SubliminalGuy--Ascension and Rebirth Journal

First of all, thank you @AMASH for wording my situation so clearly. It was so very accurate that I stuck on it awhile. Thank you for helping in this circular debate.

And thank you @vadc for seeing it clearly too. My messages were missed completely. “Oblivious” was the perfect word. You did see this.

And @Liquidfire, since you don’t hear anybody talking to you, stay off my thread. I have no time for such bullshit. Go save someone else. I’m done with you. Goodbye.

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I feel bad since I effectively broke the good vibe in my thread. I want to share something.

From my late teens until maybe 1 1/2 years ago, I was an extremely judgmental person. I know now I did this since it effectively kept people from ever getting to know me. I specialized in unique or uncommon ideas since it held up a wall of superiority, again to keep you away. In truth, I was just scared you’d get to know the real me. I also thought “if I know something you don’t, you’ll NEED me”.

That superiority was a hiding place for a long time. Wherever I was, I always carried the message “stay away!” And people did. I felt inferior, but hid behind a subtle mask of superiority. But…it was all a lie. A front. A mask. And also a full-time job watching it.

A year and a half back, I began a subliminal which exposed my constant lying. I’ve shared this before in this thread, and I still desire the charades at times. Why? I could control whatever face I put on. It had become so ingrained in me, that I disowned many of my common hangouts like 12 step rooms and church about a month or less into this sub. I didn’t know how to handle the tension I felt, so I just pulled out.

And with Liquidfire, I was tempted to play the fantasy with him. Being real is much harder emotionally when I’m around people that lie constantly. I laid down the gauntlet since I feel better being myself on Ascension, and the insistence coupled with “niceness” felt dangerous to me. I have numerous relatives who do that, and I don’t contact them often at all.

I cut him off since I used to do the same thing. Going back seems like hell, and it REQUIRES I lie to myself. I DON’T WANT THAT. I’m here for me. I’m not exactly sure where I’m going, but I do know where I don’t want to go.

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I am also thinking of what @AMASH said in reply to a sub user here. In essence, he said some people don’t give subs much thought, for it might require them to take responsibility for their lives. I’m doing that. And I have some struggle at times, for I’ve not taken real responsibility for me most of my life. I have always sought others to help me. I lived in a little boy fantasy, me still seeking my big brother’s guidance.

Today I was driving around for my job, listening to some emotional spiritual music, and I cried a good bit. It felt so right inside, and I didn’t inhibit my emotions much at all. That is big to me, for I realize I’ve thought crying in public was shameful, mostly since I could not or would not ask my brother figures “if I was allowed”. I’d normally stuffed it by lying to myself. Today…I wasn’t seeking or needing anyone’s approval. I felt ok…and safe enough…to let it out.

Lastly, I’ll share something that happened early in the day. I’d been whining about fatigue on Ascension. Well, this morning I had a good breakfast, and that fatigue wasn’t there. I’ve had skimpy breakfasts this week. I remembered reading about people fasting on subs with auras, and it was highly advised to eat well, since auras can demand a lot of energy. I’ve never been on subs with auras much, but I saw the connection this morning. I even put the Aura stack back in my playlist tonight. 2 runs of Aura, 2 of Rebirth, and 4 of Ascension.

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Your progress is astounding @subliminalguy. I am very happy for the man you are more and more becoming. I know you’ve waiting to get there for a long long time.

Does this mean you have already started using AURA or will start using it tonight? If so, share with us any changes compared to your previous Rebirth and Ascension playlist :wink:

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I ran it for 2 nights when i got it. But I pulled off of it since it felt more powerful than anticipated.

I put it back in this morning to see how it would affect me (just 30 minutes), and I’ll be running it all night. A test on the fatigue issue.

I have been feeling the Ascension aura around others. I’ve been more free in my expressions, though I’m not nearly as nervously reactive like I have usually been. I feel like I am in control of myself, and that’s empowering. I feel more mature, and I like it.

I am curious how it will give better results. Might it just amplify them? Or will it dig deeper into needed changes?

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@subliminalguy I love reading your progress

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Thank you JCast :slight_smile:

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I’m listening to a Bob Earle recording at home. He was an AA longtimer who came from a really abusive family. He said something which is very wise.

“My healing happens in unfamiliar pain.”

He also said “know what happens when I accept things which I have the power to change? I give away a piece of me”.

That last statement sticks with me, for it ties to the first statement. Today I shared with a very reflective coworker that I have not been taking responsibility for myself. I’ve been “ok” (meaning scared, not knowing what to do) but I feel like I’m hiding, or wanting to hide, from myself. From my own reality. From things which scare me.

Me and this coworker talked about a lot of major life issues, and one of them was helping others, homeless people, specifically. We shared different experiences, and I confessed something vey real for me.

It was about 2 months back, I was on another subliminal, and I’d made a decision that day to give of myself. Like I just said “I’ll put myself out there today and see what happens”. I did, and I was struck deep emotionally in 3 separate acts of giving right after work. The last was a homeless guy near Walmart. I had $5 in my pocket, and I normally don’t carry cash. I was on my scooter, drove up to him, and pulled the money out. I was soft already, and I almost broke out in tears when I gave it. I did cry as soon as I drove away.

But what I shared with this coworker was another man was in this same spot during Christmas. I’d intentionally avoided him. I was afraid of opening my heart up again. I’d cried a lot that afternoon 2 months back, and was afraid of giving myself away at Christmas. I’ve thought if I shared my heart…I’d give myself and my decisions over to someone or anyone else. All or nothing thinking, with no boundaries. I greatly feared abandoning myself. (I just shared that I feared opening up my heart again). I was also brand new to Ascension, rewiring old unhealthy (but emotionally comfortable) habits and thinking.

Thought I’d share that. I’m kind of sad now connecting the dots…some things are sticking today. Even though I’ve wanted/not wanted/wanted…to run from this.

Today was an very active day, mentally.

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I understand this feeling. It goes deep. But it’s also full of hope. It means that this obstacle is your way to salvation. Your way to the man you want to be. Keep it up, your growing wisdom is inspiring!

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I am wary after posting about emotional stuff moving today, but I will share this. I came to SubClub for personal healing, which I’m finding. I’m looking for it too, which may not be common.

Something popped up in my thinking today regarding money, and I ask for some direction with subliminals here at SubClub. Me and my coworker were talking about investors and investments…and things began clicking for me. I started seeing myself moving forward with a larger investment I’ve known of for 2 months now.

I’m wondering if it’s too soon (for me) to add on Mogul or possibly replace it with Ascension Mogul. I’ve not had my mind so active with investing ideas in months; but I did start Aura last night. I am unsure if it could have connected things in my head.

Noone can make that decision for me. I’d just like some perspective. Deep change takes time; but the Mogul mindset attracts me too. Ascension = heart change, and Mogul = thinking change.

I will wait if it’s best. Thanks for the help.

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@subliminalguy I believe Subliminal Club is about experimentation and forging each our own paths. Your inner voice is always your best guide. So if it is telling you now that Mogul is updated (Ascended Mogul is not yet updated) that it is time to add something like that and focus on both, then that inner knowing is guiding you to the right path. If it’s not clear to you, then maybe it means it is better to stick with Ascension and at the right time, the right answer will always appear.

Trust your inner knowing because it is what brought you to Subliminal Club and what motivated you to make the change you desire. You are becoming more and more that man who trusts himself, it shows, so your heart will give you the answer.

Let us know what the decision that comes out of this is :slight_smile:

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Thank you @AMASH. That was encouraging to read. Do you know why?

You told me I’d make the right decision when it’s time. That’s all the guidance I needed to hear :relieved:

Thank you

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@subliminalguy life is easy when we follow our heart, and hard when we over-complicate it.

Also, I would like to bring you attention to Limitless. In it, there is the ability to attract mentors that will guide you and help you to grow in the ways you want to grow. When your inner wisdom tells you, it may also be worth looking into Limitless.

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I’m sharing one of those “stupid little details”. This is one of those little big things I’ll look back on weeks and months from now.

My kitchen sink has not been cleaned in like 3 weeks. Not kidding, and not being loud about it. It just signified something I “should” do since “everybody does it”, an old misguided understanding I have carried for many years. I’m not talking about doing things for hygiene sake. My dislike has been based completely on “what would other people think?” Puke. F that. I didn’t do it, and mold has been sprouting, no kidding. I would not touch it still.

I was washing my hands in the sink, I’ve been thinking I could do something small, something positive, so I pulled out a sponge and some bleach. I cleaned out my sink (still haven’t done my dishes), but I did this.

I’ve hated living like I “should”. I get aggressively angry at just following that bullshit. But my reasoning tonight had more to do with taking on some form of responsibility. Just something.

I feel good. I did something I don’t like doing, but I acted more mature…and just did it. I wouldn’t “write home about it”, but I do feel PROUD of myself :slight_smile:

I felt a little shame just now when imagining posting this. It seems so immature. Oh well. I did it.

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I myself had the same particular experience about a method I am using now. Someone insisted on it and kept pressing his story how everything he did with that method fixes everything. And when asked to stop, just kept repeating and trying to reinforce his original comment.

And by that he completely destroyed the possibility for me trying that method (for a long time). I am somewhat opposite responder by my nature as default anyway, so I will automatically can go against the grain when someone is less than normally offering something, but becoming pushy. :smiley: Anything worse than somone bugging you to do something is someone who’s bugging you to do something with religious insistence. :smiley:

Being that I am salesperson by heart, there’s an intersting story from life. About MLM when it was a big deal in US.

The people who went and started bugging their family members to join their MLM thingy, more or less lost their family. But the ones who kept their yap shut with the family members then started flashing their good stuff, fun holidays and a bit more lavish lifestyle attracted all their family who started asking - what do you do. How did you get that? etc

This is perfectly the same thing. Like, I am even spilling out the strategy on how to make other people (including myself) intersted in something. I believe it’s called lead by example, right?

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Something shifted in me last night. That familiar resistance is dropping, and I woke up not preoccupied with my reluctance to change.

My first thought this morning was to text my daughter, telling her how much I loved her. This is major since I’ve often pulled away from her since…I’ve been jealous of her youth and freedom. I’d wanted to be her age for years.

This is all inside work going on. Change…is happening.

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Forcing?

Que? You talk about one message like I am a Jehova’s witness or something. :joy:

@subliminalguy I am not here to piss you off, as I said earlier I’m glad you making progress in what way however and how you choose to-do it. Keep up the good work. The kitchencleaning was one of the most beautifull things to read :slight_smile:

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I’m in that spot where I really want to soak up my subliminals. Something is shifting, and I invite it. I have to go meet friends for our Saturday night hangout, but I have no commitments tomorrow. I feel blessed going in to this, as I’ve wanted it. Well, I’ve been more open to positive change this past year.

For some reason I am really grateful to my daughter. I was gifted with the opportunity to raise her, and I was the more available parent, and I loved it. She allowed me to be a kid as well. I’m grateful I had this gift given to me. I was blessed.

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We’re blessed to have you here as well @subliminalguy

Your progress is truly inspiring :slight_smile:

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I’ll share something I’m experiencing, and I’ll take help with it.

Rebirth must be digging up stuff, as I finding myself more distant and slightly fearful of engaging with others here in meaningful ways. I even had old bodily memories today, which came from some negative interactions with my brother growing up. I’ve not had those in maybe a year, as I used to have them regularly. I can only guess old stuff is being worked on.

I also feel I’m climbing a wall now. I’m climbing to overcome my old long held fears of growing up, yet just as strong is a desire to NOT let go of these feelings and beliefs. I feel kind of sad currently, so maybe it’s being reframed currently. For me, isolating was always easier than being honest and vulnerable. And Ascension is changing and challenging old standards of mine. I keep avoiding the actual grieving, which is how I know I must let go. …but maybe I am grieving, just slowly. I was driving for work again today, playing emotional spiritual music, and allowing myself to cry. I didn’t do as much as I did 2 days ago, but I did do some. I’m just not feeling ok hiding myself…at all. That’s growth. I need to share and not hide. And that’s why I write often–for my own sanity. I feel right when I share my truth honestly, though some parts of me are seeking old ways. That’s normal subliminal growth, per my experience.

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