The Alchemie of the Soul

Journals - Major Programs
#1

Let it flow

Today, I was extremely irritable. Recon and menstruation don’t seem to be a good combination.
It felt like I couldn’t handle anything at all.

The question I’m asking myself is: “Do I really need to handle everything right now, or can I just let everything flow for a while to cleanse myself?”
My body does the same. It cleanses itself of unnecessary things and prepares me for a time when I can gather new strength for new beginnings.

Just being. Just breathing.

That’s something I desperately need right now – especially during my period. During this time, I don’t need stress, a plan, unnecessary tasks, meetings or talks. Just me, something to write or read, and a cup of “Joie de vivre” tea.

I’m a person who truly appreciates peace and quiet. I don’t like hustle and bustle. I’ve had enough of that in the past. That’s why I prefer to keep my distance from people who wear stress and chaos like a badge on their foreheads.
Not everyone around me likes that. I don’t care. They aren’t me, and they don’t live my life. So why should I bother with what they think?

Yesterday, while writing in my offline journal, I had a profound realization: I have absolutely no idea what I want to do for a living. I know what I don’t want, but that doesn’t really help me move forward in life.

It’s like saying, “In my next relationship, I want a partner who won’t cheat on me!”

It would be better to say, “In my next relationship, I want someone by my side who appreciates, respects, values, and cherishes me.”

That has a much more positive energy, and it makes it easier for God/the universe/life (call it whatever you want) to support you. At least, that’s my belief.

So, even though I have absolutely no idea what I want to do professionally right now, I’m letting everything flow. No pressure, no rush, no stress – just trusting the flow of life.

The answer will come, very soon

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#3

You know Genesis mogul actually is a sub that could help you find what you want to pursue.

#4

Be strong Curly, you’ll get through it :muscle:

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#5

Year in Review

I look back on a year that was very challenging for me. I was deeply trapped in my depression, which had almost completely consumed my soul and heart.

Each day felt like a battle. And every battle filled me with hopelessness. I wanted to die because I simply couldn’t bear the pain inside me any longer.

And so, I nearly withered away – like a plant that’s watered far too rarely.
The people who love me tried to support me, but all I could hear were the screams my soul was sending out. I couldn’t hear the words of those who wanted to lift me up.

It felt hopeless.

At some point – and somehow – I found the strength to take a new path. A path that led me to begin healing my heart and freeing my soul, little by little.

I started doing shadow work, listening more to my inner voice, using subliminals, and much more. I stopped searching for myself – instead, I began to find myself piece by piece.

Even though I’m still far from where I want to be professionally (where do I even want to go?), I know I’m destined for something truly great.

My heart revealed this to me in a moment of stillness.

So, I listen to my heart, take hope and happiness with me, and prepare for THE miracle that lies ahead.

I honestly can’t wait to see what life has in store for me.

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#6

My heart aches so much today. I long for more humanity in life and in the hearts of my fellow human beings.

It can’t be that we tear each other down just to feel a little better about ourselves. Where has the love gone? Where has togetherness gone? Where has kindness gone?

Today, I saw so many wonderful videos that moved me to tears. Even now, tears are falling onto my screen. I saw people rescuing someone from a burning car, even though there were explosions. But these people weren’t deterred – they were determined to help.

I saw grown men cry because a father was treating his son very disrespectfully and harshly. One of these men approached the father – unaware that this was a social experiment – and spoke wise and loving words.
At that moment, it wasn’t the grown man speaking, but the little boy inside him who had once been mistreated by his own father.

I see so many beautiful videos on social media, but in the real world, I see none of that. Only disregard, envy, and resentment. People hurt each other without even pausing to think about what they’re actually causing.

Yes, I know, the world is full of wounded children in adult bodies. Yet it’s still incomprehensible to me.
I cry, and my heart aches.

Where has all the love between people gone?

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#7

Healing means accepting all feelings and being open about them.
Healing is not just joy; it can also bring tears. But these tears can make the heart and soul feel lighter.

I feel, I cry, I am angry, and I am joy. I am all of this, and I will always be all of this.

Lately, I have been very emotional and sentimental. Even the smallest act of humanity, kindness, and love makes me cry. And no, I am not on my period—I am healing. And in a way I have never experienced before.

There is so much love inside me. Love that I want to share with everyone. I don’t care whether someone is a woman or a man. Whether they are straight or gay. Whether they eat meat or are vegan. Whether they see themselves as a fox or a snail.

I just want people to treat each other with respect again and stop letting themselves be manipulated or divided by some bullshit.
It can’t be that hard, can it?

Right now, I’m listening to AOH, EOG, Seductress, and Genesis Mogul. Some people might want to say that it’s too much. But I say, “I don’t care!” I feel good about it, and maybe I’ll start feeling better than I ever have before.

My days are really crazy. Sometimes I’m sad, sometimes I’m funny, sometimes I feel incredibly sexy, and other times I’m just super annoyed with myself. I’m questioning more than ever and reflecting in ways I never have before. I mean, I’m starting to question myself and the world while watching Instagram reels… Previously, I used to get annoyed at almost everything and everyone on social media.

Curious. But somehow interesting.

One moment I want sex, and the next moment I’m either tired or just want to cuddle. Man, being a woman is beautiful but also kind of exhausting.

No more writing for now. I’m going to grab a beer, listen to music, and shake my sexy butt to it.

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#8

How often did I hear from other people that I should just let go of my past, and then “everything will be fine”?

But this statement always felt like a thorn in my side because my past only clung to me even more. With every attempt to let go of the past, it became more and more a part of me.
This made me feel frustrated, depressed, and hopeless.

But what about acceptance? What if, instead of letting go of the past, I simply accept it? What happens then? If I accept everything that has ever happened to me? The sexual assaults, the psychological and physical violence? The bullying?
The hatred I endured?
Will I find peace then?

I just watched a video that addressed exactly this: acceptance instead of letting go. Because if I simply accept all the bad things that happened to me, the past lets go of me – I no longer have to practice the powerful act of letting go myself.

And I absolutely resonate with this.

Do I already feel some peace in my heart at this thought? Yes! Something is happening within me. The feeling of fighting an endless battle seems to be leaving me. I feel a spark of hope, and I think that right now, a new seed is sprouting and growing within me, one that will lead me to great things.

All the torment I went through – it all seems to be fading and making space for something special and wonderful.

Me. In my most fulfilled form.

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#9

This piece around acceptance, instead of trying to let go, really struck a chord with me - I’m making a similar alignment in my being recently as well.

To that end, there’ an eBook I read recently that might be really affirming for you - ‘Learning to Love Yourself’ by Gay Hendricks. Maybe see if you can find it online, or if you like DM me and I can email it to you (no .pdf attachments allowed here on-site).

Wishing you well.

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#10

I am very happy to read that there are other people who practice acceptance instead of letting go. How are you doing with this?

My fiancé found the book quickly and sent it to me. Thank you for mentioning it. I’ll read it.
First, however, I’m allowed to read the books I started before devoting myself to another :grin:. Otherwise it will be too much for me and I’ll start to stagnate. I want to avoid that :sunglasses:.

I wish you all the best too

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#11

It just makes sense. ‘Trying’ to let go is like resistance. The mind trying to undo mind. Things release when they’re ready. Acceptance and love is integral to that process. That’s my understanding so far.

Also helps avoid spiritual bypass (I MUST ‘let go’ of this feeling’)

Awesome that your fiancé found the book for you. And yes, one book at a time!