Not sure what I would say. Only running it since the middle of last week and only in my office.
My running of it alone for three months last summer seemed flat, and gray.
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I worked, but got little done on a project I am attempting to complete.
The whole Covid debacle is causing me to question my meaning and purpose, though honestly I am feeling relatively little anxiety, which I attribute to PSQ, and my workouts have been consistent and good. Thank you, Spartan.
Just ran across a mention of Tiger Woods using subliminals as a child and found a couple of articles from the 90s discussing his playing of a subliminal tape over and over starting at the age of six.
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I have often awakened in the middle of the night. I can recall my awakenings often being fraught with a sense of the fragility of my own human existence and the lack of meaning, purpose and support available to me.
I guess I find I do not have that so much any more. The universe is still meaningless, I just don’t feel the horror of it so acutely.
Thinking about how not touchy feely I am. I like people to keep a distance and I like to keep a distance. It probably is baked in from a childhood in the rural upper midwest and then a life in the same area, but just not so rural.
It seems pathological, but it also means you are going to come across more formal formal than creepy, which probably makes it easy to avoid sexual harassment issues and the like, as I also am pretty good at understanding what sort of comments are appropriate or inappropriate in any context.
Trying to get a handle on how Primal Seduction might shift this positively, though, right now, obviously, I am not coming into contact with women, for the most part.
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Trying to get something done I need to do by the end of the day.
My procrastination knows no bounds.
I am endlessly able to fuck around. Why can’t I procrastinate with that?
¯_(ツ)_/¯
It is not a sexy subject, but it could be interesting to have a sub that directly targets procrastination and helps boost productivity, because none of the Subs I’ve used have touched this issue for me and it isn’t just about “taking action” as that is the thing at issue, and eventually, of course, I do take action.
I feel like I lack the optimism to survive, let alone thrive in this Covid crisis, which looks to continue on for possibly two years or longer.
It is interesting how it works when you finally get motivated doing something can be easy; like falling off a log. It is just enduring all the fucking around to get to that point that is awful.
I have had the procrastination for a long time. It is not reconciliation, but it also seems like one of the negative qualities least touched by my work with subliminals. It is there like an immovable rock in my head, a wall, a mountain that cannot be shifted or tunneled through or climbed. I reach a certain point after much torpor in which I muster a large quantity of energy and jump over it very quickly, and then there is a massive sense of relief, but then the whole process gets repeated again and again.
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I think EoG and khan are supposed to help with that
That functionality is probably based on Mogul? I have used Emperor for a total of a year, and it has Mogul in it.
Maybe such scripting is not based on Mogul? I guess I would have assumed it is but maybe not.
Inexplicably, kind of in a pissed off funk today. Not attributing it to subs but just to the way one can get worked up for seriously no reason and keep revving for quite a while. It is a way to letlimits get to one and procrastinate.
Part of it comes from reading too much coronavirus related news and letting it make me too pessimistic. Also I was listening to Fresh Air on NPR and the guest was some comedian I had never heard of whose main themes were depression and suicide. He seems to have built a comedy career around being “The Depressed Guy”.
Planning to listen a hypnosis track tonight for the first time since maybe November of 2019.
For quite a number of years I listened to a hypnosis track every night starting with the Paraliminals and Hypno-Peripheral Processing tapes that were popular in the 90s and with cds and then mp3 tracks from Mark Cunningham being the choice for quite a while but with cds or tracks from other hypnotists in there, too.
Despite being really consistent, and having some success with them, I always felt they did not live up to the hype.
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Ran my 50 minute hypnosis track last night and had a really tough time relaxing, which is my achilles heel so often. I am going to see if I can maintain this as a nightly practice, for now, though. I have a history of running hypnosis tracks over and over, but I have never made it to the point of getting over this issue of difficulty with relaxation.
After that I connected with a woman online who I have had a weird on again off again connection with. I hesitate to call it a relationship, but it is the closest thing I have to that at the moment. I have been trying out various kinds of sexy talk with her and she gets way into it. Women can be so enthusiastic about feeling good and they can be so open to the process.
Just had an ex-girlfriend I dated for five years contact me more than a decade after our last contact. I am not sure what is afoot. I am pretty sure she is married and the last time she contacted me was while the relationship she was in after we broke up was imploding. Having spent as much time as I did with this person I don’t want to blow her off, but I had had no intention personally of ever contacting her again.
The coronavirus debacle and social isolation is having a weird effect on people.
Completely forgot to run my hypnosis track last night due to preoccupation over my ex-girlfriend contacting me and how to deal with it.
Maybe I am overthinking but I don’t feel like I can just blow off somebody I spent five years with, four of them living together, but I also can’t understand why, after ten years of nothing she all of a sudden wants me back in her life again.
The last time this happened she cheated on the guy she was dating, as their relationship was imploding, and then we broke things off again. This time I am pretty sure she is married.
I am not in any committed relationship now, but don’t want to be fooling around with someone who is married. I really don’t know what her angle is, but I am pretty sure she hasn’t thought it through.
Another day in the shadow of Covid 19. I am really filled with doubt today. I feel like I am afflicted with what Kierkegaard called “The sickness unto death.” It has always been thus.