I thought about what Sc said when going back to sleep, when I got to “accept things as they are” I was shown a stone wall. I asked “that’s a good defense?” And got a green checkmark
Then I saw your message I laughed a bit and was about to go back to sleep but sc said “you didn’t write the ‘accept things as they are’ bit” so I had to come back lol
But yeah, we already all are fighting the collective unconscious by being our best selves 
There’s old structures buried under the sands of time, by excavating them we may dismantle them and repurpose
Edit: also, if we’re suppose to do 30 listening days per cycle as per listening recommendations, and with the current listening regiment of 2 times a week, that means the current cycle would end may 14, and the next start may 25, I should probably only switch RotNW for Thermae of Love then.
The next cycle will end September 3, which might then be a good time to go from Khan ST1 to Khan ST2
Edit 2: Since I’m still in recon (after 3 rest days, lol… though it’s only mostly being a hell of a lot tired and a bit moody) and it’s a listening day, I think I’ll keep to the same level as before 30s Khan, 30s RotNW, since it’s processed quickly and easily last week, so it’ll give more rest time until Thursday. and Thursday I’ll just run 15s of TotDB.
Edit 3: Honestly, I think I’d have no issue with recon if I was surrounded with people 24/7, only tired from processing. Yesterday (sunday, third rest day, birthday) my aunt told me how I look like I’d fit right into a lounger with how relaxed I was. I should install tinder too on top of the current apps. maybe others. I gotta do something to alleviate that thirst for social activities. and rest too. Not sure in what order.
10/02/26 Rest day 1 post Khan1/RotNW
so yesterday I listened to 45s Khan and 38s RotNW, I tried to do 30s each but followed my feeling a bit, my subconscious said that’s irresponsible, I don’t agree, but I know it’s (I’m) just worried about processing, but as long as there is actions on my part (as long as I don’t leave my subconscious on its own with no outlet) it should be fine.
Yesterday I ended up installing two apps and going a bit on it, this morning my ex sent me a text to give me her new number, so I chatted a tiny bit and we convened on having a bowling tonight and she’ll sleep at my place.
“no slip-up, even if I miss you a lot” she said, “alright, even if I miss you a lot” I answered
I can guess she might be worried that we do something and that she’ll regret given we’re no longer together, that she might feel bad afterward because though it’ll remind her of good times she might think of how she “couldn’t keep me” and feel bad.
I want to offer her plenty of empathy and reassurance that although we’re no longer a couple I still like her a lot, and if she like me a lot that’s perfect as well.
I quit with her because I fell out of love with her, due to multiple crises she had due to her schizophrenia. And due to me not feeling that much loved. (for instance, at last year’s valentines, although I have been with her for like more than 6 months at the time she didn’t wanna do anything)
She’s been getting treatment at the hospital for quite a few months already so that’s good, I’m happy for her. though she still struggle to get an appartment and welfare but she get help with admin stuff.
This bowling was an idea on how to get her to have some fun instead of just thinking about problems.
No idea how that year’s Valentine (saturday) is gonna be, I planned a few activities on the friends meeting apps, we’ll see how that goes, though I don’t expect much lol (but I know this in itself is limiting).
Well, in any case, enough with the memories, it should be fun! Both tonight and this week-end! 
Also, ever since last week when I started my cycle, I’ve been getting random erections during the day, so I’ve started reading books on tantra energy work the day before yesterday to learn how to manage the sexal energy and it has been… interesting experiences lol feeling my heart beating in my balls, having my whole vertebrae and torso heat up, and the like.
I wanna learn Sexual Kung Fu, and how to manage and convert sexual energy, and consciously cultivate it, though I can instinctively control energies already, but it’d be good to have conscious control.
in the past, when I was actively transitioning, I activated access to subconscious knowledge about meridians (being able to draw a map of the body meridian), external energy work, and feminine tantra techniques. Which I used extensively to give great pleasure to my lovers.
I’m guessing this more masculine leaning andro body that I was born in here is a good way to learn more of the masculine side of tantra and energy work. This would fit with my Scorpio Stellium too lmao. (6 Scorpio in my natal, 3 in house I, 3 in house XII, also 3 Capricorns)
11/02/26 Rest day 2
Ok, so yesterday after work I quickly went to my place to put phero, though less than last time, and I went to join her at a local pub, the drive there was very stuffy and the smell somewhat enivrating on its own, I think I should only use phero when I go to open spaces from now on.
I drank a strawberry diabolo while we talked together about the latest news, she should be getting an answer monday on if she get to be transferred to a medical residential complex in another city, she told me how she’s been a bit depressed due to there not being that much to do at the hospital and how she’s a bit more closed-in, so it is good that we can play a bit.
We also talked about more serious things, such as her talking to me about what she found out in therapy and since she’s been taking medication, how she went back more consciously into her body, and me talking about how I felt hurt by some things she did and said during her crises which is why I fell out of love and broke things.
Since the fun center (a place with a bowling, trampolines, a foam pit, a bouncing castle, and others) closed at 21h and it was 19h45, we went there and we played for 1 hours jumping around, swimming in the foam pit, playing a round of bowling, etc. (though it was very tiring for me lol, I should maybe work out more intensely for training, I’m not used to such effort intensity anymore)
at one point in the bouncy castle we ended up crawling around together, hugging, and kissing in between plays, it was really fun.
We talked about good memories, how it’s a very good evening.
At one point she said “we slipped up… It doesn’t matter”, and yeah it didn’t. I really want to keep seeing her in the future and the times we were together will stay in my heart my whole life and I told her as such.
We went back to my place washed up and made love, though I didn’t last too long.
Which is one of the issue of being back on T, I lowkey miss the multiple orgasms and lasting for hours I had on E.
I tried applying techniques to last longer such as breathing more deeply and stopping before reaching the point of no return but when I stopped she took over pushing from below and I couldn’t stop myself from ejaculating, though I continued a bit afterwards and we stayed a long while hugging and just basking in the glow.
I gotta train more.
I have the book by mantrak chia, though I haven’t got to the point where he talks about exercices, as of this morning I’ve started the breathing exercises, and trying to maintain belly breathing as long as possible and even throughout effort.
This morning we had a quickie one more time before she went to a meeting she had in the city center, and I went to work.
We both really enjoyed the evening and morning, she told me so and I told her so too.
Though yeah, I’m a bit tired lol, tonight I got a dancefloor event planned and tomorrow TotDB (which is gonna be only 15s this time)
Courage! I’ll get through this week! And the next too!
12/02/26 TotDB 15s
So yesterday evening I met up with a group of people found on a friends app, it was kinda fun, I socialized with a few on them and danced a bit, despite it rain on the dancefloor (open roof) and the sheer amount of people lol but yeah I had a good time.
since I went without phero, I figured that it is the phero themselves and not the subs that make me highly sensitive to alcohol.
Well, that’s good to know
My ex whom I saw and slept with the day before yesterday invited me to dine with her and her mom Saturday evening (so, on Valentines), and told me she had a permission until Sunday. (meaning, she’d sleep at my place)
I guess she want us to go back together. Even though she’ll need to go to that medical residential complex so she’ll get an actual apartment, welfare, and an allocation due to her disability. That way she’ll gain independence and stability. I still plan on being a moral/emotional support for her though.
Although I haven’t got anything planned on Saturday (I asked my sis if she wanted to go see a movie but she can’t she’ll be available on Monday and Tuesday rather), I do have an evening planned dancing at a party (a party made by and for those without a Valentine date, although open to those with one), and on Sunday I have a magic show planned with my mom and sis.
So I told my ex just that, and that if she wanted to come to the saturday evening party she’ll be more than welcome.
She asked a bit more about what the party is about but in the end decided that she’ll just go back to the hospital on Saturday instead. Well, her loss, I’m sure she would have had fun 
So yeah, this morning I listened to 15s of TotDB, it was smoother than butter, but I know better now on my second listen, although the listen is smooth as hell, it goes real deep.
two hour later on my drive to work I could feel processing in my prefrontal cortex and left temporal area (I suppose language processing/ Wernicke’s area?) so yeah it’s working well.
I don’t feel recon today so far we’ll see in the coming days, but yeah I have a feeling it’s gonna be ok now that I reduced to the lower bracket 
I’ve been thinking more about spirituality though I won’t put all of my metaphysical thoughts out there or I’ll be there typing all day long lol but putting it out on GPT allowed me to find more names and concepts to research so as to refine my understanding further (I swear I’ll run RoS and RoM one day, it’ll be real fun lmao) I’ve also been continuing working out (push ups and morning stretches) and exercising belly breathing since yesterday, regularly throughout the day. Along with exercising my control over the PC muscle whenever I go pee.
I should also train my focus with meditation, such as the counting 100 inspiration and expiration without getting lost in thoughts as suggested by Mantak Chia, but I still find it hard to do.
I should really get back on meditation along with training belly breathing so that both become second nature. I do the the belly breathing while doing exercise or driving as well so that I can train under any circumstances to stay calm and collected. It really helps.
I’ve been looking around energy cultivation, and though there is info available, the real in depth info all seem to point in the direction of Jerry Alan Johnson, from the little I can understand, he seem like a true Master of Qi Gong energy cultivation, Dao, and chinese medicine. trained from a long lineage of masters in multiple domains.
His books cost a lot and seem to be worth the price, highly valuable.
For now I don’t have the cash to invest in it. so probably in 4 years time at most.
As I said a few days ago (maybe last week? the week before? doesn’t matter) this year is for preparing the soil (so deep healing), next year for creating the seed (so Gen:Ascension + Khan2 + a third title), the third year for growth (Khan3 + wealth titles), fourth year for bloom (Khan4 + others), fifth year for Decay/going inner and preparing for renewal, the soil of the next 4 years cycle (with a new multistage guiding it)
13/02/26 Rest day 1
So yeah, no recon today, which is good I guess? Though recon also helps growth. but recon is really tiring.
no specific dream either. I use a sleep tracking app and I had regular cycles with next to no deep sleep (though the app didn’t work last night so I don’t actually know), aside from really DEEP sleep that lasted the whole night on sunday night 4 days ago (the one where subC talked to me), I haven’t had any anomaly like that since. only regular cycles.
Well, once again I’ll see tonight and this week end, I got loads of things planned from when I was in recon and needed to do actions last week lol.
That’s not saying there’s no actions, it’s much easier to take care of myself and my home.
especially since I’m not as tired as I was last week from overexposure 
so yeah, it’s much easier when we respect listening instructions
I can understand the recommandation of 1 day rest when following listening instructions (and only then lol).
Maybe starting Monday I should do
Mon- Khan
Wed- RotNW
Fri- TotDB
? That would still be one listen of each title during the week, and still leave 2 days after TotDB, though it would increase the amount of listening days it would be more spread out
14/02/26 Rest day 2
Still no recon, a great change from last week, a true testament to how, yes, I should have started at 15s from the start and then hit 30s.
I lowkey wanna listen to some more, but not yet! I gotta wait til monday.
and then most likely start using the actual schedule of one listening day every two day, I’ll try it with one title per listening day first, and if the processing is too low I’ll switch it up to 2 titles, rest, 1 title, rest
Though I know it’s the rest days, integration, as well as actions that matters more than reading or listening to anything. especially since I got things I could do. most likely.
…
I’m gonna do what I have to instead of just reading in front of a screen, actually go outside.
15/02/26 rest day 3
So quickly since I gotta sleep, yesterday on valentines evening I went to dance, it was fun, an older lady grinded on me but she was not my type, I only seek ±10 years from my age, I still had good fun there was a cute girl and fun people but nothing happened with her. Meh doesn’t matter. Lots of internal thoughts and realisation that I am better just enjoying the moment, that I’m great as I am, am good enough and don’t need other people to have fun and enjoy.
Today I installed a couple apps, one for cognitive training and one to track calories, I also improved/expended on the working out routine.
I wanna eat even more healthy and do more sports, to attain the physique I desire.
Though, is it insane that I feel my physique changing already???
It’s been 2 weeks since I started WDB
I feel it’s likely my posture getting better?
The yoga and warm up exercises help with posture sure, and I have felt my bones realignment, but it’s been only two weeks for that too.
Wow.
16/02/26 KhanST1 1m
So, I went ahead with my plan to run one title every two days also I almost forgot (hence the need to journal 
) but the yesterday or the day before I was on Tinder and I thought on how I should really take more photos, well mostly when I’ll be traveling or when there’ll be more sun… and how I should update my dating apps bio to be more appealing, reflect more who I am rather than what I seek.
The day is fine so far, mast week before my holidays! Finally, get out of the run and into the sunny thai islands! It’ll be fantastic.
This morning I had a good talk with colleagues on what my issues are in dating, that I don’t assert my needs enough. Also used AI to research on attachment styles and how to correct, how to better feel emotion and use them as information to guide.
As expected, Khan is making me more assertive, and TotDB is steering the focus toward healing relationships and self-acceptance blocks
17/02/26 Rest day
Nothing much to report, I continue improving my routine, I’m a tiny bit late on chores since I spent my free time yesterday evening doing groceries shopping and cooking.
I tried to catch up on the chore (dishes) this morning, but since this morning I catched up on sleep I’ll gonna catch up this evening.
[Edit1: This morning I thought on just how much time I spend at work. way more than what I am paid for really.
if I arrive at 9 and leave at 19 with a 1h lunch break, then that’s 9 hours a day, 5 days a week, so 45 total. 6 more hours than what I’m paid for. (and I don’t even take my full lunch break every day)
I got two meetings planned for tomorrow, and a software contractor visiting the day after tomorrow so it’ll be relaxing at least.
I do a lot there, I know I could do a lot more still if I didn’t let myself be distracted, but do I want to really?
I guess not.
I know I’m paid ok for my station, but I know I take more responsibilities, and handle more stuff than any regular guy in my position, so am I really worth just that? I don’t think so.
and I need the money for my lawyer and other endeavor in self-actualisation.
Like, I also help my manager learn the ropes on how to do management (I have PMP training, ITIL foundation, PSM I, PSM II, PSPO I, and others, which I paid for out of pocket, and they weren’t cheap)
I help do the communication between him and the english branch of our company, I manage/act as intermediate for basically all contractors since I have a decent handle of English and since I have been assigned to work on all three of our future products so I got some knowledge of each)
I don’t think a raise is too much to ask for.
But I didn’t ask for one so I can’t really complain.]
In other news, my sister got her period so after all we can’t go to the theater together, well I wish her the best.
I kinda miss my family, especially on my dad side, I haven’t seen them in a while.
on the other hand, I’m kinda giddy because starting next monday I’ll be going on holidays! 16 days in the Thailand islands with my mom side of the family (my parents are divorced since I was 3, I still remember the way they used to fight each others back then and for a good part of my childhood when I went to my dad. It was kinda violent)
Well, anyway, it’ll be fun there!
Edit 2:
Oh! Aslo I asked Support what they thought of my incoming Thermae of Love custom (that I’ll add next cycle)
I copied the module list, copied the goals list, and asked the following:
Hence, I have a few questions:
– I hesitate whether to add Ardent Light in it, as I have no current addiction issues, but have had in the past. Do you think I should put it? Please give exemples of use cases.
– Are the modules synergizing well according to you?
– Is it focused enough on the stated goals?
– Do you see any possible improvements, or is it good as it is for the given objectives?Thank you in advance for your answer,
and have a good day
(I’m guessing I might be one of the few that put something prompt-like in the question lol, sorry Saint )
Hi there! What a beautifully intentional custom you’re creating. Let me address your questions:
- Should You Include Ardent Light?
Ardent Light is designed to purge bad instincts, impulses, and urges—from simple cravings to serious compulsive patterns. It’s also built for those pursuing spiritual traditions requiring purity of body, mind, and soul. Common use cases include breaking addictions (substances, porn, social media, food), overcoming compulsive behaviors, purifying spiritual practice, and eliminating self-destructive impulses.
Based on your stated goals, I’d lean toward skipping Ardent Light in this build. Your goals focus on love, healing trauma, boundaries, self-knowledge, and confidence—not addiction or spiritual purity. You already have powerful purification scripting through FEBRUUS, which targets false beliefs, unresolved emotions, and past traumas. Combined with Dragon Reborn and New Beginnings, you have comprehensive healing and purification covered. Your build is already 14-15 modules, so adding more increases processing density.
That said, include Ardent Light if you have lingering patterns from past addictions, engage in spiritual practices requiring purity, or experience compulsive behaviors that feel self-sabotaging. Otherwise, skip it for now—you can always add it to a future custom.
- Are the Modules Synergizing Well?
Yes, exceptionally well. Your build has strong thematic coherence around love, healing, self-knowledge, boundaries, and joy.
Love Bomb Core and Venus Unveiled create a powerful love foundation—helping you love yourself, others, and the world while mastering love’s outward expression, inward depth, and transcendent wisdom. Dragon Reborn: Regeneration, New Beginnings, and FEBRUUS work together for deep trauma healing, bringing subconscious fears to awareness, and purifying what holds you back. Subconscious Mastery, Wisdom of the Ages, and Evolving Identity enhance self-knowledge by bridging your conscious and subconscious minds, developing profound intuition, and making introspection easier. ESSENCE: A Perfect Unyielding directly addresses boundaries and confidence—helping you reject what doesn’t serve you while maintaining inner sovereignty. Joie de Vivre and Carpe Diem Ascended support your desire to love life and dare to live fully.
The modules work together without major conflicts, and each serves a clear purpose aligned with your goals.
- Is It Focused Enough on Your Stated Goals?
Absolutely. Every single goal you listed is covered by multiple modules. Your desire to know yourself is supported by Subconscious Mastery, Evolving Identity, and Wisdom of the Ages. Growing beyond fear of rejection is addressed by FEBRUUS, New Beginnings, and A Perfect Unyielding. Healing sexual trauma is covered by Dragon Reborn, Venus Unveiled, and New Beginnings. Your goals around loving yourself, the world, and others are comprehensively supported by Love Bomb Core, Venus Unveiled, and Joie de Vivre. The boundary work you want is directly handled by A Perfect Unyielding—the primary module for that purpose.
This is a very well-thought-out build with clear alignment between goals and module selection.
- Do I See Any Possible Improvements?
Your build is already excellent. The two-core synergy of Love Bomb + Dragon Reborn: Regeneration perfectly balances love and healing. Your strategic use of SYNERGY modules efficiently covers multiple areas, and including Naturalizer is smart for a healing-heavy build.
However, I need to mention that I couldn’t find “Experimental Adaptive Scripting Module” in the product database. Could you verify the exact name? It might be listed differently, or it could be a new module not yet in my database.
Regarding module count, you’re at 14-15 total elements, which is dense. This means you should start with very conservative exposure (15-30 seconds initially), progress slowly through the micro-loop tiers, and expect potential reconciliation as healing modules bring things to surface. This is appropriate for your comprehensive goals, but be prepared for a long-term journey.
One interesting dynamic: Dragon Reborn emphasizes rest and sanctuary, while Carpe Diem Ascended emphasizes extreme motivation and drive. These could create tension—Dragon Reborn wants you to rest and heal, while Carpe Diem wants you driven and ambitious. This might actually create healthy balance (productive healing), but monitor how it feels. If you feel torn between rest and action, consider removing Carpe Diem Ascended.
You also have both Joie de Vivre (motivation through joy) and Carpe Diem Ascended (motivation through drive). The descriptions suggest using both for “enjoyment with a powerful desire to achieve greatness.” If the build feels too dense, you could choose one—keep Joie de Vivre for gentle, joyful motivation aligned with healing, or keep Carpe Diem Ascended for powerful drive alongside healing.
My final recommendation: Skip Ardent Light unless you have specific addiction/spiritual purity needs, verify the Experimental module name, and consider whether you want both motivation modules or just one. Otherwise, this is a beautifully focused custom that comprehensively addresses every goal you listed.
Given the healing intensity (Dragon Reborn + New Beginnings + FEBRUUS), please start with 15-30 seconds per loop, progress very slowly, take rest days seriously, and be gentle with yourself as emotions surface. This is a transformative custom—treat it with respect and patience.
Have a wonderful day!
This is a really delightful answer, I can see the work that went into training it and how much it improved already since a few weeks ago.
and since I intent on running it for a year at least, and then possibly later on in the future, it is just fine like so.
be prepared for a long-term journey.
Amazing 
One thing I didn’t expect is
including Naturalizer is smart for a healing-heavy build.
I included it because as this custom will be transformative, naturalizer would make the effect less destabilizing without slowing processing down like homeostasis would (from my, likely incomplete, understanding)
I expect it as like, even if the building of false belief and wrong views disappear from under me, I would see the fall as normal and part of the process.
meanwhile, I expect homeostasis to be like japan’s shrinking building destruction method (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fNhIwJSpSXc)
same end goal, different way to go about it.
but yeah, I didn’t expect that naturalizer would be particularly suited for Healing, though it makes sense thinking about it!
18/02/26 RotNW 1m
So I did 1m of RotNW at lunch, it feels fine, the shaft feels slightly warm, as well as the tip,
Not much to report today so far, I had a meeting in which we were basically told that they just wanted us to be aware of what’s being exchanged but they don’t currently need us (the french branch), well that’s fine but like, though I don’t really care for doing meetings, my manager would have prefered to be wroking for these two hours instead of listening to them debate of what they are missing and what would need to be added, and defining more meetings.
Ahhh, the joys of corporate, lol.
But yeah, my manager is a bit struggling, he’s way more technical than corporate, he don’t like the corporate speech, KPI, risk table, customer value, and such he’d rather focus on building the product and making sure it works as well as managing work-load, than these higher level stuff, more team technical lead and scrum master, than manager, know what I mean?
yet they ask manager things from him, and they ask him to do it in english as well, even when he’s struggling with english.
On one hand I empathise with him, it isn’t easy for him, it’s visible. They ask him how to prevent people doing overtime from happening again, yet push for more machines to be built (without increasing resources as fast as needed) and when he push back saying we don’t have the capacity to take another contract, they push it still despite that, ignoring him.
On another hand, I’m kinda envious, because I know I would strive in an environment like that, because I find it exciting. I always perform awesomely well as long as I find things interesting and exciting.
And negociating on how to best organise work and priority to help everyone work together in harmony, that is something I find exciting.
That’s working on humans, which are infinitely more complex and rewarding than machines, a fascinating study subject.
Well, I have no doubt that eventually, in the coming years, I’ll be pushed into a similar role, and I’ll be ready for it.
Edit:
(since, one:, they are currently redefining the company’s structure;
and two: of all managers, the externals don’t wanna stay on the subject, wanna hand it over, and of the internal some are close to retirement and/or don’t want the role)
(though I will need to maybe be a bit smoother, work a bit more on my corpo-speak, because sometimes I still come upon as too direct. But hey subs are here to help with that ^^)
Edit 2: Also, last night during my dream I tried to understand my dream and my subconscious validated my suggestions, though I don’t recall what I what happened before or what I understood, but I was proud to understand lol.
also, Jelly is a genius, RICH+RoW name embed, what an idea! it’ll be perfect for next year…
if I last until then lol, but I will! I must! but do I want to? because how can I do without wanting to? I want to do things right, I want to heal, I want to be loving, to love myself and to feel loved. That’s why I did that stack, and why I run it. and why I’ll properly stay on it.
I’ll still order it when I unlock the next subclub elite level tho lmaoo
and finally, my calory counting app talked about the technique they use, they call it CAMA
C - Comprehend: they explain what a given action is meant to accomplish, what to expect
A - Apply: apply this new knowledge in our life, act on it.
M - Monitor: Check if that new habit works, journal
A - Adapt: Adapt this new habit if it doesn’t work or if it’s too hard to implement as it is in everyday life.
It reminded me so much of what we do here! To listen to subliminals, which give/explain techniques to the subconscious mind, then to act on it consciously, and to journal, and the subconscious mind will find ways to correct, will find other impulses to send if we fail to act on the previous ones, it adapts!
This is awesome, and I’m glad to be here.
This is genuinely the most tempting thing for me LOL. I wouldn’t care for any additional modules since I like how the unfolding experiences work in their purest forms, so having these two combined gives such good internal/external synergy… for the price of a single embed. I think that plus RICH Trader or something like ASBR or Nouveau would actually be one of the best wealth stacks period.
I’ve got a question,
Do we have to buy both cores when we do a name embed or only the module core?
We don’t have to buy either. That’s why it’s so appealing. Just the flat $100 for any combination you can think of plus the name embedding. The modules and cores get automatically added to your account too, so you can use them for future customs without having to license them. It’s genuinely such a good deal.
That’s awesome, thank you!
19/02/2026 Rest day (end of the day)
I’m drained.
I didn’t sleep much last night, I lasted most of the day through will and sexual energy, by sneaking in pelvic floor training and small stretches throughout the day.
since I had a day-long meeting, 9am - 6pm.
and now I gotta do a presentation for one of the two meetings tomorrow.
I lasted energy wise until I saw I did a f-up by using forbidden-words in a slam I wrote on another thread. since most (2 out of 3) were self-referential I thought it’d be fine, it wasn’t.
then my mood and energy dropped and I became heavy.
so I wondered, why?
why am I affected when I agree with the decision, true I shouldn’t have it doesn’t serve anyone but me to put a slam down on here and the words are forbidden so everyone can feel welcome, allowing them even in art form would set a precedent that cannot be allowed.
and the answer is simple, it’s because I still have that fear of rejection.
I am aware of it. I’m aware that it has no basis on actual reality and is based on false limiting beliefs, on illusions.
I haven’t yet found a way on how to address it.
The custom Thermae of Love should help guide me on how, hopefully?
along with WDB?
yeah.
So, this morning I was training on doing pelvic floor contractions while doing belly breathing as part of my sexual energy training while my boss was presenting one of the project that gotta be done this year to the managers (mine and the one assigned to the project), as well as the contractor.
and at a couple point I caught sight of the PM and her eyes widenned up with a smile.
later on I saw she had a ring on so I didn’t try to search her with my eyes anymore.
still it was quite an ok day, despite not sleeping much (between 5 and 6 hours). Sexual energy transmutation truly is a boon.
I’ll sleep better tonight.
two more meetings to go tomorrow
and then I’ll be on holidays.
Yesterday the blood donation contacted me, they need my type, so I’ll donate some tomorrow, that’s the last chance until 4 months from now due to going to Thailand so I gotta do it, but hey I reserved the time slot so that’s fine
This morning I turn 2m to go weight myself then got back to my breakfast and caught my cat nose first in my activia. I yelled at him to get down from the table and took away his food as punishment.
He even got some activia on his nose, what a clown. How can anyone take him seriously like that? I installed instagram and posted a story to shame him, finished mactivia/fruit bowl promising myself to never let him lick the bottom of my bowl ever again (I used to set the bowl on the ground after finishing eating it, so he can clean it a bit before I actually clean it), cleaned my bowl without giving him a lick more than what he had when I had my back turned, and gave him his bowl again. After all shaming him online and not letting him clean the bottom of my bowl is punishment enough.
it’s 6h40 pm, I really gotta get on that presentation seriously and send it tonight
I went back home, and immediately went for a walk, which I’m still doing. I done a meditation, the theme was my values
So i was present and did inquiry.
Reflected on how I was at my best.
What I truly valued
Authenticity
Connection
Enjoy every moment
Love
Love
LOVE
Love is vital to me
And the more I thought of my love for people and the world, and the love people have for the world, hidden in every action, words and needs, the more I felt loving.
The warmth within my chest, the sun in my heart expanded.
A cloud of fluffy warmth envelops me and warm me up all throughout. Love.
Spreading from my heart, flooding my body from my head to my legs.
My spine ignited.
Love.
Thank you.
Edit2: While ordering te RICH+RoW I saw RAIKOV in the dropdown…
should I go for RICH+RAIKOV instead? I was thinking that with ascension + khan2 + rich I need a way to build skill too since I’m planting the seed for the 3rd year growth, though I didn’t want index, despite being a soft engineer technically, a “dev” (hehe a dave, that’s not my name though, but a dev named dave would be fun)
how would they interact?
though RICH+RoW is straightforward, both boosting one another to find the essence of what money is within and outside and align onto the wealth current onto opportunities hidden in plain sight
but RICH+RAIKOV?
RAIKOV being able to model abstract systems and idea on top of regular mentors, it could give interesting synergies. especially if I get in mentor-like programs like the school of hard knocks. along with accelerated financial training itself being modeled? idk it calls me, more than RICH+RoW
20/02/26 TotDB 30s early morning
So that night I had a dream (though I don’t recall it fully) where I was a student, but I often went to the nightlife part of town by going by scooter next to the river
At one point aftzr the regular club closed I went to one closer to the river that looked like it did karaoke, it had a scene and bar and seemed a bit more cheap at first sight but I didn’t care, I had fun.
I go back another night, it is somewhat on a shortcut I think? To go to another part of town. It seemed a bit more underground and darker than last time, the owner invite me to sit at his table and asks me to play that night,
I say yeah ok why not, I had a song ready after all,
That night I played at the club and they seemed to have fun, at some point I felt the need to leave and so I did.
The next day going alongside the river early morning I stopped in time to not have an accident scooting into someone, I slalomed a bit and arrived to the part next to the river, I saw food on a bench and I thought, “oh nice, food for the homeless, if I gotta sleep on the streets I’ll be able to go early morning next to the river”, well I continued then. I wanted to go through the club as a shortcut, the staff let me in after asking the boss, the boss wanted to see me.
I was a bit scared, it seemed even darker and underground than last time.
The boss invited me to a table and seemed way more shady than last time I had bad gut feeling. Three guys muscled staff member were at another table. I sit on the ground
The owner asked me what I was doing, I thought I’d put me lower than him to assuage in, he told me I can just sit on the chair, so I did.
He then asked me why I left without saying goodbye last night? People asked where I went, it wasn’t nice leaving like that without saying goodbye.
I felt a touch of shame, it’s true I could have said goodbye.
He asked me to play another time that night to make up for last time.
I said I cannot, I do not have anything ready for tonight! I’d be going empty handed and improvising!
He said he really want me on the scene tonight and people have been asking for me.
So I said ok ok, I’ll try putting something together during work hours for tonight.
He said thank you and let me through the shortcut
Then I had some music going through my mind flashes of me on scene and my alarmed ringed.
Lots to think about, but I think it refers to my bad habit of leaving whenever I feel a bit slighted or tired.
Me being scared of facing consequences, to face the people I may have cause to feel bad or at least confused afterwards.
Me being ready for the worse even when there’s no hint it might happen.
My fear of being rejected of people being upset with me being unfounded as people unexpectedly like me
Me being capable of way more than I think.
I think that’s it, there is probably more but for now they don’t pop to my conscious
Edit: Yesterday after the day long meeting I wanted to plan today’s meeting, but in the end did sport, meditation, and sleep.
which I really wanted to do
guess I’ll prepare this afternoon’s meeting during my morning meeting lol
Last day before my holidays!! yay!!
I felt ready for the 30s yesterday already, and they went smooth, it shows how I should have started at 15s lmaoo
so this week I did one title per listening days and a listening day every two days, it went really smooth. next listening day is monday (I take the weekends so I got the same days every week)
This is the third week of the cycle so far, I listened 3 times to TotDB, 3 times to Khan, 3 times to RotNW, over 7 listening days. So there’s 23 listening days remaining to the cycle.
Maybe next week I’ll try grouping Khan and RotNW again? I’ll see how that goes?
it’d go:
w4- KST1+RotNW 2, TotDB1, 3 listening days
w5- KST1+RotNW 1, TotDB2, 3 listening days
…
alternating like so, 6 listen days over two weeks, listening to 3 times per title over two weeks, so 1.5 listen per week instead of 1.
…
w10- KST1+RotNW 2, TotDB1, 3 listening days
w11- KST1 *1, TotDB *1, 2 listening days
giving me a 4 days break clean until the following monday…
it’d end April 15th, instead of in May, allowing me to continue by rotating RotNW with Thermae of Love, the one title per listening day would then maybe be more appropriate than grouping two, but right now with RotNW and KhanST1 being standard, although Artisan, it doesn’t feel necessary.
I say give it a shot if it does. RICH + RoW was more my idea because I like the idea of a Revelation title being complemented in the same subject area. Also from a student’s perspective of figuring out the ways in which I want to approach wealth.
These kinds of dreams are always harder to interpret. They also mess with my memory a bit where I’ll get flashbacks and think they’re actual memories until I try to recall more details. I think the meanings can be more direct and easy to interpret, but I always feel like I’m missing some greater symbolism because of how well-crafted the worlds are.
EDIT: Realizing I contradicted myself but I still think both statements are true.
