Tale of the Dreamy Khan: Thermae of Love - a Wonders-full story

[Goldfinger]

Exactly this.

Before I used to have an Abstract section of my dream journal where I try to decipher the dream based on impressions, sensations, past experiences and daily experiences.

But since my run of RoS, I just stoped because the dreams where getting too long and complicated that I get confused just trying to note them down.

Now on ASBR, there’s another addition, every single dream has been right on the barrier of me being lucid, like it unfolds itself yet I can somehow influence them. Sometimes it feels like I’m living a story I’m directing

I start forgetting them immediately I wake up and within 20 mins most of the details are gone or put beyond conscious memory. They don’t come back even when I try journaling

[jelly]

It might be me getting esoteric, but I’m convinced there’s something deeper in ASBR. At least in the sense of informing us on the deeper nature of reality. I literally had a dream experience of reaching into the void and waking up to a manifestation, right after I said I felt really good about something. It’s difficult for me to grasp onto though.

I can also relate to the memory thing, I had a ton of dreams last night, yet nothing the moment I opened my eyes. Only vague sensations left. Meanwhile other days it’s actual paragraphs of descriptions.

I’m trying to get better at using dream imagery right back at my mind. I just had one of me looking for someone, and I just consciously figured out a person in real life who fits the requirements. I’ll go to sleep imagining myself walking with them and see what happens. Although right now it feels like I’m jumping through hoops I can’t understand and remaining a step behind. I guess that’s just how it is sometimes.

[Wonders]

I tried to count to 100 breaths with no thoughts
I was able to get to 56 this time until I lost count due to anticipating that a bus driver might worry about me (on the second one, since I had one stop to ask if I wanted him to bring me somewhere less than 30s before the second bus)

I learned the following:

• Any judgement, even just the feeling of it, is distracting. (And stopping it at the feeling level is less so)
• Any anticipation of future or dwelling in past, even a breath away, is distracting.
• Any worry on illusions, what others could feel or think, is distracting. (Answering to what they do in the present is less so)
• Any thinking of movement is distracting, feeling of movement is less so.
• Any assigning meaning to things is distracting as it falls under the worry on illusions.
• Doing is less distracting than thinking.

I will succeed eventually.
And in the meantime, I’ll learn more about the mind and the world.

[Jouissance]

Looking at the new rich, I think there’s elements of ROW in there as well. In a way that serves rich.

Not sure if u have ROW the title but u could always run a few loops of it. It’s the kinda title that gets you thinking and introspecting hard on just a few loops so u don’t necessarily neeeed to run it in a custom long term unless u try it and love it.

I’m running RICH + CC right now and RICH really adds this alignment that seems similar to some of what ROW must be trying to induce - at a smaller scale

[Jouissance]

@jelly

We don’t have to buy either. That’s why it’s so appealing. Just the flat $100 for any combination you can think of plus the name embedding. The modules and cores get automatically added to your account too, so you can use them for future customs without having to license them. It’s genuinely such a good deal.

You have to buy Q modules and Q cores before putting them into a custom

But only once, and then they’re available for all future customs.

Also with a name embed you can only do one core and one module.

So you can do RICH and essence: alchemy of money (which is what I thought you were referring to)

But you can’t do RICH + ROW as two cores/titles

[jelly]

After you order them in a NE they appear as already purchased under your account. Saint also said we’re able to do 2 titles/cores in a NE.

@SaintSovereign

Support isn’t wrong. I did that ticket, lol. We don’t have time to fix the UI issue right now, so we just changed the policy for now. If you want two cores right now, go for it. Now that we have the new instruction manual out with the progressive microloop strategy, it’s less of a concern if people do this now.

[Jouissance]

duuuuuuuuuuude

THATS SO FREAKING EXCITING LETS GOOOO

[Jouissance]

Excited for ur Thailand results if any come

No pressure

[Wonders]

Yeah I’m excited as well, no matter what happens it’ll be fun ^^

[Wonders]

21/02/26 Rest day 1

Smooth day so far, I donated blood this morning and there was a cute lady also donating blood that kept checking me out and smiling, so I checked her out and smiled at her too, though I was training my breath work and pumping my blood out at the same time lol
We walked a bit together toward the car park
Many other people were agreable to me and friendly, women especially so.

Aside from that, I listened to my mom side of a conflict she has with my sister. I’d love to help them, both need empathy, time, love, and to be heard. My mom is worried that if I talk to my sister she’d feel even more hurt than she already is.
Idk what to do really, remotely isn’t practical, I’m much better face to face.

This evening I’ll go to a small party and have fun with people I never met, (registered through a friends app), the host ask me if I could drive her (female) friend to her place on the way back so I said yeah of course

We’ll see how things go, but I know that as long as I’m loving, centered on my life principles and values, everything will be as it should.

Edit: another cute smiling lady seen on my daily walk, I feel blessed

[Wonders]

22/02/26 rest day 2
Well, the day has been quite full, so in the morning I rushed to get all the cat stuff, my luggage, and the cat in my car toward my mom estate, I left the cat there, one of my mom’s tenant that she get along with will be able to take care of him and keep him a bit company during my 16 days long holiday.

His meowing were a bit heartbreaking in the car, though I focused on breathing while driving, I was able to reach 100 breathing with (almost) no thoughts ! I only had 3 light thought, around 56, 72, and 87.
I’ll keep training my focus more.
Especially since this afternoon when I was doing my attention and memory brain exercises, I got distracted when my mom asked me questions at the same time and it affected my performances, I should be able to keep up performances even while answering people.

So, in the afternoon I helped with construction, well, rather breaking a badly done stairs for the pool of the farmhouse we rent out (though I wasn’t able to since the jackhammer didn’t work, my uncle got another but he’llbring it tomorrow, the day we leave), and drawing the plan for how we actually want it to be

We got to that situation because my mom was offended that the usual professional she collaborate with wanted to also come with a labourer to help him, because she thought he could pour a concrete staircase by himself, so instead she hired another that she usually use for other non-masonry work.

Well, he did a terrible job at that thing which is not his usual job. And now she has to not only pay him, but go back to her usual worker (much more skilled in masonry) to recruit him and his laborer to not only build the stairs, but also to break what the former unskilled worker did.

A costly mistake, done by trying to get it done cheaper, and because of wanting to “get back” at the usual worker for wanting to bring someone else to assist him.

While we were buying materials for the stairs, she was in contact with him. She got angry because he took time to respond. Despite my mom acknowledging that he might be working on another job, and despite it being Sunday.
She told me when that happen she has only one desire, to tell him that she’ll go with someone else.

Going with someone else on impulse would be more costly as I told her.
Impatience causes mistakes.

Well, he called her so all was fine.
She doesn’t thank people much, so I added some thanks for her when she asked me to text them questions.

That was a very full day.
Today was kinda exhausting.
I did reach new heights with push-ups, I did 74 today.
22 straight, the longest I can go at once
And 52 across 5 set

I reach quad 1 back too, though it’s damned hard. Quad 1 back was already quite hard, but now the 2nd one? Yeah

[Wonders]

Well, these days passed in a flash lol, 3 days already, wow, well there’s the 6 hours timezone to take into account, and the 12 hours flight, and the 5 hours wait at the airport in between the two flights… yeah no wonder.

23/02/26 Khan1 3m + RotNW 3m
So after rushing to get my cat medication and hug him one last time we left for the airport
After a 2h flight to Paris we had 4 hours to kill initially since the flight was 3 hours late,
So I decided to run Khan1 and RotNW 3m each, RotNW make me feel warmth in my groin area every time I run it lol.

It felt heavy in processing though, I meditated after and self inquiry got no answer other than feeling processing things being done in the background of the mind. And well, the 3 hours late plane turned into 4 hours late.

Initially we were supposed to leave Paris at 15h, land the next day at 9h after a 12h flight.
We actually left Paris at 19h and landed at 1pm

Well that was a day full of sleeping and waiting and meditating.
Patience

24/02/26 rest day
Well, half the day was spent in the plane, not much result aside from being obsessed with women but hey that’s to be expected when sitting in a plane with family lol.

At one point I woke up in the night feeling like I’d have a seizure, but after I reclined my seat and was a bit more in a laying position it got better.
Once we landed it was hot! Nice
We spent one more hour going through border control.

Then another hour in taxi toward our hotel
Though that hour was fun, the driver thought I was a fan of hip-hop because of my nose piercing and leg tattoo (an old school Betty boop clown) and as he was fan of hip hop he recommended me Joey Boy, which is apparently number one in Thailand, so we spent the hour listening to music and making small chat in broken English, he even started teaching me words in thai at the end, he’s called kit, good guy.

So by then the afternoon was well advanced, we just went through a couple shops to get lighter pants for I since I didn’t have much of any summer cloths despite it being 28 to 30°C here
We bought water and visited the beach just in time for taking some photos with the sunset

It was really beautiful.
Then we went to a night market, it was alright, though quite empty and the store not being very differentiated.

We went to one of the restaurants with people I took a massaman curry with rice it was delicious
My sister and mother took pad thai fried noodles one chicken one prawns
They didn’t like it.
I tried and yeah it just needed some chili, the table beside us were German and they gave us a bottle and yeah the pad thai was much better with chili.

After that we went back to the hotel, to our bungalow since mom was tired, though it might be interesting to visit more of the nightlife there someday.

We got 2 bungalows, one for me and mom, one for my sis.
Though my mom might go to my sis bungalow at some point idk.

But yeah mom went to sleep, me and sis went to buy some ganja (there’s legal cannabis here, we might as well lol)
We went to smoke next to the beach while talking about good memories, it was very good pure weed. It’s been a while.

While we were smoking, two thai women came to the beach with a huge red lantern, they lit a fire underneath and after some tries to get it to float it went up to the sky, one of the women filmed throughout, we watched from afar.

I wanted to go say hi and that it is very beautiful but my sis didn’t dare so I didn’t go as they were leaving the beach they passed next to us, they looked sad, and I understood it might be a ritual for a deceased person.
Just as we were talking about our grandma who might not have long left.

Well, still it was a good evening.
We went back to the bungalow, I went through hers to lose a bit of the sent first since though we’re both adults she don’t want mom to know we smoke lol
But yeah that was a good evening.

25/02/26 TotDB 1m
Now is already Wednesday morning, the sun shine the birds sing, one of them sounding like the trumpet birds in Alice in wonderland lmaoo
I bet on another good day.

Though I wasn’t much able to do sports yesterday but I’ll start again today
And I’ll run 1m of TotDB to tell y’all about it tonight

[jelly]

RotNW is so interesting because I’d run it literally just for the self effects. Maybe now that I’m slightly more aware of myself and my body’s feelings I should run a loop again to be able to describe it. Instead of it feeling fully localized to the crotch area, it felt like my entire body was enveloped in a deep warmth. The sleep was also really good.

Are you able to describe your feelings and experience on it a little more? You’re better at vocalizing it than I am lol

[Wonders]

I have felt the full body warmth when meditating on love, but not yet solely on RotNW lol

On RotNW the warmth start at the “external” tip of the pudendal nerve, and then spread inwards along the crotch area.

It’s a soft warmth that feel kinda glowing somehow?

Though I treat RotNW more like I would BDLM lol
With doing massages when showering.

I use the sexual energy mostly for vitality since I have not much going on otherwise on that plan, I feel a bit more lustful than usual but idk if from Khan ST1 or RotNW

[jelly]

I did feel strong warmth on LB similar to it at first, but I think I immediately realized it could be projected because a few days later I started directing it internally instead of just feeling it around me. Maybe if I spent more time on RotNW it’d be the same way. I might just be some kind of energetic blackhole, the moment there’s energy that feels good I like to direct it inward and dissociate from the rest of the world.

[Wonders]

Wow, only the evening of 25/02, today was magical really good!
Like we started the day of at the pool, and then we went to buy some shampoo and we got shorts since I only had pants and it’s like 30°C at the lowest, then we planned trips for tomorrow and the day after, we got open shoes “crocs” since I only had closed shoes.
Then we went to a beach called coconut beach, it was very touristy but the water was so damn good! Aquamarine hot sea, it was maybe 30°c water like I entered smooth as butter (much like the 1m TotDB this morning, smooth as water lol)
We got a massage, I chose a Thai massage and it was so great! Wow!
Really thorough working of nerve plexuses, meridians, muscles, deep tissue, tendon, and all. Really in depth, lot of medical knowledge in it. Awesome.
In the evening we went to the market and it was nice too, my mom and sister had fun this is good.
I like seeing them happy, it makes me glad too.
Tomorrow we’ll go do ATV in the jungle, zipline, visit a temple, go rafting, visit a waterfall maybe swim, it’ll be good time too.
I enjoy every second of it, every drop, every instant
Life is short, a sparkle, but life is good.

[Wonders]

26/02/26 rest day
Today I enjoyed life and being alive still, again.

We wend do atv it was fun, it reminded me of my childhood when I was doing atv in the nearby hills in the French south, in Provence.
We went into the jungle, across the river, climbed on top of hills and down steep descents.
It was good fun. Since we lived near the forest park when I was young, we could just take the ATV or a cross bike and go up the hills and beyond.
From up the hill we could even see the Alpes mountain range.

One time me and my cousin both went up the hills in cross bike, though we went a bit far and ended up getting lost, so we continued until we found our way to a nearby town.
There my bike ran out of gas, though my cousins still had some, we didn’t know what to do, we were kids! We had no phone, no monney, nothing.
but a nice lady stopped and proposed to carry me home, and put the bike in the trunk so we ended up safe.

There are very beautiful sights here in Thailand, and there are very beautiful sights at home in Provence.
Same same but different.
One jungle, one forest.

We then did some rafting and it reminded me of my childhood when we went to the Verdon back in France, quite often.

Here in Thailand they opened the dam and we went down the rapid, going down falls bumping against rocks, trowing water onto other teams it was really fun, we finished first in the race against other color boats, we almost fell a couple time, especially my sis who was filming lol but we haven’t felt into the water so all is well!

In Verdon, they also do rafting by opening a dam
Though the dam style is different and the falls maybe shorter, and more within canyon and less in jungle, but it’s the same heartfelt fun.
A warm heart full of love, laughter, fun and adventure.

Though I realize I talk a lot about home, but I love it here, it feels like home, it’s just that.
I feel as if I’ve been there a long time, the customs seems familiar it feels like I can guess what is normal or not instinctively.

This evening I lit up some weed and went to go on a night walk on the beach. Doing a meditation.
It was awesome.
Calm, the sounds of cicadas like home in Provence, the sound and shape of the waves along with the color of the moon reflecting just right, the feel of the sand under my feet, and the water coming to lick the sight of my foot, the smooth breeze enveloping my body.

I wasn’t the only one blazing it on the beach, there was multiple Thai friend group too.
It was nice to see.

Many people staring a bit in the street, and one vendor went to see me to ask about my trip
It was nice.
I love people, and I love seeing love and seeing people happy and making people happy.
Though I don’t see myself in there.

I both feel as one with the entire universe, the earth and sand being an extension of my foot, from the infinite dome of the stars, to the infinity of the small singular grain of sand touching my foot. From the infinitely powerful sound of the waves to the infinity of small individual bubble fizzle of the sea foam.

And I feel a separation, an illusionary separation space, as if people were both close enough to observe in details their intimate infinitely complex life as humans, and far away that I cannot reach no matter how I stretch.

But when I can dissolve that barrier, I can directly touch the heart and soul of anyone.
But this barrier, this barrier of the mind, is hard to break idk
I should maybe dig deeper so as to break the reforming process.
Idk
This is a good evening.

Tomorrow is planned to be a stormy trip to Surin Island to do snorkeling and beach activities

[Wonders]

27/02/2026 Khan1 3m + RotNW 3m
listening day 10, cycle 1.

It was a good day
I don’t really know how to feel or rather how I feel.

So it was a fun day, doing snorkeling and chilling
There was no storm actually, the meteo app lied, and that’s good, because otherwise the boat and snorkeling and beach on beautiful islands might have been a bit compromised
I even got some sunburn despite the SPF 50 sunscreen lol.

There were beautiful women, across the groups of tourists we were part of coming to visit.
Three of them in particular, gorgeous.
Inattainable. most probably in part because I didn’t dare approach, but like they had this aura of divas and model, above the world.
Though I know that with these things it is often a façade hiding weaknesses and need of validation.

But yeah, nah, I stayed with my mom and sis.
I chose to run 3m still of each this morning since Monday and Tuesday I felt lot of processing from 3m so I wanted to give more time.
I should walk and do sport but I feel exhausted.
I’m tired

Edit: oh, also funny thing, but these days I get things double, for the zipline the day before yesterday the monitors put two harnesses on me (which made their colleagues laugh when they realised) and yesterday when I got an ice cream they put two cones instead of one lol
Maybe a sign that I’ll get a double gf someday?

[Wonders]

01/03/26 rest day 2 early morning

Well, this is something special the process.
Got the impression yesterday and today that I am alone through timings but that’s a lesson on self-love?

Because, yesterday was a chill day on the beach, when I went into the water my mom and sister went to transat, when I went to transat they went to the sea.
For 5 days I had no match and now that I leave the region I get two.

I read online that what we fear reveals what false belief we cling to.
That if we fear loneliness it might be because we believe to be incomplete on our own, because we believe we need someone else to feel loved and happy.

And it might be true for me.

Intellectually I know that happiness and love come from within and so I don’t need someone to feel love and happiness.
Because I feel love, I feel happiness, it’s only ever I who feel/create/am these emotions or others.

But in my heart, this is still not felt, this truth.
In my heart I still long to be in the arms of another, to hug, cuddle
Not even for the other person, but to not feel alone and abandoned, in order to reinforce the belief that if someone love me then I am loveable.

Though in my mind I know that I am loveable because I am lovely and kind, and brave, and many many things. Because I’m me.
I’m a human.
All humans are lovely and worthy of love.
All deserve love.
But there is still this distance between my heart and mind that I thought I closed.

And I know this, what I live, is a lesson.
Life is a lesson for the growth of our consciousness. And I need to learn this in my heart if I want to grow.
I need to gain this emotional independence if I want to find real happiness and love.

I anticipated this, hence why I planned for Thermae of Love custom (LB + Regen cores, GLM essence) next cycle
But yeah, I’ll need to be working on this already before then, won’t I?

[Wonders]

01/03/26 rest day 2 evening

Ok alright, I’m spent as heck.
So today we fetched our cousin at the airport, had a heated negociation with the taxi lady because my sister was rude against her, so we had to pay more.

My mom and I went to patong, my sister and cousin went to another town in phuket to go on a floating beach club.

My mom let me the key, I tried to negotiate when we meet up but she didn’t respond, I tried my first thai prostitute, the first prostitute in my life really, but like damn she was just like in my fantasies short, big perky boobs, a nice waist.

She topped me too which I’m sensitive too, I didn’t last long, a month of training retention with pee stopping exercise and breathing exercises didn’t help. My seed left fast after I put it inside.
The best part wasn’t so much when I was inside her though, it was before, when I fingered her with my face buried in her boobs and groping her.
The before, the teasing was the very best part.
I don’t like releasing.

And I was tired after, and felt my energy blocked in my lower abdomen, heating/eating me up, burning me.

I tried to circulate it to the rest of my body and could circulate some, most to my head area.
I bought some clothes at uniqlo and went for an actual real Thai massage so as to help reactivating my meridian and facilitating recovery.

It was awesome.
Though I soon saw that my mom left me a message 5 minutes into the 1h massage asking me where I am and telling me she’s tired and where was I because she wanted to go to the hotel.

When I saw this message was 1 hour later.
I tried coming back ASAP, calling her and my sis, they left a bag at the checkin desk, I took it bought it to the room, they told me they went to a flocking shop so I went half running, then once there they told me they went at another so once again I half ran there.
Full of half regret.

Regret for not having left the key to my mom or waited at the hotel since she didn’t answer me about a meeting point and so I should have kept myself 100% available.

Matthew 25:13

Watch therefore, for ye know neither the day nor the hour wherein the Son of man cometh.

But no regret on the massage itself, because it was a really good time and needed for energy circulation and recovery.

But yeah, I should train more on energy cultivation, energy circulation, semen retention, and being 100% present. On not expelling.
I really really need way more intensive training to control my own body.

Edit: but yeah, damn, lot of “full body massage” women heckling me damn, one even throwing herself on my path lmao (this was very funny but I was omw to get the key to my mom so had no time)

Edit 2: lmaooo
I told my mom about how I was getting a massage when her messages arrived (the second medical/traditional/normal one lol) and she asked me if it had happy ending she asked in front of my sister and cousin!! Well of course I told her the truth that it’s a normal one, carefully avoiding mentioning any of the first one with the short stack thai prostitute, but I did tell her that it’s a cheap one (250 baht) and a good one.

Maybe I’ll mention to her the thai “massage” lady throwing herself on my path when I was coming to the flocking shop for funzies lol

Edit 3:
I finished fast because my heart was beating hard
My heart was beating hard because of anxiety
I was anxious because I didn’t know what to expect or how it would go… that’s not a real reason for anxiety, this would be a reason for curiosity.
I was anxious because I feared I’d do things wrong and because I had performance anxiety.

Even now just looking on maps, the anticipation, the illusion of a future where I wouldn’t be performant, make my heart beat fast and paralized me.
Though the future doesn’t exist and I’ll just sleep.

But even with that my heart still beat hard.
Because I’m not in the present. I’m in the illusion of a possible future and this make me scared.
And because of that, my fears realizes.

How to grow beyond?
How to be more present?
How to live with curious childlike presence and wonder?

These are keys I want to find
I want to find the happiness and love within me
I want to grow up
To be more independent
To witness fears without becoming fearful.
To see the fear without taking it.
To see what my mind thinks, and what is, find the delta
See life, now.
Not what could be. Not what was.

Exposure, experience, helps lower anxiety, because it builds certitude, because it shows that it is safe.

But that’s not really the path here is it?
Because certitude and feelings come from within, comes from beliefs structures and certitudes, perspectives.
These can only be changed from within, not by anything external.

The external may only confirm or infirm the inner if we let it do so by taking things personally, by listening to our mind/ego opinion.

The mind/ego is there to protect by anticipating and evaluating what’s risky or safe based on past experiences.
But that’s mistaking the map for the territory.
We always lack context and data for anything other than us.
Hence we may very well have an entirely mistaken interpretation of past experiences.

Only the present feeling don’t lie
How do we feel right now?
Happy?
Sad?
Tense?
Anxious?

If we know that, then we can use the logical mind to ask: why?
Emotions are guides, they show what we may work on; what works and what need more work.

Not to avoid the bad, as the mind/ego wants to.
Not to avoid fear, anger, lust, greed.
But to find its source and uproot it.
To grow so that events no longer trigger such emotion.
[Edit4: To transcend them. Go through the fear illusion and fake walls.]
So that only the underlying joy of life remains.

We always find what we seek, as long as we truly want to.