Sanguine ZP and Ultimate Artist ZP combo

Journals - Major Programs
#141

So I think that dream was a precursor to my decision today to move over to 3 minute loops instead of the 30s microloops. Intuitively I feel like 3 minute loops might be what I need. We’ll see what happens. It’s all about hitting the correct threshold to me. Under-exposure, not enough to counteract my hurtful thought patterns and habits. Over-exposure and I start retreating from too much.

I can only speak to my own perception on the matter but it appears 30s loops would be good for building on to an already existing foundation for me. What I need is a strong reinforcement to maintain a state I haven’t experienced in my life. I don’t have an anchor to reference back to so it needs to be created out of nothing. I think that will require more than 30s loops.

Also my memory is terrible. I fully believe in the power of the subconscious, but if my memory recall is this bad on a conscious level I don’t have a lot of faith in my subconscious ability to recall the script of the sub. The only thing I have really good recall of is music. So not really mapping out a clear picture and leaving it up to my mind to piece together everything probably isn’t the best strategy for me.

#142

Damn, what the hell. This is pretty good lol, no joke

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#143

Thanks! Appreciate you giving it a listen.

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#144

I’m thinking Sanguine is really helping you.

What are your thoughts about adding Dreams or Elixir in 45 days?

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#145

V2 has been pretty good for Sanguine.

I’m hesitant to add them. I’ve already got my stack of

Wanted
UA
Sanguine

Not sure I want to swap out so soon with anything else.

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#146

Had me boppin my head lol, wasn’t expecting that as you can imagine… was pretty deep

also, me just clicking not knowing what to expect haha

So you really do this stuff, eh… that’s pretty awesome

I don’t know about you but I can see you being successful with this, if you keep getting more creative and creating masterpieces with UA… eventually something will be legendary in it’s own right

Anything is possible

also remember to have fun lol

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#147

Yeah man music is a necessity in my life. Runs in my blood. I’ve had to do a lot of belief restructuring to actually acknowledge how important it is for me because I kept putting it to the side while I looked for “real” jobs. So much toxic attitudes I picked up around the arts.

It’s good to hear it from an outside person. But yeah I’m not there yet. I’ve got a lot of blocks, my own worst critic when it comes to my stuff. But that’s the plan, keep creating until I can build a stronger identity around this.

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#148

lol yeah, i’m sure you’ll get there

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#149

noticed you leave comments off lol i was going to leave a comment (on the yt) :laughing:

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#150

Thanks man. Yeah unfortunately YouTube disabled the comments on auto generated music uploads. I have to see if there’s a way around it

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#151

Feeling pretty bad today. I just realized I haven’t checked in with myself enough since switching to 3 min loops. That’s what I’ve noticed the most is that I have to be a lot more hands on with making sure I don’t ignore how I’m feeling. So maybe 30s would be better because I don’t always have the mental capacity to sit with myself.

I’m basically backlogged with subliminal input. I think I’m just gonna end the 21 day cycle here, rest a few days, then return doing 30s loops. I might have got overly ambitious from the good results and thought I could handle more.

Oh yeah also bumping into stuff, dropping things, general clumsiness and brain fog. I mean granted Sanguine isn’t the heaviest title but it is 3 zp titles so I should have expected this with 3 minute loops.

#152

New goal. How to enforce strong boundaries in my life without triggering my fight or flight response?

It seems like all my life I’ve only known two modes of living. 1 is being a people pleaser and the other is being an overly aggressive individual to ward off would be manipulators or people who would violate boundaries. Neither one is good for me.I think this is why I had so much trouble on Ascension, I’d just get stuck in fight mode and my perception of the world narrowed A LOT.

I’m just really dysfunctional around people and relationships. Interestingly enough I had my therapy session today and we worked on feeling important. But what was coming up for me had me feeling selfish for prioritizing my needs. I knew at that point that’s what drove the people pleasing, never seeing my needs as important compared to everyone else. All on point with the end goal of being a wanted individual. You have to feel like the most important person in your world to take care of yourself properly. Anything less is a disservice to yourself.

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#153

Realized this morning I’ve been abandoning myself.

What always confused me is how I’m able to feel two completely contradictory ways at once. With IFS it makes sense now. Parts feel certain ways as they exist in the whole. That’s why sometimes emotions don’t feel real or valid to “me”, because part of me really doesn’t feel them or identify. It’s another part that needs to be acknowledged. Another part that needs support, not to be abandoned and further traumatized.

But then it gets more complicated because there are others parts who’s job is to not let anyone get too close to these vulnerable parts and hurt them more. There’s a lot going on inside my own mind and I need to realize I can’t just strongarm how I want things to go.

This has always been the bottleneck with me and subs. Not having good internal communication and not understanding what those emotions that come up mean because I tend to view them based on present situations vs the past.

Still learning

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#154

Got last minute request today to go into the office tomorrow to help figure something out and test. I was just like “no can do, already scheduled plans”. That was it. Even if my plans are relaxing, working on music, and doing a bit of cleaning those are still planned events in my life that are more important than my job. Progress here, usually I’d feel guilty or like I was letting someone down. Nope my time is valuable. If it was asked ahead of time? Ok I’d consider. But one day in advance? Hell no.

Boundaries

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#155

I’ve been chatting with this girl and I’ve been busy. Music stuff, work stuff, mental stuff. I stopped myself from apologizing today for not being available. I was like “why the hell am I gonna apologize for not being the dancing monkey that society expects men to be around women?” No screw that, I have a life, I do things, stuff happens. I don’t have a close personal relationship with this person, they don’t need to know. Furthermore if they’re interested they can keep reaching out, they can put in their 50%, this isn’t 100% on me to keep the dynamic alive. The reality is if I detached a little more I would be at 50%, not 10% or being some jerk. But if FEELS that way.

Where I probably run into recon with WANTED is the whole hot and cold thing. I don’t like being aloof or hard to get. I believe in honest and mindful interactions where their feelings are taken into consideration. Maybe I have to reframe that as them getting to experience novelty or something. I guess I project my own deepest insecurities and emotional wounds onto others and the reality is they might not feel any of that. Meanwhile I compensate for something that only exists in my imagination. Not everyone is as fragile as me.

Other than that today I did some laundry and while I was waiting for my stuff to finish I was on my phone. In my peripheral I could see this girl looking at me. But I have really long hair now and I haven’t shaved my beard in about a week so I stand out a bit already. Who knows what that was about. If I was feeling good today? Probably would have perceived it as interest. But today I felt like crap, ugly, weird, didn’t want to be seen in public. So more of a “this guy looks in rough shape stare” from her.

I’ve lost track of who’s run WANTED. But if anyone’s got any advice for being ok with the coquettish stuff I’d appreciate some insight. Overall I don’t think the WANTED archetype is a mismatch for me, I think I’m just operating on some very restricted beliefs and my own trauma.

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#156

damn I didn’t know you were running Wanted… LMAO holy shit

alpha as frick

Yeeeeeahhhhhhh.

Get used to women looking at you. Lol, this is what WANTED does. It allures, pulls women in, fascinates them, makes them curious and makes them want to figure you out… and sleep with you. LOL

Aloof is basically the opposite of needy in some sense,

and being hard to get is basically means being the prize. You don’t like being the prize?

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#157

Lol yeah my first cycle of it. Currently on my 5 days of rest. My journal is a bit of a mess. I think I have LBFH in here at one point, Ascension, just Sanguine alone. Been bouncing all around but I think the current long term for me is

UA
Wanted
Sanguine

I like the idea of it in concept. But on an emotional congruence level there’s a lot of stuff I still need to work through. Feels like there’s something inherently selfish about being the prize. No doubt self worth issues of some sort.

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#158

lol yeah sometimes bouncing around is part of the journey, i been there too

I completely get what you mean. There’s also something inherently narcissisticky about it too, eh? Especially the comparative aspect of being high value/highly coveted, whereby you’re somehow more valuable than others and waddling in that is indeed selfish. Pedestalizing yourself, plus the “All these women want me” while exuding that knowing can indeed come across as selfish. That’s all beta-male behavior and it will get short-circuited as a block to growth that allows for attracting/manifesting the high quality women.

I don’t think your thought comes from self-worth issues, I think it’s realistic and mature.

Being the prize just means being greatly desired. Being “wanted”.

If you see a hot woman that you’re strongly attracted to and want to sleep with… is she selfish? In your eyes, she’s what you desire (the prize).

Reverse it around and now you’re the hot guy. So being the prize doesn’t make you selfish, it just a side effect of being awesome in your own uniqueness, lol.

what do you think?

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#159

Just what I needed to hear thanks. You pretty much nailed the concerns that were on my mind. It’s all new territory for me, I’m still working on adjusting to it. But that put my mind at ease.

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#160

I was talking with my brother today and he mentioned he checked out my spotify recently and was surprised how much more music I’ve done. He also said he liked the music and it was mellow and relaxing, good for just background listening. I feel a little bit more like an actual musician lately. Can’t wait for UA v2 to see how that hits.

I actually started working on building out a Notion dashboard for myself to organize my life better. Nothing crazy, but as the ideas come to me I’ll build it out. Right now one of the big ones is Music project organization. Getting a better idea of what’s in status, needs stuff added, deadlines, etc. What I like about Notion so far is I’m in control of the amount of info that displays and is kept track of. So I can build it out to work with my brain vs trying to mold myself to someone else’s idea of what’s good organization standards.

For example I setup a “brain dump” database. On my main dashboard I’m working on building a button that says Quick Note. The goal is to go from idea → open app → new note → new or existing tag → then down the line I can filter and build relationships between them. I need something where I can jot down a quick idea, tag, then organize later. My brain works like a machine gun, out of the chaos comes the ideas but I need a system in place that does the heavy lifting of organization for me in the least amount of steps.

Notion seems like what I wanted out of a bullet journal, but with reduced need to actually maintain it which is my ultimate weakness. If I have to consistently keep on top of something I’ll eventually lose steam.

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