Soul Search - My first diary ever

Journals - Major Programs
#121

My friend has gone through a lot of different healings this week and last night she was so happy after an amazing class with a kundalini awake teacher and she told me I don’t have to move out.

I think this was all orchestrated from above for both her and I to trigger a release of certain deep emotions and now that it’s done she feels so empowered and I feel more free, and I actually have decided to still go meet her friends to see if I can move with them, as much as I like living here with her this experience opened new doors in myself, new potentials.

Also I bought Godlike Masculinity last night and listened to a full loop this morning, 10min later I’m in the shower and I’m crying loud screams like a distressed baby feeling deep pains that’s been with me since I’m born, eventually I turned the water to very cold and went into the masculine with primal screaming.

I’m thinking of maybe running a second loop of GLM later today.

I signed up to help setup at a festival of well being, yoga breathwork, etc that is only 15km away, there’s a camping site and I’m sure it will be really good for me, it lasts all week.

Setup starts tomorrow and we get to camp on site, it’s on a small island on the fjord and access only by boat which is cool.

I feel scared to go, a lot of anxiety and insecurities are coming up and I feel so vulnerable and useless, I just feel generally worthless because of how fucked up I am in my psyche and the thought of being around so many people that are there in such good spirits just freaks me out, feeling like the little black duck that will stain the vibe because I haven’t reached a state of full joy and happiness.

I love having fun with people but at the same time I have an aversion to big groups and quickly feel uncomfortable and lost in the crowd, ungrounded when around too many people.

So as of today I am uncertain I will go, I might just leave for the mountains alone again, but it will be hard because my friend is also going to help setup the festival so she will likely strongly encourage me to come along.

This festival feels like an initiation of sorts and I hate how wimpy I am about it!!!

GODLIKE MASCULINITY PLEASE DO YOUR JOB AND QUICK!!!

#122

First thought: He’s about to move in with two young, party-loving chick’s with nudist tendencies, buys Daredevil by accident and now he doesn’t move :joy:

Just throw in some loops of DD over the week and you’re good to go for the weekend.

You alone in nature is your comfort zone. Time to grow and spend some time amongst like minded people.

I don’t know, how the event will be, but from my experience, 1. Most spiritual people are/were kinda messed up. For most that was the reason to search for something different and 2. What’s the worst that could happen? Do you think they will exclude you? If they are what you think they are, they will look out for people like you.
It’s gonna be a great chance for growth, for getting to know more interesting people etc.

Trust yourself. You’ve got it in you.

3 Likes
#123

Thank you for your loving care, I value your answer very much it’s very encouraging and very true!

You convinced me so I’m gonna run DD today I think.

1 Like
#124

I went overboard but feeling really great with the subs, I listened twice full GLM, one full and one 5min DD and 5 min LB all throughout the day.

I can feel how GLM is digging so powerfully into my masculine side, healing it and awakening it, strengthening it, it’s incredible and feels very direct and fast acting, and DD is opening the field and lightening up my perceptions and feelings, they are a great match and DD is really great in the sense of finding so much fullfillment in talking and sharing stories, my voice is already different and deeper when talking and I’m more aware of my breath and what I’m saying, how I’m saying it and it vibrates and feels great in the body and in my heart, sweet memories of childhood coming back to me and sharing about them feels fascinating and overall so enriching it’s hard to describe.

Thanks a lot @Lion and @Parsifal for your encouragement and advice in running DD as well, the combo feels a lot like what I was expecting and looking for in a Primal without seduction.

The perception shift of DD is very healing as well and feels very spiritual in the way it brings forward this magical wonderous awareness and aliveness that is in every moment of life.

3 Likes
#125

That’s really cool to hear!

#126

The healing festival I took a part of was the most amazing experience in my entire life, I had a massive kundalini activation and released a ton of blocked energy/karma and gained incredible insights on where I’m at on my spiritual journey, as well as I met many of my soul family so I gained 5 new friends with which we already have the deepest of bonds.

Overall this brought to the ground all the spirituality that used to be up in the air in my life, the feeling of oneness and community was beyond anything I ever experienced and I believe this is a glimpse of what the new earth is about to be like, we are all one in love, and that oneness goes beyond simple reasoned acceptance of each other’s differences, we are truly united in a way that is very scary for our egos to accept, one consciousness in different bodies united through love, having a direct experience of the stuff we’ve all read in books is both frightening and exhilarating beyond imagination.

I am getting very close to self realisation and full awakening, there’s still quite a bunch of things that need releasing but now I have seen exactly where I’m at and I know it is very close, shit is getting real and I can finally not give a fuck and laugh at the fear conditioning I’ve been subjected since I was born on this earth, what a time to be alive guys, the world is about to get crazier as we are all forced into healing one way or the other but only good is coming from all of it and all this shit about struggling for survival and trying to make a living and being isolated is gonna go out the window when more hearts start to awaken and realise we are all brothers and sisters and we’re here to have a good time and share with each other.

I’ll conclude with fuck the old system that divides us and make us small.

Love and embrace each other like the drops of the same ocean!! :pray:

3 Likes
#127

Great that you didn’t listen to your fears :point_down: I’m really happy for you.

1 Like
#128

One of the first times I’m truly happy to say

I told you so, didn’t I?

That’s some great accomplishment.

For both of us :joy:

Congratulations :tada:

1 Like
#129

Natural body intelligence is kicking in since the festival, I’ve been doing all the healthy things I know of, I quit cigarettes, cannabis, caffeine, video games and I am doing all the morning routines, self massage with oil followed by a full body stretch for the joints routine and meditation/mantras, I’m eating very healthy and doing lots of work that needs to be done around the house.

I had a great shift at work yesterday and I had another big release during the shift I was moaning and laughing and felt incredible surges of energy in my entire body, I chanted mantras the whole time and was shamelessly stretching and doing hip rotation while waiting for orders, I’m feeling the power of life running through me I’ve never been so happy.

I signed up for a class this Saturday and a one week retreat in September with the same kundalini master that organizes the detox in India and that was at the festival doing a fire ritual and a workshop, I recognize her as a true master and she has been so helpful since I met her at a workshop last august.

I am truly blessed.

I am staying off subs for the time being and letting the innate intelligence within me guide my steps for now.

3 Likes
#130

I was inspired by my friend and added the 5 tibetans to my morning routine.

The kundalini yoga class yesterday was very intense and today a lot of processing going on, feeling very heavy and sad, I cried and screamed during the class it was nice very good releases.

I was invited to another fire ritual with this master next week I am so blessed it will be amazing, it’s organized by the same person that organized the festival, he is a great seeker and amazing individual!!

#131

I had very violent dreams, protecting groups of people, we were getting oppressed by badies so I found a machete or a sort of sword and started chopping the oppressor’s heads off, I had total confidence and it went through them smooth as butter, this is a very powerful dream and a very positive sign of transformation.

I’m sticking to all my routines and I feel so pumped today, my mantra session was very powerful and I felt some kundalini activation which I’m very proud of being able to do on my own, it’s a first and again a sign of great things to come.

My mom is arriving tonight all the way from the reunion island where she lives, she will spend 10days here and I’m very excited to see her, it’s been a couple years since last time we met in person.

Life is goooooood!!!

2 Likes
#132

I ran 5min LB and 5min GLM.

A good balance of feminine acceptance and masculine resilience.

#133

I am going strong with my daily self care routine:

-Full body oil massage for lubrication and protection of outer layers of the body.

-Joints exercises releasing trapped air

-5 tibetans for flexibility, strength and release of trapped energy and increased energy flow.

-Mantras chanting for activation of energy centers and release of deep energy blocks and tapping into my inner self.

-Cooking multi grain muesli with fruits, nuts, spices and homemade ghee for extra deep lubrication and nourishment inside the body.

-Homemade caffeine free spiced chai with a spoon of ghee in it.

I’ve never had so much energy and clarity in my life, I can feel great progress in my self discovery everyday.

I tried a loop of LB and GLM again yesterday but I’m not sure at this point that subliminals are necessary for me.

I am doing other kinds of meditations that I will not mention publicly here that are helping me tap into my higher cosmic self and restructuring my entire being all the way to my genetic makeup, and this is a reason that subliminals don’t really have such a powerful impact on me anymore, they have the kind of impact that a good strong conversation with a friend would have, for comparison’s sake.

Life has never felt better and this is only the begining, I am being prepared for something much bigger, the blindfolds will come off soon, could be months, could be another year or two, but the timeframe doesn’t matter anymore I am enjoying so much the way my life is unfolding at the moment.

Peace and love to all and best wishes on your journeys of self improvement.

2 Likes
#134

Hottest days of the whole summer in Oslo, it’s 28c unbelievable!! It was just 19c few days ago, crazy jump!

I’m leaving tomorrow for a one week retreat in kundalini yoga with that same master, it’s a two hour drive close to the border with Sweden, a beautiful retreat center in the forest.

Everyday keeps giving so much, I was talking today with my best friend about how happy and incredible the unfolding of our life has been and continues to be, it’s like every moment is holding more and more juice, my lifelong depression and feeling of longing for a better life, a more healed empowered version of myself is getting smashed in the teeth, I’m finally enjoying every moment so much that I can release expectations and it’s a feedback loop of releasing and realizing the perfection of my life even with the things that are still holding me back, realizing the perfection of the timing of my unfolding self and the recognition of the experiences necessary to go forward.

2 Likes
#135

Back from ‘Kundalini retreat’.

Only two things I can say about it.

When the two opposite forces are resolved, a third force arises, the innate intelligence of the absolute for the service of all.

Only the shed tears of my oneness-heart can truly do justice to the experience I just had during this week.

And tears were shed, fires were burned, the earth shook, and our spirit strong and tall stood firm in the truth of the eternal moment.

Om Shanti Shanti Shanti

1 Like
#136

Writing a journal is so interesting, reading previous posts and remembering what head space I was in is fascinating.

I’ve had a great week, daily discipline on point, it’s been over a month now of this focused routine, I also added 3 rounds of sun salutations along the 5 tibetans practice.

A few days ago I cleared up my room and switched up furniture, I had been wanting to do this for over 6 months and I also finally took off the ugly flower wallpaper on the ceiling that’s been bothering me since I moved in here last year. The vibe is super clear and uplifted now, I threw away lots of junk and stuff I’ve held on for years, I feel so renewed and comfortable in this space and my meditative practice can go deeper.

I haven’t experienced a “down” in my mood in a while now and the awareness of my higher wider self is growing and I feel that I am less and less affected by older more negative emotions/vibrations/thought patterns whether my own or other’s.

I have been running on and off mostly LB and Sanguine with a little GLM, I can’t feel the subs affecting me as much as I used to due to increased overall awareness and energy but I do notice subtle effects when I go about my life, I still see it as a great help at this point to keep this part of my being (deeper mind) positively influenced to counteract all the negative subconscious influences I get exposed to unknowingly and knowingly in the world as well as unconsciously picking up from other people when going about my day in the city.

I see subs as a positive thought-shower now.

#137

After a few days break from subs and overall very light exposure the last 3 weeks I ran LBFH today and my mood greatly improved, I enjoyed it all day and felt very light and happy, it’s so different than LB and feels more potent to me right now, I guess because it spreads love around so I feel a strong flow of outgoing positive energy instead of a more introverted self centered love, more circulation of energy feels more satisfying, from the inside out, I wonder what the combo LB and LBFH would feel like.

Later in the day I felt an urge to use subs again more seriously and the inspiration that came was Phoenix. It’s a very potent deeply transforming and fast acting sub + the reframing of the past feature is exactly what I’m looking for right now to dive deeper and clear older sticky layers in my energy field.

I didn’t use it for very long when I got it, I think not even one cycle but I remember powerful effects so I ran a full loop tonight and holy cow I went straight into a trance like state and felt a very positive relaxing current of energy going all the way down my spine, it was very enjoyable and the whole loop went by very quickly.

I feel peaceful and focused, I’m looking forward to running a cycle with this, I want to stick to only one sub or two at most, it’s difficult to choose, I’ll let myself be guided throughout as usual and not limit myself to what the official instructions are since those are general safe posts.

I’m tempted to try the hammer method from Subzero, I read somewhere he runs loooots of loops, I wouldn’t do as much as he does but I’m tempted by a more intense experiment, I’ll see how I feel about this and if it comes naturally one of these days, not sure it’s necessary for me.

Good thing is I know very well by now how the subs affect me and because of very high flow factor I get immediate results and full loops has never been an issue.

Symptom of overexposure is clear to me, it’s a very uncomfortable brain overdrive, fog, mental agitation and the only symptom that is hard to dodge and only sleep alleviates it.

Recon is easy to deal with because of the intense focus on spiritual pursuit these last 15 years I am very familiar with my edge/shadows/pains/weaknesses/blocks, so recon is a great way for me to participate more actively in the integration, take a deep breath and surf the wave underwater taking me to wonderful new uncharted lands once I’m back above the surface whereas no recon usually means I’m riding a very positive upward wave taking in the glory of the sunshine and the view on the horizon.

Main Disc. Thread - A Love Bomb For Humanity (FREE Title!) (Nov. 2023 Updated with New Subliminal Experience!)
Main Disc. Thread - A Love Bomb For Humanity (FREE Title!) (Nov. 2023 Updated with New Subliminal Experience!)
#138

I’m going for another dose of subs today to create a strong imprint and will take 2 days off after this.

8min Phoenix
1min LB
1min LBFH

#139

Second day off subs today.

I woke up in the middle of the night with kundalini activation, very excited, I’m getting to a big pocket of old very painful feelings, once it bursts it will be life changing, reality shifting to a very great extent, it’s scary and exciting, I’ve been waiting my whole life and putting so much effort for this, it’s getting real and I’m looking forward for bubbles to pop.

I also went this morning to a three hour kundalini tantra yoga class with my favorite master, this was her last class in Norway for the year, she is going back to Bali in a few days and will come back next august as usual. It was powerful and intense as usual, lots of release and integration to be had for the next day or two.

#140

The world is about to experience the greatest event in history, it’s happening soon and the whole world will talk about it, to me it means the beginning of the most delightful time in my life, I’m looking forward for it to happen so I can share more about it and what it means for all of us.