Ive been holding on to so much guilt my whole life… It feels like I carry the pain from many other people with me.
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Well… The pain melted away and immediately after, my sexual energy began circulating pretty strongly.
Im really liking how this process is unfolding right before my eyes…
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Day#13
KB × 6 minutes
Phoenix × 5 minutes
The last couple of days have been “weird” I cant put into words what Im going through.
Lets say many things are surfacing and Im not sure how to handle it properly, well I am sure to he honest, Im just a bit overwhelmed to do it.
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The last two days Ive slept like crazy, about 12 or more hours every day. I dont mind since it was the weekend and a bit of rest was much needed.
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A couple of weeks ago I watched an episode of Rick and Morty in which there was a hole in a bathroom (Fear no Mort), if you enter the hole it will manifest your deepest fears and make them real, the whole purpose was for you to confront your fears and walk away without any.
Last night I had a weird dream in which I felt purposeless and afraid to move in any direction, so I was talking with this guy I know about it and at the very same moment I said that I feel purposeless, he took a big syringe out of his backpack, it contained a yellow liquid.
At that exact moment I knew it was the substance that can trigger the “Hole experience”. I looked at the guy with fear and he looked at me back with eyes thats said “You know you want this”, so I let him inject the substance… I woke up immediately after the injection.
Does that means that waking up is akin to entering the hole? Am I gonna confront my biggest fears today?
I know I coud discard the whole thing as just a dream, but it feels so real.
I guess its a weird metaphorical way in which Phoenix is interacting with my unconscious mind.
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That is a very vivid dream with some deep significance. Especially if it feels real when you wake up.
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Day#15
KB × 6 minutes
Phoenix × 3
Its been an interesting, but rough ride so far.
Microcosmic Orbit has been extremely useful to channel all that surplus of sexual energy into something useful, instead of being horny the whole day long 
Phoenix Im not sure I can figure it out yet… It seems to work from many different angles, bringing stuff to the surface.
Its a weird process, it helps me deal with stuff directly, its like I have to deal with the issues that presents no matter what. Theres no space for evading what needs to be addressed.
Some of those things are way easier than what I thought, they just require a decision and moving on, others are a bit harder emotionally, but the push to move forward is harder too.
The main emotion Ive felt is worry.
Yet theres a limit in what can be handled at specific time, to avoid going nuts
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There’s definitely some resonance between the conditions that are current and dominant for each of us at this time.
Makes me wonder what might be going on seasonally/astrologically.
Anyway. I relate.
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Thats a pretty cool phenomena to be honest. Ive just finished a 30 minute Microcosmic Orbit practice and a thought came to me… It all seems to be a matter between movement and stagnancy, I mean that both literally and metaphorically.
Now Im curious too…
Its about you moving at the right speed, at the direction thats best for you… Theres a flow we need to get attuned to, fortunately its pulsing inside of us, the quieter we become, the easier is to attune to it.
Its funny because moving ourselves physically, emotionally and/or energetically, makes us quieter, on the other hand stagnancy makes too much noise.
Anyways… Some random thoughts.
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Yeah… the significance and the feeling of realness is still strong.
Its one of those things that sticks with you.
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My state is pretty good today. I’m feeling pretty lighthearted and relaxed.
Still got lots of work to do, but movement is definitely working on my favour.
Microcosmic Orbit
Boxing
Playing guitar (coming up with ideas)
Are things that are helping me quite a bit to process the wide array of emotions coming up from using Phoenix and KB, plus the fact that I broke up with my ex and left home about 2 weeks ago.
The cravings for sugar and “quick releases” are going down considerably.
Im getting better by the day.
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I think your new avatar inspired me to get a new one as well 
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Arise as the Phoenix my friend!!
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Rumor says this dude is on Khan Black!!
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Day#17
KB × 5
Phoenix × 5
Man this cycle is moving lightning fast and Phoenix has been such a treat.
Anyways my goals for choosing Phoenix are more than accomplished, I’m still using it till the end of the cycle.
Last night I realized Im feeling pretty relaxed and in an uplifting mood. I had a very healing conversation with my ex and things are resolving in a way that makes me believe she will be ok by herself, I was feeling a bit guilty for her distress, before that.
Next cycle Im using KB, Psychonaut and maybe a third one, it all depends on todays drops.
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For like half an hour I experienced a wave of loneliness and a feeling of emptiness.
I dont know whats the cause, but now its seems to have faded away…
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Today I realized that if I let fear stop me from establishing healthy boundaries or enforcing them, then I began to accumulate anger towards myself and my body begins to hurt somewhere.
So I had to push through the fear and act.
After that I did some boxing for a while, took a shower and now Im relaxing in bed. Im gonna do the Microcosmic Orbit before I sleep.
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Day#19
KB × 3 minutes
Phoenix × 3 minutes.
As usual Im listening very early in the morning and I will sleep a bit more after.
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If I could summarize this cycle in just one thing, I would say that Im really learning about who I am, about what really aligns with my Self.
Ego desires are becoming obvious and also the negative consequences of attaining those desires, those are the things that, even though are appealing on the surface, ends up causing inner pain.
On the other hand the less appealing ( on the surface) deep desires are what nurtures my Soul.
Well I had the intention of writing something very practical and down to earth, but it came out very airy… At this point I don’t believe theres really a difference.
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