Soul Search - My first diary ever

Journals - Major Programs
#141

I had massive cravings yesterday, some emotional stuff coming out of nowhere I was eyeing cakes as if I had spent last years on a desert island with no food, crazy, so I indulged and ate a lot of candies, sweets, ice cream, coffee and pizza.

I also went crazy with subs and listened to a full loop of Paragon at first, and then went on to small loops from 1-5min of LB, LBFH, Primal, Phoenix, BDLM and full loop Ascension Chamber throughout the day.

I remember the previous evening looking at the subs I own and trying to decide what to listen to and out of 14 I own I really wanted to run at least 10 of them very much.

I want to listen to more today but I will try to resist the temptation and let everything bloom for a couple of days until I make a decision to either run specific subs or not run any sub at all until I can decide clearly what I need.

Right now I’m in a state of wanting everything!!

#142

I feel truly amazing today. I’ve done more exercises than usual both in my physical practice and spiritual practice.

I feel full of energy and very grounded, full of love and positivity.

I just remembered what I wrote on the Paragon thread a while back, that if one doesn’t know what sub to run then this one is a no brainer, gives a lot of energy and feelings of wellbeing and improve sleep which I really felt last night considering the amount of exposure I had to subs, I slept very very well, so I decided that I will run Paragon tomorrow in a traditional listening schedule until I figure out what other subs to run.

#143

Paragon loop today makes me feel very heavy, it really is as if I’m 5kg more suddenly, it’s hard to move around but I’m also enjoying how slow I feel in my movement, makes me feel more grounded.

I also decided to just keep going with Phoenix so I ran one loop of it as well.
I will try sticking to these two for a cycle see what Phoenix can bring up and add short loops of other titles as boosters, I’m thinking mostly LB/LBFH and GLM.

#144

Yesterday 1min LB and 1min LBFH

Today 15min Phoenix and 15min Sanguine The Elixir

#145

Today on my second day off subs.

Since the temperatures have started falling and the summer vibe is over I’m spending way more time inside and a lot of time on the forum, my use of subs has also increased but at the same time is very eclectic, all over the place, I look at the subs I own and I just see how each of them has something great to offer so I can’t pick one and end up exposing myself to many of them in short periods of time.

Which is why I have to take 2 days off subs again.

A healer I met a week ago told me she could see I’m going to have a huge breakthrough this autumn, that my root and sacral chakras will open and I will finally have access to my creative energy and it will help me see clearly what I really want to do in my life, it will give me direction which is something I’ve lacked my entire life.

Needless to say I am very excited for the future!!

#146

One full loop Phoenix.

This is the only sub I seem to be able to stick with these days.

Followed by 5min Godlike Masculinity

+Full loop Sanguine the Elixir

#147

Two day ago: 1 loop Paragon + 1min LB

Today: 1 loop Phoenix + 1 loop Sanguine Elixir

Before listening I looked at my sub playlist and still wasn’t sure what to run, I meditated for a little while and went for the ones I have already listened to for a week now, Phoenix and Sanguine Elixir, I seem to be stabilizing on listening to these 2 as main titles for now.

I’m having a hard time finding a stability at the moment, whether it’s choosing what subs to listen to or anything else in my life.

I feel really good from this combo so far.

#148

I felt like running another sub today instead of a rest day so I went ahead with one loop of GLM, it gave me an instant boost of energy and clarity, my mood is greatly uplifted and I feel strong and pumped as if I had just done a workout, amazing sub.

#149

I had an unexpected invite to lunch with my friend’s family so I ran a booster dose of both LBFH and Daredevil 1min each, it was very uplifting and exactly what I needed to help me get more socially excited/invested in the interactions.

#150

I now feel the few subs listened to for two days in a row piling up and a light overexposure symptom in the form of overly active mental energy, I will take my own advice I posted on a different thread and lie down for an hour in complete silence to process it all in deep relaxation, I’m looking forward to the dive, let’s goooo!!

#151

After lying down for an hour I feel so refreshed and integrated, it’s truly amazing, deep relaxation with awareness is the best kind of meditation for me at this point in my journey, I get to process so much in such a short amount of time.

I had dinner and afterwards a proper meditation sitting for 40min and I just feel really great, I’m about to have another hour meditation now because I’m working on a special project for the planet on different dimensions for the last week which explains all the ups and downs and agitation I’ve been through, but it’s starting to stabilize and something major has opened, things are about to get really exciting in the world.

I had a random dream with D Trump two nights ago, I felt the danger surrounding his presence and told my friend we should stay far from him because it feels very unsafe around him as in he is getting a lot of attention from dangerous threatening sources.

Weird because politics and the world through media lens is something I care the least about and pay no attention to and do not follow. The only thing I saw about this was 2 weeks ago a youtube thumbnail saying there was some shooting attempt at him, which explains my dream.

I sort of like the guy, I find him funny, and if he is getting that much bad attention I guess he must be doing something right, not a political judgement whatsoever, because I’ve never seen anyone in my life applying to be a president and actually deserving that role, which is the reason I never voted and played this silly game.

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#152

Yesterday listen: 1 min Sanguine, 30sec Sanguine Elixir, 30sec LB, 30sec LBFH.

In the evening 5min Daredevil.

Yesterday was the 3rd day in a row of exposure to subs so today I am taking the day off, I woke up feeling very good and relaxed, I slept very well.

#153

Woooowzaaa 2 days off subs and all the previous input is blooming now holy cow I’m reminded once again that the real deal happens on rest days, incredible.

#154

Phoenix full loop.

I’m not sure what else to run, I was gonna run Sanguine Elixir but then hesitated and thought it might be better to do Sanguine instead, or GLM, or LB!!

In the end I didn’t listen to anything else so far. It’s better this way than what I’ve been doing last week, listening to many different subs.

I had a few suicidal thoughts which tells me I’m hitting very deep buried feelings, it’s no big deal I’m holding heavy emotions my whole life so I’m used to it if anyone is reading don’t worry. Then I thought, I can’t even find the strength to move out places or countries so let alone different dimensions of existence, the season switch is crushing, I miss the heat and the sun.

I’ve been going through another cycle of heavy depressive feelings this last week, I’ve held on but today it’s too much I’m giving in.

I just grabbed the bottle of banana rum my mom brought from reunion, I decided to get drunk to try shift my feelings see how that goes, I almost never drink so that’s exciting, and I haven’t had weed in over 2 months which I want to keep this way for as long as I can to solidify my experience without it, cannabis does open and reveal the subconscious and is an amazing healing tool but it also resets the energy field which someone told me it takes months to integrate experiences inside yourself, in the meantime they hang around your field so if you have cannabis before the experience is fully integrated it sort of dissipates to some extent. I want to integrate deeply the amazing experiences I went through this summer so I’m gonna wait a couple more months before trying cannabis again.

I’ll probably come back to journal after I drink, maybe I’ll decide on a second sub for the day.

#155

This also explains why I feel this way, if that breakthrough is really coming it makes sense I’m gonna go through heavy pain before it happens, facing the darkness within, yeehaa!!

#156

4 shots in I went for 5 min LBFH.

Damn rum hit pretty fast and hard, everything is loosened up, I’m looking forward to see my friend when she comes back from work, I know she will enjoy seeing me like this and we’ll have a good time.

Alcohol always seem to have this effect of wanting to connect with other people and share.

I’m watching a series called Industry, it’s a british pretty funny down to earth series about graduates in an investing branch of a bank company.

#157

How are you?

#158

Hey there thanks for asking, I’m pretty drunk and doing all right, I’m getting interesting insights into how much exposure to subconscious material we get from a series, it’s fascinating really the power dynamics between human beings and my own personal perception of it and projections. I realize how powerful these subliminal tools are at shaping our identities and realities and I’m grateful I have these tools to help strengthen myself in my day to day.

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#159

My friend just came back, as expected she loves to see me high, we’re having fun, just dropping this here because I’m aware the s word might have triggered some flags, as I said earlier no worries.

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#160

It looks like I’m coming out of this round of heavy purging. Yesterday and today I managed to do my morning routine exercises that I had given up for the last 5days.

Today I listened to 5min Phoenix and 5min Godlike Mascuilinity, a few hours later followed by booster doses of LB, Sanguine and Sanguine Elixir at 30sec each.

My friend came early from work and on my advice is listening to Daredevil, she has done subs a few times over the last year, she’s got Seductress and HoT but she isn’t so excited about subs as much as I am.

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