The Conqueror’s Bliss: Prelude

Journals - Custom Subliminals
#267

For me I find that trying to draw lines of causality, feeds into my nature of trying to behold the entirety of reality—see/understand/observe/know—which is a nice trait but also serve as a huge limiter when I can’t satisfy it.

I had to understand that everything is interconnected (mirrored too) and inevitably has a part to play, and drawing seemingly clear lines of influence are never accurate, which will inevitably distort the truth of what you behold. It is also a big source of pain when what I try to behold naturally eludes me. So I’m learning to let go, believing that everything contributes and ultimately happens for my sake—contributes to my journey. I let it be for the most part.

However, being able to observe causality is still important both subjectively and objectively, especially when trying to observe patterns for practical purposes.

So how can both perspectives be true and upheld at the same time?

Degrees of influence, everything has a part to play, with some more than others, for any given form of expression. Observing this is heavily influenced by the current limit of the individual’s awareness. From here you can see contributors, get more depth in understanding and be able to apply them in practice.

I think it’s also one of the reasons why internal work comes in cycles, levels, each with different perspectives. You think “something” was responsible for a certain behavior, it gets resolved and you then realize there’s more.

Never thought about this before, but it seems this has been my subconscious approach, I’m only now putting it in words. This has been applied to experimentation, self-exploration, to external exploration (people, outcomes etc). Every form of expression have become windows to behold contributing forces.

Funny I didn’t see this before.

#268

Practicality of mastery—achievement and self development

Achievement markers vs self dev goals
Achievement markers may seem like self development, but they are not. They are the outcomes of levers being pulled, however they are pulled. Self development is the unraveling of essence, the embodiment of your best self.

Achievement markers involve playing a game, honing your craft, competing, winning, conquering perhaps, but it remains a game with rules not born of your decision. Yet, and in the process of playing any game, you step into the hallway of self development, for you must embody that which deserves the achievement you desire.

Self development, often the long arduous part of self embodiment, honed within the confines of your being, never flashy, the journey most realize they were on towards its very end. It will often be overlooked, it will reflect in every aspect of your being, but only a few in the world will truly understand. Hitting achievement markers becomes the norm, so easy that you might find more pleasure in self embodiment. And now, we’re back here again.

They both involve each other and cannot truly be separated.

However, I choose to cultivate self embodiment because true mastery of life is what I desire. Conquering achievement markers is simply a consequence of my existence.

#269

Moved to Khan St3, ran my first loop of the cycle on Tuesday. Had an immediate shift in demeanor.

  • Not as open/interested in conversation as before, despite people trying to engage me.
  • Someone asked me if there was a smiley face somewhere underneath. This surprised me as most of the time I’m almost extremely playful and all smiles.
  • Made basic conversation with some new people, to make them feel comfortable.
  • My boss and his boss seemed to respond well, with my boss’s boss trying to make conversation with me.
  • Been having Insane dreams since Tuesday (too much for one night, cryptic and some I couldn’t decipher)
  • Rough sleep—waking up in-between with the breakdown feeling prominent—then not being able to sleep back.
  • Extremely different from my last two runs of St3
#270

There’s a girl I know that seems to be energetically sensitive from average, but isn’t consciously aware of it.

She avoids me every time I’m on Total Breakdown (no matter what I stack with), eye contact body language and all. Like she picks up on what is going on within me and being in my space is somehow uncomfortable for her.

Then immediately I switch to any other stage, she becomes almost too close for comfort, like she just can’t help herself.

Same pattern repeated on Tuesday.

#271

Made the move to St3 as I’ve slotted my next 3 months for action towards achievement markers.

Will come back to St2 and spend a longer time, hopefully with a QTKS.

Surprisingly, I went through my offline journal and I’ve hardly listened to St3(~2mo) & St4(2x) in around 14 months of Khan and the amount of growth is almost surreal.

I can only imagine what St4 would be like.

#272

Estimated release titles

#273

I feel good, extremely good.

Woke up this morning, earlier than usual, refusing to leave my bed.

I had already structured out my day since last night, so I had no choice but to move or I begin to compromise and important things fall out of place.

Left my bed, brushed my teeth then headed for the gym. But something interesting happened. I started dancing as soon as I stepped out the house. I had forgotten how good this feels.

#274

Today was endless sleep and hunger.

Immediately I did the make thing I wanted to do, I ate and the next thing was sleep.

I kept sleeping, even under bright light. Now I’m awake, but I still feel sleepy.

#275

Damn.

Trying to sleep for the last three hours, bit I’m just laying here staring at anything and hungry as fuck.

I remember getting complimented on my physique couple weeks back and next thing I know, the energy demand began to ramp up.

Now, with KB and Wanted momentarily out of my stack, I’m more hungry 24/7😭

#276

Every result I’ve experienced has been inscribed into my very being, like scribbles etched into stone. They are here to stay, for as long as I want them.

These guys really changed the game since NSE.

#277

Reading sales pages again, I do that from time to time it whenever I feel like. But today’s reading was different.

I was reading it haphazardly like how I conduct research—multiple tabs open, reading to certain points, jumping to another copy, doing the same then coming back to continue—kind of searching for and integrating connections in real time.

#278

Now I feel like going back to my original next phase of rebuilding identity

Khan St2 + Wanted + NREE Custom
KB St1 + Hero: Earth Custom

But I’m concerned that it’s going to take away from my wealth oriented actions

#279

Had breakfast by 6, more food by 12 and I’m hungry again and they were all large portions :sob:

#280

Although dreams have subsided and the breakdown feeling is gone. The past four days have been crazy.

There’s no drive to be better kicking from Khan St3, not even my energy responding as usual.

Having intense lethargy, endless desire for sleep, endless hunger, then nausea, bellyache and purging. Though I suspect this is an effect of my adjusting diet coupled with the change in season.

The saving grace is that if I say I’m going to do something, I do it, regardless of state or situation.

#281

Also noticed recon that manifested in the form of confusion/scattered focus, and, “locked” communication skills and state of enjoying reality.

Today, I realized it’s a focused segment from the paradox in my inner world that got unveiled.

Honestly, I consciously don’t know how to work through this and I don’t know how to adjust my stack.

I’ll wait for the new drops and probably modify my plans for the identity phase

#282

The SUN

Does it need warmth to shine? Does it question why it shines? Rising at dawn and setting at dusk?

It is simply what it is. A brilliant presence of warmth, beauty, glory, benevolence and probably more beyond my current comprehension

I am the sun, a specter to behold, shining forth from within and I won’t doubt it.

Gratitude is important, but not necessary for me to do what I must or choose to do.

#283

Stepping on the accelerator, when some parts of the engine is missing

Hell, you couldn’t even shift gear cos some screws from your gearbox are in your palms, staring back at you.

The stupid decisions I make🤦‍♂️

#284

The amount is glazing I experience both internally and externally should almost be illegal at this point and I’m still in the rookie leagues :joy:

#285

Just realize the context of my posts are sporadic and can differ even if posted back to back.

It’s not like I’m rapidly drifting very different topics and states in that manner. It’s just that I usually stockpile these things in my mind throughout the day and then post them whenever I feel like.

Or I can touch on something and leave some parts out only to post them whenever I feel comfortable doing so.

And lastly, typing out a post usually incurs more things around it to come up, so post all I wanted to post, go back to flesh out more in my offline journal, then post here at a later time.

#286

Now, coming back to this

At the beginning of my last phase (Early September) I had a lot of drive, ideas, action taking, then some presults of BL and NR. I thought it was going to remain that way, but that was just the remnants croaking before being extinguished.

Between GLM, TB, KB st1 and Wanted most of my that drive was revealed to be a host of inconsistencies with “Validation seeking” being the spear head. Extrinsic motivation. The things I’ve been very watchful of, to avoid selling my soul to my craft or achievement.

Now, I thought the amount of change I’ve been through would be enough materials to drive the action I desire and I could postpone rebuilding who I am.

Turns out I was wrong.

Looking from another perspective, I would advise someone else not to do this, but I’ve not been really taking my own advice.