Thank you @Davisnwc… I will find it.
3 Likes
March 3, 2022
St. 1
Listening now
I read @James’s post he tagged me in this morning about Love Bomb, so I stacked it with DR. I then read an email about my creator’s love for me.
And I’m feeling kind of melancholy. Awaiting a guy’s response over a business deal. It’s had me hard on myself since I’ve not felt confident. And reading the Love Bomb post and listening to it now makes me realize I’m scared of failing. That’s where my head and heart are presently.
Thought processes are stubborn. I literally saw Ascension Chamber put me and one guy together yesterday after I’d committed to myself to speak to him about this the day before. And here I sit, fearing something will go bad.
But on a good note, I did that squirrely hesitation before asking, and I spoke out loud about how taking action would overpower fears. And I just did it. I asked. He was receptive. (I ask “why is part of me fighting this change?”) For easing the stress, I’m glad I listened to LB this morning. Thanks @James.
I’m heading out now.
3 Likes
March 4, 2022
St. 1
First rest day
DR is working since I’m sitting here honestly asking “how do I do this?” My normal front here is to look for “right and correct” responses, like I’m playing a game–mostly with myself.
I feel kind of separated from that this morning. It feels freeing. I even sat on that last sentence looking for a nice-sounding conjunction. That’s me looking for old norms. Nice sounding fluff.
I gotta give LB credit, as I got a glimpse yesterday of loving the shit out of myself. It wasn’t a rush of feelings either. This strange understanding came to me, and it shocked me. I was in my own negative thinking, and this strong thought process came up and actively pushed back. I was standing up to my own thinking, and it was a thinking style I’d love to experience more.
If I put that experience in words–I’d say I felt like I was in a Love Bomb boot camp. All the force of needed change was pushing me, and no fear existed in that change. That’s illogical per my normal understandings, but moreso, it was incredibly beautiful.
4 Likes
That’s the power of Love Bomb for sure. Or as I like to call the ZP version… Love Nuke 
It’s an amazing title to run with Dragon Reborn, since you will be able to bring up and deal with all the heavy stuff while still feeling that you are actually pretty OK, and even some days straight out love yourself. It’s a powerful combo, and I’m glad you benefited from it so rapidly 
3 Likes
It’s funny. I thought I’d be all mushy, like more ooie-gooie than I normally am.
Nope. I was corrected, but not by ushy gush or soul leaking everywhere. I’s like it 
1 Like
When I used QV2, LB gave me a bit of recon. So I used it maybe 2 times. The outward effects were obvious, but an inner turmoil erupted and that made me wary. I’m glad I’m not experiencing that now.
@Athanaxos, how have your effects been with LB ZP?
1 Like
Ah I see. I actually preferred the Experimental version of Love Bomb over the Qv2, back in the day. I didn’t realize it back then but maybe the Qv2 gave me recon too?
Mmh, I’ve only used it a handful of times since the release… and when I did it felt really good. Like I said… Love Nuke. 
But I haven’t used it for a prolonged period of time so I can’t properly evaluate it’s effect as such…
1 Like
March 5, 2022
St1
This is my 2nd rest day
Responsibility. That’s coming to my attention this morning. I’ve been in bed for over 3 hours now, reading, shopping some online, just basically walking around things in my mind. Like I’m facing that fear of personal responsibility. Which feels really good. I remember this being a big focus while doing St1 when it was first released (DR Q, St1), and I walked right into some things I’d sidelined repeatedly.
I did a lot of growing during that stage. I feel good just thinking back. I felt insecure initially, but I felt much stronger as I faced things I was afraid of.
3 Likes
March 7, 2022
St1, 1st cycle
Day 1 of 5 day washout
I had a breakthrough last night. I was watching this romance flick, and like I’ve felt hundreds of times, I began crying. And unlike previous times, I really wanted to know what was touching me. The plot was good, predictable even, so why was I soft?
The male actor was a quiet, steady man who had deep core convictions about family and relationships. It was something about him, and something in his eyes which got me.
It came to me quickly, easily. I was never raised with my father. And growing up with my mom, I blamed myself for my mom’s unhappiness. I felt like a small boy since I wanted that father in my life, and my main heart need was “show me how to love Mom”. That’s why I was crying. I lacked a father figure in my life, and I felt fearful about loving women too.
That makes so much sense to me. I wanted love. I wanted support. But I always sought support since I felt I had no idea how to effectively love women. Also…I haven’t felt that need for a dad since…??? I always pushed it off, seeking it with peers, which I’ve done here in this forum.
That’s it. That hit me last night. I’m starting my washout today, and this hit on my last listening day. This challenges everything I’ve devised and created to make sense of my life. I felt too vulnerable last night, so I didn’t write.
But I agree with @Athanaxos about Love Bomb soothing me through it. I did both DR and LB yesterday, and it’s still gently probing at my soft spots.
3 Likes
March 7, 2022 (cont.)
The announcement for ZP customs is open now, and I’m wondering if I should mix DR with Emperor again. I’ve been on this hamster wheel before, and now I’ve got different aims.
I’ll spend some time looking through the Q modules. This might take some time.
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I’m glad I looked through the entire Q module list. Being true to myself and who I am, I’m leaning much towards mixing it with Chosen and Love Bomb, adding forgiveness modules along with kindness ones.
Being kind to myself is something I need sustained practice in. … I had doubts about keeping that sentence, feeling old guilt over perceived failings. Self-forgiveness is gonna get a lot of attention. Plus courage. …which all leads back to forgiving myself once again. My lineup’s becoming much clearer and focused as I keep seeing myself eyeing my failures. Almost everything else is a distraction or avoidance of those very issues.
1 Like
March 9, 2022
Stage 1, Cycle 1
Rest day 3 of 5
I’m glad I added Love Bomb to this cycle. It’s still blooming in my thinking. I’ve been waking up feeling both hope and old habitual reminders of painful feelings, and I choose the former. I find it’s active work to go into chaos thinking, and hope is so carefree and desirable that I don’t even see it as a choice. I’m glad I’m using it.
Regarding customs, my mind keeps remembering my QV2 St1 customs, and I got stuck in some painful feeling which hung me up. QV2 brought on more recon, and that tore down that daily hope I experienced. But I also didn’t have LB to use. And I’ve had very little recon my whole time on DR ZP. I just had some rough times on Q and QV2 with DR.
A main reason I’m attracted to a custom is quick results since they’re including the same technology which is is Ascension Chamber. AC came through very quickly for me.
4 Likes
I also have this desire this morning for DR to reveal something more to me today. I feel my mind and emotions are open right now. I look forward to it.
2 Likes
March 10, 2022
Stage 1, Cycle 1
Rest day 4 of 5
I realized this morning that I’ve been uncomfortable with the self love messages, only since I haven’t lived like that or had reason to per my training. This feels similar to what I felt on LB QV2, which brought on a lot of recon initially.
I sat there this morning, and found some hope in knowing everything is new starting out. I sense I’m adapting to it.
I wonder how much DR focuses on adapting or accepting that there’s a lot of shit in the world, and we’re only in charge of how we perceive it. In my case, thinking anything new is “dangerous” to my well-being shows me a lack of mental and emotional maturity.
I like what DR’s doing.
5 Likes
During this washout, I’m finding DR kicking in in expected and not-so-expected ways.
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I thought of a coworker who’d made some comments which began pissing me off. I returned to the shop, and he asked me how I was. I told him honestly that I’d been defensive and was expecting more criticism from him. He didn’t deny it, and didn’t justify his position. Rather, he began speaking positively to me. I quickly deflated my defensiveness, seeing it wasn’t needed.
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I’ve been thinking about my daughter much more, even though she’s almost an adult. And more specifically, I’m practicing being honest and unguarded with her in my head.
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I’m feeling more confident about healing and moving forward. For example, I’m not feeling so alone, and even thinking about being alone is connected to the truth that I did this, that I was punishing myself for some reason. Just sitting with that automatically makes me think of being near people more. True pleasure is MUCH easier than self-inflicted pain.
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I realized my thighs and leg muscles were bigger and firmer while showering this morning. And I do NO lifting or training. I’d noticed this while on the Q version of DR a year back, and it’s quite obvious to me now. Physical shifting is present and working well.
I was feeling a fear of being “inadequate” to others here, where I just considering posting this without checking my words and thoughts first. But, I stayed on and admitted it. I’m feeling good about myself, meaning my guard’s not up so high
6 Likes
March 11, 2022
Last rest day
I just messaged support about my DR custom. I’ll stack LB with it since I already have 2 cores.
DR1
Chosen
Mosaic
Deus (unsure. I asked support)
Foundation – returning to my focus
Path of Forgiveness – forgiving myself
Ares – purging out guilt and doubt
Courage Reclaimed
Call of Honor
Depths of Love
Chosen of Venus
Emotions Unfettered
Growth Through Pain
Iron Frame
Pride Unbroken
Remembrance
Sanguine
Virtue Series: Hope
Strength of Gentleness
New Beginnings
2 Likes
Awesome choice for you my friend.
2 Likes
March 12, 2022
Stage 1, Cycle 2
Listened to DR and LB this morning
Thanks @COWolfe. Chosen sits very well with me since it’s closer to my long-term emotional and mental goals. And while in my washout, I actually gave thought to doing 90 days on each stage.
I’m feeling different right now. I was called yesterday afternoon to go on a route with a driver, and I was running all afternoon. I’m mentally tired this morning, knowing I’ll start feeling some healing going on soon. I haven’t run like that in months.
But tiredness can breed fear, as I feel vulnerable right now. I’m heading out soon, and I’m working with the same driver this morning since we didn’t finish. Will come home and gladly crash.
Edit: I’m still sitting. I AM tired.
2 Likes
Listen to me very closely
Don’t ever feel inadequate on this forum.
You can be as introspective and transparent as you want, nobody is going to judge you.
We all have our own demons to fight.
We’re all growing, and we’re all leveling up.
That’s what unifies us. It’s the common objective that we have towards our unique growth and goals.
The will to change.
That’s the only thing that matters.
Your starting point doesn’t matter. How fast you’re progressing doesn’t matter.
We’re all one of the same.
Details don’t matter, at the end of the day we all have individual experiences on our own individual journeys.
I read your posts and I see a badass. The capacity and intention to grow, manifested through your journaling and usage of the tools.
I see limitless potential in you like everyone else. I see your honest introspection as power and strength, because that’s what it fucking is.
The average person is not taking responsibility for their life and using subliminals like you are.
You’re already building wisdom and character like a beast.
Everyone in the forum respects that, they have no choice but to.
This is the last place you have to worry about stuff like that.
Just because your posts doesn’t get 30 likes, doesn’t mean people aren’t reading them.
They’re ready to jump in and lend a helping hand or offer a discussion if need be.
All that inadequate and ego type of stuff is not for here, this is a place of learning and growth.
Stay consistent and keep going, lol.
12 Likes
March 13, 2022
Stage 1, Cycle 2
First rest day
Thank you for the encouraging words @Luther24. Really, I thank you. Feeling inadequate is me thinking less of myself compared to others. DR seems to be doing a good thing on that right now. I know everything below is me looking for understanding.
I’m so used to hiding who I am, both here and in real life. I’m even looking for my BS mask now writing back to you. When I’m alone and writing, I usually write honestly, even painfully, since that’s what I see and feel, and admitting it helps me, which is why I share it.
Lately, since my last washout, I’ve been seeing small behaviors and habits of mine when I’m around other males. My safest place, for me, has always been to play the “little brother” role. Good or bad, it’s what I’ve always done. I just realized one guy I’ve not spoken to in months because he’s much more an equal like me, and selfishly, it doesn’t encourage me to call him. I feel disappointed when expecting or needing that familiar role. And I bring him up since I’ve wanted to call him for other reasons.
And DR is changing me from nixing this whole mindset (basically punishing myself) to seeing how I can relate to others from where I am. I joined 3 other guys yesterday morning before work, and I was lost. Very quick conversations, loaded with funny jabs back and forth, and I was clueless. Trust was in the mix, but not what I normally trust with others. I was a wallflower mostly, as I didn’t know how to honestly and easily contribute. And be me.
Expectations. Old norms. Old standards. All up for change. What I’m beginning to clearly see on SC subs is…I don’t have to do anything. I’m shown choices. That’s my point of growth.
Again, thank you for speaking up.
2 Likes