The Conqueror’s Bliss: Prelude

Journals - Custom Subliminals
#161

Rejection.

And no, it’s not the type that generally associated with the word. I find myself rejecting ideas first, before then consciously evaluating them to see if they make any sense to me. Like a firewall being set up, and filtering for viruses.

Subconsciously, there’s an automatic immediate breakdown to decipher the purest essence of what is being communicated and why (perspectives, reasoning, linked with my perception of their inner world). It’s like an AI developed to analyze anything and everything. Something running naturally for me in my mind. I don’t know if it’s a gift or subconsciously trained, but it’s baseline. Sometimes, when I don’t want it to happen, I tell it to “shut up” when I want to enter a state of presence/enjoyment.

The next thing that comes is a solid “NO” that comes from my inner voice, loud and clear.

Then, I consciously evaluate the material if it holds merit and I’m being defensive.

But now I can be focused on something else and just hear the “No” then I have to find what I’m saying no to. It can be internal or something being said some distance away that I’m somehow able to hear. And when I plug in, the AI comes into play

Before the AI supplies a basis to doubt before the “No”. Now, the “No” comes first, even before the AI processes.

This seems like a unique result from TB.

#162

This anti-recon is interesting.

Discovered a skin issue which I thought was gone had returned. It wass a trigger for recon, all the Wanted internal effects faded, which I thought reflected in my external results (which isn’t completely true)

Self image issues made itself known, I became slightly reclusive in social settings, actually, I wanted to be left alone for that period, to ruminate through what came up.

As more time passed I realized it was a self worth issue tied with a perception of internal lack of abundance.

Then a desire began to creep up, one that spoke of an unphase-able internal world born from abundance. The abundance of not wanting anything else outside myself to enable me be myself—not validation, opinions, desire, love, motivation, authority, systems, religion or even archetypes.

Immediately I got to this point, color flooded in, everything became funny. And I’m talking rofl ridiculous levels of funny. I was laughing so hard at everything, people were so amused and IDGAF.

#163

Everything is created for maximum efficiency. Therefore, if you don’t have a reason to keep something (function) you will lose it.

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#164

How can you lack what you have?

Open your eyes and see.

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#165

Same tenets and principles, limitless modes of execution, different energy

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#166

“To really shift your reality the way you desire, sometimes you have to be mad and delusional about it. When you attain what you desire, you will find there was no delusion all along. But you will never know until it is reality”

Taking action like a mad man and getting results I desire.

On paper, I am genuinely way out of my comfort zone, farther than I should be able to manage. Yet, I don’t feel stressed.

For the past one month, there have been this confidence that I will get whatever I desire. I just need to take/reduce it. I even find myself affirming this both consciously-(action and modifying my in-thought process) and subconsciously(behavior and things that surface from the depths of my mind).

But now I doubt, because I can’t tell if I’m genuinely growing or if my lack of urgency and resourcefulness pervades.

#167

Another paradoxical state.

Since last night, I’ve been feeling like I’ll never get to the level of self embodiment and mastery that I desire. It’s just too grand, and therefore too far, with too much work.

But my new way of being refuses to let up. I still feel it’s achievable and I’m even going ahead to compress time, which then makes it feel overwhelming.

This amount of compression naturally demands that everything else that don’t matter fall away.

Turns out sacrificing is still tricky for me.

Holding these two states at once feels like having too much “drag”

#168

It feels like I snapped out of “flow” because things were happening like I was riding a wave, rather than being the wave itself.

Now, there’s been a flood of “I need to cultivate that trait” and “I need to cultivate this skill”

Maybe I need to ride the wave first.

#169

It’s like I’m a resolution seeking missile. The resolutions keep coming before I finish expressing.

The expression almost feels pointless, but I feel like it and I’ll still do it anyway.

#170

Hmm, I can see my objectives I set in my private journal being worked on.

Well, I guess the reason for expressing all this was shown to me almost immediately.

This is simply the transition phase. Ride it out.

#171

Damn, today’s recon was harsh. It’s the physical/energetic type I get on TB, so I’m certain it has a role to play in this. Even if my body/mind aren’t fatigued, it feels like my energetic body took a hit and there’s this deep chaotic vibration/tremoring in the background. It doesn’t affect my quality of life, just feels like I’m living with a very mild form of anxiety.

Other things I’ve been noticing:

For the about 2-3 weeks now, I keep holding my breath when I encounter beautiful/hot people. Kind of like a “take my breath away” situation, even if I consciously don’t find them to be able to incite such a reaction from me. It’s more automatic/reflexive.

The next one is me not being able to handle sexual tension both physical and mental. The soldier gets alert anywhere, anytime. So I usually engage the tension in short bursts. With KB added in my custom now, it’s on steroids; even a passing breeze would make the mini man too alert for hours on end. My techniques at bringing him to rest aren’t working either.

Breath regulation. I’ve been noticing my breathing patterns more and when I do I try to breathe into my diaphragm. There’s also times I notice pauses/breath holds. Then it freaked me out because of how unusual it felt. Now when it happens I simply let myself breath as deep as possible in the next turn, then try to control the holds with boxed breathing.

Also, the use of breath to up-regulate and down-regulate my body that I learnt from Sanguine since last year seems to be sinking deeper.

#172

Now for Wanted results

Deep eye contact, almost nothing can break it, unless I do, reminds me of my Emperor+Sanguine custom. Prior to this, it was like I see through the person, now it’s magnetic and ever enticing. It feels invasive because I feel seen for who I am, kinda naked.

Women manifestation. Man they’re everywhere, sometimes even rooms/corridors that I have to go through are filled with only women. At this point it’s a fun type of ridiculous.

I keep experimenting with my facial expressions and body language. It’s like I’m communicating “states” and using them to frame the experience both in social interactions and internal perception.

Playfulness. It’s like in experiencing the world through a frame of mischievousness, there’s this smirk I love that creeps up on my face, coupled with teasing and being sassy.

Internal frame of privilege. It’s like I’m a privilege to whoever I interact with. A new type of narcissism that doesn’t put others down or discriminate.

The internal frame of privilege + the mischievousness feels like I’m asking reality the question “trick and treat?” Instead of “trick or treat?” Like I’ll prank tf out of you and we both know the entire experience is your treat.

Verbal confirmations. I’ve been getting asked why I don’t have a girlfriend a lot more frequently, amongst other compliments.

#173

It’s not a secret I deny or hide from anymore. At this point I sound like a broken clock to myself. I want the world, I want everything life has to offer, all the positive experiences. To leave an indelible mark on this earth, that a man like the me I envision lived, even though I know it might be fleeting. I desire conquest, mastery of the journey of life itself.

But I doubt.

Will I ever be who I desire? A man beyond definition and labels?

When? How long till I attain a level I don’t classify as scraping the bottom of the barrel?

Or is it just impossible because I might spread myself too thin?

At the same time, there’s a growing certainty ”I will get what I want, I always have and always will”

I hear myself saying it like there’s absolutely no other way to live, and anybody else that believes otherwise has decided their reality, not mine.

As I write, it’s kind of interesting that two things running through my mind are almost opposites. Perhaps, a symptom of transition and not opposites. One gaining dominance and the other recessing, struggling to remain relevant.

For now, the only thing I can do is keep walking the path I’m already on.

#174

Root yourself ever so firmly, to enable you wield that which is beyond you.

#175

Plans will mostly remain a waste of time if they’re not used.

#176

“Take the breakdown” keeps coming to mind.

I can’t tell if I’ve been doing everything to dodge recon or if the anti recon is just too smooth.

There’s the first possibility as I’ve mostly been executing Wanted, literally slipstreaming into my new reality. Meanwhile the results from my E//D//U custom and GLM I noticed when I started my cycle early last month seem to be non existent.

As of this point I can’t tell if there’s deep inner work going on regarding the other two or Wanted is the only thing being integrated.

Switched listening order around.

#177

The new BL seems like one of the ingredients for my endgame.

I’m literally itching to use it right now, but I know it isn’t yet time.

Imagine a very big funnel with a very tiny exit. Using BL will definitely expand the already larger top and possibly the exit.

Meanwhile I’m trying to refine the vessel that holds whatever makes it out the funnel.

#178

Been noticing a couple questions pop up consistently, with regards to who I’m becoming

Am I delusional?
How am I so delusional?
When did I get this delusional?

How are you so certain you will always get what you want?

I just thought of it as being more confident, accepted it as so because thinking of it as “delusion” felt like a lie I wasn’t going to partake, and, I kept trying to push it to the edge of my consciousness every time it came up.

Till the question was presented to me by a person.

“I tried this/that, and it didn’t work for me, how do you know it’s possible? I don’t want you to end up like I did”

I felt like I shared too much, but I actually took the time to break everything down, with experiences and evidences included, explaining regardless if I was heard or not. In hindsight, I realize it was simply a moment of consciously confirming my new belief.

I realized the presence of two things— Certainty developed as the summary of the life I’ve lived and not delusion; and faith that it will happen, without evidence, even if I have to make it so.

Like No shit Sherlock, hoW diD yOu CoMe tO SucH a graND reVelAtioN?

I now understand why I feel the repulsion in my inner world anytime impossibility is communicated, labeling, dissecting and dismantling them in real time. The big “NO” that my mind faces a lot of situations/people currently around me with.

It’s a work in progress, but gaddamn I need a change of scenery.

#179

Now, this explains my current stack experience a bit more.