There’s a lot of things I want to talk about. I need to give myself the space to process my thoughts and to upgrade my mind.
On my mind right now
If you believe that imagination creates reality, you will never allow yourself to dwell on your problems, for you will realize that as you do you perpetuate them all the more.
It is this quote that motivates my writing today, because my thinking pattern during my idle times can drift towards a lot of nonsense.
A pattern I’ve noticed consistently over time is that I have all these negative imaginations. These negative imaginations present a heavily distorted reality in which I am made out to be the victim. Or, they depict some scenarios centered around destruction and suffering. How is that good for me, and why do I choose to think these things? It’s diametrically opposed to happiness. No wonder I had questions about the point of NF/SR. My understanding is that I am happier practicing NF/SR, because my other options will make me happier both in the moment and in the longer term. However, if I have some idle time and I choose to imagine negative stuff (a negative self-concept, which encompasses my view of myself and the world), how is that going to make me happier? It then becomes more understandable why I would consider such means of escape.
Perhaps the world isn’t perfect however I can choose to imagine better within my own mind. Earlier today when I was exercising I saw my idle mind drift towards these kinds of problematic thoughts and imaginations.
Why do I do this? That’s an interesting question because this kind of thinking has been in the background for years. It gets aggravated by certain practices. I’m certain pmo is one such practice which is why it must remain cut out of my life. But what’s the root cause? I can recall it going back deep into the past, well before I ever did pmo or had most of my current lifestyle in fact. Honestly, the question of why isn’t that important.
What’s more important is how I’m going to fix it. I should be confident in changing this pattern without knowing exactly why. (tangent: It probably has some connection with human nature’s tendency to focus on the negative and the overthinking I’ve displayed in my life before.) The end goal here is to choose imagining of the positive in my idling times. Perhaps just start with myself smiling in front of the mirror to begin with. Then it can become more dynamic later. One challenge I have had with breaking out of this kind of thinking habit is quickly determining what to think about instead. Now of course, when I sit down to analyze what I could think about there’s a lot.
- Great memories — hangouts with friends, amazing life events, etc.
- Seeing wishes fulfilled (Neville Goddard)
- Recalling tasting great food or drinks
- Good smelling things (e.g. favorite cologne)
- General images that don’t necessarily have to tie into some larger picture, yet are still positive (e.g. me smiling at myself in front of a mirror).
The problem is when I don’t pick those things in the moment. It’s a habit. Perhaps I should start with something simple and static and let that be a gateway into an overall thread of positive images 
.
I am going to manifest that my mind chooses to imagine good for myself in general because I know that’s going to make me happier than sitting around imagining all this nonsense otherwise. Now it makes perfect sense that I’m experimentally running LBFH ZPv2 for the rest of Stack 7, because it will speed up this shift.
Yesterday — A Day of Solitude
I was by myself for all of yesterday. No hangouts. I didn’t leave my apartment complex. Yet I was at peace for most of the day…
Though I did have that peace I wasn’t that productive personally, either. I believe this happened because I didn’t set up an intention to do much on this day. I did go into it wistfully thinking that someone would invite me to a hangout or event, or that something spontaneous would occur. That didn’t work out. I wish more stuff like that would happen, though. MFO can you help out? Speaking of which, I need to upgrade MFO to MFO ZPv2!
What I learned from my time yesterday is that I still must maintain being a leader of my own life and give myself the right direction. I once ran CHOSEN to become a better leader at work to get the next promotion. While I don’t feel the need to run CHOSEN again, I through my own efforts must give myself direction to my subliminals, instead of just “letting things happen naturally.”
Finally, I observed that I did not beat myself up for not making anything social happen. Now I did try to push for a meetup with someone from the apps, however, I think my being slightly impatient affected the way I texted. That’s a learning lesson for me. Still, I could have easily messaged a bunch of my friends for a meet. I did not do that. What gives?
The Motivation to be Social — Where is it?
I’m running MFO and Daredevil. It’s been almost two weeks since I came back from my trip. And I’ve been by myself at my place for a few days. Where’s the motivation?
I wish Daredevil ZP pushed me more to go out there and make things happen—and I know that one advancement of ZP is that it’s not as forcing as Q. I wonder how Daredevil ZPv2 will fare with me. Based off of the LBFH ZPv2 runs I am more hopeful. But I digress.
Before going on my trip, I was pushing myself but in a bad way. I was worried about needing to make things happen right now. I had moved out to my place and gotten the promotion. The next step? Find a girlfriend and have a bustling social life. I was also pushing myself with fear, thinking that it was getting late, that I need to catch up, yada yada. Unfortunately, this kind of approach did not work. All it did was lead to a lot of overthinking and days with negative feelings. This disappeared after the trip and I’m not going back to this now.
So now what do I do? During the first week back here I did not question this because I clearly needed to rest up after my trip (also, there was one event that happened so I was okay with that), and also because I already saw within myself changes towards a new inner peace about my overall life situation.
Even now, I don’t write this with much feeling about it. I’m writing it based off an attempt to be logical, because my mind does like to think about “how” I’m going to get to my goals.
I’m very much open to feedback about my situation.
