Saint’s journal

Journals - Major Programs
#78

OK, here’s the decision after much discussion.

I’ve ironed out the financial agreement on this marketing/sales project. There shouldn’t be any more problems going forward.

I’ve agreed to extend my teaching contract for one extra year because that gives us the best way to transition forward. And it’s officially my last teaching contract. We’ll spend the year interviewing candidates to replace me. In exchange, the contract will have adjusted terms to limit the workload so that I can work a second job. But it does mean I’m gonna be cold for a bit longer :confused: and teach more than I wanted to. I’ll do my best anyway.

So I’m going to focus on getting a solid job in software that offers: full remote/async (can work from literally anywhere in the world with no set working hours but based on performance) and good pay. Bonus points if they are based in or have a presence in Japan and have perks related to life here (for ex. Japanese lessons). If that proves too narrow of a criteria, I’ll take a fully remote gig that’s Japan-only with mostly flex time, and ensure that I don’t have class during core working hours.

I’ve got a basic app that I’ve built to automate some of my work. I’m going to continue improving my skills and flesh it out. My boss is really keen on it so there’s an opportunity to either have her become my first customer and/or get her to help build out the Japanese parts and sell it as B2C as part of our marketing (she would become an affiliate) or maybe go B2B because if it helps us it would absolutely help other schools. That part isn’t clear yet but I’ve talked about it with her and I think it’s worth a try.

I’ve got my work cut out for me, and I have a clear deadlines and goals now. It feels fantastic, and, to be cliched, I feel like a huge weight has lifted off of me.

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Main Disc. Thread - Index Gate: Ultimate Programmer X
#79

As for subs.

Khan Stage 1 (K1)
I love Khan. I don’t know how to explain it, but I just know this is the right thing to be listening to right now. And I’ve got a strong desire to listen to it more. We’ll see how K2 treats me.

RICH
I definitely manifested some business from RICH, as I detailed in earlier posts, but I also fear that K1 blocked much of its power; I read that K1 shouldn’t be run with manifestation subs, and I’m not sure if that still applies to ZP but it’s concerning nonetheless. In any case, I’m moving on to K2 and I’m really starting to open up some pathways for manifestation so I want to keep it in the stack.

Beyond Limitless
MEH. I didn’t particularly notice studying getting any easier or faster, and I didn’t feel like my mind worked any better than normal. I think it’s because I wasn’t necessarily cramming for a big test or studying a large volume of material, but rather studying my daily study stack which is already pretty optimized for learning and retention. I’m sure there were some effects on my mind, but for my explicit purposes I didn’t see an impact.

Next Steps
I was originally going to swap BL for LBFH when I got to K4 because it supposedly contains parts of Limitless and I owe it to myself to do a full cycle of LBFH. But between my experience with BL and just this… strong feeling that’s come up lately… I’m thinking of doing that swap in the next cycle and dropping BL permanently. And as I said before, I’m also thinking of dropping my stack size to 2 so I can listen to Khan more often. So I’m debating right now whether to go K2 + RICH + LBFH, or do only K2 + LBFH and then back to RICH: K3 + RICH → K4 + RICH.

I’m leaning towards doing all three so I can keep RICH thoughts flowing through my mind. And I know LBFH’s power so it might actually be best to listen to it for less overall loops.

I’m back on campus twice a week starting tomorrow. This month will be K2 and after the holiday I’ll be on the big hitters K3 and then K4. Perfect time to be around a shedload of 19, 20, 21 year-olds in warm(ish) weather months :drooling_face:

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#80

You know that the best approach would be a two months for each stage?

#81

Achilles, thanks for your comment.

I’ve seen that floated around but iirc seemed really common before ZP.

Does that still hold, or is that knowledge based on the old system that people still believe in? Why do you think two months would be best here? Was that your experience with Khan?

#82

Two cycles for a stage was introduced wih ZP by Saint himself if am not mistaken and it is still valid rn. @Lion as ambassador can tell you more. But of course you can do every stage only one cycle each, up to you.

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#83

OK, thanks for the information! I didn’t realize that. I could’ve sworn most of the “two months” talk I found was from before ZP.

EDIT Here is the response from Saint on a ZP thread:

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#84

Basically I follow my gut when it comes to attraction, and all girls that I’ve ever been with I had this… feeling of being pulled towards them from my core from the instant I met them – some stronger than others, but all had that feeling. There’s “damn that girl looks hot” “she’s sexy” “she turns me on” or whatever, and then there’s this much deeper “I know she’s for me / she completely does it for me and she’s mine” no matter what visual “type” she is or age or whatever. I mentally prefer a certain type, of course, but it’s so hard to ignore this feeling when it hits.

Had first day of university class A yesterday. One girl caught my attention immediately and I got the feeling. She had no mask and yeah – cutie. I made sure to work with her at one point during icebreakers and she was definitely feeling it. Smiling and blushing like crazy, and between us we covered exclusively the icebreaker questions related to dating, marriage, money, and kids. I did my best to communicate interest given the environment, and she slid in today with her personal email (using university emails is standard here and I don’t collect private contact info) to ask me a throwaway question/give me her personal email.

Also, let me say as an aside – I was vibing hard with the students in this class and I think I owe that to the subs. Japanese students are usually shy and hesitate to approach me, so I usually have to open them up. But everyone, even the girls, approached me like crazy and I had an unusually good time talking with them, too.

Anyway, I must restrain myself for 15 weeks and be a professional X_X. But thanks to COVID “ending”, I’ve been able to open up ways to connect with her if she’s interested, so we’ll see how it goes. I’m looking forward to seeing how this class plays out. If I’m still feeling it at the end, I’ll ask her out.

Also, class B starts on Friday so we’ll see how that goes.

I fucking got to the next round :eyes: Technical interview here we come.

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Main Disc. Thread - Wanted Black: Seduce Reality (Now Available!) (Custom Core Available)
Main Disc. Thread - The New Heartsong (Now Available! Free Upgrade!)
#85

Technical interview cleared. Next is HR and Managerial.

I had to censor a shit ton of the email, but I still want to post this for someone else in the future to get some motivation. The subs and this community are giving me the confidence and the energy to get this shit done. If I get an offer, this will completely open up my options in Japan in a massive way. And it’s almost EXACTLY the type of job/work style/company I’ve had in mind as ideal, too. I think there’s a slight caveat but I might be able to negotiate my way through the problem. As long as I put my best foot forward and get my timing right, I think I can work something good out. I can’t believe this.

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#86

Tomorrow starts my third cycle, and my second Khan cycle, and I’ve come to a decision.

I’m dropping RICH and BL and running Khan by itself for the next stage. On K1, I had a really shit start but then was feeling really good towards the end, so I’m not sure I need to continue with the healing right now.

The official sales page says 1 month each cycle, the creator has unofficially recommended 2 cycles per stage for dense subs, and some users seem to agree with this while others have had zero problems on shorter cycles or even skipping around, it seems.

I’m going with my gut which is excited for K2 and I’ll also trust the feeling that I should get more loops in.

So my next cycle starts tomorrow and I’ll run K2 (2 loops) every other day!

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#87

Bear in mind that many of the descriptions are still from the Q era and were not updated yet to ZP.

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#88

Maybe it’s easy for me to say… but they should be updated if that’s the case :eyes:

Thanks for telling me. I’m moving on to a focused month of K2, and we’ll see how it goes.

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#89

Had class B yesterday… all students were masked up and nobody caught my attention like the girl in class A did. There’s one girl that stood out, but since she was masked I actually have no clue what she’s like and will ignore her (in that way) unless I can see what I’m dealing with. It’s amazing how much the mask blocks – not only in terms of looks but also the transmission/sharing of emotions.

For the job itself, I seem to have good vibes with both classes so that bodes well for this semester. I have my system down pat so it won’t be too much extra work for once.

I started K2 last night. Two loops, and my god… the only word to describe the feeling was “dense”. I thought I would be able to listen, then put my phone away for the night, clean up and go to bed. What actually happened was about halfway through the first loop my mind became heavy. And I barely made it through the second loop and took off my headphones when I promptly knocked out. It felt like I used all of my remaining mental energy in those 30 minutes :laughing:

I’ve been feeling a little subdued mentally today at work, but no headaches or anything and I’ve been able to get through my work and studying so far. I’m glad I decided to go pure Khan for this round. It definitely needs the time.

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Main Disc. Thread - Wanted Black: Seduce Reality (Now Available!) (Custom Core Available)
#90

2023-04-15T15:00:00Z

Some notes I wrote down:

  • K2 hits better today. The “dense” feeling from before didn’t come.
  • I stopped having the need to write down or introspect so much and I’m not so caught up in my feelings these days.
  • Just focused on doing the best I can and focused on closing this interview and getting a new job going.
  • Girls who are masked = instant ignore. And I expect it to be clear if a girl is interested or I should have “that” feeling in me that pulls me towards her, otherwise I’m not going to worry about who is or who isn’t checking me out or whatever bullshit I’ve been on. It’s not that serious, and I’ll find someone at some point as long as I spend enough time outside of the house/office.
  • I’m way more accepting of my ideas and intuition and I don’t feel so desperate. Just calm, if not a little too calm, about things right now.
  • Classes are vibing, and I definitely have more social stamina. I don’t feel as drained after teaching or talking for a long time.
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#91

2023-04-16T15:00:00Z

Observations/Thoughts
Today was shit. Weather cold as fuck… can you believe sleet in April :laughing:. So tired this morning having to drag my ass to teach on what’s supposed to be an off day. After a year of giving remote lectures, I was worried that it would take me some time to get used to lecturing in a hall and controlling a room again. But actually I did such a good fucking job I surprised even myself. My lecture just kind of flowed out and everything came together perfectly in the end. Also, I was worried about adapting a class I designed for zoom to a real classroom, but the activities and stuff went fine too. No worries!

I ended up sleeping for about four or five hours when I got back in… I think that’s down to K2 and the weather. Yesterday I didn’t feel so heavy when I listened to it, but god damn today I just felt like all my energy was drained from me. Despite that, I went to the gym and got a full workout in. Normally I wouldn’t go, or would do a half workout or something in this state and given this weather, but I pushed through and did the whole thing. And my reward was that some [super explicit word] stole my base layer from the changing room. It’s high quality and was a gift from my dad when I came up here… plus I thought I could trust Japanese people not to steal… so it was a major disappointment. But like I said, this fucking city is filled with trash and old people. Gym staff just shrugged and told me to file a report with the police… lol…

The women’s changing room has a fucking card-key entry system while the men’s room doesn’t even have a curtain divider. If they had the same system, they would easily be able to tell who was in the changing room while I was at the gym and go from there. But for whatever reason, women need to be protected from… NOBODY, because nobody is going to go sneak into a women’s dressing room to peep on 60 and 70 year olds. And men’s facilities, as always, are second-class and bullshit.

If there was another gym in the area I would of course cancel and switch immediately out of principle. But there isn’t! That’s what happens when there’s no competition and nothing going on.

Anyway, I can’t get it back so I must accept the situation. But it’s just one more thing added to my list of shit that I’ve exclusively experienced in this garbage city and literally nowhere else in my life. Who steals a fucking base layer :laughing: holy shit…

I have my third round interviews tomorrow. I’m praying that they go well. I’m so ready to work hard and get my life back together.

Some notes:

  • Negative (about myself) mental chatter at 0, and I can’t say enough about how my sense of time has absolutely slowed the fuck down. I’ve gone from feeling like I don’t have time to do anything to having all the damn time in the world. I’ve been mentioning it in the journal, but it’s still such a strange feeling for me to describe.
  • I’m allowing myself to be myself, and that includes the arrogance to trust my intuition and judgement over everything else even at the risk that I’m wrong. I keep saying this, but I used to be this way in my teens and early 20s, and I just completely lost my way somewhere and pushed all of it down. It’s coming back up and out of me and I love it. I’d like to think I’m more mature and able to recognize when I should listen or take a step back, but I’d also like to think that my intuition is quite good and stifling it has done huge damage to my soul and my confidence over the years. I’m backing myself now.
  • No doubt that I need to move to a SUNNY and warm place. I need to get this job in the bag and that will allow me to then spend some time and money visiting different places in Japan to make a good decision on this. If I can’t find one perfect place, I need to consider how I can make it happen in two. It’s a necessity. I don’t care what my parents say (even though they themselves moved the fuck away from the north as soon as they could) or what white people say, or pale Japanese people say, or whatever. They clearly do not need the sun and warmth like I do. For ME, it’s a completely game-changer for my mental and physical well-being, and I’m not going to suffer anymore thinking that somehow it’s a problem with my attitude or whatever. This subliminal journey has made me realize just how sensitive to my environment I am, in all senses of the word.
  • Unfeminine (in attitude and/or looks) girls and women are starting to disgust me. And there’s a whole bunch of them up here, which is a problem. I never liked them, but it’s now coming from a deeper and more instinctive place. It’s kind of scaring me tbh because I’d rather not feel that way about another human being. And it’s even as illogical as seeing a senior citizen with short hair and pants and feeling revulsion. Of course they’re way beyond sex and stuff, and this place is cold as a mfer so dresses are a no-go most of the year, but it’s just… so… off putting. Like, still try at least for your husband. God damn they just chop that shit off and become shitty versions of old men.
  • I’m currently in limbo. If I get this job, my current schedule will change in a big way. If I don’t get this job, I know exactly what I’m going to focus on next to help me with my current work and prepare for a proper, focused job search. I know exactly what to do with food/training, but I don’t have the money so I’m forced to wait until the end of the month. Japanese is going as well as it can be right now, and again – if I get this new job I will be able to take it in one direction, and if I don’t then I’m going to take it in another. Feels like this month’s theme is “patience”.

A lot of the questions I started out with are slowly but surely being answered or becoming greatly clarified. Nice :+1:

#92

2023-04-17T15:00:00Z

Observations/Thoughts

I had my final round interviews today. Went well except for the part that I anticipated earlier…

Caveat is they are looking for someone to join and get going within a month or so. But I’m under contract until September, and I’m not breaking it early for many reasons. Most of all, I made an agreement with my current employer and I have zero reason to suddenly dip and leave them in an impossible situation to replace me so quickly. The HR lady started telling me stuff about the Japanese workplace/legal system and how I am within my rights to break the contract early and blah blah, but in my opinion she was completely missing the point, and if that’s how it is then I don’t want to work for such a company. As much as I complain on this journal, my current boss has taken great care of me, been honest and honorable in all dealings with me, and I want to repay that with the same respect. Of course HR is doing their job, but if they are unable to be creative and work out a deal to let me work part-time for a few months before going full-time – or if they are too short-sighted and make such a big deal over a few months – then they aren’t for me, either. Everybody tries to make a big deal during the interview process but at the end of the day:

  1. You don’t know someone’s value until they actually start working and the rubber hits the road.
  2. Everybody talks a big game about their company or area within the company, then when you join the team it’s a fucking shit show and people are desperate for help/more team members/ etc.

So let’s not get caught up in the bullshit and let’s figure something out where we can all win. I know I can bring value to this position, and I hope I’ve articulated it well.

I did my best, and I have no regrets on how this process went. I’ll be disappointed if this small thing becomes a dealbreaker and I lose this opportunity, but I have no regrets standing up for my own values and relying on my own principles to guide me.

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#93

2023-04-18T15:00:00Z

Observations/Thoughts

I can’t tell what’s going on with K2 but it feels like there’s a cloud in my mind that’s taking up space. And I feel like my mind is processing something but I’m not seeing any real response in myself or in my life. Like a loading screen for a game or buffering of a video. I felt pretty lethargic today, but still got all my bare minimum stuff (work, study, coding practice, etc.) done. It also doesn’t help that the weather is cold, windy and cloudy again either. Fucking hate this place :sob:

Even since K1, I’ve had moments of horniness but mostly been dormant. No real sexual urge, no desire to watch porn, etc. But I’m embarrassed to say that recently, occasionally I’ll look at one of my HS-age students (~17 y.o) and we’ll hold eye contact and an absolutely filthy pornographic image of us will flash in my mind out of nowhere. Just a blip and then after a minute it’ll disappear again. It happened twice before with different students and happened again today with a third which made me realize something’s up.

Just like the old ladies before, though, I would rather not have those types of things in my life…

#94

2023-04-19T15:00:00Z

Observations/Thoughts
First half of the day was a slow start, but shook it off and finished feeling a bit back to normal for once. I have my two loops to do tonight before bed, though, so we’ll see how that goes. Having other people’s journals to read is a godsend. I’ve found some older and some more recent Khan journals and seeing people go through similar things is reassuring. Maybe because of my stack and listening pattern I didn’t get the full wrath of Khan 1, but god damn I’m feeling K2. It helps to know that it’s normal to feel this mentally shit and casual about things, and that it might not get any better during the cycle.

Been a bit annoyed recently because we’ve been getting some students come through different channels but NOT mine… thankfully it hasn’t lead to any more work for me per se (they’re joining existing classes), but it’s been grinding me up seeing all this ￥￥￥ I’m missing. But I got some news to cheer me up today. A (very) small teaching deal with a company came through, AND another teacher will fulfill the job. It’ll be at least a year but if he kills it then of course it’ll continue. That’s +￥2000/month for me for “nothing” :grinning_face_with_smiling_eyes: Exactly the kind of business I want coming through. Give me more of it and in larger numbers please!

And I gotta say, it’s “only” 2000 yen but boy does it feel good. Way more rewarding and satisfying than other money I’ve made in my life.

Anyway, time for loops and bed.

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#95

This Is The Way :100:
Big congrats on that, it’s a small first step but getting a few bucks from something you built that can scale with no additional effort is a great feeling and for me it’s really helpful to get that first payoff, no matter how small: it really can change how you think about things. It makes the idea of being able to earn money in this way for more “real” and exciting to set up more offerings that can provide value and earn money with minimal effort from you, if any :ok_hand:

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#96

Yep, exactly. This is exactly how it feels. And when I get out of this teaching role the rest of the extra money I’m currently making will instantly become like this, too. It’s a very small scale right now, but my eyes are fully opened to the power of leverage.

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#97

2023-04-20T15:00:00Z

Observations/Thoughts
It feels like the loading screen has finished. Whatever was processing has stopped and my mind is back to normal. I was prepared to go the whole cycle with that feeling but I’m so glad it’s done :laughing: I can’t believe it’s only been a week on K2. It feels like I’ve been through another cycle already.

I haven’t heard anything from the company since my last round of interviews. It’s typically been a week in between stages, so there’s two more business days left, but the anticipation is getting to me. And Khan has stretched out my sense of time so that doesn’t help either. I hope that means they are discussing a plan to accommodate me and I’ll get a nice shiny offer in my inbox on Monday :grinning_face_with_smiling_eyes:

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