The Conqueror’s Bliss: Prelude

Journals - Custom Subliminals
#253

Continuing with the desire to trust, it’s also reflecting financially.

Had one of my spontaneous scenario generations that cooked up when I process/heal stuff—taking multiple perspectives in a scenario, asking guided prompts on the topic and me replying to those prompts.

Happened at work and in this scenario, I entrusted my card to my coworker to make a payment for me, while I rush to do something else.

He asked me “how/why are you so trusting? How can you just give me your card like that?”

The voices of doubt flooded my mind
“you’re so naive” “how/why are you so naive?”
“Have you forgotten where you come from? People cheat and get scammed”
“What you’re doing is foolish”

And then I replied his question “are you going to use it for something you’re not supposed to? Are you planning to cheat me?”

He just kept staring at me blankly, couldn’t muster a reply.

I continued “so why not?”

#254

Got propositioned for the promotion again.

#255

Testing GLM + ASBR today.

Promising results already.

#256

Navigated two situations now with dead calm. No fidgeting, highly expressive speech patterns and body language.

Took my time to articulate before giving replies. This was strange. In the moment when I’m articulating there’s almost nothing in mind, like I’m not writing through the process consciously, but when I start speaking, everything flows.

Cognition on point.

Play, play, play. Ferocity from ASBR was in the background, with the internal joy shining forth, even in unlikely situations, which was highly accepted.

Resilience-> Eye of the Storm. This wasn’t the usual feeling of internal dominance. I am simply the center of my world and by extension my external environment. My permission was needed for things to progress (only expressed on Khan).

Fame, I don’t really know how to explain this one. It’s not that people just know you, there’s this element of gravitas and admiration. People keep coming back.

There were some times when I cracked jokes that were usually funny, but my deliveries were too serious. They register it as me being serious; then I make it clear that was my attempt at a joke and they’re all start laughing? WTF

The first person that comes to mind when I think about the way this expressed is Steve Jobs, except with more internal joy.

#257

Something I didn’t note here was going into work on Tuesday and everyone kept saying they missed me.

I was only gone for 4 days, with two of those being weekends🙂

#258

Feel like dropping E//D//U completely, and moving on to ST2. The going is getting tougher and more destabilizing to handle. However, I will remain, right here.

Now, back to observations.

Working through more intimacy issues. There’s one person constantly on my mind, it won’t be a stretch to say I actually miss her, even though I saw her last week. This was quite unexpected.

Had a dream about a past situationship. It seems I’m processing things from all my past relationships and situationships. Gradually crawling from the lighter to the darker stuff.

My music profile yesterday was really lo-fi sexy songs, from morning till night. Still find I couldn’t listen to some garbage—a “not for me” followed by an automatic skip😂

I’m horny, almost constantly. Yet this has a different feeling. It doesn’t feel subdued, but slightly subtle, with different peaks and dips.

Lastly, the “crouching dragon” hasn’t responded since this week. I think there’s some qualitative refinement happening within my sexual energertics for now. I don’t feel any changes , I just know it is so because that’s what pops in my mind when I think about it.

#259

Suddenly, I can’t remember her name. It feels like my consciousness is locked out from certain memories abut her.

Probably get accessible again when the time is right.

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#260

Always play your best card first, for any given situation.

You might not be your best card. You don’t have to be the one holding up the banner others rally around. You are the cause behind the banner.

Your hidden card might not be your best card for the situation, it is the best card used as a final resort. You will find that your hidden card will often be you.

You are the one your best cards come to when in need, and your best card is rarely in need(that’s why it’s your best).

Play your best card, let it shine and watch your will align reality.

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#261

Sexual energy gradually returning to baseline today. Not felt horny today, but just felt the usual activation in my abdomen area.

Also having a bad bellyache, could be what I ate last night though.

#262

For the man who sacrificed his entire life to see others happy.

Are you willing to sacrifice your very soul to see others happy?

#263

I am one of you, and stand amongst you all.

But I desire excellence, a brilliant fragment, the best of all, undeniably beyond competition. Naturally, this excellence elevates.

Can I be above the people whilst still remaining amongst the people? Or do I have to sacrifice one for the other? Or is there any of them that is just a facade?

I don’t know.

Same problem concept, different levels and angles.

#264

I’ve been getting the feeling to move to the next phase, which is focused on embodying identity. This phase might not have GLM and KB might take a longer time (2 months) to come back in.

I feel like I haven’t used either of them enough and I’m unwilling to let them go.

But I’ve decided, I’ll chill on the next phase and move my focus to wealth for the next two months. Already had an app idea from two months back, but it needs more fleshing out.

#265

Didn’t remember this until now

But I just checked and I can access the memories again. Some interesting stuff.

#266

Going through @Malkuth journal after stockpiling and I found this

I read through it and immediately my mind began to express how this applies for me, so I’m going to try expressing it as much as I currently can.

#267

For me I find that trying to draw lines of causality, feeds into my nature of trying to behold the entirety of reality—see/understand/observe/know—which is a nice trait but also serve as a huge limiter when I can’t satisfy it.

I had to understand that everything is interconnected (mirrored too) and inevitably has a part to play, and drawing seemingly clear lines of influence are never accurate, which will inevitably distort the truth of what you behold. It is also a big source of pain when what I try to behold naturally eludes me. So I’m learning to let go, believing that everything contributes and ultimately happens for my sake—contributes to my journey. I let it be for the most part.

However, being able to observe causality is still important both subjectively and objectively, especially when trying to observe patterns for practical purposes.

So how can both perspectives be true and upheld at the same time?

Degrees of influence, everything has a part to play, with some more than others, for any given form of expression. Observing this is heavily influenced by the current limit of the individual’s awareness. From here you can see contributors, get more depth in understanding and be able to apply them in practice.

I think it’s also one of the reasons why internal work comes in cycles, levels, each with different perspectives. You think “something” was responsible for a certain behavior, it gets resolved and you then realize there’s more.

Never thought about this before, but it seems this has been my subconscious approach, I’m only now putting it in words. This has been applied to experimentation, self-exploration, to external exploration (people, outcomes etc). Every form of expression have become windows to behold contributing forces.

Funny I didn’t see this before.

#268

Practicality of mastery—achievement and self development

Achievement markers vs self dev goals
Achievement markers may seem like self development, but they are not. They are the outcomes of levers being pulled, however they are pulled. Self development is the unraveling of essence, the embodiment of your best self.

Achievement markers involve playing a game, honing your craft, competing, winning, conquering perhaps, but it remains a game with rules not born of your decision. Yet, and in the process of playing any game, you step into the hallway of self development, for you must embody that which deserves the achievement you desire.

Self development, often the long arduous part of self embodiment, honed within the confines of your being, never flashy, the journey most realize they were on towards its very end. It will often be overlooked, it will reflect in every aspect of your being, but only a few in the world will truly understand. Hitting achievement markers becomes the norm, so easy that you might find more pleasure in self embodiment. And now, we’re back here again.

They both involve each other and cannot truly be separated.

However, I choose to cultivate self embodiment because true mastery of life is what I desire. Conquering achievement markers is simply a consequence of my existence.

#269

Moved to Khan St3, ran my first loop of the cycle on Tuesday. Had an immediate shift in demeanor.

  • Not as open/interested in conversation as before, despite people trying to engage me.
  • Someone asked me if there was a smiley face somewhere underneath. This surprised me as most of the time I’m almost extremely playful and all smiles.
  • Made basic conversation with some new people, to make them feel comfortable.
  • My boss and his boss seemed to respond well, with my boss’s boss trying to make conversation with me.
  • Been having Insane dreams since Tuesday (too much for one night, cryptic and some I couldn’t decipher)
  • Rough sleep—waking up in-between with the breakdown feeling prominent—then not being able to sleep back.
  • Extremely different from my last two runs of St3
#270

There’s a girl I know that seems to be energetically sensitive from average, but isn’t consciously aware of it.

She avoids me every time I’m on Total Breakdown (no matter what I stack with), eye contact body language and all. Like she picks up on what is going on within me and being in my space is somehow uncomfortable for her.

Then immediately I switch to any other stage, she becomes almost too close for comfort, like she just can’t help herself.

Same pattern repeated on Tuesday.

#271

Made the move to St3 as I’ve slotted my next 3 months for action towards achievement markers.

Will come back to St2 and spend a longer time, hopefully with a QTKS.

Surprisingly, I went through my offline journal and I’ve hardly listened to St3(~2mo) & St4(2x) in around 14 months of Khan and the amount of growth is almost surreal.

I can only imagine what St4 would be like.

#272

Estimated release titles