I also want to take a break from all this conscious manifesting stuff for a little bit. But there’s one more thing I’d like to adjust…my level of secrecy. While I’ve enjoyed my secrecy and level of non-disclosure just because, I think things can be better with me being less secretive (still being smart about it)!
It may be my last scripting for the day.
My birthday’s coming up in a few days. Up until a few days ago, I was thinking a lot about my position. I’ve been on the SubClub forums for more than three years now, and during a lot of that time the world was in an interesting state. Anyway, I’m not one to go deep into this right now.
In fact, I intend to happily walk into my upcoming birthday. To do this I’m taking my attention off all those thoughts. So I’ve not been doing scripting for a few days. Also, I’m taking things easy outside of work. Not “working on my mind,” but rather just watching shows and enjoying what I have. 
This week has multiple birthday celebrations. We’re all moving forward.
An aside: Honestly speaking, I’m running a stack that’s dedicated to what I’m looking for. Especially MFO, which has IC + HS. I know that if I stick to a stack I get what I’m looking for. Just as I got what I was looking for through Chosen last year. I’m glad that I can run SC Subs to make manifestation automatic.
As that day comes, there are still some moments where I am thinking about what I do not yet have. However I must be kind to myself. I have my own journey, my own path. I shouldn’t let pressure from others goad me into doing something I don’t agree with, or something I’d regret later. And I shouldn’t then start generating the pressure for myself, either—I’m basically disguising the outside pressure as my own under the pretense of internal motivation. That pressure placed upon the self has been more negative than it is positive.
So why did I place it in the first place? It’s because I had the fear that if I don’t do it, I’m not going to have the motivation to change my circumstances. Without that pressure I’d get too content, too complacent and just stay in place. Or so I think. Writing this out I can see that the idea does not generally apply. A lot of things I’ve gotten myself to do weren’t achieved through such negative self-directed pressure. Whether that’s conventional notions of success (e.g. in my career) or otherwise (e.g. my sports and social media stuff), I’ve already demonstrated that I can accomplish a lot without having to pressure myself in a negative, almost coercive way.
I want to give up that pressure. Altogether. Let my imaginative mind and faith lead instead, so that I happily walk into the next few things I desire. Let the positive feeling states arise and have me effortlessly take the right actions. Let me be faithful in that what I choose to do will work out in my favor.
Intention: I’m giving up the grip I have. I’m also giving up the level of judgement I have for others. We’ve got our own paths to walk on, and sometimes they’re not the same.
I’m going to keep marching forward. Always.
Listened:
I really liked the following video, which is from “Niclas / UPGRADE TO LIFE”. This is a favorite channel of mine.
Here he talks about using a friend’s voice in imaginal conversations. Testing it out, I found it very impressive how quickly my mood can change hearing my best friend talk about my accomplishments and successes. I would like to hear him again as I doze off to sleep!
The pain has let off. With me taking the pressure off myself, and the attention away from manifestation practices I have felt lighter. I have also recognized I am in a much better state now than I was in when I first decided to start DR ST4. When I started this healing phase I had been freaking out over my conditions. Now I am much calmer. The runs of DR ST4 do not aggravate me in the way they did during the middle of this (chiefly mid March through early april).
I’m getting to the end of my run of DR ST4. This means that my new stack will start on the 21st.
Work today was great, as I got to make major progress in a certain endeavor I thought would take much longer. Outside of work was just my lifts and some good food.
The funny thing is, the break is also letting my inner conversations become better. It’s so ironic, given that before I had been giving so much effort into doing that earlier with discomfort as a result. And now that I have given up on that, it is improving… 
Hmm. Interesting. So one thing I’m planning to do for myself is revive one of my personal social media accounts. Fine and dandy. I put out an announcement post about that on my main page (basically to imply that those who know that I run this page should go and follow my upcoming personal page). At the same time, I also decided to stop hiding my stories from two particular people. These people were people I had thought a lot about even up in recent memory—Alice and her friend, in fact. It’s Alice’s friend who I’m interested in hanging out with after my current endeavors are over (set to happen in a week). But I know the two are good friends.
At this point, they’ve seen the story. Then my mind started feeling a little uncomfortable. As if I just gave away something valuable and important about myself, they’re not doing anything with that (since they didn’t choose to follow).
Here I am right now wishing I didn’t unhide them from my stories. But come on—it can’t go on like that forever! Nor can I continue to entertain such a mindset. I’m just going to have to point out the fallacies within me.
Just did some EFT, now in a call.
Edit: Wowee! I feel a lot better. It’s honestly nothing to worry about.
Today is a truly special and magical day—it’s my birthday. And so I am treating myself well today. I have lots of great things happening this weekend! I am also bringing back my manifestation practice in full force. I feel that there is something to be said about making wishes on this day
I recognize that this day falls on exactly the 45th day of the current stack run. And so I am deciding that this shall be my last listening day of the current stack. A washout is to follow.
Thank you to EVERYONE at SubClub who has helped me get this far.
Congratulations on your birthday. Wish you a wonderful day. 
The only story that matters is the story of me being me. To be the best me.
I’m so grateful to have everyone around me celebrate. Be it my family and great friends. I live in a time more personally prosperous than ever and I am remembering that now. I am surrounded by many who support me and care about me.
21 days? What happened?
A lot. A wonderful birthday weekend occurred, then a weekend that marked the end of a special month and featured a lot of festivities. Then after that, an effort to return to normal. Though, there have been a few things bothering me, namely:
Listening-wise, my current stack is MFO, Khan ST2, and WANTED. I’ve experimented with the inculcation listening pattern using this stack and I’ve concluded today that this may be too much of a load on myself. I suspect some of the tiredness and lethargy I’ve been feeling is a reconciliation from the exposure. After all, I physically do fine exercising 7 days a week (lifting 6 of those days).
I also am setting a few intentions. One I set earlier to make introspection more of an automatic process where I receive the insights automatically. One is now, which is to spend much less time on manifestation stuff. Don’t get me wrong, manifestation is amazing and I’m still going to do it every day. But I’ve looked so much into manifestation videos from different channels, spending a lot of time scripting and trying to imagine the end. (Funny enough, I have a manifestation video playing in the background as I type this). I feel I’m at a point where I can stick to one channel (maybe two) and watch no more than one manifestation video a day. I don’t need to do so many manifestation lists a day. Instead, I want to use my time to go out and live life properly. Watch shows. Get immersed in adventures, and keep up with the current trends and culture (even if to just be able to relate to others better). Manifestation stuff has taken up so much of my time for so long and I want to drop that now. The best self does not consciously spend so much time on the manifestation practice. I just live in the end. It’s all within me already. I know enough about Goddard’s teachings, I’m past the phase where I need to study in-depth often. I want to practice it and properly live my life as a result.
With these intentions, I free up a lot of time for me to continue on my story, the story of me being me.
Other Notes:
I miss that month. And the reason I miss it is not due any specific rituals I did but rather that during the month I felt very committed to a vision. I walked each day feeling like I was getting closer to the achievement of my vision. To being connected to the understanding that everything is going to work out. That the discipline I was giving myself was right and helping me get closer to where I want to be.
In the weeks since that month ended I have found myself slipping up on some of those great practices that I want to maintain beyond the month. This indicates that I’m not holding onto my vision of a better life as strongly. I would very much like to continue doing that.
I want to spend my life enjoying it. Not stuck in thought. I want to take action. And truly be committed to my vision. That vision moves me towards action and makes my life feel better.
Alrighty. 21 days have passed by again and here I am. I want to take the time to reflect on this point in my life before I go off and catch up with one of my friends.
Memorial Day was this past weekend. Last year this time had its own trip with its unique reflections (See The Adventures of SubliminalUser for that). This time comes with its own. Over the past week, I’ve been traveling and had two very significant experiences through two different cities.
In the first city, I had my long-awaited professional photoshoot. This photoshoot was done for dating apps. The photographer is an expert in taking photos specifically for those apps! Readers of this journal may recognize that I’ve been mentioning this business for some time now, throughout the past few months. It certainly was a challenge to pin down an available slot! But I got it done, and now I’m waiting to receive my photos and set up my online profiles again. While the impact of this shoot hasn’t been felt yet, I know it’s going to be the more impactful of the two city trips. I already have this knowing that everything is going to work out in my dating life. At the very least, I’m going to have a lot of fun. I of course am going to be trending and seeing much more movement towards my ideal relationship. I expect to be back on the apps again very soon with my new photos, bio, etc., and see a lot of progress.
Many months ago, I had written down that I’m glad I found a photographer who knows how to take dating app photos that are in alignment with certain teachings. Doing the photoshoot completes that manifestation.
In the second city, I attended my friend’s wedding. It was cool stuff, especially as I got to see firsthand the whole process from start to finish (this being a cultural wedding, there were a lot of traditions practiced over multiple days). Not to mention, I also got to see a lot of people I haven’t talked to in a while.
. It’s alright.The juxtaposition between the two city trips is humorous as it highlights the difference in stages of life that me and my longtime friend are in. Now that being said, while I am happy for my friend it’s not particularly motivating for me. They’re not an example—in fact, there are several parts of how that marriage came to be that I’d strongly detest were it to occur to myself (or even for someone to say “hey, why don’t you do the same thing”)? Similarly, when it came to some of my friends’ conversations about relationships I discovered that they too also had some perspectives (albeit different ones) on relationships that I wouldn’t necessarily follow.
It just all goes to show that I’ve got my own path when it comes to things in the romantic department. Certainly, that path is going to be very different now that I’ve got what I’ve got from the photoshoot. I’m going to continue keeping things here not so known to my parents and a lot of people, simply because it’s not part of the conventional way.
The biggest thing I’m looking forward to this week is receiving my photos and setting up my online profiles again. Then I’ll start going through some resources again to go hard on online dating.
Besides that:
I want my voice embedded subs!
I want to write about this event which now happened one week ago.
Last Monday, I was talking with a good friend about the girls in my community. Based off photos, my friend thought a certain girl was the most attractive out of all who I showed (I agree) and he suggested I should go for her. A great suggestion, I thought, but she seemed out of reach because of the city she lives in. Still, in the same state, mind you, but several hours away by car. We entertained this nonetheless since I was planning to visit a friend in that same city the upcoming weekend—that trip didn’t happen, unfortunately.
The next day (now one week ago) I was at my parents’ place and they once again brought up the marriage topic. More specifically, they asked me what I thought about a specific girl. They pull out a picture of her with some other people and lo and behold, it’s that exact same girl. I found it so amazing. I actually admitted that I do like her. My mom’s willing to reach out to her parents for me. This kind of option is a feature of my culture, though not one I’ve used before. Amazingly, I decided to go with this option later in the week.
I haven’t heard anything back yet, but…in the days since I have imagined many great things about us two. It brought a lot of great feelings to me. I truly do see the beauty in those imaginations.
Tinkering with my custom again in light of the upcoming QTKS. Let’s see what can change. Reviewing the module list.
| v2 | v3 (proposed) |
|---|---|
| Inner Circle Core | Inner Circle Core |
| Heartsong Core | Heartsong Core |
| Sexual Manifestation | Sexual Manifestation |
| Gorgeous Manifestor | Gorgeous Manifestor |
| Inner Gasoline | Inner Gasoline |
| Long-Range Seduction | Long-Range Seduction |
| Charisma & Flirting Automatic Mentor/Improver | Charisma & Flirting Automatic Mentor/Improver |
| Instant Seducing Tactician | Instant Seducing Tactician |
| Focused Arousal | King’s Radiance |
| Earthshaker - Sexuality | Earthshaker - Sexuality |
| Temptation | Power Talk |
| Transcendental Connection | Transcendental Connection |
| Gloryseeker | Gloryseeker |
| Dragon Tongue | Dragon Tongue |
| Code of Loyalty | Code of Loyalty |
| Furious Ascent | Furious Ascent |
| Manipulus | Manipulus |
| Ethereal Presence | Ethereal Presence |
| The Spotlight | The Spotlight |
| Carpe Diem Ascended | Carpe Diem Ascended |
Others considered:
@RVConsultant and others for opinions!
What do you want v3 to do that v2 is not doing?
Oh boy. Honestly, I realize that there’s so much internal stuff that’s shifted throughout this year. When will I get the chance to write about it on SC? I wonder.
Update on this: So I found out a bit more than two weeks ago that this girl has been living in my whole area the whole time. I was surprised. If I had known that, I would have reached out to her earlier (and wouldn’t have asked my mom to contact her mom). However, I learned this only because her mom got back to my mom with this detail and the answer that she’s not ready to get married—which is a funny response because I’m not either. It’s possible it disguises the real answer.
But still, because I now know she’s in my area, that gives me much more optimism. Cue the first time I message her a few days after learning that. A brief conversation where I ask her about what’s going on as she’s been doing a lot of traveling. Fizzles out quickly there. A second thread just a few days ago, with just one message from each side.
Me: Hey, were you here? I just toured the area and recall you work there!
Her: Great, I hope you enjoyed the tour! I wasn’t there though.
There isn’t anything strange about this conversation, but I had an interesting internal response here. You see, several hours passed between when she saw my message and when she responded to it at night. In that gap I started thinking hard, wondering what was going on. I was wondering if I said something wrong. Some distractions in the middle, like a dinner hangout, helped me, but when I was in a long drive later, thinking about this (then-incomplete) text interaction really got to me.
I watched this video while that was going on and realized “Oh shit, this is what’s happening to me!” How to Stop Waiting For Their Text Back (for Anxious Attachment) - YouTube
I experienced some very weird side effects. I felt ungrounded, time flowed oddly, and I even closed my eyes and went into a sleep-like state for a few seconds while I was driving on the highway. When I woke up a few seconds later, I couldn’t believe what had just happened. That’s when I decided that after she responds, I wouldn’t continue the thread for now. Such weird feelings felt like a sign that I shouldn’t be continuing down this path (at least, not yet). So I haven’t continued texting afterward.
Now see, there are some interesting factors about this. It’s almost certain her mom talked to her earlier about the reach out from my parent’s side. The other issue I see is that our interactions in real life have been fairly limited over the years. I did not take to make meaningful interactions seriously the few times over the recent years when I did see her (last time being late-April) because I thought she was in that faraway city the whole time, so I always thought “What would be the point?” (I forgot to enjoy conversations for their own sake).
So what am I doing? I’m taking this up as an SP manifestation effort. While I may talk to other people in the meantime, I am going to see what I can do using my techniques.
Almost like a sign that my two top channels both come out with videos about circumstances not mattering today.
Give me greater stopping power romantically. I think that currently I don’t give off enough of a vibe that people would consider me in a romantic aspect. Friendly, sure, but I’d like to do more than that.
Also improve my speech even further, so I can be more talkative and in the right way.
I’m also addressing redundancies by removing Temptation since WANTED is in my stack (for long term, too—since it’s a physical AND energetic sub I don’t see myself removing it soon).
I’m thinking of doing a one-shot run of DR ST4 + AsCh tomorrow to clear stuff up