Freedom!
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Day 16 ~ rest day
I woke up this morning with emo music looping in my head, specifically Hands Down by Dashboard Confessional. I dreamt about my former fiancé and his family again. It’s been a recurring theme in my dreams over the past week or so.
Right now, I’m sitting here with my coffee, just taking in the moment while listening to an emo playlist on Spotify. The music seems to perfectly fit my mood this morning.
I’m grateful for a good night’s sleep, my strong coffee, and the music that’s speaking to me today. It’s nice to appreciate the little things.
I also noticed I’m feeling much less annoyed with the person I’ve been talking to. A new forum friend suggested I be extra kind with people who haven’t been exploring the law of assumption or studying spiritual teachings like Neville Goddard’s. That really got me thinking.
Lately, I’ve been reflecting on the inner conflict I feel about what I thought I wanted in an ideal partner. I watched a short video of Mel Robbins talking about how people will leave a partner who has 80% of what they want just because the other 20% isn’t perfect. Then, they end up with the flawed 20%, which doesn’t align with what they truly wanted in the first place. What the heck, right?
On top of all that, I’m meeting the guy I connected with on my dating profile in person on the 21st. We’ve been talking on Zoom since we matched, and we’ve been chatting for about a month now, since November 11th, after I wrote my ideal partner script. I have mixed feelings about meeting him in person. There’s definitely some curiosity, but I also feel some annoyance, which I realize comes from a protective part of me—my “manager” part, as IFS would call it. That part is trying to keep me safe and guard my emotions, while my true self is curious and open to seeing how this connection will unfold.
It’s a bit strange to think about, but I’m staying open. After getting to know him through Zoom, I’m excited to see how it feels in person and if he aligns with the qualities I’ve been visualizing. It’s a lot to process, but I’m focusing on what I truly want and need in a partner.
Life has a funny way of unfolding, and maybe there’s a lesson in all of this.
This is a helpful reminder:
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Day 17 ~ G:HJ Full Loop
Slept deeply and peacefully with no dream recall. The morning flowed smoothly as my son and I both got ready for the day, and I dropped him off at high school.
While getting ready, I paused to embrace the glow of the moon through my bathroom window and let its light centre me.
I feel calm and grounded as I prepare for yoga class. My former fiancé’s family continues to be so thoughtful and supportive. His mom texted me last night with some advice, which truly warmed my heart.
The energy with the guy I’ve been talking to has shifted significantly. The annoyance I felt has eased, and I am leaning into stillness instead of reacting. By checking in with my parts and validating them more, I have created more harmony within myself.
I am honouring the love I feel for my former fiancé while staying open and curious about this new connection. Why limit myself when I can hold space for both and allow things to unfold accordingly? I am not polyamorous. I desire one partner who chooses, admires, and wants me.
I have taken so much time to work on self-love and truly feel all of these things within myself first. I know my worth, and the man for me will be an added bonus who brings value to my life rather than taking away from it.
This morning, I find myself feeling like crying, though it is not sadness. It is the fullness of this beautiful life I am still here to enjoy. I have overcome so much trauma, and it feels like the skies are clearer. I am feeling the feels, grateful and present for the journey.
Edit: this came up in my fbook memories:
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Fate
Am I meant to be something?
Is this the song I’m supposed to sing
These questions need answers
Is my life already scripted?
If I need to can I change the words?
These questions need answers
Are we alone?
Are we in control?
Can we choose to play a different role?
Can we change the grave that was dug for us?
Or is this the only path to take?
Are we meant to fall in love?
Are we supposed to find the one?
These questions need answers
Are there choices around me?
Or am I stuck on a one way road?
These questions need answers
Are we alone?
Are we in control?
Can we choose to play a different role?
Can we change the grave that was dug for us?
Or is this the only path to take?
Can we change the grave
The grave that was dug for us?
Or is this the only path to take?
Another path to take
Are we alone?
Are we in control?
Can we choose to play a different role?
Can we change the grave that was dug for us?
Or is this the only path to take?
Can we change the grave
The grave that was dug for us?
Or is this the only path to take?
Day 18 ~ Rest Day
This week, I’ve listened to G:HJ twice, and its objectives are deeply resonating with me today. I began my morning intentionally, starting with conscious deep breathing in bed, creating space to tune in to myself and my energy.
Dream Reflection
I woke from a strange dream where I was at a place where a man tried to hit on me and gave me his number. I consciously (lucidly?) felt bad because I’m talking to someone in my waking life. I left the place in a Jeep full of people but jumped out while it was still in drive. The Jeep crashed, killing two people, and I woke up.
The dream lingered in my mind, stirring curiosity about what my subconscious might be processing. Jumping from the Jeep, the destruction that followed—what was I running from, and at what cost? I trust these symbols will continue to unfold meaningfully as I reflect further.
Morning Ritual
Despite the dream, I began my day grounded in my ritual. I lit a candle, sipped mushroom coffee, and let music set the tone for my morning. I pulled oracle and tarot cards, staying present and noticing moments where I wanted to check my phone. I consciously chose not to, instead valuing the beauty of being fully immersed in this sacred practice.
Staying present allowed me to deepen my connection with myself. The cards reflected my energy perfectly and reminded me how grateful I am for my spiritual gifts. They’ve become a guiding force in my journey, bringing clarity and alignment when I need it most.
Reflection on Childhood Beliefs
While journaling, I uncovered a childhood “memory” that has shaped much of my life. I used to believe I wasn’t seen or heard by my dad, that my artistic passions didn’t matter to him. This belief led me to seek attention in ways that weren’t healthy, such as acting out or being reckless, believing it was the only way to be noticed.
But today, I realised much of this wasn’t truly my belief. It was something I likely absorbed from my mum, who may have learned the same from her own father. As I reflected more deeply, I recalled moments where my dad did see and hear me—times filled with joy, laughter, and connection. These moments are proof that the story I carried wasn’t the full truth.
Revising these memories felt natural, like a part of me was ready to heal. Staying present during my ritual allowed me to reframe this narrative with gratitude instead of pain.
Insights
Not everything is as it seemed. Many beliefs I carried were survival mechanisms that no longer serve me.
My people-pleasing and fawning tendencies, while also being extremely empathetic, were adaptations to navigate relationships and avoid conflict. I can now choose healthier ways to connect and express myself.
By resisting distractions and remaining present, I created space for profound clarity and healing.
Emotional Release
As I reflected, emotions began to rise, and I welcomed them with an open heart. Crying has felt cathartic, like I’m releasing the weight of self-limiting beliefs and creating room for joy and transformation. I’ve grown to trust these moments of emotional release as sacred acts of letting go.
Lessons from G:HJ
Release emotional burdens to invite joy and lightness into your life.
Create intentional routines, like my morning ritual, as anchors for happiness and balance.
Learn to see the “dots” of life, small, profound moments of joy, and weave them into a greater story of gratitude and fulfilment.
Final Reflection
Today reminded me of the power of presence. By choosing to stay engaged in the moment rather than escaping into distractions, I honoured my growth and allowed healing to unfold naturally. As I continue to embrace my spiritual gifts and trust my journey, I feel a deep sense of gratitude for how far I’ve come.
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Totally vibing with this right meow:
Day 20 ~
I don’t know if you know this but wanted to tell you. Be careful with costar. The creator has been known to throw out more negative messages in positive transits to “balance” you. I don’t know if she does it anymore, but she seems to have a weird belief system I don’t vibe with.
“I’m definitely the source of, yeah, let’s push people. Like, I think it’s healthy to think about the worst thing that can happen and become comfortable with that sort of fundamental impermanence,
Not great if you’ve had a history of imagine the worst case scenario to take the sting out of it type of person imo.
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Yeah, I’ve noticed some negative crap, even with friendship sign compatibility.
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I took a short break for a few days and resumed listening to G:HJ this week with 2 full loops. (I listened once every other day, not back-to-back.)
I’ve been noticing a strong theme of JOY in my card readings and overall energy.
This morning, I sat in gratitude, appreciating having all my children together this week.
I noticed a big shift in my dad’s energy while visiting with him at my sister and brother in laws yesterday. He came over and fixed my closet door for me and some other things. That was great! 
I’m currently in my luteal phase feeling a bit like a fireball! 
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I perceive the world through a combination of deep feelings, vivid visions, and strong intuitions, which allow me to sense things that aren’t always obvious. I can pick up on subtle energies and read the unspoken cues that others might miss. It’s like a heightened awareness of everything happening around me, even beyond what’s being said. I often pick up on people’s non-explicit, non-verbal requests, the silent things they might not even be aware they’re conveying. Whether it’s through their body language, the energy they project, or even their tone of voice, I’m able to sense and decode what’s happening beneath the surface.
Nothing gets past me. I have an ability to sense things that others might overlook, especially when it comes to deeper layers of a person’s psyche. I often discover things in others that they aren’t even fully aware of themselves, unresolved emotions, hidden fears, or parts of their past that are still influencing them in ways they don’t recognize. I tap into these energies and intuitively understand what might be blocking their growth or healing. It’s like I can see beneath the surface, not just what’s being said or shown, but the deeper, unspoken truths that are waiting to be acknowledged.
For example, when someone is going through something challenging but doesn’t directly share it, I can feel it. It could be something as small as the way they shift in their seat or avoid eye contact, and from there, I can often tell that something is off. I can pick up on the little energetic shifts that reveal emotions they aren’t saying out loud. It might not always be obvious, but I sense their discomfort, their hesitation, or their need for support.
Once I notice these hidden aspects, I gently guide people towards the healing they need, helping them uncover and process emotions they might not have fully confronted. I don’t push, but I offer a safe space for them to explore what’s buried deep inside. Through this process, people often experience profound shifts, understanding themselves on a deeper level, and moving toward healing in ways they hadn’t expected. I’ve learned that when we face these unacknowledged parts of ourselves, we open up to growth, freedom, and transformation.
I also have a strong intuitive sense when I meet new people. Without them saying anything, I can get a sense of their emotional state or even how they might be feeling in that moment. It’s not about judging or assuming but about tuning into the subtle signals that are being sent. For example, I might walk into a room and instantly feel a change in the atmosphere, like a shift in the energy that tells me someone might be nervous, excited, or in need of reassurance. These intuitive nudges allow me to respond in ways that feel right, even when words aren’t being exchanged.
I notice things that others don’t, like when someone’s smile doesn’t quite reach their eyes or when their words don’t match their body language. These little details often reveal more than people realize, and I pay close attention to them. It’s a way of understanding not just what people are saying, but also what they might need, even when they don’t know how to express it. I rely on this deeper connection to understand others on a more intuitive level and to navigate the world with a greater sense of awareness and empathy.
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NEW STACK:
A Stark Black Reality (SB)
Genesis: The Art of Happiness and Joy (G:HJ)
Helen of Troy (HoT)
Day 1: SB + G:HJ full loops
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Day 2 ~ rest day
Had a lot of processing dreams.
This had happened yesterday from SB:
These ideas will be so profound that many people will try to talk you out of it, simply because they cannot perceive reality the way you do. In other words — you are offering something they don’t even know they need. You must use your discernment in whether to accept their thoughts.
I will mostly not accept thoughts from others playing in lower consciousness.
I had a good talk with @Trader regarding this very thing, not realizing it was in the script! I reread the sales copy today having many aha moments! It’s been 1 year with this amazing title. 
I will continue using it this year again.
I find comfort and a feeling of being home when in the spotlight. I have a big wild vision that I will keep going towards.
I pulled some tarot today which included a lot of fire and air elements.
The Emperor card came out with King of Wands. I keep pulling the death card as well.
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I feel exactly the same way, I have the same perceptions about people. It’s very easy for me to read them.
Sometimes I feel the need to help with Power, but I often see that even for some of my own issues I have not yet found a cure or a more integral place within. Sometimes this hinders me in the process of helping others the best I could.
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