There she goes… 💃

Journals - Major Programs
#63

Day 10 ~ rest day

My ex fiancé basically invited me to a tool cover band show last night. I had plans already so couldn’t go. I felt really sad but also explored some revision.

He told me it was really good.

I sense big differences between our energy around each other now. It feels like he’s starting to let his guard down and trust me again. I sense that he’s watching me from afar. lol

He had every reason to not trust me after the way 2020 went with me ending it so abruptly and the way I treated his family. I broke his heart.

I also went sort of crazy with my cannabis edible use mixed with antidepressants for post partum.

A lot has changed since then.

I’m completely sober. :white_check_mark: I do better this way.

I have spoken about this in other journals but for anyone new here I like to share again. :slight_smile:

My ex fiancé visits my dreamworld a lot.

With this 2 sub stack I’m noticing quicker results. I’m noticing more clarity. Taking more actions. Manifestations are happening with almost no effort.

I love how I can consciously guide and shift myself out of the gutter.

Yay to having greater awareness. From that place it’s easy to let shit go. :boom:

I just typed some stuff and deleted it. Felt good to let it out to myself for a moment. :sweat_smile:

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#65

Day 12 ~ rest day

In my head a lot about things right now and where I wanna go with life lol

Pendulum swinging atm.

That’s alright. :+1:

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#66

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“Experience has convinced me that an assumption, though false, if persisted in, will harden into fact, that continuous imagination is sufficient for all things, and all my reasonable plans and actions will never make up for my lack of continuous imagination.

[or my over use of imagination…This quote is referencing The Thomas theorem : a theory of sociology which was formulated in 1928 by William Isaac - "if men define situations as real, they are real in their consequences” and this is because they will behave in a way that might bring the situation about. - If I think John Doe hates and is against me, and then I behave and treat him like an enemy, he will most likely actually become one due to my behavior towards him.]”

~Neville Goddard

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#67

You have to have probably cold inside that you have to wear a cap. But I know that Canada is a quite cold country.

#68

I like wearing a beanie in the winter. It’s been very cold lately.

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#69

Day 13 ~ full loops of Stark & Seductress

Noticing the thoughts that float around in my mind.

I used my mouthguard last night for the first time in a year or so. I’m going to do my best to use it every night. I slept good. Don’t recall my dreams.

I feel a little sadness or mild depression creeping in which is usual for this time of year for me. It passes fairly quickly. Essentially comes in waves.

I’ve been thinking about how I don’t really hang out with many people in the physical. My kids are my best friends. I have a lot of online friends around the world, but not many people in my town or nearby city. Lots of acquaintances and childhood friends but nobody that close. I’ve never really maintained or did that great with long term “close” friendships. People come and people go.

I’m an ambivert. Maybe sometimes I swing more on the introverted side. I have high sensitivity to peoples energy.

Lately I feel like enjoying Netflix series and be cozy in pjs when I don’t have the kids.

It feels like I’m retreating to hibernate or something during this cold winter season. It’s been below freezing temperatures over the past week or so.

I notice how when I’m upset about certain things I jump to a quick decision or conclusion while dysregulated and once calm I feel like shit for how I acted and what I shared with others. I’m going to work on this more.

Stop and be still. Breathe. Pause. Consciously check in with myself. I don’t have to share everything with others. Negative attention isn’t good for me.

I don’t want to judge or compare to others. That seems to be in there somewhat still. I thought I healed it completely. Nope :-1:

I’m so multi layered and complex. :rofl:

I wonder why people start to act like the people they most spend time with. Like you start to wear them as garments.

I’ve heard through coaching years back that we become like the 5 people we most surround ourselves with. I’m around my kids and clients the most. :sweat_smile:

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#70

This song popped in my head once I was done listening to my stack:

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#71

Until you achieve a state of conscious oneness with your soul you are bound to have unconscious identity construct that make you think, feel, do and say things that aren’t quite right for you or others, don’t beat yourself up for this, it’s why we’re here, we’re all in this together, love to you sister.

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#72

Made me think of this song:

"The Grid"

[The Premiere]

Inhale… we take it all in
Prying hands mold… inhale
Prying hands hold
We shape you… you’ll never know
Distinct cries for help rain down on our vice
The device inside
Prying hands become old
Rebirth

Inhale… we take it all in
Dying hands mold… inhale
Dying hands hold
We break you… you’ll never know
Distinct cries for help rain down

Judge not what we do, judge what we feed

Mental transformation
We have become their memory

Step back and feel the sun
Step back and touch the end
We are in this together

Millions circling

Judge not what we do, judge what we feed
Guilt surrounds… we pushed for a perfect life
We held you under and let you drown

Slowly submerge… become your true self
Rain down on our vice… the device inside
Prying hands become old
Rebirth

Judge not what we do, judge what we feed

Mental transformation
We have become their memory

The moon slides past the shoreline
Its crimson glows live on

Please don’t wait up for me
I’ve finally locked the door
Please don’t wait up for me
I can now move on

We are in this together
We are in this together
We are in this together
We are in this together

We are in this together
We are in this together

#73

Recon feels different this cycle. Not as intense or obvious until shortly after it’s passed.

Interesting observation.

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#74

Been enjoying at home cooking again… :blush:

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#75

Haha the kid plate is cute, but you don’t butter the bread??

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#76

Im actually surprised that you have decent looking bread in Canada.
From American TV I only know white bread like toast without a serious crust.

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#77

The toast is buttered on the inside. Grass fed butter!

#78

We’ve got some fantastic bread varieties where I live.

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#79

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RECON :grinning:

Been trying to reduce my screen time since I was experiencing recon but in a different way. It’s subtle yet I notice there’s stuff going on. I notice after the fact for some of it.

It’s all good though.

Today is rest day. Been enjoying some time with my girls at a country Airbnb with hot tub. They’re so happy. :grinning:

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#80

Day 17 ~ full loops of Stark & Seductress

Had lots of dreams without any recall.

I’ve realized where I learned that in order to be rewarded gifted or given anything that there would have to be some form of dramatics. Learned from childhood. That I would lose in some way by getting something

I also thought I had to learn things the hard way.

I learned to get rewarded for my “bad” behaviour. I got attention by acting out.

Not sure why I’m doing more inner child work during this cycle but it’s been called to my attention with recent situations.

I glanced at a book last night called ‘Zero Limits.’ Felt called to read one chapter where the Doctor said, “what’s going on in me that this came up in her? How can I be 100% responsible?” He believes that every client or person that presents something to him is a reflection of something inside of him that needs cleaning. We are all one. He said that healers clients are all perfect and it’s something about ourselves to heal.

This sort of ruffled me up a bit last night. Not sure if I fully agree but still helpful. Another resource to consider on this journey of life.

I’ve been feeling anger most recently and snapped out on someone last night that I’ve been triggered by many times. I don’t regret it. The old me would have hit them but the new me just expressed my feelings in a more verbally aggressive manner. Almost like I was singing hardcore music like the old days.

Today I will allow myself to enjoy the interplay of the darkness and the light. Find joy as I bear witness to this interplay without any reactions.

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#81

Day 19 ~ Heartsong

And I keep whispering
To my soul’s memory of truth
So can you sing me your heartsong?
And can you make it sound true?
Can you believe in anything?
Can I believe that heaven sent you?

This song kept popping in my head prior to this titles upgraded release.

I feel this was a pre result and helped me make a lot of decisions even before listening. My intuition guided me back to this title. I resisted it for whatever reason. Here I am though.

I just listened to a full loop of the upgraded version and will listen to it again on my last listening day before I wash out. Excited to see how Stark and Seductress bloom with this title added back in.

There’s a lot I could say about love and romantic relationships. I’ve had quite the journey so far.

Excited to see what 2 loops will do for me followed by wash out.

I’m still super curious about Seductress Dark.

I am bringing myself back to focusing on allowing my intuition to guide me in prioritizing.

I decided to put on my lepidolite crystal bracelet this morning from my collection. When I headed to my healing room I felt drawn to my one crystal deck. I pulled the lepidolite card of course.

I’m going to share it below:

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My son just told me I talk too much and that I am rambling … (since I finished HS loop.) :joy:

Oh great.

I’ll have to make sure I am channeling my energy into my work, artistic expression & yoga practice, one thing at a time.

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Main Disc. Thread - The New Heartsong (Now Available! Free Upgrade!)
#82

I feel such a strong surge of energy right now.

Wowza!!!

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#83

Vision Of Love

Treated me kind
Sweet destiny
Carried me through desperation
To the one that was waiting for me
It took so long
Still I believed
Somehow the one that I needed
Would find me eventually

I had a vision of love
And it was all that you’ve given to me

Prayed through the nights
Felt so alone
Suffered from alienation
Carried the weight on my own
Had to be strong
So I believed
And now I know I’ve succeeded
In finding the place I conceived

I had a vision of love
And it was all that you’ve given to me
I had a vision of love
And it was all that you’ve given me

I’ve realized a dream
And I visualized
The love that came to be
Feel so alive
I’m so thankful that I’ve received
The answer that heaven
Has sent down to me

You treated me kind
Sweet destiny
And you know that you did
And I’ll be eternally grateful
Holding you so close to me
Prayed through the nights
Prayed through the nights
So faithfully
So faithfully
(Faithfully)
Knowing the one that I needed
(Knowing the one that I needed would find me)
Would find me eventually

I had a vision of love
And it was all that you’ve given to me
I had a vision of love
And it was all that you
Turned out to be

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