Seraphim’s 2024 journal

Journals - Major Programs
#81

Back at work after 3 weeks off. Did some experimenting with subs. On an off day I did 4 min each of WB/ASBR right before golf. Shot 82 that round which ties my best score ever.

First 6 holes I was on fire. Powered out the last few holes. Perhaps I need another micro loop after the front 9 haha.

Last week on a regular listening day I did 15 min each of WB/ASBR and shot 96. It backfired with the full loops. Partway through that round I lost my iron swing, was hitting everything off the toe resulting in big slices. My driver and short game were good that day. Only other time that has happened was if I did a heavy bench press and tricep workout the day before but that wasn’t the case this time. Will try 4 min each next time.

July was one of my best cash flow monthly income ever for my investing accounts. Some luck was involved due to a couple of my stocks that rallied hard and I sold covered calls into the rally.

With the market rolling over to start august so far I won’t have the same opportunities for covered calls but will look to buy something “on sale” in the next week or 2 which will most likely take longer to pay off.

Have 3 listening days left this cycle which has been DRR2/HOM and a bit of HS. Will swap HS for LB the rest of this cycle.

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#82

Aug 3: Sub day 10 of 12. 15 min of DRR2. 7.5 min each of HOM/LOTS. I know I said it would be LB in place of HS.

My physique has been looking rather soft as of late. Was on vacation recently and didn’t eat the best or workout as often. I generally don’t push the weights as hard in the summer as it interferes with my golf swing if I’m too stiff.

My arms are just over 15.5”. Like it when they’re 16”. And 16 seems to be the max unless I gain extra fat. I used to deceive myself years ago where I’d gain weight and think I was getting more jacked then I’d see pictures of myself and think who’s that fatty?

The biggest I’ve been able to get my arms was 16.5 and that was when I was 30 lbs heavier than current. Would be cool if I could get them to 16.5 at current body weight but will settle for 16.

Not wanting to hop on TRT at this time. Have thought about it just don’t want to make a lifetime commitment to it right now.

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#83

Recently read the book Backbone by David Wagner, first heard about it on the forum. It’s a more in depth and manlier version of King Warrior Lover Magician.

Out of the 4 archetypes, I need the most work on my King archetype. As I seem to lack vision and purpose. I’m pretty balanced in the other 3.

The first chapter explains the difference between the Red Road and the Black Road.

The Red Road is the road of honor, wisdom, power, and vision.

The Black Road is the road of pettiness, dishonour, selfishness, and unconsciousness.

When we walk the Red Road we become stronger, wiser, and better with time. When we walk the black road we just get old and stupid.

I have walked the black road for much of my life, but hey that’s why we run these subs is to better ourselves by overcoming weaknesses, magnify our strengths, and become more balanced and wiser.

Since I’m not clear on my purpose I’ve made my purpose this for now: To travel the red road of honor, wisdom, power, and vision to the best of my ability.

Seems synchronistic that I happen to be running DR RED, although perhaps DR GOLD would be even more in line with this.

As for core values I’ve adopted a mix of some from the book and some from the sub objectives (ASBR, Chosen, HOM).

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#84

Stock market sell off today continues from last week. The VIX spiked to 65 pre market this morning. I haven’t seen it that high since the “limit down” days in spring 2020. Limit down means trading gets halted when the major indexes drop 7% then trading is halted for 15 min. When the VIX is above 25 the option premiums sky rocket as well.

The Fed kept rates unchanged last week and has signalled a September cut. They were late to the party raising rates as inflation was ramped up for quite awhile before they raised rates. They may be late to the party in cutting rates too. Elon has criticized them for not cutting rates last week and I place high value on that man’s opinions for the most part. If they cut by .5% instead of .25 next month then that to me signals that they were late to the party in reducing rates.

I deployed some cash this morning. Have more to deploy if the sell off continues. Last month I had 200 shares in one of my positions get called away at 25 strike price so $5000 deposited. This morning I tried to buy back 100 at 21 but it kept rising and closed the day at 24 and they reported earnings after hours and it’s sitting over 27 after hours. Bought a certain ETF instead that I’ve been wanting for awhile that finally came on sale for me.

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#85

Aug 7 last day of cycle.
DRR ST2/HOM/RMV ST2 15 min each. ASBR 7 min. Since it’s battering Ram season in some circles figured I’d celebrate the last cycle day using the RamRod approach. Don’t usually do this approach but once in awhile it’s fun and I take full responsibility for going against listening recommendations.

While running the first 2 stages of DRR I have had periods of releasing trauma. When not releasing anything it’s hard to detect this sub but it sure does its work in the background.

I noticed the other day that that my inner child has indeed become a mature adult. It’s like the children were running the show at times but now the adult has awakened and returned to guide the ship.

3 books that helped me with the first 2 stages are

  1. Dispelling Wetiko: Talks about the dark forces how they are everywhere including in us. At first it was at the edge of my comprehension but supplemented with ASBR and by the end of the book I understood more.

  2. Backbone: How to walk the red road of honor, wisdom, power, and vision. I lacked vision before and am cultivating that now.

  3. The Seat of the Soul: Seems to describe the Red Road well. The difference between external power and authentic power. Asking for guidance from higher power/intelligence etc.

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Main Disc. Thread - The NEW Dragon Reborn RED
#86

Started a new cycle of DRR ST3/RMV ST2 and ASBR. Still add in HOM sometimes like tomorrow which is an off day but I have an option expiring tomorrow and want to renew it for another 28 days.

This DRR is a powerhouse. People have been giving me gifts lately. It was my birthday a couple days ago and went on a fishing trip with a work bud and a couple of his brothers. He got me a new rod and reel worth over 200 bucks. My brother who is poor got me a $50 gift card. 2 guys at work got me a new stool creeper. I was also gifted a Brett Manning singing course recently.

Because of these recent gifts I realized I’ve been too stingy throughout a lot of my life. It’s time to be more generous going forward. Did a nature meet up walk and meditation tonight in this beautiful revine. It was by donation and I was going to give 50 but ended up giving $100 as I feel super grounded right now.

The fishing trip was awesome but when I got back home I felt empty, awkward, and lonely. On the way to get groceries last night I accidentally cut off some guy on a Harley. He waved his arms at me and gave me the finger so I flipped him off in return. Then he signalled that he wanted to pull over and waved his arms at me as I waved my arms at him in return. I turned into the parking lot but he kept going. Since I was the one that cut him off I probably should have just waved rather than flip him off haha.

That’s the second time someone has waved their arms at me in the past week. So on DRR I’ve been manifesting gifts and angry dudes waving their arms at me while driving or so it seems.

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#87

Yesterday listened to 9 min of HOM. I ended up putting on 3 trades. 2 covered calls and a small cash secured put. The Put was small gamble trade on a certain psychedelic medicine company.

The All In podcast is one of my favourite shows. I never miss an episode, they release a new one every Saturday. Last weeks show discussed the market sell off from early this month. They say one of the main sources of the sell off was the Yen carry trade.

Basically hedge funds were borrowing the Yen at 0% and buying US treasuries at 5% which sounds like a quick easy 5% gain and works good…. Till it doesn’t. BOJ raised rates 15-25 basis points which caused alot of those positions to unravel. The BOJ has recently put out a dovish signal to ease the market jitters.

I also enjoy their political commentary as it’s usually balanced and I don’t get pissed off like when I only listen to the side I agree with. Here is the latest episode

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#88

The mind has more power over the body than most people realize. Using the Hawkins scale the mind calibrates in the 400’s and the body calibrates at around 100. I often say to myself the moment fear starts to creep in “I’m not subject to that I’m only subject to what I hold in mind”.

I did a hardcore chest workout Sunday morning at the gym before work. Several heavy sets of flat bench, incline dumbbell press, dips, cable crossovers from the bottom up then hammered triceps with several supersets. Didn’t feel anything hurt during the workout but my left shoulder got progressively worse throughout the day. Listened to a loop of Paragon on the way home. That night in the shower it hurt to raise my arm out to the side past 45 degrees. Was grimacing in pain to force it up all the way.

Booked a physio for Monday morning, got some light stretching and band exercises to do. It felt better that day. Today which is Wednesday it’s like it never happened. Did some bottoms up kettlebell presses this morning also and not much strength difference between sides and they felt good.

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#89

Tomorrow is listening day 10 of 12. Been consistent with DRR ST3 and Heartsong. The 3rd sub depends on the day but have run WB, ASBR, HOM, and RMV ST2. Sometimes I’ll run 3-4 min loops on the ‘off’ days. On regular sub days I’ll run anywhere from 7-15 min loops.

I still share the dog with my ex, have her for 4-5 days every other week. This spring it wasn’t looking very good for the pup but I did manage to take her on one last family holiday last month. She is set to be put to rest in a couple of weeks so next days off is my last time with her. I will cherish the time with her and vent grief as it arises. Had a couple of deep intense emotional releases the past week over it with the last one being 2 days ago.

I’ve felt pretty good since then and I think something dislodged during the last release. It’s like there’s this deep wound regarding loss and the loss of a beloved pet really pokes at the wound.

My first dog that passed away I was terrified of the loss 6 years ago. With this current pup I’m embracing the grief process as I look at it as an opportunity for some deep healing that may not be possible otherwise or would take longer at least.

Still practicing my singing and making good progress. Karaoke will have to wait a few more weeks for now.

My motivation for running Heartsong is…. Well let’s just say that my current girlfriend may or may not be right for me and will just leave it at that for now.

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#90

Whenever I run HOM I find myself reading lots of finance articles. They pile up in my email and eventually I read large blocks of them.

Signed up for Chamath Palihapitya’s email list, the free version. The paid option is quite pricey. I always like what he has to say on the All In podcast.

On the entertainment side I just watched the first episode of Industry and it was awesome. Takes place at a large hedge fund in London. The new recruits are under intense pressure to make an impression. Lots of juicy storylines too. May just rival Billions for me. Can read more about it here

Edit: 4 episodes in and it’s not quite as good as billions but still worth watching so will finish the 3 seasons.

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#91

Tomorrow is last day of cycle of DRR3. Will run ASBR and HOM for final day.

Took the holiday Monday off. Was happy with a paid day off rather than the extra overtime. Made good use of it. Sat in the sun and started re reading Backbone by David Wagner. Journaled 4 pages in the first 3 chapters. Read through it the first time rather quick in July while on vacation and didn’t have the opportunity to journal much.

Look forward to running DRR4. Just hope EOG doesn’t get updated before I’m done. Will want to jump on that one soon. Should spend 2-3 cycles on EOG ST1 anyway.

Feeling good overall having almost finished DRR3. Not in a rush to leave my current job just yet just at peace with it for now and there is a lot that’s good about it.

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#92

This song “Time” by Hans Zimmer literally sent shock waves through me wow! From 2:30-3:30 especially.

Current stack DRR4, LOTS, and RMV2.

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#93

Reread Backbone by David Wagner over the last week and a half. Journaled 21 pages in total going through the exercises.

I came away with a better appreciation for my dad. Sure we had our differences growing up and I hated him until my early 30’s. He actually instilled in me some good qualities that I never realized or appreciated until the second go through the backbone book.

The King vision section was also valuable material. Have adopted some strong core values that I can fall back on when making important life decisions and day to day intentions.

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#94

This is an epic speech that won the 2015 toastmasters world championship. Makes me want to get back into toastmasters again. Some of the weekly topics are rather dry but it would be good for the networking aspect of it and possible volunteer speaking opportunities.

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#95

Been thinking lately about a spectrum of passiveness and aggression. Let’s say a soy boy total pushover that will never stand up for himself is a 1 and a hard add tyrant that always flys off the handle is a 10.

A few years ago I would have been a default 3 and then get furious at people situations by myself and picture myself being a hard as aggressive force of nature and wishing I would have retaliated, even wishing for the next opportunity to retaliate. When push came to shove I would only be at a 3 though.

In my quest to kill the nice guy tendencies my default raised up to a 7.5 or an 8 which is ineffective in dealing with people even though it feels good to finally have the courage to stand up for one self.

Then I realized I was too harsh and now I’ve throttled back my baseline to a 6. Is it ideal to be a 5?

If I had to pick between a 4 and a 6 I’m going with a 6. I think it’s actually best to have a set point slightly above a 5 but be able to move fluidly depending on the situation.

If someone is trying to harm my family or loved ones being able to flip to a 10 may be the best option and if I’m out gunned then maybe a 3 or 4 is better.

Ideally be able to maintain a 5.5 to a 6 regardless of external circumstances and able to calibrate it up or down with intention alone when dealing with others socially.

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#96

DRR ST4 and Love Bomb is like a cheat code to happiness. Or as the day in Super Troopers 2,
ha-penis with a silent H. For a good laugh he sure to watch the short clip below.

It’s like we chase all these external successes money, status, women etc because of the feeling that we think those things will give us.

I think Love and Self Love is the key to having a satisfying and fulfilling life. Why not start there instead of chasing it outside of yourself. Not to say that you shouldn’t chase external success, I certainly have some grand desires but the desperation and need to have it to feel validated isn’t there.

I’m developing a strong desire to improve the way they feel through my words and the art of story telling, more so then getting this or that for myself. In other words I genuinely want to serve others now.

Become the Unshakable Fortress Within.

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#97

Knowledge comes via the Mind and Wisdom comes via the Heart.

“Heart of Perfect Wisdom”
“Know it if by Heart”

Knowledge is knowing something intellectually, Wisdom is experiential knowledge.

Heart of Perfect Wisdom means using wisdom For Good only.

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#98

Been a tumultuous day that’s for sure. Just spent the last night with my puppy. We went for 2 bike rides to the dog park yesterday and we both ate lots of steak and ice cream.

Was having trouble getting the grief to flow… until I looked at the website with the urns then I fucking broke something fierce. Wasn’t quite in the fetal position but pretty rough.

Booked a healing session with a Heart healer that I’ve known for over a decade in a plutonic way. She’s a beautiful powerful soul and she’s known about my personal issues.

Didn’t want to bother her last night but reached out anyway and we had a good long text exchange and she was able to squeeze me in Friday. Told her how much I appreciated her being there for me in my time of need.

There’s still this giant Gordian knot that’s been impossible to untangle so perhaps a brute force slash is what’s called for. I’ve done all I can do and I know what the issue is which is personal so I’ve called in extra help so look forward to tomorrow’s session.

Will also take a mid cycle 3 day break. Skip the next listening session and not cheat my rest days either.

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#99

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My dearest Piper Angel Pup.

You brought love into my heart in ways that can’t be described with words.
May you find a new home with someone that needs your love the same way you brought love into my life.

Hope we meet again one day.
Always in my heart.:purple_heart:
I love you :heart:

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#100

Yesterday was a tough, tumultuous and extremely powerful day.

At Piper’s transition it was my ex her, her cousin, best friend, her dad who I still golf with once every 2 weeks and myself.

There are 2 stages to an animal euthanasia.
1: Put them to sleep first where they go to deep sleep
2: The lethal injection

After Piper was asleep the vet had trouble finding a vein for the second injection. Tried 3 legs then the first one again. What is normally a 5 minute process is now going on 30+. The vet apologized for it taking so long. I said at least we get to spend more time with her. The final injection was a big needle straight to the heart to seal the deal.

Both times I’ve gone through this I have sobbed before hand but when it’s the final event I keep it together to fully be there for them while they transition.

It’s a terrifying ordeal leading up to it and I would picture myself breaking down in the fetal position but the final minutes are in a way actually the easiest because of the desire to be there for the loved one, I seem able to keep it together during the time that is most terrifying in anticipation.

I am making this song my next project. There is a 3 day Zen retreat coming up and the last night is a campfire jam night. I already know how to play and sing Cowboys and Angels by Dustin Lynch. I’ll fly away will require a female participant. I dedicate the song project to Piper.

This is step 2 of the Warrior Poet Ethos
5 Fold Warrior Poet Ethos.

  1. Choose to be grateful.
  2. Devote to your art➡️ use your pain, pour it into your art/craft. Life story/mould yourself into a masterpiece.
  3. Commit to the fight. More on this below.
  4. Grieve your losses + Celebrate your victories.
  5. Keep your word to yourself

And this is post :100:

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