The Conqueror’s Bliss: Prelude

[Goldfinger]

Damn, today’s recon was harsh. It’s the physical/energetic type I get on TB, so I’m certain it has a role to play in this. Even if my body/mind aren’t fatigued, it feels like my energetic body took a hit and there’s this deep chaotic vibration/tremoring in the background. It doesn’t affect my quality of life, just feels like I’m living with a very mild form of anxiety.

Other things I’ve been noticing:

For the about 2-3 weeks now, I keep holding my breath when I encounter beautiful/hot people. Kind of like a “take my breath away” situation, even if I consciously don’t find them to be able to incite such a reaction from me. It’s more automatic/reflexive.

The next one is me not being able to handle sexual tension both physical and mental. The soldier gets alert anywhere, anytime. So I usually engage the tension in short bursts. With KB added in my custom now, it’s on steroids; even a passing breeze would make the mini man too alert for hours on end. My techniques at bringing him to rest aren’t working either.

Breath regulation. I’ve been noticing my breathing patterns more and when I do I try to breathe into my diaphragm. There’s also times I notice pauses/breath holds. Then it freaked me out because of how unusual it felt. Now when it happens I simply let myself breath as deep as possible in the next turn, then try to control the holds with boxed breathing.

Also, the use of breath to up-regulate and down-regulate my body that I learnt from Sanguine since last year seems to be sinking deeper.

[Goldfinger]

Now for Wanted results

Deep eye contact, almost nothing can break it, unless I do, reminds me of my Emperor+Sanguine custom. Prior to this, it was like I see through the person, now it’s magnetic and ever enticing. It feels invasive because I feel seen for who I am, kinda naked.

Women manifestation. Man they’re everywhere, sometimes even rooms/corridors that I have to go through are filled with only women. At this point it’s a fun type of ridiculous.

I keep experimenting with my facial expressions and body language. It’s like I’m communicating “states” and using them to frame the experience both in social interactions and internal perception.

Playfulness. It’s like in experiencing the world through a frame of mischievousness, there’s this smirk I love that creeps up on my face, coupled with teasing and being sassy.

Internal frame of privilege. It’s like I’m a privilege to whoever I interact with. A new type of narcissism that doesn’t put others down or discriminate.

The internal frame of privilege + the mischievousness feels like I’m asking reality the question “trick and treat?” Instead of “trick or treat?” Like I’ll prank tf out of you and we both know the entire experience is your treat.

Verbal confirmations. I’ve been getting asked why I don’t have a girlfriend a lot more frequently, amongst other compliments.

[Goldfinger]

It’s not a secret I deny or hide from anymore. At this point I sound like a broken clock to myself. I want the world, I want everything life has to offer, all the positive experiences. To leave an indelible mark on this earth, that a man like the me I envision lived, even though I know it might be fleeting. I desire conquest, mastery of the journey of life itself.

But I doubt.

Will I ever be who I desire? A man beyond definition and labels?

When? How long till I attain a level I don’t classify as scraping the bottom of the barrel?

Or is it just impossible because I might spread myself too thin?

At the same time, there’s a growing certainty ”I will get what I want, I always have and always will”

I hear myself saying it like there’s absolutely no other way to live, and anybody else that believes otherwise has decided their reality, not mine.

As I write, it’s kind of interesting that two things running through my mind are almost opposites. Perhaps, a symptom of transition and not opposites. One gaining dominance and the other recessing, struggling to remain relevant.

For now, the only thing I can do is keep walking the path I’m already on.

[Goldfinger]

Root yourself ever so firmly, to enable you wield that which is beyond you.

[Goldfinger]

Plans will mostly remain a waste of time if they’re not used.

[Goldfinger]

“Take the breakdown” keeps coming to mind.

I can’t tell if I’ve been doing everything to dodge recon or if the anti recon is just too smooth.

There’s the first possibility as I’ve mostly been executing Wanted, literally slipstreaming into my new reality. Meanwhile the results from my E//D//U custom and GLM I noticed when I started my cycle early last month seem to be non existent.

As of this point I can’t tell if there’s deep inner work going on regarding the other two or Wanted is the only thing being integrated.

Switched listening order around.

[Goldfinger]

The new BL seems like one of the ingredients for my endgame.

I’m literally itching to use it right now, but I know it isn’t yet time.

Imagine a very big funnel with a very tiny exit. Using BL will definitely expand the already larger top and possibly the exit.

Meanwhile I’m trying to refine the vessel that holds whatever makes it out the funnel.

[Goldfinger]

Been noticing a couple questions pop up consistently, with regards to who I’m becoming

Am I delusional?
How am I so delusional?
When did I get this delusional?

How are you so certain you will always get what you want?

I just thought of it as being more confident, accepted it as so because thinking of it as “delusion” felt like a lie I wasn’t going to partake, and, I kept trying to push it to the edge of my consciousness every time it came up.

Till the question was presented to me by a person.

“I tried this/that, and it didn’t work for me, how do you know it’s possible? I don’t want you to end up like I did”

I felt like I shared too much, but I actually took the time to break everything down, with experiences and evidences included, explaining regardless if I was heard or not. In hindsight, I realize it was simply a moment of consciously confirming my new belief.

I realized the presence of two things— Certainty developed as the summary of the life I’ve lived and not delusion; and faith that it will happen, without evidence, even if I have to make it so.

Like No shit Sherlock, hoW diD yOu CoMe tO SucH a graND reVelAtioN?

I now understand why I feel the repulsion in my inner world anytime impossibility is communicated, labeling, dissecting and dismantling them in real time. The big “NO” that my mind faces a lot of situations/people currently around me with.

It’s a work in progress, but gaddamn I need a change of scenery.

[Goldfinger]

@SaintSovereign

This is probably the initial reaction to such a positive, yet calming script. Most people are used to their emotions flying all over the place, reacting to the slightest provocation. If you monitor your thoughts closely when you’re not using GLM, you may begin to see this as well. The emotions are constantly moving from highs to lows, from happiness to sadness, sometimes in seconds.

GLM helps you create an “inner container” of those emotions, where instead of being expressed in an uncontrolled manner, you instead can observe and process. And this can come across as “feeling flat,” because you’re no longer bleeding uncontrolled emotions everywhere.

Now, this explains my current stack experience a bit more.

[Goldfinger]

Regardless of circumstance, I remain.

Before expressing as a force of nature, realize the bastion within.

I beginning to find that the path I’m on grows more mythical day by day. Like I’m actually becoming mythical and feel as so. I can’t see the end point, but this feeling and desire are one of the genuine things I feel at the moment.

The funny part is that I can’t pinpoint what is inspiring this development in my stack, it’s like I’m using one sub.

When I shift listening order, areas of focus and priority of “action” change, but the overarching theme of the path remains the same.

[Goldfinger]

Been off GLM for over two weeks and it’s clear what it’s been doing in my stack.

GLM served as a container to contain all the chaos in my internal world. Emotional/energetic upheavals/intensity were so contained they almost felt “non-existent,” I could feel it, just not impacted by it, which to me, was a strange feeling.

It’s an extreme growth accelerator as the only thing required is simply to live life and let everything that comes up be resolved. This happened with or without introspection, even when I didn’t understand the nature of what was being resolved. Actually, I wasn’t even bothered to do so.

My usual cerebral nature was also more contained. No constant data dumps, like my mind absorbing and downloading information. No chaotic pattern recognition that feels like setting too much at once for my own good. I gradually shifted into embodimentand making use of what I have in a way that is actually useful.

I thought I wasn’t executing it deep enough as I didn’t feel the deep presence, awareness and detachment which I expected. But all those reflected in my aura, which reflected in how people expressed around me, with multiple people commenting about it.

But something was different. When it was commented on, I couldn’t doubt it, even when I couldn’t feel it or observe it reflected in my behavior. It just felt interesting that the calmness was communicated somehow.

[Goldfinger]

Current Stack

New Wanted
New GLM

Essence//Depths//Unveiled Custom

Khan St1
Khan Black St1
Synergy: Subconscious Mastery
Experimental ZP Anti-Recon
Omnidimensional
Mosaic
Deep State

Been on the stack for the past two months. And for the past one week the recon has been growing deeper. It first started as a desire to switch to a wealth sub. Now it’s full blown recon.

Recon topic of the week is avoidance and coping.

• Reading fast, not understanding and will moving on. Almost like I’m trying to run away from something.
• Avoiding journaling like the plague
• Refusal to engage with anything that requires attention and focused reasoning. Like I just feel like leaving my attention scattered.
• Engaging people, then wanting to just be left alone, then still engaging them continuously. This one was funny at first, but got annoying as I just seemed to be going through the motions.

[Goldfinger]

I don’t think I’ll comment on this much, but I’ve been getting a lot more presults lately. And no, it’s not from reading the sales page, it happens quite some time before I do that and also depends on my compatibility with the sub.

It’s like a certain part of my self becomes more accessible and begins to express more strongly; along with emotions, visions(flashes of images and scenarios), ideas, concepts and then external results. It’s like I enter a momentary state of embodiment and then I get to see why that happened down the line, usually after I read the sales page.

It usually ends after reading the sales page and then deciding not to use the sub. This way I get to know if it’s the right time to use the sub or not.

[Goldfinger]

Main Idea Thread -- Godlike Masculinity: The Commander

The conversation and ideas here are great. Keep 'em coming. Here’s a method that could help with your ideation: What modules would you include in a New GLM custom to give it even more of a “commanding” vibe? You can use this thought experiment to ground any abstract ideas into something concrete. Then, you can explain why you chose those modules thematically, which gives us an idea of what the people are asking for.

[Goldfinger]

Noticing some clicking in the left side of my chin. This is new, probably physical shifting at work.

[Goldfinger]

Bring order to chaos

Found myself saying this about 1 week after I started GLM in September.

Besides saying it, there was this subtle guidance towards embodiment, like I began to express/experience life as so.

Step into an environment and my first objective is to bing order, it was also reflected in how I achieve goals.

[Goldfinger]

Also to note that recon comes in cycles now, not the jumbled up stuff I couldn’t decipher that I had during summer.

Recon cycles:

1. Battling inferiority

Jealousy towards other men for non substantial things, superiority complex, mentally ripping people for their deficiencies.

Ended with me seeing potential everywhere I look, with grounded steps to convert deficiencies.

2. Shame & Guilt

Towards masculinity—had dreams of getting “caught” by my dad, especially around how I live my life and use money.

Sexual shame—constant unrelenting boners, for no reason. Got to the point where I couldn’t hide it and I just walked around like that.

3. Attention, Validation, Attachment

“How can you lack that which you already have?”

I remember asking this question mid conversation with a friend of mine, talking about attention seeking and dating at work. If only I knew how relevant this question was for me.

My answer? Low level of self-acceptance, which leads to conditional blindness in perception. It was yours all along, but you just refused to accept it, all for the sake of holding another self serving perspective as true. Please let it go.

Had a dream about my first girlfriend, probably some unresolved stuff. Didn’t feel the need to journal, dissect or understand, even forgot the details. It felt more of a thing that happened and you just have to let it be.

Also have another girl that I’m talking to now, I was having a lot of fun in the beginning, free of worry and doubt. Yet, the moment I began to think I’ve fallen for her all these issues rose to the surface. And as they did, the games began, games that aren’t fun; its reminiscent of two mirrors just looking at each other.

There is attraction, and, without a doubt, there is something more.

I clearly remember deciding to experience intimacy that can’t be explained with words and now a potential is at my doorstep; yet I refuse to step forward.

Why?
Fear of getting burnt? Of an unrecoverable imprint?

4. Avoidance & Coping

Then avoidance arose, suddenly cutting communication so I don’t lose myself.

And then losing myself in reels and entertainment, trying to cope.

The reels on my feed? A reflection of the struggle within. I laugh about it, share it even, yet, deep down, its obvious exactly what’s going on.

And, even this journal entry took one week of thinking about it and almost two days of execution.

One issue remains, according to the plan, this is the right time to lean more into wealth development for the stage I’m in, yet moving the stack around seems like avoidance, as I’m getting into the meat of aligning my inner world for the next step.

[Goldfinger]

The more I use subs the more i realise they only polish that which is already within you. They help you open doors and help polish the skills to keep those doors accessible.

I also realise that there are classes of doors – some doors should remain open forever, some others seasonally and the rest on a per use basis.

The ones that should remain open forever are so fundamental, they’re like raw materials contributing to your experience of reality. Thus, they become raw materials on how the other doors are experienced, expressed and to what degree you can do so.

These doors are what is mostly referred to as your foundation.

[Goldfinger]

Wanted has been a very interesting sub, Its like a crystallization of essence in the internal world, which readily expresses in the users’ outer reality. Then the refinement of both aspects intensify, synergistically feeding into each other.

You get boatloads of external result all without sacrificing internal development. Its like both aspects begin to blur and you don’t have to struggle hard to grow. You must take action, but its like taking candy from a baby.

No, you don’t even need to take it, simply accept it from the baby giving it to you.

MORE ON THIS and to repost in main disc. thread.

[Goldfinger]

What door(concept) do i want to open that will give me the most ROI, based on where I am and where I’m heading to?

Topics being worked on are close to fundamentals, and some other subs seem more fundamental for the question that needs to be answered. Been reading sales pages for about three weeks now and hesitating, just to be sure this isn’t recon.