AoW for reigning in your psychology and Inner Circle to find social support (not necessarily to cry on their shoulder).
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Even though WB or OGW is one way to go, getting your balance / bearings and processing what just happened is a good idea first. Redirecting that energy previously bound up in the relationship into something that’s going to benefit you and provide you with a sense of satisfaction or accomplishment is probably the way to go. Whether that is something like HeO for training, or SAW or LoTS, or perhaps Emperor or Khan, whatever you decide, just pick one that resonates and run with it. The only other possible suggestion I’d give is maybe a cycle of some self empowerment sub + KB1 to nip any repeat in the bud.
If you’re worried about going back on the no contact thing, maybe GLMC is the way to go to give the iron frame.
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BTW, you’re heartbroken because you took the appearances she created for reality, and you failed to understand that what you wanted was not what she wanted.
Never believe the appearances women create, but make the effort to pierce their psychology, and never assume they want the same things you do.
She wants the validation that feeling constantly desired by multiple men gives her. Never fall in love with women with this complex, dude.
Embrace your own psyhology and find the right company now as that’s the best you can do.
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You too now are a salesman Rep for Art of War?
@RagnarLothbrok AoW will not necessarly heal you but will align you.
You can run it, it will bring a lot more clarity on what’s happening inside you your inner voice, your shadow, why you think this way.
In a sense understanding ourselves can help you feel better… But for this type of pain I’m not 100% sure AoW will be the tool to make you feel better. Maybe I’d combine it with Love Bomb, or LBFH.
I think inner circle can also be powerful like sub zero recommended.
Not sure I would go with emperor. Emperor is strongly ego based, which is great when you need to grind and be tough. Get obsessed. Not sure if it’s the best mix with strong pain. Emperor : The art of war would be better for processing in my opinion.
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Sure I am. Here’s why:
What I recommended is not only for getting over the “heartbreak,” but for setting the right trajectory for the growth @RagnarLothbrok seems to need the most, and which is fundamental:
- Exploring and mastering his own inner landscape
- Setting healthy and strong boundaries
- Developing mental discipline
- Surrounding himself with people who are supportive and aid him in his growth
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My friend. The exact same thing happened to me. My wife cheated after 12 years while I was taking care of our 4 year old son. Half a year an affair and she lied about it once I found out.
…
First thing: Don’t expect justice from the unjust.
…
Don’t expect her to make it right or whatever. That’s just more pain. She already moved on. Before women cheat physically, they cheat emotionally. She already moved on.
Second, don’t run into subs for help. If anything they’ll increase your emotional pain with recon etc. I did and it was painful. But now half a year later going through the divorce Alchemist helped me the most to detach. But boy was it a painful journey.
What to do?
Accept the pain. Feel it. Let it flow. What you resist, persists. Scream at your steering wheel, hit the gym hard whatever comes naturally to you. But don’t try to suppress it.
But it takes time. You now HAVE to sit through that pain. There is no other way. See it as the fire you’re being forged in.
It is necessary for your personal growth. Why? You won’t ignore the red flags again. You won’t sacrifice yourself like this anymore. You won’t have your boundaries breached anymore.
Not from fear.
But from personal power.
It WILL make you stronger, but the way there is inevitably painful.
Can DM me if you want to talk deeper. I’ve been there my friend 
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You sensed something was wrong-and you were right. I saw your earlier posts about your girlfriend’s male friends, and your instincts were spot on.
Remember, when people hurt you, it’s not personal-it’s just who they are. You did the right thing by walking away.
Hold her accountable, but since you work together, keep things strictly professional. Don’t give her any attention outside of work, and if you don’t need to contact her for work, block and delete her number.
Now, focus on yourself. Go out, stay busy, and meet new people. If she was an 8/10, the next one will make her seem like a 3/10.
Trust your current stack & instincts,they served you well.Keep doing what you’re doing, stay sharp and move forward.
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It happens mate , men get sucked via their hole south and ignore the obvious red flags then before you know it “ BAM”!
Just go slay as much as can and before you know it , you won’t give a crap plus you will feel relived she’s gone !
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I don’t know if the words of a woman can bring you comfort right now. Maybe you feel like all women are awful at the moment.
Still, I’d like to offer you some tips and words of support.
It’s important to feel everything. Sadness, pain, anger, disappointment. Don’t hold anything back. Because everything you suppress could stay inside you.
Go through it all — even if it’s hard.
In the beginning, I would also avoid alcohol. It might seem like it helps, but in reality, it only numbs your thoughts and feelings.
It only eases the pain of betrayal for a short time. In the long run, it could make things worse, because you might start turning to alcohol every time you feel a hint of disappointment.
Believe me, I’ve been through that with alcohol…
The same goes for casual hookups. They might seem helpful, but they only fill the possible emptiness inside you for a brief moment.
What often helps is talking to someone who simply holds space for you. Someone who just listens — without giving advice or responding. Just a truly open ear.
Move your body. However you can. Go to the gym, take a walk, go for a jog — because you’re not only carrying the pain emotionally, but physically too. Moving your body can help relieve that burden and give you a sense of improvement.
Trust yourself before trusting others.
Maybe you don’t believe in good people right now — and that’s okay. But if you learn to listen to your own intuition, you may eventually begin to sense who you can truly trust.
What helps me personally is forgiveness. Not for others, but for myself. That doesn’t mean you have to excuse or forget what happened — not at all. But it might bring you peace. It’s like handing the other person back the burden of pain, anger, etc.
It might actually help you let go of her in peace, and stop holding on.
And most importantly: give yourself time. Healing doesn’t happen overnight. It’s not linear. And yes, I would be annoyed too if someone told me that in such a situation. I’d want immediate relief. (Honestly, I still feel that way sometimes 
)
But it’s true. Healing takes time.
Do things that make you believe the world isn’t full of idiots. Maybe that’s watching the sunset, or a bird gliding majestically through the sky.
(No idea if those examples help you 🥹)
Search for beauty in the world and make it your own.
I think — even though I don’t really know you — that you’re a wonderful human being. I mean, you’re on Subclub 
. You want change in your life, and probably even for the people around you.
I can’t give you any technical Subclub advice, I honestly don’t know enough about it.
Don’t doubt yourself or others.
Let go of people who don’t deserve you.
Live and love yourself!
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Was this the girl you stood up to for smoking in your car and you wondered if you were doing it right? If so, then I guess you have your answer.
Maybe you don’t need a sub recommendation right this moment. That’s a quick fix and a bypass to the important process of feeling that raw emotional pain.
Trying to convince her that she did wrong is frankly a waste of your own time, she did it, it’s done and now she’s chilling. You’re angry and hurting. Now what are you going to do?
When I ended a relationship recently, I knew it wasn’t healthy to keep defending myself against her accusations, her criticisms and generally being dominated on, it was an unhealthy dynamic. But it was my own desire to be “mothered” that created that relationship.
You probably won’t see the pattern yet that created an unavailable woman for you, but just know that you’ve been set free. Take the time to figure out why she entered your life and what patterns in your past led her to you. Unavailable women speak to a lack of self love. Then any sub will address it.
You’ve got this 
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I think this is actually important.
Because yes, OP, you found a bad specimen of the female persuasion there, but that doesnt mean all women are bad.
I’ve been there, man. Especially in current times where you get made fun of on Tiktok for approaching a woman, or get stripped naked (like I am) in divorce settlements, one is quick to vilify all women to be evil.
But they’re not. In fact, your soul chose this pain to happen for a reason. You WANTED to go through this experience, so now you can operate from personal power and find a woman that truly loves, cherishes and embraces your masculinity and you.
You likely cant see this now and its fine. As I said, feel the pain and the anger, hate all women right now if it helps, but keep in the back of your mind, do not be consumed by this. Blackpill is for losers. Imagine hating 4 billion people.
Holding grudges hurts nobody but you. The women dont care. But it ruins your energy, your life. Eventually you will need to let go and see that we are ALL capable of evil.
This then is when you find true liberation and can start to trust and love again.
It maybe a while unitl you get there, but you will!
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Love Bomb + Emperor (as someone mentioned earlier) /Spartan/EE
I’d recommend that plus gym 
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wow bro this sucks, sorry fo your family how did you find out
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Well, I had a feeling for quite a while because she was going out a lot with her “female friends” but was pretty dressed up almost every time, but it didnt even cross my mind she would do that at the time, so I shrugged it off (I mean, there were MANY red flags)
I was, in hindsight, INSANELY blind. Ignorance is bliss.
Either way, we had open access to our phones, so one day the curiosity got ahold of me. It was a risk to betray her trust in this, but at this point, I was pretty much certain already.
She didn’t exactly hide it, either.
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Woah, I’m sorry to hear that, I remember back in the day you used to work on it and put some efforts toward it. Must of hurt so much.
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That part really struck me—that she didn’t hide it. It’s why I asked if maybe she wanted you to find out. What’s your take on that?
Also, did you end up gaining custody of your child?
I didnt want to hijack this thread, I hope @RagnarLothbrok is fine and taking the advice 
But since you all ask, yes I did try to make things work, but at the same time also stood up for my needs, and that didn’t fly with her at all 
I asked her about hiding it as well, and asked if she subconsciously wanted me to find out. She just nodded. I think deep down she knew she effed up, but she couldnt cope with it. She then became depressed, which I think wasnt a real thing for her, it was just her being unable to cope with the effects of her decisions.
And, no. I dont gain custody of the child, I even have to pay money to HER. My son, fine, her? Well. In germany there is no-fault divorce. My lawyer literally told me “It doesn’t matter what she did”
I am like “why did we even speak these vows then? If it means jack?”
I am not even mad about it, I feel pity for her. Because this system strips away any accountability from her, so she’ll never grow from her mistakes.
She even paints me as the bad guy now who emotionally abused her (I didnt, I just stood up for my needs) to put herself in the victim position and shift the blame.
Its how the ego operates to not dive into the PAINFUL emotion that she literally threw away 12 years of work, love, and sweat, the house, the fahter of her child, properly raising the child, by HER actions.
Sure, I made mistakes as well, but this is an obvious one.
It’s not her fault. It’s a misguided system.
The pain she normally would go through would be an amazing modulator for growth.
I GREW A LOT in this.
Ego death over 9000 I tell ya.
This is why I feel sad for her.
Which is one thing, but me having to pay literal thousands of dollars each month now, that strings. Not even about the money, it’s the injustice.
But, my soul chose this experience intentionally, so its fine. And, this too shall pass. I dont have to pay this forever, and once the house is finally sold (we currently still live “together” in the same house due to finances) Ill finally be free again.
Then again, I didnt let this put me down and went ahead and bought a new RTX 4070 GPU to enjoy some ray tracing in my games. Even in the darkest alley, one can find joy if you look for it
EDIT: Funny thing is, I am actually grateful she did that. Yes, weird, I know. But it was a MASSIVE wake up call for me what was wrong in my life and relationship. I grew SO MUCH ever since and I am finally aligned on my path. It got me out of my ego-rut in life and moved me STRAIGHT on.
THAT is if you take the lesson of the pain, instead of being consumed by the ego, seeking revenge.
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I meet pleanty of amazing women who have been hurt by men in different ways yet still saw me for me… without making me feel like i am part of their past. And for that reason, i see women for the people they are instead of projecting my past, which can be tempting. Then i realized that seeing people as simply humans without judgments is milestone of a good person with strong character.
It’s important for all of us to remember those who saw us for who we are despite what they have been through when at a certain moment we feel " all x or z " are this or that
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My ex projected her past on my all of the time, felt bad trying to prove to her I’m not toxic like her ex, discovered that she is the toxic one.
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Classic copium. Narcissists do this a lot as well, they blame everyone else to be narcissistic, to put the light away from them. If she put the blame on him, nobody is looking at her flaws, which her wounded ego DESPERATELY tries to hide, so she doesn’t have to face them.
She will do the exact same thing to you with the next guy. Much like my wife, doesn’t matter she cheated, you will be painted as the bad guy and she “had no other choice.”
You have to understand, putting yourself in the victim position makes things easier, you can just point to others and never have to work on yourself. Just proceed as always. The world is at fault.
But you and me both know, that this is no path to a healthy and good life.
But dont skip steps. Feel the pain, the rage, the anger.
This video helped me a lot to actually face the pain, not so much about making things work again which was the question, but what he says about this in general:
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