Soul Search - My first diary ever

Journals - Major Programs
#101

4th day of the washout, it’s my longest break from subs since March, I feel much better than yesterday, it was so intense, it’s like every negative unresolved thing within me decided to come visit on the same day, today I’m back to usual baseline but better.

I can feel my energy level smoothing out, more natural and grounded than during the listening cycle, the subs give me that extra power as they carry me forward with all the guidance they provide, now I feel more myself again and carrying all the lessons learned.

Washout is so interesting, it’s like during the cycle I have my face on the windshield driving 200kmh and washout I get to stop, step out of the car and discover the new destination I have arrived at, the new me I have become.

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#102

5th day of the washout and I feel stupid I didn’t give myself more rest days the last few months.

I’m pondering a new way to listen to subs.

The idea is more focused input and more rest days.

So on listen days I will run only one sub for 2 loops.

Every sub will have a lot of time to process and bloom before the next listen.

So if I stack only 2 subs, it will be Monday and Thursdays with 3 days washout.

If I stack 3 subs, it will be Monday, Thursday, Sunday, with 2 days washout, so it’s pretty much 2 days rest between listens which gives over a week rest between individual subs to process and bloom.

This feels like plenty of rest for a long term cycle and I can easily rotate subs in and out as I wish.

Subs are still to be decided, but Primal will be there for sure, LotS might stay and KB2 might make an entry.

I might listen to a 4th sub as booster very occasionally and in this case it will be one loop replacing another sub’s loop slot on listen days, so never more than 2 loops per listen days.

I’m excited to try this new listening schedule, I haven’t decided yet when I will start again.

To the moon!! :rocket:

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#103

I listened yesterday to KB2 for 30min in the morning.

I didn’t feel a thing until the beginning of the second loop, but it was very subtle, nothing like KB1.

I experienced nothing until many hours later in the afternoon where recon hit hard, I felt extremely vulnerable emotionally and I could feel the sub working on a different sexual area than KB1 was doing.

So basically onward on the KB journey, I sense this is going to open some new doors, but it will be challenging.

As recon was hitting hard I chose to listen to another sub for a few mins to help me so I ran 5min Primal and I felt slightly more balanced but also I felt guilty I broke my schedule on the first day!!

It’s ok though I’m not gonna beat myself up for this as in the end it went fine and I’m gonna stay on schedule, I will run LotS on Sunday and keep the Primal run for Wednesday because I know that 30min of that is going to hit hard.

Also I made the mistake of not having coffee that day for no specific reason so I had a headache and felt very heavy with caffeine withdrawal.

Today I feel fine and I’m excited for the journey ahead.

#104

I am adjusting my new listening schedule based on my experience of the last few days after first listen.

Two days rest allows for full processing of the sub, considering this I feel that over a week break until next listen of the same sub is not enough input/momentum for satisfying progress.

I am keeping the two days rest schedule but I will now listen to 2 different subs on listening days at one loop each as needed.

So some days I might listen only to one sub for 2 loops and some days I might listen to 2 subs one loop each.

Today I listened to Primal and KB2.

There’s a lot I can say now about KB2 but I got to work soon so I’ll only say it’s really awesome and is next level healing in that KB way, as I said before, challenging but opening new doors, the flames are rising :fire:

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#105

I just came back from a two day trip camping high up in the mountains.

My connection with my soul is deepening to a great extent, Truth and Love are shining brighter than ever before in my being, the unlimited power of creation is revealing itself more and more solidly within me, I am truly a god on this earth, it is becoming more and more obvious, and my first playful desire is to fly in the sky like a bird.

One worry came up shortly, what if the world can’t take my power, but nothing can resist the power of love, so everything will be fine because this infinite power I am discovering as my own is pure Love and only good can come from it, no fear, only trust in my unbounded self.

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#106

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#107

Still rocking KB2 + Primal with two days rest.

Ran an extra 1min of KB1 as well today.

After that recent high vibe experience in the mountains, as expected comes another dive into deeper layers of “darkness”, so the journey to embodying the amazing being that I am continues!

#108

Primal is challenging today, lack of confidence, shyness coming up, I’m enjoying the reconciliation, it doesn’t feel good and I don’t get to be as much in control, social and outgoing at work but I fully accept it as part of the journey. As I’m writing this I feel the parts within me that I am talking about, I feel a little emotional and I will eventually release the stored up emotions, it’s so good to be alive, let the pain flow!!

#109

I went back camping to the mountains Monday and stayed till Thursday.

Lots of healing happened, challenging and going very deep, the mountain energy is so powerful it accelerates personal growth and reconciliation to a great degree and gives a lot space and privacy for loud release of emotions.

My friend and I are shocked at how powerful and healing the mountain energy is, we found big rocks that are actually white crystals and I’m guessing there’s a sort of energy vortex close by because of the intensity we have been feeling at the same spot this time again.

We will definitely go back as soon as we can, it’s only a 3h drive about 200km up to 1400m in altitude and it doesn’t cost much to charge the car and eat so it’s a great investment into our healing journey and we spend magical times up there.

This time a lot of healing around sexuality happened and I discovered a way to work with my sexual energy and heal deeper layers of emotions by using masturbation to stimulate sexual energy and using that positive pleasurable energy and sending it to areas in my body that need it, a cycle of building up positive pleasurable energy and then sending it into the pain to be integrated and transmuted into a positive pleasurable feeling.

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#110

The crystal rock we found, lots of broken pieces in the vicinity we took some home with us.

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#111

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One thing worth mentioning, I’m too lazy to write the whole experience in detail, the end result is I got a pretty Swedish girl’s number, she is working a summer job at a cafe on the mountain, it’s girlfriend potential, good chemistry, I’m not interested at the moment but it’s great to see the progress I’ve made that these doors are now opened for me.

And since my recent sexual healing I think the KB and Primal sub have even more room to breathe and most girls respond to me like I’m the most exciting thing they’ve seen all day, so when it comes to sex and seduction the doors are wide open for me to have anything I desire on that level, it’s exciting and it’s a sign my goal of self-realization, becoming my true unbounded self, becoming a healer and generally be able to love and uplift anyone I come across is getting closer.

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#112

My new book:

Page 1: go with the flow

Page 2: go forward

Page 3 : don’t worry about it

#113

Page 4: dissolve the feelings

Page 5: dance with the healing

#114

Page 6: take it easy

Page 7: everything is fine

Page 8: relax

Page 9: keep moving

#115

I’m about to go for a third time to the mountains, this time I’m going alone, the forecast is fairly rainy, I’m going for at least 2 nights but I’d like to stay 4 nights, let’s see if I can handle it, I can feel it will be very challenging but transformative, I’m packing enough medicine with me, I’ve got my vape and my pipe for when the vape runs out of battery, I will dive deep within and let the mountain and the cosmic forces work with me, I’ve been putting off all day but it’s time now, It’s almost 3pm, the car is charging to a 100 percent, one hour left to charge, I will start packing as soon as I finish writing this, it will be fine, my worst fear is boredom but I know once I am up there there is no boredom, only the intensity of Truth pushing and expanding my limits, I rejoice in the fact that next week I am going again but with two friends and a new bigger tent so it will be super fun, but for now I am alone, just as I came into this world, and alone I will conquer myself, with the assistance of all good spirits, angels and ancestors watching over me and guiding me with their unconditional love and wisdom.

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#116

I’m going back to the mountains in 2 days with a couple good friends.

A lot happened and is still happening since I came back from camping in the mountains last Friday.

I bought a new bigger and better tent.

A lot of healing is happening within me, by healing I mean that there is an acceleration in the purification, integration and rebirthing of different aspects of myself, a lot is starting to align.

I am very excited by the new discoveries I am making in my reality and also humbled because of the vastness of the potential that is being revealed.

I sense it will become increasingly harder to express a lot of my experience with words but also increasingly easier and clearer to express exactly what I need to.

I’ve had a break from subs for a few days, I will likely run Sanguine next on its own, because for the moment all I really need is to go deeper and let my life unfold as naturally as possible, I’m living a true miracle, and I think we all are about to, sooner or later, but really sooner than later.

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#117

Sanguine 15min
KB Stage 4 15min

#118

Love Bomb 15min

#119

LB 15min Sanguine 15min

#120

I haven’t been writing much because life has been intense these last two weeks.

So many shifts happening within I don’t really know where I’m at at the moment.

One big thing came up, my friend came back from an intense treatment with a powerful healer and told me straight she wants to live alone for a while so I have to move out.

That shook me deep for a couple days because I have nowhere to go and I might have to quit my job and move country even so it’s a massive shift in my life but she also provided an option that would be pretty awesome if it works out.

Some friends of hers live 2km away sharing a house and they are looking for a tenant just now, 3 bedroom house by the same fjord for 500eur/month, it’s more expensive than the 400 I pay now but still affordable with my small salary, and it’s two 25-30yo girls so potentially a lot of fun, they like to be naked in the garden on hot days and also smoke cannabis from time to time and have many other friends they organise parties with so that could switch my monk style life to a more social one in a very smooth way.

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