She cheated on me

[Saiyan4Blue]

@CurlyGirl

I don’t know if the words of a woman can bring you comfort right now. Maybe you feel like all women are awful at the moment.

I meet pleanty of amazing women who have been hurt by men in different ways yet still saw me for me… without making me feel like i am part of their past. And for that reason, i see women for the people they are instead of projecting my past, which can be tempting. Then i realized that seeing people as simply humans without judgments is milestone of a good person with strong character.

It’s important for all of us to remember those who saw us for who we are despite what they have been through when at a certain moment we feel " all x or z " are this or that

[RagnarLothbrok]

@Saiyan4Blue

I meet pleanty of amazing women who have been hurt by men in different ways yet still saw me for me… without making me feel like i am part of their past

My ex projected her past on my all of the time, felt bad trying to prove to her I’m not toxic like her ex, discovered that she is the toxic one.

[AlexanderGraves]

@RagnarLothbrok

My ex projected her past on my all of the time, felt bad trying to prove to her I’m not toxic like her ex, discovered that she is the toxic one.

Classic copium. Narcissists do this a lot as well, they blame everyone else to be narcissistic, to put the light away from them. If she put the blame on him, nobody is looking at her flaws, which her wounded ego DESPERATELY tries to hide, so she doesn’t have to face them.
She will do the exact same thing to you with the next guy. Much like my wife, doesn’t matter she cheated, you will be painted as the bad guy and she “had no other choice.”

You have to understand, putting yourself in the victim position makes things easier, you can just point to others and never have to work on yourself. Just proceed as always. The world is at fault.

But you and me both know, that this is no path to a healthy and good life.

But dont skip steps. Feel the pain, the rage, the anger.
This video helped me a lot to actually face the pain, not so much about making things work again which was the question, but what he says about this in general:

What To Do if Your Spouse Cheats

[Michel]

@RagnarLothbrok

My ex projected her past on my all of the time, felt bad trying to prove to her I’m not toxic like her ex, discovered that she is the toxic one.

Did she praise you to the hilt when she first met you, puff up your ego? It could be classic borderline behaviour.

[RagnarLothbrok]

Yes she did, telling me I have brought light to her life, telling me after 2 weeks that she have learned so much from me (when asked what did she learn from me she couldn’t name one thing lmao), saying I’m the perfect partner and yada yada

[NewLease]

That actually reminds me of my ex-girlfriend. She didn’t cheat as far as I know, but she would stroke my ego hardcore. Calling me Papi and was always DTF. Didn’t realize I had to cut her loose until I damn near had nothing. My Dad had to straighten me out SMH.

[RagnarLothbrok]

What is the problem if she is always DTF?

[NewLease]

She was using me for my money.

[Malkuth]

In general, we seem to require our romantic partners to bring more self-awareness and self-responsibility to the relationship than we are able to bring.

We give away our power, our self-sovereignty, and sometimes our integrity, in exchange for what we predict will be an All-You-Can-Eat buffet of pleasure, security, acceptance, and approval.

Then when that unrealistic expectation inevitably fails, we feel ‘cheated’, and blame everything except for our own lack of understanding.

[Michel]

We select them to mirror our own inner wounds, but both partners are blaming each other for wounding them. Its the ‘dance of the emotionally wounded’ (Rosenberg, R, 2020) and if we’re not careful, we’ll gladly volunteer for another spin on the dancefloor.

A need to please others out of insufficient love, care and attention create these dances. The way out is either exhausting yourself dancing or with blood stained feet, saying “enough” and reach for the towel.

[Spartan]

We’re all babies inside ehehehe

[Spartan]

I’m so thankful that we can always at least talk together as people. The world is so complicated and we all just want to be happy. Shit happens. You hurt the ones you love the most, you stop loving those you did yesterday. And that’s life. Sometimes you can reconcile sometimes you don’t. Hate only helps as a weapon. Blame is a lost opportunity for learning. Pain is normal.

And I know I know nothing
But it is certainly better to have someone you get to share life with happily than being alone.

[Layman]

@Spartan Just want to say, I’ve seen you post plenty of good or insightful comments on here.
Maybe there are people older/wiser/more experienced than you, but you do yourself (and your subconscious) a disservice every time you say “I know nothing”.
At least replace it with “I’m always learning something new”. You deserve it

[Skadoosh]

@RagnarLothbrok

Hello, she cheated on me so I broke up with her.

How can I heal?

Have you seen the new Inner Circle? It’s a beast, lol.

Check this out:

@SaintSovereign

• Attract a diverse array of high-value individuals - friends, romantic partners, mentors, assistants, business partners, and colleagues - who align with your values, goals, and energy, fostering mutual growth, personal elevation, and professional success.
• Enhance your adaptability in various social settings, allowing you to connect effortlessly with diverse groups of people, from personal to professional circles.
• Cultivate an unconscious use of language that resonates positively with others, naturally fostering influence in conversations and leaving a lasting impact.
• Embrace a joyful and value-adding approach to networking, where connections are made authentically, adding value to others’ lives through support, knowledge, and positive experiences. This mindset nurtures reciprocity, loyalty, and mutual enjoyment in social interactions without feeling forced or draining.
• Reinforce your ability to be fully present during interactions, making others feel seen, valued, and understood.
• Strengthen your intrinsic self-worth, helping you feel confident and fulfilled within yourself, which naturally eliminates any needy or dependent behavior.
• Establish natural rapport-building behaviors, such as mirroring and active listening, which enhance connection and trust effortlessly.
• Cultivate an aura of integrity and dependability, attracting people who value trust and fostering deep, secure connections.
• Expand your emotional and social bandwidth to maintain and enjoy multiple meaningful relationships, sustaining a balanced inner circle.
• Create a natural mindset and outward cues that encourage others to reach out to you, reducing the need to initiate every connection, and develop a habit of following up with key contacts, helping to maintain and nurture valuable relationships over time without feeling forced.
• Combine openness with a subconscious invitation that encourages others to open up and share about themselves, creating a safe, trust-building environment where connections deepen based on mutual trust and authenticity.
• Actively seek ways to add value to others’ lives - through knowledge, connections, or support - enhancing the reciprocal nature of relationships and contributing to a lasting bond.
• Develop a natural ability to discern people’s intentions and character, helping you form connections that align with your goals and avoid draining relationships, encouraging balanced and lasting reciprocity.
• … and much more.

@SaintSovereign

Discernment Matrix

Your intuition sharpens into a tool of pure discernment. You read people’s intentions and character with effortless clarity, understanding who aligns with your vision and who does not. Draining relationships fall away, while authentic, balanced connections strengthen. Your ability to recognize value and avoid detriment becomes second nature, ensuring that every interaction enhances your life rather than detracts from it.

With this enhanced discernment, you’ll never have to deal with toxic people (not just romantic partners) ever again.

Another option is to run Heartsong until you attract your ideal romantic partner.

If you run Inner Circle or Heartsong, I think you will end up healing those detrimental traumas and patterns along the way.

[Spartan]

I do it on purpose. I want to always remember that I know nothing. So I can always keep my mind open to new ideas and make sure I don’t feed my ego. Keep my feet on the ground. Everything is an illusion in a way. So… I dont actually know anything : ) and that’s okay. I’m just guessing. We all are in a way. Reality is relative. And hopefully I’m guessing in a way that will allow me to reap the most fruits. Walla oooo ooo thank you brother I’m thankful you feel that way.

[Fractal_Explorer]

@Malkuth

We give away our power, our self-sovereignty, and sometimes our integrity, in exchange for what we predict will be an All-You-Can-Eat buffet of pleasure, security, acceptance, and approval.

I’m like the opposite. Someone could put the buffet right in front of my face and I’d be like “nope, I’m good that food doesn’t look real”. A promise of a buffet will scare me away more than the absence of one.

[infinit888]

Ouch. That hurts. I feel you. I hear you. I see you. I’m here with you.

Ragnar, it feels like something in you, maybe a part that’s still holding the weight of all this, is asking to be seen. Not judged. Not analyzed.
Just witnessed, in the background, without pressure.

You don’t have to drop your edge. You don’t have to shift anything.

This part gets to exist too.

[Malkuth]

@Fractal_Explorer

I’m like the opposite. Someone could put the buffet right in front of my face and I’d be like “nope, I’m good that food doesn’t look real”. A promise of a buffet will scare me away more than the absence of one.

Translation:

‘I’m not in a relationship right now.

(And when I do get into one, I’ll communicate my unrealistic expectations in complicated, ambivalent ways.)’

That’s my facetious way of saying that this pattern, (of mental projection and unrealistic expectations), appears to be somewhat non-negotiable.

We can suppress it, bury it, pretend it’s not there, et cetera.

So far, the best way I’ve seen to relate to it is to acknowledge it with wary humility. Like an important but drunk friend or relative who is going to make a disturbance periodically.

[Malkuth]

@Spartan

We’re all babies inside ehehehe

This, to me, is the literal truth.

[Fractal_Explorer]

This is honestly my biggest fear because of what you said here.

@Malkuth

We can suppress it, bury it, pretend it’s not there, et cetera.

I genuinely don’t know what those expectations are because I’ve never been in a close enough relationship for them to show up. It’s like sure I can believe I’m healthy, but am I really? Who knows. And that’s unsettling to me.