Hello, she cheated on me so I broke up with her.
How can I heal?
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OGW or WB
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Iām doing a washout and planned on starting Emperor + Love Bomb, but WB or OGW also came to mind.
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Know this:
You will heal
You are healing
All you need to ask for is the strength and patience to stay with the healing process.
You are already healing.
This is a fact.
Please do not deny the resources you already have, even as you wisely seek for more.
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Thanks @Malkuth
I am aware that Iām already healing but I discovered only yesterday and Iām overwhelmed, feeling so many negative emotions.
Iām angry about myself for ignoring her red flags, Iām angry about myself for letting her manipulate me for our entire relationship, Iām angry about myself for believing her lies and deception, Iām angry about myself that I didnāt break up with her sooner.
I also angry with her of course, I want to make her understand what she has done wrong because she doesnāt admit it, but I know itās futile because she wonāt understand and it also doesnāt matter if she understands or not, I feel like I want to get justice but truthfully I just need to move on.
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Full no contact is the solution
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So many things I would like to tell you.
This is your own path.
Youāre in pain right now. We humans have a lot of trouble. And we tend to use our pain to create even more pain. We figure, what the hell Iām in pain anyway.
If you invest your heart in someone and you open it, and then they do something like this, you will feel pain. And then your human thoughts and brain will go into overdrive because thatās what they do.
Your security got disrupted. It sucks.
But thatās the issue.
Itās so much less dramatic and so much less Netflix-y, but itās the damn truth man.
Your security got disrupted. And it got disrupted because you were doing emotionally brave things. And selfish things. The human move to connect is brave and selfish and sometimes generous too.
People are INcompetent about our hearts, man.
Weāre smart enough to read books, and throw some ideas around. But when it comes to the physical act of taking care of our hearts, we need a lot of work.
If you were wise, what you would do at this time would be to process your experiences, process the pain, learn, and keep it moving.
Instead, lots of people write novels. In their heads, in their talk, on discussion forums. Just throwing ideas around to scratch itches, and neglecting the underlying priority of your healing, your heart, your health and wellbeing.
Iāve seen people do this so much, and Iāve done it myself.
Actually, I know you are wise, because you are looking for good healing resources.
I would recommend talking to an emotionally mature and experienced counselor. Someone who has been through this and helped others through it. Someone you trust. Meet with them, and process what has happened to you.
And, crazy as it sounds, make the best of the situation.
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She works with me
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Iām sorry bro
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But yeah I will go full no contact as much as I can, probably she will get fired anyways eventually
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I remember to this day something said to me by Malkuth and that was that sometimes pain canāt be skipped. You just have to wait it through. As much as it sucks. Iāll share a bit of the original message from back then:
āNEED - Respecting our needs. They are not weaknesses. The need to breathe oxygen is not a weakness. Awareness of other peopleās needs is not ālosingā. The ideal condition is for everyone involved to get as much of what we need as possible. This does not just happen automatically. It takes innovation. And we keep working to push that bar higher. How much can we thrive?
But in the meantime, as weāre finding ways to thrive, we give ourselves a break. No, Iām not totally happy. Yes, I did try some happiness strategies that didnāt work as well as Iād want. And yes, I give myself credit and acceptance for being all that I am.
Being hungry does not make me a bad person. Being in pain does not make me a bad person. Hunger and Pain are different matters entirely from my self-worth or whoeverās self-worth.
Be the imperfect parent that you need and that is perfect for you. Willing to stay with you and to care for you as you continue being a work-in-progress.
Capacity - We all have limitations on the amount of Reality that we can hold in mind and/or respond to at any given time.
Again, accepting the reality of capacity and limitations. āThere is a car on top of you. It really hurts you. I wish that I was a superhero who could just pick it up and throw it off of you. Well, Iām not. That hurts me.ā
Hereās a big one. Itās kind of programmed into us. We interpret the sensation of Pain as meaning that someone has done something wrong. Often ourselves. Thatās a crazy program to have because pain is a very natural and unavoidable part of life. So our program means that weāre perpetually walking around confused and looking for someone to blame.
Pain without blame feels like an incomplete sentence.
We just want to finish the damn thing.
But sorry, brain. Life is an incomplete sentence. Iām strong enough to allow it to be incomplete, while I keep living it. I can handle that. We can handle that.ā
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I also remember once a very wise woman say to us āmomentary pain is inevitable but whether we choose to associate with it and feed into it long term, is our own choice.ā
You can do whatever you wish to. I wouldnāt blame you for holding onto pain with time especially when it comes to love. It sucks and I feel you. There is something in us that feels drawn to that idea of feeding it for some reason. But itās good to be at least aware of this fact. Not sharing this for the sake of today but for days and weeks and months to come.
What helped me a lot was to spend time with people I like being around. And journaling and feeling the pain when I was alone. You get that duality for your soul in the meantime. Maybe meet with an old friend for a coffee.
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For starters you did the right thing. What happened was by no means fair or easy but itās part of lifeā¦ You did the right thingā¦ Secondly, Cut off all needless communication, as hard as that may be. You donāt need to explain yourself of express your hurt to her. From this point on, the old person is gone for good.
Now that you have done the right things. What will hurt the most if believing that it could have done things differently, been differently or whatever comes up during the bargaining stage. You may not be able to block out the noise of that self talk but do not resonate emotionally with it. It will pass regardless of how things feel at the moment. Remember that itās very easy to lose perspective. As for what comes next, dare to believe that you will meet someone even better, and even if the next person is not as goodā¦ that you will be happy in the end. Let the universe sort things out, you got your hands full with what you have at the moment.
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Itās an experience, her loss not yours from what you have said.
As others have said you are now growing stronger.
Work adds an additional complication.
I would recommend Sanguine The Elixir as I have benefitted and used on demand went dealing with an emotional period of my life recently.
Tai Chi helps too!
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Focus on yourself, and take your time to choose someone with values; you should also have values. Real women respect real men. Hatzlacha Raba!
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oof. in the future, donāt date people you work with.
lots of great advice already in this thread, only thing Iāll add is keep yourself/your mind busy/occupied.
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Is this what weāre calling OG Wanted now?
Emperor + Love Bomb is perfect
Founders already said Love Bomb is the perfect healing heartbreak sub, problem solved, itās the top recommended sub for a break up.
Emperor so that you learn the boundaries and standards that would have prevented the break up and the attachment to someone youāre subservient to in the first place
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Waitā¦ is this the same girl that you dated for a month and broke up with two weeks back?
You know I think Khan for a year or two would make your life a whole lot easier. Youāre kind of getting played around with and Khan would help you find ways to stop that from happening. You donāt need healing as much as you need this tbh
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Forgot about that threadā¦
If a girl ever threatens to leave the relationship or to withdraw her affection then just break up with her right away.
If she says āwe shouldnāt be togetherā to manipulate you or when fighting says āI donāt even know if we should be togetherā or āyou didnāt ____ so you lost me for (today, a week, life)ā just IMMEDIATELY leave
She is using your weakness (that she created) against youā¦ itās a very one sided power dynamicā¦ serve me or Iāll leave you because I donāt care about you unless you serve me
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Bro, @RagnarLothbrok
Love Bomb -
Divine Self-Image
Pride Unbroken
The Boundary
Inner Voice
Synergy: Venus Unveiled
Attachment Destroyer
Ways of Understanding
Synergy: At The Top
Get that inner foundation going. Keep it simple.
IMO, Pride Unbroken and Divine Self-Image are priceless.
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