TMB - EoG/E:HoM

Journals - Custom Subliminals
#261

Finished DR and StarkQ. Stark was on ultrasound as whilst I love to listen to masked versions I was using my headphones to watch The Order on Netflix.

1 loop done of each and I’m already worn out. Got a slight headache or pressure in the same place DR was hitting and I’m definitely tired - nap will be needed soon. Going to try and fit Khan in later along with Libertine and maybe BLU.

I really want DR to work on negative beliefs I have about myself in regards to general beliefs and specifically focused ones. I also want it to work on my Khan/Stark beliefs that are negative too.

Such as (these are generalised):

I’m not a good dancer and I suck at it.
I’m not as good a dancer as everyone else.
Noone cares about me.
I’m not a good choreographer.
I’m not good enough.
My videos suck and won’t get any engagement.
I’m ugly.
I can’t eat healthy because I hate it and healthy things don’t taste delicious.
I’m not popular and never will be.
People won’t engage with me.
People hate me because they hate my boyfriend.
People don’t think I’m good enough so they won’t take my class.
My class sucks.
I don’t know anything about dance and I fake it.
I’m stupid as fuck and have no common sense.
I’m not creative.
I’m slow at learning choreography and dance and have a shit pick up compared to everyone else.
I suck at making money and keeping it.
People hate me or think I’m weird because I’ve got a fetish (especially straight guys)

I’m sure I could get keep going but I wanted to bring this to life. Give the subs something to focus on in healing.

2 Likes
#262

Running my first loop of Khan. Nearly finished.
My biceps are flexing hard whilst writing this, doesn’t normally do that.

Pressure in my head again so I’m about to have a nap when this is finished. Definitely need breaks more than I thought.

Will record any dreams I have if I have any - kind of hoping I do.

Need the rest considering I woke up semi-early today.

2 Likes
#263

Felt great after my rest. Had a great deep sleep which I think was super necessary and had the subs processing.

I did Dragon Reborn this morning, Stark about an hour later and then Khan Stage 3 before I slept.

I did Libertine whilst watching American Horror Story: Apocalypse. Tend to use my airpod pros transparency mode to listen to my subs but also watch TV which I think is a pretty cool feature.

Anyway in regards to Libertine I started NoFap today. I noticed I habitually stroke myself which feels weird to write on here :joy: but I noticed it and stopped when I realised today was the day I wasn’t allowed to fap.

Currently experimenting to ensure full effects of Libertine are happening and I’m not losing the effects by masturbating.

I truly didn’t know that guys tend to hold away from masturbating as often as I did, I was doing it a few times a day (when you’ve got a fetish like mine and had a belief that people think you’re weird or hate you for it you tend not to go out and try and get it done).

Also in regards to Libertine I’ve been having a guy I’m not interested in at all besides friends sending me some pictures on Instagram so I need to close that down asap because they’re partial nudes and I’m really not interested but I’m going to put this down to Libertine for sure.

Anyway, nearly sleep time.

My sleep feels better and deeper now so my mind must be processing the subs from using it during the day, I’m getting at least 20 hours of processing time now rather than around 14 or so which is great for sure.

#264

Woke up after 4 hours of sleep due to the dog barking.
Feeling pretty good tho! I know I’m gonna end up napping soon.

Boyfriend is with some guy downstairs doing stuff together whilst I’m in bed waiting for them to finish.

Day 2 of NoFap. Getting worse haha. I’m wanting to do it but really trying to hold onto any effects Libertine has.

Been on Tinder and messaged all the guys I’m into so that’s some action taken, done some swiping so can only wait for the magic to take place.

Guy number one has been in contact this week after I’ve been messaging him - he’s still confusing me but idk. He’s down to do what I want so let’s see if this still helps and if it actually goes ahead this time.

#265

Running StarkQ on Ultrasonic whilst I’m in the bath. Jheezus after using masked for a while I definitely prefer to be hearing the sub playing.

I used to use Ultrasonic whilst sleeping since my boyfriend can’t sleep to sounds (that changed when he let me put the masked version on) and now I much prefer the masked version. Excited for the sound updates to happen possibly too.

Anyway, running StarkQ and have to say it might be working so far. Been posting stuff on Instagram and getting shares/likes/comments. Now I’m just trying to force myself to post more content on a weekly basis.

I’ve done one out of the two videos I said I’d do so I still have to get that done but we’re in lock down still :sweat_smile: Which is annoying - also an excuse but annoying nevertheless.

Maybe I’ll get that done today so I can post it. Let’s go. Time to get out my comfort zone and get to work.

1 Like
#266

Playing Dragon Reborn now.
Again, pressure in my head. Is there something wrong? Is it healing something? It’s quite a light pressure today but it’s noticable.

I feel like I can feel it processing for sure.
My sleep has been so much better, especially considering I’ve been waking up super early due to things outside of the subliminal useage.

I can just tell my sleep has been deeper for sure.
I wake up feeling quite heavy but still feeling good.

Also I feel light as in I feel good! Energy feels good, thoughts feel good etc. I do feel like I’m being cleansed which is great.

Little things are annoying me though and I can tell that the other subs are kicking in because I’m getting nagging thoughts about taking action for what I want.

Still pretty good tho. Quite smooth so far.

2 Likes
#267

Oh I forgot to me mention.
Not sure if it’s me just being impatient but guy number one is starting to annoy me and be flakey.

The first week after lock down I tried to arrange stuff and I got blanked, I gave it some time before messaging again. I spoke to him yesterday about it (what I mentioned earlier) and have tried to arrange a time so we’ll see what happens (that must be my favourite thing to say on here).

He hasn’t opened my last message asking what time that I sent today and I get a feeling that he won’t reply until last minute. If he doesn’t reply and leaves it until after tomorrow (the day we’re supposed to meet) I think I’m going to cut him off and call it a day.

I could just be impatient and I’m not sure but I’m not about telling someone I’ll do something for them and ignoring them.

Again, he might not be ignoring me as he’s super busy with studies but I believe everyone has two minutes.

#268

Dragon Reborn done.
Headache is more prominent, maybe it’s reconciliation, maybe it’s just a healing thing I’ve no idea.

My body has been cracking SO much since I’ve been using Dragon Reborn considering I was full of tension a couple days ago and now I’m starting to let loose on everything my body to feel better.

My neck/shoulders and back are still tight but I can feel the tension releasing however with DR which is great! Hopefully it’ll continue to release any stress/tension I have. I really feel good on this sub for now which is great because I was terrified, maybe I’ve got the harder days to come.

Anyway, in regards to tension and stuff one of my goals is to get more flexible and get my splits which every year I try to get but no…I never do it, not this year. Not with me changing my limiting beliefs and bettering myself in what I want to do in all aspects.

Time to get my splits flat and enjoy being more flexible.
I bought a program that some of you might have seen about getting your splits in 4 weeks (I did it before and longer than 4 weeks but after reading the book again recently I realised I did it wrong) so I’m going to give that ago and see how it helps me out. I’m excited. It’s in video format and the exercises are only 8 minutes long, I was making it 30 minutes before…Jesus fucking Christ Brandon…

In other news…

3 subs down today, 1 loop each…
Only Libertine to go.

Question of the day:

Do I alternate between Libertine and BLU daily?

I like limiting myself to one loop of each sub so far and using up to 4 a day (maybe change to what I used to do, Jesus) and but it means I’m missing out on BLU which I also want to use.

Looks like BLU will have to be used on alternating days but then Libertine only gets used 2-3 times a week if that’s the case.

Unless technically the day in between from BLU would be a rest day (but not a rest day from subs, if that makes sense?)

Well…yeah…I don’t know, I’m confusing myself whilst thinking about it aha.

Also, still taking action using Tinder, getting a bunch of matches and messages which is great. When I say a bunch I mean a few which is still good…I’m being open about what I’m interested in doing and people are telling me they’re down to do it which is great.

This is the part that pushes me out of my comfort zone because obviously people will expect me to give them something too, which is only right, but I’m new to sex and all that stuff. Whilst I’ve got a boyfriend he’s my first one and we’d had sex in the past but it’s never been for me, so I’m worried about what I’m going to do and how I’ll conquer that.

Meh, do I just be honest? I think honesty is the most important policy.

3 Likes
#269

I’m starting to get hella frustrated.
I think Khan is kicking in or just the hella boredom of doing the same thing every day.

Since we’re in lockdown and I can’t teach in person I’m getting annoyed. Things are annoying me tonight.

Guy number one still hasn’t replied so I’m assuming it won’t happen tomorrow, it could and I’m gonna hope for the best but right now…it’s starting to dawn on me that he has done this in the past when I’ve asked him. I swear I’m going to be so annoyed if it doesn’t happen again but I also don’t want to message again after we’ve spoken about it twice and neither time has a time been mentioned 🤷🏼

Also something I forgot to mention which made realise Khan might be kicking in more too.

I’ve always considered my boyfriend an Alpha kind of person. Knows what he wants, goes for it, hard personality in terms of he’s argumentive and will fight for what he wants.

Well…he seems to have possibly noticed my increase in self worth on Khan as we’ve been arguing quite a bit and it’s ended up pretty much each time him apologising and me sticking my ground which doesn’t normally happen. Could this be Khan? Possibly.

He’s been working hard in the kitchen making me food, he’s making me food right now, and all that stuff so maybe something has changed…maybe Khan is affecting me and giving off an aura.

In the tinder aspect, I’ve messaged all the guys I’m interested in - no replies as of yet - I find Tinder so slow. I want more interaction. Nothing exciting is happening yet and I want it to.

#270

I would say its Khan that is making you realise your own self worth.

#271

Let’s hope it is. I feel like it’s kicking in.
Really do think one loop is possibly doing wonders right now.

1 Like
#272

Welp…I lost my NoFap game…and porn…ha.
Now’s a new start, let’s see how long I last. I lasted 2 and a bit days for the first time doing it.

Time to focus.

1 Like
#273

I’m in such a mood today lmao.
Maybe DR is getting to me?

Maybe it’s purely lack of sleep and daily annoyances.

Guy number one still hasn’t replied and I’m not texting him again. Maybe he’ll surprise me but I won’t be reaching out for it to get ignored and then replied to again in a couple of days.

My boyfriend ALWAYS calls me when I’m on my way somewhere to go do something for him. Constantly asking me to pick him up something - I feel like his slave and it’s so annoying. It’s becoming super frustrating and really getting to me for some reason.

Gahhh I’m not a pick up to get something for you that I constantly pay for and don’t get money back.

He’s a good guy but oh so frustrating and doesn’t understand that it’s something he routinely does. Gahhhhhhhhhh.

Also my Khan anger mode turned on but kept me clear. Some guy started shouting stuff at me because I was walking across the road in all black and a massive pink coat that my boyfriend got me. It draws attention which is okay with me but if you’re gonna say something don’t be a fucking pussy and say it whilst riding away.

Intention: Today is going to be a great day full on incredibly fun surprises.

Also I don’t have time to write about this now but I’m going to write my goals for what I want out of these subs and I’m gonna ask for you guys to keep me accountable, please.

2 Likes
#274

So it could have just been the cold, is this me trying to logic stuff happening away? (It was cold…) but I randomly started crying from one eye today and couldn’t stop. I wasn’t necessarily sad or anything even though I am annoyed/frustrated I had no real reason to be crying. I’d assume this was Dragon Reborn at work, what fun aha.

Anyway, guy didn’t show up or message back so I’m done with that situation which is a shame as he’s a nice guy but I need reliable people who can help me out and do what they said they’re going to do rather than pussy out…I can’t be bothered with it honestly.

Maybe he’ll change it and apologise but I’m not holding my breath. Time to move on and get over it and find someone that does actually give a shit.

P.s. I got about 4-6 hours sleep again because the boyfriend had to wake up early and he sets his alarm…whenever I set my alarm to wake me up I set it on my watch so it doesn’t wake him up…I just wish he was more considerate…

Meh.

Can you tell I’m annoyed and frustrated today? Haha.
Why do people let me down?

1 Like
#275

Had a nap after my little rant, woke up to some frustrating information which isn’t a big deal in my head but I’m constantly thinking about it?

Remember the guy who was sending messages to my boyfriend from fake profiles? Well, he’s back or someone is and it’s annoying. Let’s hope it’s him and he continues because I’m excited to have charged pressed against him for harassment if he does.

But yeah I’m very much in my head at the moment. I think Stage 1 is kicking in and starting to heal stuff because I feel a bit shitty today, possibly recon but I’ve only played 4 loops so far.

Getting bad thoughts again and this time I’m strong enough to know and recognise possibly what’s happening and why so let’s fight this. It’s going to be a continued low-high battle and as long as I come out stronger on the other side I’m ready.

1 Like
#276

The other way of looking at this could be stage 1 healing an insecurity.

2 Likes
#277

Wait, how do you mean?

#278

Seems like you insecure or you afraid of losing him…so maybe your sub is surfacing that…

1 Like
#279

Decided to up my loops and go back to listening whilst I’m asleep.

It’s more convienent for me and I was having to find other ways to listen during the day - it was just a hassle for my lifestyle but that’s fine. I was searching last night and people have been listening to Ultima’s whilst sleeping including Saint and also I had a look at the Single Title use thread and possibly an old article about sleeping with subs at night which is on SubClubs main page.

Anyway…

I still woke up early for some reason after not going to bed until 3am or so and waking up at 8/9 :/!

I’m sleeping fine it’s just I’m waking up early and I don’t understand why but meh. Maybe I’m just used to having naps during the day but the issue is I can’t have a nap today since I’ve got choreography to make and work to do so 🤷🏼

Choreography is kind of nearly done possibly, got three hours to work some magic before the training company come in for rehearsals.

I ended up messaging guy number one, I want to be honest, open and transparent. I’m not down for playing no games - I can’t be bothered with it. If it’s gonna work it’s gonna work honestly.

Also, feeling pretty good today. Better than I was yesterday. I’m still in my head quite a bit but we’re working with it.

Let’s go.

1 Like
#280

For some reason, it would only let me reference 10 people in a post …

so

1 Like