I wonder if a custom with single point ran for a long time could create this effect.
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8/26/2022 - Day 61 - rest day
8/27/2022 - Day 62 - 2x loops
Not much to say about day 61.
I crushed my day at work the best I could. I took some adaptogenic herbs to mitigate fatigue.
Drank 4 shots of tequila at the club. Was solo. Met some females.
Day 62 - 8/27/2022 - 2x loops
Preface: In the walk home from the train station in the morning, I felt a sudden wave of thoughts enter my brain. I didnât want to label what was popping in my head but it felt like 2 things:
- I was backwards rationalizing my behaviors towards the others around me, and
- I was thinking about my dreams/goals/desires
I get home just sit on my couch with Youtube on, watching something until about half an hour before my data science coaching call. I had just enough time to run 2 loops before the call started.
Loop 1 - a few minutes inâŚintense and immediate emotional releaseâŚI cried and bawled like a baby. I first screamed in a rageâŚand then i went deeper and found the sadnessâŚ
I remember baby sitting a kid and he didnât know what he did wrong. He would do something as a child would and once he knew it was âwrongâ he started to cry. I saw that same cycle with my friends, and childhood. There were beatings I could not escape. I didnât know what I did wrong. The same with my friends, where I would have social faux pasâes. I would cringe and tremble in private. The source was the little 2-3 year old boyâŚtensing up and crying because he did not know what he did wrong. Just taught effect into cause. Effect is beating. Cause isâŚ?..some recent action. I was frustrated. I yelled in anger and frustration like a blind man trying to find an exit in a cave.
Straight up cried for 15 minutes. The loud, manic, sloppy, drooling kind. The thought process was: My coworker tried to get me fired when I was doing my best work. Life is unfair. No matter how hard I try, I face another wall. I face another beating even when I do my best. It was anguish, a man screaming in torture.
the loop ends with my shirt catching drool and tears, me hunched over.
Loop 2 - first few minutes, it was remnants of the the memories. Next few minutesâŚmanic laughter. Thoughts of all the good things flooded in. I laughed like a baby seeing a shiny toy.I laughed so hard. The same muscles deep in the body that were storing that sadness were now being utilized for laughter. I donât know when I laughed this deeply before. It is the laughter I craved with the intimacy of friendship. My laughter I would call it manic but it was a surge of serotonin similar to when I took mushrooms 3 years back. I was going âWOOOOooooohooooâ yelling at the top of my lungs like a guy that just finished a skydive. I thought of my small wins and kept laughing in joy. The joy of seeing all that progress beyond the suffering.
I had my final data science coaching call. Like a father letting his son go into the world as a journeyman, my coach released me. We said our goodbyes. Iâm on my own now. I am fully responsible for everything now. Time to be a fucking man.
Going to shower, shave, hit the club and talk to more females.
I donât know how long I was carrying this emotional baggageâŚbut I am sure that when I talk to a girl tonightâŚit is going to be different. I feel lighter.
Onwards.
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8/28/2022 - day 63 - rest
âSir, do you have a cigarette?â
That was what I asked my uber driver last night when I entered. It was uncharacteristic of me. I was being dictated by my emotions. I left the club early. I felt alone. I wanted to talk to someone. The uber driver did not provide a fruitful conversation. He was annoyed with how women take advantage of him at the bar for free drinks.
I got home and did the following:
- Ate copious amounts of taco bell (Ordered through uber eats)
- Watched porn (multiple)
- Masturbated (multiple)
The emotional tremors came this morning. I woke up at 7am. I was on my laptop watching Youtube videos. Finished the rest of the taco bell. I cried some more. Watched some more porn. Jerked off more. My room is a mess. The kitchen is a mess.
I have subconsciously set up the environment in the same manner as I was in my younger days of degeneracy. Emotionally, I felt abandoned. Unloved. As my coffee was soaking, I sat in my kitchen, reminiscing about childhood.
The root of my trauma was surfacing, and I was doing everything in my power to not see it.
I paced around my house. Looking for money to go buy a cigarette or get some more liquor. Anything to numb the sensation and distract me.
I watched it in my body with what little bastion of logic I had. I sat in the kitchen and waited and watched.
It was a betrayal of love and loyalty. A relationship that broke between the child and the parent. What did I do? How could you? How could you? I felt horror. Intense enough to start hyperventilating while sitting in my kitchen. The emotional timeline was: Love/loyalty â Betrayal (beatings, abandonment) â Shock â Horror â Fear â Frustration and Sadness â Anger/Rage â Hatred/Self-Hatred/Resentment â Vengefulness
This emotional loop of âHow could you?â was running my life. The outcomes I made for myself and the self-sabotage can be explained by this emotional loop. It explains when I get feelings of being accepted by others or abandonment, that these feelings surface and I would quickly deal with them through porn, masturbation, video games, drugs, liquor, Youtube.
I am still quite emotionally raw from this. I seem to have downplayed the intensity of effects of emotional releases on the body. Within 24 hours I reverted back to the same degenerate I was back in the past. However, this time, my video games were uninstalled, I had no weed, no liquor, no drugs of any kind, no cigarettes, no tv, no youtube. I sat in my kitchen with no distractions and waited and watched the emotions unfold themselves and tell their story. I connected with the little kid in me. I am going to love and respect myself. Hence, I am in the room with the gym equipment, writing this out.
The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. I found me some solid gold today. I will prize this experience.
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8/29/2022 - day 64 - 2x loops
8/30/2022 - day 65 - rest
8/29/2022 - day 64 - 2x loops
The focus mode was not fully there throughout the day. I was sleep deprived and now I was a bit emotionally drained in the most literal sense. I could barely get out of bed Monday morning.
Something new has come over me. A strange calm. I listened to âHard times make strong menâ through the day.
I cleaned up my room, the kitchen, did the dishes, laundry. I went to my little home gym and started writing out my goals and revising my thoughts and beliefs. During some breaks, I did some pullups, hangs, and stretches. I was soaking in, and drenched with focus. Sheer focus.
It started to fade away after around 10pm - 12am. I still handled 3 loads of laundry and promptly passed out on my bed.
8/30/2022 - day 65 - rest
I have to go to work early 1 hr every day this week. I handled building issues in stride. I was basking in my masculine focus. It felt wonderful. What a luxury. I havenât felt this way ever. I felt this way once in college when I felt serious about myself but now it is an everyday feeling. It is a wonderful sense of focused calmness. Could also be the adaptogenic herbs I am taking. However, I am able to just sit down and focus, get chores done too.
Masculine energy must be a thing. I feel like I am myself again, and I have never been myself until nowâŚso odd.
Anyways, back to work.
8/31/2022 - rest
9/2/2022- rest
9/3/2022 - 2x loops
Sir, have a seat
The past 3 days have been a roller coaster. I did not sleep well this week. Still emotionally sapped from the loss of the mentor. I was holding onto grief.
I met my friend on Thursday night to hit the club. Things did not go well. We were a bit too drunk. Almost got into a fight. I diffused the situation. I donât want to drink anymore. That night, I saw a guy with a vape and asked for a hit. I took a deep breathe. It felt good. I hit on some women, had a nice conversation, and went home. I reprimanded my friend for his behavior on the walk back.
Friday, we were let out of work early for Labor day. I went home and slept. I slept for 6 straight hours. I spoke to my other friend and decided to stay home and rest for the night. I ended up back in my kitchen again. My environment was very close to my degenerate college days. I wanted to visit that mental headspace. I bought a 6-pack of beer, a box of cigarettes, and sat in my kitchen writing a letter to myself while listening to the songs I used to listen to back in college. I felt sudden waves of failure, frustration and grief overcome me. My goal was to write the letter and burn it while smoking a cigarette. It felt right. I wrote out every frustration. Every pain point. All my negative thoughts and fears and the people who have died who I looked up to. I was up to my 4th beer this time. I was listening to some song and it moved me to tears. Some rapper talking about his frustrations in life. Resonated with me so well I just felt understood. I ended my letter with the intention that I should keep going regardless of all the failure I have been facing. I grabbed the lighter and sat outside on my steps and lit up some cigarettes. I tore up the letter and watched it burn. I hope if there is a God, the smoke will reach him. Itâs all good homie. I got this. Sit up there and watch me. Save a bad bitch, some weed and a seat by your throne for when I get up there one day.
I got up to my 5th beer and decided it was a good time to go to a strip club. I paid for a good time last night. When I got home, I masturbated, ordered more Taco Bell.
I woke up today. Smoked some more cigarettes. I felt nothing. My herbal pills are more effective than cigarettes but I was inclined to try them out to see if I felt anything.
I donât want to talk to anyone. My room is a mess. I did nothing all day. Just more masturbation sessions. This guy is me. This is who I am. A fucking frustrated male, wandering around in the darkness. I gotta get my shit together.
Listened to 2x loops. Smoked more cigarettes, watched more YouTube, ate more Taco Bell.
I was holding onto these emotions for weeks. Feelings of failure finally piled up. I just sat around like some broken man. I let them out yesterday. In the kitchen.
Some good news, my data science skills are improving. I reached out to another friend whom I havenât spoken to in a long time.
Other observations: Things taste different now. More intense flavor. Hard to explain. I feel more deeply now. I think the serotonin is finally getting fixed in my brain with recovery and emotional release. I listened to the loops in a prayer with gratitude today.
Onwards.
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9/4/2022 - Rest - day 68
âMotherfucker, you call me next time!!â
I reached out to a friend yesterday. Told him everything I did. He was non-judgemental but held me accountable for my actions. He told me to call him next time before I do those actions. I thanked him for listening and he gave me words of encouragement which I really needed to hear.
It seems I have used escape-style coping mechanisms all my life. I have hit rock bottom emotionally in the past few days. Time to build myself back up as they say.
I am considering re-purchasing QL ZP and focusing more on ST 2/3/4 rather than just ST1 considering it is an emotion focused stage. I think it is time to move on from the emotions that do not serve me.
This might be textbook reconciliation. But, I think moving forward, less focus on the emotional side of things and more focus on the execution side of things will be useful. I have explored my negative emotions enough.
To those who peruse my stuff, what are your thoughts?
@Malkuth , @King , @RVconsultant , @Palpatine , should I move out of any exposure to ST1?
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QL ST1 is actually not an emotionally focused program. Its healing is primarily related to restoring and rebuilding general neural function and mental processing.
But youâve been running a very dense 4-core Terminus2 custom, often for multiple loops, and sometimes only taking 1 day off between plays. Thatâs a lot to put on your system. That kind of overwhelm would be likely to trigger a bit of your dysfunctional coping patterns, whatever they may be. We all have them.
QL 4 contains elements of 1,2,3, and 4. So, although this has been an interesting experiment; itâs not really such a necessary one.
On the other hand, it does seem like youâre getting some beneficial effects. Just that theyâre flowing too intensely.
How about one 3 to 5-minute loop every 3 days (2 processing days between)? That would ramp down the intensity a bit, and you might be able to integrate everything more smoothly.
Then you might not need to move out of exposure to ST1.
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Hello, @Malkuth. I am here since Nov 2018 and always interested in titles for improving cognition. The point above was never clarified (directly from creators). It was written that ST4 contains the scripts from previous stages plus those from ST4. However, we do not know what that really means.
The concept of cores and modules was initially created and reported on each subs. Then, we read that having a list of modules and cores does not apply anymore. This concept become more obscure since Q and ulterior technology developments.
It will be good if creators clarify this subject.
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Hi @Salchichon, Iâm not privy to the scripts of course, so yes, I cannot answer such questions.
At the same time, my own impression is that the move from modular construction of subliminal programs (circa pre-Q programs) represented exponential growth and refinement in how scripting was being done. My sense is that the programs became leaner, more individually distinct. more focused, and more powerful and robust.
Some bicycle frames are made modularly, with interchangeable parts welded together to form a single unit.
a functional (if used) Ross bicycle frame from the 1980s. Gets the job done. A good frame.
Other frames are drawn originally from a single mold. Not welded. One piece.
A super-light one-piece carbon-fiber frame. Itâs a superior frame.
Now, who knows? My analogy could possibly be a stretch. (Pun not intended.) But thatâs my sense of the direction in which the scripts have evolved.
There is less of combining interchangeable elements. And more of writing focused, standalone specific scripts.
This is the artform that Saint and Fire are continuously refining behind closed doors.
I imagine that it must be frustrating at times to not be able to share the exciting details of their discoveries and innovations.
Anyway, when I look at the Quantum Limitless description of stage 4 and read:
ST4 combines the previous three stages into one while further improving Quantum Focus Mode (even more expanded seeing of possibilities and underlying mechanisms, further time dilation, added enjoyment to studying, etcâŚ) and making it even easier to access and developing some crucial skills to unimaginable levelsâŚ
Thatâs enough for me to understand. Saint has repeatedly said that the product descriptions are not hyperbolic. So, that description is enough for me to understand that ST4 is a denser program that combines and extends the capacities that the listener has developed in the previous 3 stages.
And, I guess youâve already read this multiple times, but:
you can keep mastering your balance and continue developing yourself further on ST4, while tapping into the profound additions of ST3 and ST4. You can even simply run ST4 as a standalone, without running the previous stages (and this applies to any other stage too) â but keep in mind ST4 will likely be intense in such a case (not taking into account individual differences and subliminal experience).
To me, that just seems to make it even clearer.
Stage 4 is denser. It combines and expands the previous stages.
Finally, the Objectives list at the bottom of the product page is clearly based on Stage 4. So anyone can get a more detailed sense of the breadth of that program by reading the Objectives.
Anyway. This probably does not quite satisfy you since youâve no doubt read the page closely in the past. In this case, Iâm just sharing my own point of view.
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ST4 denser, sure!
What is ST4?
ST4 core = ST1 core + ST2 core + ST3 core?
or
ST4 core = ST1 core + ST2 core + ST3 core + ST4 (own script)
or
QL ST4 = ST1 core + ST2 core + ST3 core + ST4(own script) + modules + extras
or any other incremental combination.
Assuming above, yes! It will be.
But, can we combine ST4 core from Q store and obtain the same as QL ST4? That is the question.
Thanks for your point of view!
Cheers!
This question has been answered explicitly in the past on multiple occasions.
Yes.
The Q-store program cores maintain all of the same content and functionality that is in their major program equivalents.
I may be missing some additional implication of your question. Iâm not sure. If so, my apologies.
Am I?
Also
I donât think that this is the right kind of analogy. Again, I donât think that it would be additive.
1+1+1 and so on.
Sort of like how the curriculum for 6th grade is not just âeverything in 5th gradeâ +1.
Rather 6th grade teaches more complex skills, knowledge, and information than what are learned in 5th grade. The 6th grade curriculum builds on everything learned in the previous grades, but it fits that knowledge into a more complex and sophisticated framework.
I think the scripts of each stage would be distinct and based on knowledge of specific functions and capabilities.
Not simply the result of adding one stage to another.
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So less like legos and more like a matryoshka doll.
I donât know what you mean by re-purchase. Did you buy it and return it? If so, please contact customer service and explain your situation, and what you would like to do. Some times there are systems where if someone purchases, returns, and re-purchases, then the account automatically gets flagged as suspicious.
What do you mean by âmove out of any exposureâ?
I would agree. Iâm guessing you are overwhelmed and yet healing. And trying to get relief with alcohol, cigarettes, food, etc.
Dude, Iâve tried that. Recently I just ate too much pizza and over did it on the beer. Throw in some un-healthy TV shows⌠Sure I was distracted for a few hours, but I didnât feel any relief, just a bit bloated from all the food and beer.
More rest days. Maybe do 3 minute loops for a week, and notice what happens.
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Sounds so much like Eddie Morraâs NZT blackout momentâŚFortunately, you didnât go further.
Anyway you are have been good results it seems, but you are probably overexposing yourself too. So perhaps you should try cutting back on loops.
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Repurchase as in buy the product separately and focus on ST3/4
Iâm a man of my word. Gonna decrease the dosage. I think 1 loop, 2x a week should suffice.
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Sometimes, the routines of the day keep me so engaged, I donât notice a week go by. However, I can also attribute that to very poor sleep and nutrition. Iâve taken off this Friday and Saturday from going out and just focused on rest. Rest is also productive it seems
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9/5/2022 - Day 69 (nice) - rest day
I sat around and did next to nothing until 7:30pm.
Interesting to note I may have had an out of body experience at 4:30pm. Was trying to stay awake from my napâŚbut eh maybe it was nothing. Took a good afternoon nap. Woke up early.
Diet choices today:
- Quinoa, rice, soybeans, lentils steamed together in a rice cooker (with some alfredo sauce and mozarella)
- Water 1.5L
- 2 cups coffee
So far, in the past 3 hours, I did the following:
- Clean up room
- Make bed
- Cut nails
- Iron clothing for tomorrow morning work
- Basic stretches
- 3 mins jump rope
- Reviewed my goals and made revisions
Gonna see what tomorrow holds. More revisions to the goals are necessary
I will most likely be keeping an excel sheet to track my progress for everything moving forward.
I cannot allow myself to fail. We fall to the levels of our habits.
Onwards.
9/6/2022 - day 70 - rest
9/7/2022 - day 71 - rest
9/8/2022 - day 72 - rest
I changed up my systems. Developed a checklist on excel.
Today, I woke up from 8 hours of sleep. Iâm sipping a coffee. My clothes are ironed from last night. My bed is made, my room is decluttered. I got 30 mins of focused studying done last night. I worked out, did some yoga stretching. Reviewed my long term goalsâŚ
Life is good. Yesterday was near close to perfect. I got almost all the things I wanted to get done outside of work.
The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result.
The definition of sanityâŚis following a checklist for your goals. hmm
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