Hahaha… I know what you mean. I left mine as it is and I’m still seeing my evolution when I read between the lines of my words, what I have experienced and my motivations at the time.
From these subconscious crumbs, I’m still getting more insights years later.
I made my journal for me, for my past self to communicate to my present.
Congrats with your results
June 9 supposed to be processing day but had second improv class and listened to 3 min each of ASBR and DD. Later that evening PN 1 min few hours before sexy time.
June 10: listening day 11 of 12. DD 10:30, Khan ST4/DD 3 min each.
That improv class was super fun. My talent level is middle of the pack out of the group of 16. Definitely something I want to pursue further. Have done 2 of 4 classes and after the last class we perform in front of a live audience. May just be a family/friends audience but still looking forward to it.
E:TWTP: Been re listening to the 48 laws of power audio book. Picking up more this go around. I don’t agree with all of it as some of it involves pure deception and manipulation.
Lately I’ve been having the desire to tell management that they are a bunch of F’n idiots. I know that’s not the way and when that desire gets too intense I listen to a section of the book and I realize there’s a better way.
Within me is arising a desire to become some kind of diplomatic negotiator.
The beauty of the 48 Laws of Power is that when others follow these laws, you can pick up on them and understand their intent and respond accordingly.
We don’t have to do all the laws. But understanding them helps us to be able to defend ourselves from being manipulated.
There might also come times when feels no choice but to follow a law to get what one wants. Especially in the face of danger.
It’s like gravity. There are laws to it and there are times when gravity is dangerous - especially when sky diving and staring down the roof of a tall building. But one is aware of it and avoid situations like that or wears a parachute when jumping out the plane.
Great results by the way, bro. Keep going!
That’s a good way to look at it.
Thanks Lion.
I’m considering changing up my stack for next cycle. The improv love show is listening day 5 of next cycle.
Considering going with ASBR/Primal/DD. The stage presence of SB, the fun scripting in Primal, and of course the adventurousness and voice enhancement effect of DD.
My sleep got all messed up this week on nights. Taking that night off in the middle kind of screwed me. Ended up calling in sick for tonight after I couldn’t sleep by noon. Then suntanned for an hour and did a quick 9 hole game of golf after. Have 1 more shift tomorrow night. Depends how I sleep tonight if I go.
With the poor sleep Khan/WTP proved to be too much. Told my boss this morning that I’m going to be looking for work soon in order to get out of night shifts. That I don’t expect the company to bend their will for just me so I must forge my own path.
Would love to persuade them to give me straight days but they appear too rigid at this time. In the meantime I will make myself appear indispensable.
The recon this combo hit hard and I realized I have 2 conflicting intentions.
Persuade my workplace to offer me straight days.
Find a new adventure or mountain to conquer, new job more rewarding and challenging than my current one.
Option 1 is comfort zone. Easy but unfulfilling.
Option 2 is the unknown. Scary but exciting.
When this realization first hit both options were 50/50. I am slowly consciously shifting the ratio in favor of #2.
June 12 final listening day of cycle.
Love bomb 7 min, ASBR/WTP 5 min.
In my quest to purge myself of nice guy tendencies I pushed it too far and became too harsh in dealing with people. Now it’s time to throttle that back a bit. People seem intimidated by me. At times it’s a parting of the Red Sea of people getting out of my way. It was cool at first but I don’t want or need to be intimidating any more.
In peeling back the layers of my psyche it seems the desire to become a force to be reckoned with stems from a combo of parts of me that are fearful and unloved.
As far as pushing it too far the one way, that was my plan. Kind of like if your golf swing produces a big slice the best cure is to try to hook it and when it hooks too much to throttle it back to end up straighter than before. It may also be a process of constant adjusting.
As for lessening my attachment to my job, I wrote a sample of my farewell speech today. Have applied for a couple of jobs last week. Will inquire about one more as soon as I get a chance to convert my resume from word to pdf. Will go in for my last night shift tonight. Next set of nights is Aug 1, then sept 12. Would like to be somewhere else before sept 12.
New cycle starts tomorrow. Seriously considering adding DRR to the stack.
It’s been a tumultuous week that’s for sure. I went from feeling completely dialed in to feeing uneasy and unsatisfied/unclear of my direction in life.
Friday night I had a huge emotional release. The very next day both DR’s get released. That same day (Saturday) my girlfriend’s cat died right in front of her. Yesterday at improv a girl mentioned her cat died that same day too. Seems there is something in the air. Maybe a big change is about to happen.
I have one improv class then the live performance and even though that is not going to pay my bills, I don’t want to be a dunce and full of recon. On the other hand if I started ST1 right away I would be finished it before my summer vacation. Perhaps I just try a loop tomorrow and see how it goes.
Just finished reading Dangerous Personalities by Joe Navarro. It goes through the 4 most common dangerous personalities, them being,
1: The Narcissistic Personality
2: The Emotionally Unstable Personality
3: The Paranoid Personality
4: The Predator
My intention for reading this book was to see if I could recognize certain bosses at work in these personalities. While I certainly did, much to my dismay I found certain tendencies in myself.
Each of the 4 has 130 questions as an assessment. I scored around 20 in both the narcissistic and emotionally unstable personalities. That tells me my inner child still needs some healing work.
Therefore tomorrow I will begin DRR ST1. Although DRG seems more intriguing, DRR is a free upgrade and I will compliment ST1 with the book just received today, Dispelling Wetiko breaking the curse of evil by Paul Levy.
Wetiko is what the Native Americans call the the dark force. Other names for it are Mara, Satan etc.
Not sure if I will complete all 4 stages in a row at this time as this kind of throws a monkey wrench into other plans I have. Definitely need to clear out some limitations for now.
Today new cycle.
DRR ST1 15 min. ASBR 3 min
Started the day with DRR. Felt low level anxiety for a few hours. Played ASBR right before my round of golf.
2 weeks ago at the same course I shot 42-43 for an 85. Today shot 47-39 for an 86. Played through some rain and cold for 5 or 6 holes. Really turned it around on the back.
May cut DRR back to 7 min. Just wanted to get a taste for the full loop today. I like the idea of stacking it with ASBR for the extra resilience. The book Dispelling Wetiko is also a tough read and the cognitive boost from ASBR should help with that.
June 20. Listening day 2.
ASBR 7 min, DRR ST1 and HOM 3 min each.
Last night I journaled over a page. Vented frustration through the pen. Ended the journal session with open ended questions to the subconscious such as How can I transcend the workforce? Are there hidden/dormant gifts/talents that I could utilize to earn enough to pay off my house?
15 min of DRR proved to be too much right off the hop. Don’t want to be in full recon/healing mode. Will run it 3 min for the first part of the cycle, just enough to let it simmer in the background. By running wealth titles along with it I plan on consciously guiding it to annihilate limiting beliefs around money and fear of success etc.
Feeling pretty good today. Haven’t journaled much privately lately. It seemed to be a good recon killer. The recon just needs an outlet in order to transmute into growth.
June 22. ASBR 9 min, DRR ST1/DD 3 min each.
Yesterday at work the afternoon was rough. I was so bored that it hurt. I pulled through by end of day. Had poor sleep and have a headache today. Have tomorrow off so will be able to rest up.
Say there’s 2 doors. Door 1 more of the same work wise. Door 2 unknown? I’m taking door 2, it’s a no brainer at this point.
In the last week I’ve pulled the guitar out. Haven’t played in years. Took it up when I was 14. At 17 was probably the peak of my skill. My style has also changed. In my teens I played hard rock riffs and a bit of lead. Now it’s acoustic strumming.
I need to learn more songs from start to finish as well as practice singing along with the guitar. Make for some good campfire entertainment anyway.
Was inspired to pick it back up from watching the Netflix series Beef. At the end of the one episode’s Danny played and sung incubus’s Drive. Learned the opening 4 chords which are difficult to fast change at this point. With practice I’ll get it. Another one I just practiced this morning is Tragically Hip’s 3 pistols. Slowed it down to .75 speed on youtube. What a time to be alive with all this technology at our fingertips!
This morning at work around 9 am I felt like garbage. Told my boss I feel like crap but will give it till first break to see if I feel better by then and if not I’ll go home sick.
Had a convo with a fellow co worker who is also a good bud of mine. He is a good example of someone who has their shadow integrated due to his earlier life and possibly his upbringing. Not really a spiritual guy but just absolutely no fear which I’ve always admired about him. He doesn’t do subs but I’ve shown him a few. He was most interested in Khan but hasn’t purchased any yet.
Right after our convo and before first break something shifted in me and the recon centered around my work broke free. I realized how good I actually have it there and while I am still on a quest to find work without night shift, I am no longer desperate to get out of there. There is no urgency and I’m not dreading the next night set.
The crew I’m being transferred to has 2 guys in their early 20’s that I look forward to working with and maybe acting as a mentor to them.
I’m making a list of songs I want to learn to play guitar and sing too. This job is really good for that. If I’m out of town all the time it won’t be as easy to practice.
Attended an Aubrey Marcus webinar on the weekend about the 5 fold Warrior Poet Ethos. Not much of a poet but I do like the Ethos he laid out.
Devote to your art: Started practicing guitar. I’m able to pour my heart into certain songs singing.
Commit to the fight. Acronym NEVER.
Non compliance: Never agree with anti you.
Energy: Fatigue makes cowards of us all.
Vigilance: When tired you will be vulnerable.
Enthusiasm: Expanding the divinity within. LFG
Resilience: Anti you will beat you down at times. Get up, dust yourself off, keep moving.
Considering joining his Fit for Service program next year with includes an in person summit.
June 24: ASBR/DD 5 min each. DRR ST1 3 min.
In the first Terminator movie, Kyle Reese rescues Sarah Conner from the terminator (Arnie) and says to her “it can’t be bargained with, it can’t be reasoned with, and it absolutely will not stop until you are dead”.
I find upper management in the corporate machine to be the same way. They can’t be reasoned with, they can’t be bargained with, and they absolutely will not stop until they get their way.
Now that I know that it shouldn’t piss me off as much or have power over my mental state. Like it’s just an A.I. Machine programmed with a peckerhead algorithm.
June 26 Primal/DD/ASBR 5-7 min each.
Was the day of the improv live performance. Was pretty fun. Would actually like to go in the direction of some stand up. Have a good 5 min story that I would start with and go from there.
June 28: Chosen/ASBR 5 min each.
Had an online interview for a 14/14 position working in camp. It sounds like a good job that is interesting and flexible as far as time off goes. Asked if I would be able to take 2 rotations a year off and he said it wouldn’t be a problem. I’d do one in the winter and one in the summer. Have 6 weeks off twice a year.
The company also has work available in Texas. I sure like the idea of one day transferring down there to get away from these long cold winters up here. It might just be too hot down there. When on vacation near a pool I want it to be hot as possible. Different story when working outside though.
June 28 after interview DRR ST1 8 min.
Did a solo mushroom trip last night. Not quite a hero’s dose, just a couple grams. Was pretty intense for 90 min. I set a few intentions for the trip, although I didn’t accomplish set intentions I did open the wound of rejection. I called forth all the pain of all the rejection I’ve ever felt and had an intense emotional release followed by laughter as in how could I ever actually be rejected since I’m so much more than this personality and this physical body.
It’s also been revealed to me that I have a deep wound regarding romantic relationships. I seem to feel insecure and lonely unless I have a steady girlfriend. I intend to use DRR to consciously guide the healing of this wound of mine along with some Lovebomb. Heart song may not be a bad idea also.
Been with my lady for a year and we are going through a rough patch you could say. Not sure what the outcome is going to be in the coming weeks but either way I need to heal this wounded heart of mine for the time being.
A part of me wants to run WB/ASBR to become “that guy”. I should probably heal the relationship wound first then it would be much easier to become “that guy” or once healed perhaps I don’t need to become the ultimate womanizer at that point.
June 30 sub day 7 of 12.
DRR ST1 15 min. ASBR/LB 5 min each.
Yesterday ran a 5 min loop of LB. Last night had several emotional releases. Seems like there is this large emotional knot that surfaced a few weeks ago. Felt like I made huge progress yesterday in untangling it.
Also have had counter intentions, being pulled in different directions. Developing more clarity for which directions I want to feed and which to let go of. All part of the process for becoming whole.
When I wake up in the night I’ve been reading a few pages of The Seat of The Soul by Gary Zukav. That’s when I became consciously aware of the different parts of myself that want different things.
Will see what gets churned up the next couple days.
Day 10 of 12. DRR ST1 15 min. SB/HOM 7:30 each.
Seems the wound I spoke of the other day has to do with deep rejection. I’ve never hesitated to ask for what I want work wise or asking a girl out on a date. That’s just surface rejection. I’m talking giving it your all and it still not being good enough. It seems to be healed for the most part.
I have more clarity now regarding work and am confident that jumping ship is the right call. The place I had the interview with has asked for references.
Right now I’m like a production tech you could say. We rebuild the same shit over and over again. Yesterday the mobile cart broke down in a high traffic area. I got called to fix it and I did in a couple hours. I realize that I very much enjoy being called to unfuck shitty situations. That kind of situation just turns me on, not in an aroused way but in a firing on all cylinders way. The job I’m trying to land right now has much more of that and on a larger scale. Where you spend more time preparing and getting psyched up for the job than the actual job itself. Should play more to my strengths.
Have had emotional releases during feel good parts of movies lately. The movie Greater about the walk on college football player when he called his brother to tell him he finally got a scholarship really hit me.
The latest transformers movie 3/4 of the way through where it looked like all hope was lost and Noah’s little brother told him no you got this, whenever I’m sick you tell me to keep going etc. Optimus prime being the quintessential alpha warrior of the light with great leadership also got me wanting to run DRG too haha.
I’m eager to see what DRR ST 2 digs up and how ST 3 the transcending stage operates so DRG will have to wait. Plus who knows what else will be released in the coming months. A supercharged KB is also very intriguing.
Have listened to HOM along with SB and DRR ST1 the past couple of listening days. ASBR and E:HOM synergize very well for me so far.
Felt it right after the first loop of HOM. A certain warmth with people. Have read about some transcendental connection module in it. Also more interest in finance articles lately. I pay a couple of subscriptions for finance info and haven’t been utilizing them the past few months.
I’ve also purchased Heartsong the other day. I still think there are some deep seated issues regarding relationships, lodged deep in my psyche somewhere. I intend to excavate the excrement out of my psyche.
I have 21 days off starting Thursday along with a 10 day vacation with my family from out of province. Since DRR ST2 seems to me like it tackles some stubborn deeper issues I plan to stack DRR ST2 with Heartsong for the first part of next cycle which begins the day before I leave. Will modify my approach, if it becomes too much. Love bomb along with DRR ST1 was a bit much. Only ran that for 2 sessions but it did untangle a huge emotional knot Which I am now better off because of it.
If things don’t work out with my lady, an interesting stack idea I had is ASBR/HOM/HS to attract a well off soulmate haha. I must finish DRR all 4 stages regardless.
After a 90 second test loop the other night I became more compassionate regarding some of her limitations.