Woke up early this morning. I’m listening to Love Bomb now. LB added on to DR has me wondering why I’ve not held on to it more. As if love has often seemed scary (it’d make me vulnerable around others). There’s a part of me which is trying to not feel that so strongly.
But I was touched by reading some Love Bomb experiences this morning. Since love’s always been “out there” somewhere, while listening now it’s drawing me in.
More specifically, I’ve used love as an avenue to take from people. Sad, but true, especially while married. A couple of years into marriage, and I felt we had this contractual relationship vs. anything loving. I do this, you do that, and we’ll call it good enough. It felt like cold, uncaring business to me.
Strangely enough, I’m enjoying owning my part here now. Sure she had issues and shortcomings. We both did. I’m realizing as much as I wasn’t giving, neither was she. I was in this marriage group when I was chasing her during our separation, and I learned that all women will naturally and automatically respond when love is given. No woman can resist being loved. When I was loving her those years, she welcomed and trusted me more than at any time during the previous 7 years (I pursued her for 3 years. 10 years married). She chose to leave, and I found peace in letting her make her decision. I’d actually had time to grow myself, and I learned that a woman will respond to being loved.
I mentioned all that since LB puts me in a giving role. This makes me feel good about myself. Giving is so rewarding. Humbling too. It takes my focus off of only myself. It’s preferable.
And I’ve been wondering about future custom mixes. I’m seeing Ultima cores in Q customs now. Makes me go…hmmm.