Another Sunday. Another day of reflection.
Last week was fairly eventful although I’ve taken that for granted. From a comedy show near the beginning to several activities related to my social media business, a friend’s Christmas party and the funny day that was yesterday, I got plenty of chances to continue demonstrating my continued growth through my current subliminal stack, which is as follows:
- Mind’s Eye (7 min)
-
Wanted Black (7 min)
- Primal (5 min)
You read that right. I’ve removed Khan Black ST4 in favor of Wanted Black. I thought it would be a long time before I removed KB, but I wanted to see if I could project an effective aura for yesterday’s event (more on that below). I was also curious to see if stacking Wanted Black with Mind’s Eye would produce desired changes quickly. In particular, I wanted to start physically shifting more once again—there’s some blemishes and uneven skin tone I want to fix on my face as fast as possible. Seeing some people’s reports of how Mind’s Eye has affected their stack made me very curious. Hence, this stack was set up on Monday.
I’ve been able to handle the stack surprisingly well. In the week leading up to Saturday (the big day which first motivated this new stack), I noticed the following.
- Pretty good as far as sexual discipline goes. One big concern I had was that I’d get too horny and misuse my energy, but that hasn’t been a problem over the past week. It helps that I’ve timed my stack listens to be right before an event in the late afternoon/evening, rather than first thing in the morning.
- Physical change: It’s only been a week, so too early to conclude anything. There’s some details I’ve noticed of my face but I think this has to do more with the recent changes in my skincare routine rather than the subliminal itself.
- Interactions with women: Fairly good. During the Christmas party, I mainly talked to two Asian chicks I had never met before. This was at an Asian friend’s house, and I ended up being the only non-East Asian at the entire party. One of them got my Instagram and phone number (she asked for both—this was the first time this happened to me). Later followed up saying it was really good to meet me and suggested that we hang out next time. I responded something in kind and she loved the message—very nice. Writing out about this, I wonder if I could do a day trip with her in the town she currently lives in. It’s fairly close by and would be a good way for the two of us to hang out; right now, I left it as suggesting a hang out when she comes back to my city.
These observations are all to say that I have enjoyed at least running the stack and that it’s not giving me crazy recon or anything like that. I suspect having run Khan Black for some time allowed me to better handle this config (as well as ME which must be supercharging processing). I do want to try WB with KB ST4 in the future, but I don’t think I’ve fully gotten what I’ve wanted out of Primal just yet.
Anyways, the point of contention this past week was mainly in Saturday’s events. The main event that I had been looking forward to was a singles event. However, this ended up being the worst singles of the entire year by far. There are many reasons for why that is—and they mostly revolve around the logistics and way the event was set up, so I’ll refrain from journaling about that. More interesting for me was what I tried at the end of the event. I had invited one of my female friends to this event—but she didn’t really get much out of it either. So at the end of the event, I decided to ask her out.
This was something I had planned out one week prior, under the advice of one of my other female friends who had heard quite a bit about my friendship with this individual in question. I had noticed this individual give me various signs throughout the past few weeks. My friendship with her since me being in this city has been nice. We hang out often and explore stuff together (events, the city, more). We’ve even gone to several dating events together. The kind of messages I get from her were…interesting, to say the least. There’s ordinary stuff, but then there’s also relationship memes and a love song video that I was sent. Hell, even during that dating event she said that I was the best dressed she had seen the entire year and that the other guys in the event “were making me look good” because of how attractive I was in comparison. Seeing these continued signs I thought it’d be a good time to ask. I framed it as that we can try going on one date to see if there’s anything, and if it doesn’t work we can just continue being friends as we are. This date suggestion, however, took her by surprise. She had concerns that it could get awkward if it doesn’t work and that she could have a hard time considering a friend as something else after that label’s been established. (Well, props to her for admitting these things—and funnily enough, the “awkward if it doesn’t work” was exactly one of my concerns when my other female friend suggested to trying go on a date with this friend.) I knew she had a busy weekend due to some family stuff, so I told her that she could let me know by the end of today if she’d be interested, and that if there’s no response, I’ll take that as a no and we can move on from it.
The main thing I liked about doing what I did was that it was pretty “ballsy” as an acquaintance who heard about this action later that day had noted. I got another chance to step into the uncomfortable, much in the same way I’d have to do so when approaching a woman I’m interested in. And I’m going to get clarity soon enough. Still, I did hypothesize very much since that conversation about what happened. And it makes me wonder, why am I still friends with her. Let’s journal that, because if we do continue just being friends I want to understand it from my side.
Truth be told, I do like the fact that I can be comfortable and familiar with her without having to make it a relationship. Near the beginning of the connection I had friendzoned her, in fact. This whole time I perceived that there was this asymmetric level of interest she had in me that I didn’t have in her. It was to the point where I was very uncertain about continuing to hang out with her as often as we were going to. At best I thought maybe I could have some fun here, but that’d be problematic if she wanted something serious. All the seeming signs these last few weeks seemed to support the theory she was very interested in me…but that wasn’t corroborated by yesterday’s response. So what are some ideas I have about what happened here?
It’s possible the friend effect did set in for her, so she got comfortable with that. She likes the connection as it is. Or I simply surprised her by acknowledging that I had noticed the signs and the messages, and she didn’t want to admit those were signs in our chat (and has been pondering it since—as I haven’t heard back yet).
Whatever it is, I can see that she’s just not very socially calibrated/adept. This is something I knew about her (and one of my friends had also noticed this a few months back), but I didn’t realize the lack of calibration would be to this extent. This is the same person who as a friend just two hours before practically called me the most attractive guy at the event and in the past few weeks sent quite a few messages with interesting implications.
The most disappointing thing here is that because of this uncalibration, my interactions with her won’t easily generalize to other girls…so what’s there to take away? It comes back to why I would continue to be friends with her. I like that she’s fairly dependable when it comes to showing up for events so I don’t go to everything by myself. Also, an agreeable character when it comes to exploring restaurants. Compliments me. I can be comfortable with her and do platonic touches. Practice some game 
. Meet her friends, some of whom were interested in me as well. Because we’re both also mindful about dating stuff (even to the point where we both attend the same events), we can talk about it to a slightly bigger extent than I could with some of my other female friends.
A lot of this stuff I have already done with her during our friendship this year. So I have enjoyed all of that without it having to be more than a friendship label-wise. In a way, the kind of behavior exhibited by her towards me may be more akin to that of a close female friend (though I had not considered her under that category, primarily due to our friendship not having been that long in the grand scheme of things) who likes me. And I guess one could say the same by me since I’ve been fine hanging out near weekly. It was only around two weeks ago when one of my guy friends suggested I take her out on a date in response to the knowledge he had on my friendship and the stuff she’s done, which led me to think a lot about this stuff, to me asking my other female friend about this last week, and finally to the actions of yesterday.
So suppose the result after the end of today (or hell, if we chose to go on a date and that didn’t work out) is that we continue being friends. Yea, I might give myself a week off from meeting up with her (given the timing, I may just wait until early next year—save for a special New Year’s celebration, but I currently don’t anticipate we’re both going to do the same thing there). But after that? I should fine with it, just as I have been all these months. I like that I’ll have a female friend who likes hanging out with me and praising me but not be a problem. However, not being a problem is a loaded phrase here, because it can manifest many ways.
- The first one is that she is secretly actually trying to get to me, but this is the issue that’s being resolved right now.
- The second big one is her (lack of) social adeptness. If I continue to hang out with her so often I’m also going to regress socially, which will then make it harder for me to find someone whom I’d truly want to be in a relationship with. I had already been suspecting this in November when I was finding myself struggling to readapt to city life after my month of travels (though I could hang out with her just fine because it takes so little effort to hang out with her). She’s not someone who inspires, but most times she’s also not taking away from the environment. She mainly annoys by being dumb in some social settings and situations. More than anything else, this factor right here is what would stop me from taking her a bit more seriously. She lacks some boundaries in what she chooses to say, and this is probably the factor that played a part in her communication with me—the same communication that was interpreted by my friends (guys and girls alike) later as signs of a romantic connection though she may not have that.
Overall, she’s a bit of an oddball in the grand scheme of things. But I do think I can continue to appreciate that—though I must be very careful this does not tread on my actual social and romantic goals in this city. I want the long term relationship. Proper romantic experiences. A solid group of friends I’m close with. Where does this friend fit in? She has one friend I might be interested in. I can invite her to events so I don’t go by myself. She can join me on some city explorations/adventures. She can hype me up (kind of a like a wingwoman, though she hasn’t proven herself to be good in that role) sometimes. But as I write this out, I do see that there has been something missing from her to make her a primary character. She’s always been more of a secondary character trying to be a primary, hasn’t she…I feel like I should sideline her a bit so I can make room for more of the right connections. Not to the point where we aren’t friends anymore or something like that, but just to maintain what it is. There is not a need for me to consciously try developing a closer connection to her. Think of it more like my friends back where I moved from, where in those cases the “friendship development arc” has completed and now there’s an equilibrium. I may have reached that.
Anyways, I’ve got to continue planning out more of my hangouts for the upcoming week. Hangouts with other people, that is.
