from the past take a hold of me again. Reconciliation?

Oh well… Que sera sera…

1 Like
#215

DR ST2 DAY17 (early update)

For some reason, I keep waking up around 3am. Whether or not I sleep late, or I sleep early, I still keep waking up around that time. Last night, I went to bed a little before 11pm. But I still woke up around 3:30.

Good thing I have been able to go back to sleep shortly after waking up. Got up at 6 and meditated. Tried not to fall back to sleep as the weather is soooo sleep-inviting. I could hear the raindrops falling outside, and the air is soooo chilly. Just want to snuggle under the covers.

But enough of that. I found myself yawning as I was typing the above. Played a loop of DR ST2 and am currently listening to RICH.

I feel some reconciliation is popping up. I keep on seeing things that either need to be fixed, need to be replaced, or things that I just don’t want to see. It feels like some weight is pulling me down just by seeing those.

Oh well… Que sera sera…

2 Likes
#216

@d1gz maybe this :wink:

#217

“3:40 is good for those who are powerfully initiated”. But then:

  1. What does initiated even mean? Initiated to what?
  2. Even more so, powerfully initiated?
  3. How would I know if I was even “powerfully initiated”?

Questions questions questions.

Oh well… More food for thought. Thanks @Tobyone

#218

Good questions! I think he just means the natural rhythm of living things, being in sync with the planet. What comes to mind is ancient agricultural societies that lived in nature that went up really early with the morning sun, and not spend last night watching watching Netflix series.

Another question,

  • How do we even know we are alive?

I just remembered this clip when you wrote 3.30 :stuck_out_tongue:

#219

DR ST2 DAY17(update)

So my stack today was as follows:

Stack
  • DR ST2 x2
  • RICH x2
  • StarkQ x1
  • LEU x1

Been thinking about buying one of those fan+heater things. Bladeless fans that can also heat rooms. It’s getting so darn cold right now, that the cold and dry air is causing my skin to crack. Weirder still is that I’m not worried about spending for it. I’m actually more worried about what my wife is going to say. Lol…

Been reading up on the Silva method. Been feeling something pulling me towards it lately. Maybe because I’ve been using the Centering exercise as part of my meditation practice? Or maybe because I’m starting to think that I should learn new ways of thinking and doing things? I don’t know really.

I guess, the thing I’m afraid of is that I tend to have this start-stop attitude to a lot of things. I’d start with something, but then I’d tire of it and then stop altogether. I’ve bought a lot of books on self-improvement that I’ve never finished reading, or if I’ve read them, would not continue doing the exercises prescribed in them. I’ve signed on to a lot of online courses that I never taken the certification exams for. I’ve even bought stuff that end up discarded or gathering dust in storage.

This may be the reason why I’m not “improving” or why I feel so “poor”. I know that sometimes you got to spend to gain more, but I’m not really sure what to spend on (aside from the heater/fan I mentioned above).

Oh well… Que sera sera…

#220

As always, please take Internet-based feedback with a whole lot of bags of salt, but I don’t get the feeling that your challenges are related to inconsistency or related personal shortcomings. I actually get the opposite feel from you. You seem solid and stolid. Able to continue on for a long time in a situation that may have difficult or onerous aspects to it. You seem able to focus on the big picture and on your guiding values and to basically dig in and soldier on. I get a responsible and dependable sense. (My theory would be that that’s where the periodic anger comes in. You stick around.) My sense is that you need some good ‘strategizing’ sessions. Just a set of data-informed, solid strategy plans and ideas that can shake up your typical approaches but without shaking you up too much. That you can just try out until one of them works.

Anyway, internet 2 cents, so take it as it is.